Talk to the Goat
Jay, dear. That post went out with a bang! Loved that pondering....
And no Elvis, paaleaze!
And f**ckin' fruitcake. I had a completely insane boss during grad school that had a fruitcake as her *wedding cake*. She was queen of bad ideas, which did, unfortunately, carry over into my thesis project. Bitch.
What if Michael Jackson wasn't a perv?
Would he already be in jail if he was still black?
i didn't have goldfish, but i had these other little ones that faced a minor accident after i fed it once. don't ask me how it happened but suddenly, 4 of them were on flip-flopping on the lino floor. it took me a good minute before i got them all back in (it was hard to catch them on the lino surface) and funnily enough they died. maybe i should've waited 1 hour.
Incomprehendable!!! LMAO!
Julie Andrews??? I pictured that one! hehehehe
Fruitcake???
You may very well be correct on that one.
BUT OJ??? No Way! I figure we're safe on that one. He, at the very least was a wifebeater!(As documented thru the legal system,and pictures) Which most definitely would not have made him a "good person" regardless of whether or not he hacked his Ex-wife and a stranger up.
YOu certainly had me pondering thigs I would otherwise probably never would have thought of. Ever.
Good one Jay! 
What if Elvis is breathing down Julie Andrews's studded-collared neck as we speak? If I can't get that picture out of my head soon, I'll have to do away with myself---bring on the fried Snickers bars and the spoonsful of sugar.
Surely, Julie Andrews IS a dirty, dirty whore. All the "nice" girls are. lol
I think the Fruitcake was going to therapy because he couldn't tell his parents he was one at Xmas time. Regarding Elvis, I think he is alive. I think I saw him selling pretzels on 42ndSt.
isn't "my name is xxxx and i'm an alcoholic" something you say in aa? doesn't that automatically contradict the whole anonymity idea?
Elvis is alive and well and doing some kind of research here on the OU campus. I know because I saw him in the parking lot.
Hyenas are my laugh sisters, don't pick on them.
Or else.
Oh she so is! You know it!
I don't think I'm going to heaven so it doesn't really matter about meeting OJ either. I just hope I don't get him for a cellmate if he ends up where I'm going!
Are you suggesting that only dirty whores sit around spanking hairy lust monkeys and shouting "Tell me I'm practically perfect in every way, bitch!!" Well, call ME a dirty whore then cuz I do that all the time. I thought everyone did.
Hysterical ... BR sent me !
Jay,
If you build it, I'll come for sure.
Here's a question. If Elvis WAS alive and you were there the day after he 'died', would you have sex with him so you could tell people you had sex with Elvis?
You could take pictures too. You'd go down in history. Way down. Below Camilla.
I was peeing myself laughing all the way down until Julie Andrews. Then I just went "guh?"
Now I can't get the picture out of my mind. Bet her whip has a talking parrot handle.
Oh god! Can't stop thinking about it!
Jay, I loooved all of these...you’re right...no rhyme to reason AT ALL...
Didn’t you know? Julie Andrews is a bitch whore, she’s married to Blake Edwards who goes around saying things like, “My wife is a saucy English bitch with a vulgar mouth”...if that doesn’t say bitch whore to you...I don’t know what does.
How did you get those pictures of Julie Andrews from my house?
Damn you and your lock picking skills.
And your bow hunting skills.
And your computer hacking skills.
Fucker.
Fruit cake is not right at all. Totally pointless crappy tasting stuff
hahaha, Jay thats hilarious, all of it. I'm not going to try out the fish thing, it took me long enough to keep one alive for a week.
LMFAOTPMP
Jay lovin that one.....but what if you hadnt written it....wouldnt we feel foolish then replying to a post that never was.
So many questions I've longed to ask written down on someone else's blog.
Shit.
I always pictured Elvis' breath to smell like Fried PB and Banana sandwiches.
Hmmm.
Sorry to each and every one of you who had horny Julie Andrews dreams last night. My sincerest apologies.
OH MY GOD, you are BRILLIANT!
Julie Andrews IS a dirty dirty whore. I know her sister. She told me. She said, "julie is a dirty dirty whore."
Things that make you go hmmmmmm
I was wondering where the horny Julie Andrews dreams were coming from, thanks for taking accountability.
Was a drunk or does Nick look a lot like Dubya?
that was hilarious! especially the one about Alcoholics Anonymous. I mean, I'm definitely an alcoholic and I'm definitely not anonymous. GREAT post!!
also, on a side note, did you know that scientists used to think that all Hyenas were male because the females have an external vagina that looks like a penis.
Oj didnt do it!!! neither did Robert Blake!!!!
Oh My God! You are hilarious. These had me laughing outloud.
BRILLIANT! Who else would have shed light on these ponderings as you do!
Now, to catch up with my breath... it's on the other side of the road.
LOL! i am so with you on the fruitcake. fruitcake is the gift you give away when you don't have any more gifts to give.
A delightful piece, well funny.
The answer to number 6, Why is the program called Alcoholics Anonymous?:
= To counter the shame, guilt and social opprobrium that addicts often experience.
'When you leave here, everything you have heard and said will not be repeated outside these four walls' is how they wind up the meetings. kind of a good idea really, when people start telling you what awful things they really did whilst drunk or trying to get drunk, you laugh, but you also cry, it breaks your heart that much. Please don't think i'm winding you up for a joke - I'm being serious for some reason. I'm just in a "defend the drunks who actually want to get clean" kind of mood.
PS. i'm not an alcoholic, or usually this boring.
This is friggin hysterical.
Great blog - lovin' it.
LOL Mary POPpins as a dominatrix? OMFG!
What if OJ is inocent... hmm. I have to admit that I've never considered it until now. Maybe we're blaming an innocent man? Good food for thought Jay.
OMG. This was amazingly hilarious. And somehow... oddly enough, I can seriously picture that last one. Julie Andrews, thigh high black vinyl boots. Shiny vinyl corset... cigarette hangin' outta the side of her mouth. Yep.
Elvis has so left the building and he is so good at it.
I'd say you saved the best til last there.
chuckle
What if...indeed! That would just raise more questions and on and on and on.
It's easier to picture Julie Andrews in that outfit without the cigarette. Instead, picture a banana.
Don't we all sincerely hope that #10 is true? Its kind of like that whole librarian fantasy thing. Julie was...hell she still looks good...one hot nanny!
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