Talk to the Goat
3:14pm - Find mysterious piece of wood on carpet. Contemplate its existence.
^ that made my day.
Wow...you’ve got yourself quite the day there, girlie.
I won’t go through it all...point by point...telling you the similarities we share...’cuz that would be boring...& who wants that? Not me (is it rude to answer yourself...I don’t think so).
The squeezing too much moisturizer is something I do EVERY time I squeeze the damn thing...then I go around the house, trying to wipe it on anyone...the mailman in particular doesn’t like it when I do that...he thinks I’m getting too personal...but it beats wasting it all.
I usually sniff the sheets for my own urine - to make sure I didn't have another "accident".
Thank you, DEPENDS!
That didn't seem "excrutiating" at all... especially from about 6:10pm onwards.
Me thinks you just like the sound of the words "excrutiating" and "minutiae" back-to-back...
Alright, how do you get the moisturizer back in the bottle (Not that I have this problem) I just would like to know?
Jamie, are you writing a book?
The use of skanky hos elevates any post. I stand behind this statment at all costs.
Cotard, you caught me red-handed on that one.
K., Chick had it right: I do usually look for someone to wipe the excess on. As all girls know, hand cream wouldn't be so bad, but the stuff you buy for your face is damn expensive!
Anna, I have several pieces of writing on the go at all times, and yes, one of them is novel-length in its intention.
Melina, if you knew my town, you'd know it's not a throwaway term. It's life. And it is EXCRUTIATING!
so you contemplated a piece of wood for an hour-and-a-half at 3:14 p.m. and then again at 12:20 a.m.? must have been a very interesting piece of wood.
Nice details.
Life sounds lovely.
Except the sniffing part.
You must regret that sometimes....
OK.. I want instructions on how to read a booko whilst on the treadmill... because I really can't master that....
And yes.. I think he'll take up Golf...
just to back you up, jamie, i will attest to the skanky hos of your hometown.
i often end up laughing out loud while driving through the city. how can there be so many per capita in such a rural setting? is there a flier advertising the friendlyness of cornhole that is distributed soley to the skanky hos??
personally i like the frequency of mullets. it's reassuring.
living vicariously through you... what fun! drunken sex... now that's something to try.
Just keep in mind that medical experts now say you SHOULDN'T make your bed. :D I know it made my day when I read that.
I am delighted to hear that others have the same "moisturizer" problems that I do... I too try to get it back in... I hate the slimy feeling you get, but it seems criminal to just wipe it off... I also have the same problem with my cover-up...
The fact that you write so consistantly here, AND you're working on other writing blows my mind. If I can get a hold of it, I plan to eat your brain. FYI.
Dave: Tastes just like chicken.
Forget about what mine means and just remember that there is no lead in a lead pencil and that graphite used to be known as "wad" and that pencils were once called "wad pencils". When you consider how close the word penis is to pencil, it kinda makes you wonder.
This was MY day today:
6:45am - Kitchen builder rings bell. I let him in so he can work o the kitchen.
7:15am - drink coffee, surf internet. Think about all the california people that haven;t gone to bed yet
9:00AM - STARVING! But can;t eat anything because the kitchen is a shambles and the builder is in there
12:00PM - I am still in bed, tired from waking up before 7am!
2:00PM - Pay Builder. Clean up!
6:00PM- Make dinner and ignore annoying friend that I had posted about three weeks ago!
So, what conditioner is it that you're using with such a description on the bottle?
And, if you had to settle on one hair colour for the future, which one would you pick? Which colour is it now?
You spent a damn long time contemplating that wood there, Jay. I'd hate to know what would have happened had there been a piece of glitter on the carpet as well.
Ooh! Sparkly!
That sounds won-der-ful!
That's more stuff than I do in a whole month!
i love the last two. you are a true sensual soul.
Lol, what a wonderful day. Did you actually walk around and log everything?
JeN - gosh, what a question! I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about settling down with just one colour. Right now it's white. I sort of would like to do silver next. As for old ladydom, gosh, I guess there's something to be said for that old lady purpley colour, right?
"Freak out because I can't find my purse. Andrew reassures me that I am holding it"
I do that all the time. Glad to know I'm not the only one!
Hey fellow sheet sniffer. Your purse incident reminds me of the time I got drunk and lit the wrong end of my cigarette. I swore that I would keep it forever then passed out on my best friend's couch clutching onto the burnt cigarette for dear life. I was still holding the damn thing when I woke up the next morning.
that sounds just like my life---except for the part about wood. I happen to know it does not exist.
I don't think I could settle for one colour either. I'll dye until I end up bald. Lately, I've been so torn between colours, I've taken to having multiple ones in my hair.
Right now there's dark & slightly lighter brown, black, orange, blonde, fire-engine red and dark pink.
"It puts the lotion back in the basket!"
(Hee hee. I think of that line whenever I hear or think of the word lotion, which is pretty much every day.) A good way to get use out of the excess is to use lotion in a jar, not a squeezy bottle. I discovered this by accident but now it makes perfect sense. 
Good post Jay. What do you write for a living? do you want to write me some so i can sell it and spend my days like yours? oh go on, id mention you in the credits.
Im intruiged by the references to skanky hos,and mullets in later comments, please take a camera out with you so we can view the badly dressed members of your town and their hair-do faux pars.....and maybe a shot of the cleavages as well......sorry i had to ask im a guy
You kill me sometimes! ... My best friend calls me ho and I call her skank .. so hearing skanky ho's ... made me laugh hysterically ..
Dear Jamie of the future, I hope your days now are as wonderful as they were back in the day!
Dear Jay of today, hey guuurl! Thanks for all the nice words you left about my mom and for sharing a bit of your grandmother's story. I'd love to ask but was told not to, so... I want to know more about your books. Did I miss a post? Did you not blog about it? Will you be blogging about it soon? Would you rather send me an e-mail telling me all about them? Would you like me to stop with the 20 questions? Okay. Fine!
After getting caught up on your last few posts, I now wonder if I am part guy. 
I love to have my back scratched. I've gone as far as begging Mr. Lane to not cut his nails down so far. Yes, I am a freak!
Lois Lane
Ya know, with all the bullshit crap going on in my world these days, I want to come move in with you!
Wow, you too, huh? I find mysterious wood every morning...
What a fabulous day! Compared to mine it was amazing!
I do exactly the same thing ith my socks in my hiking boots! I ball them up, stick them in my boots and then when I go to put my boots on again realise I don't want to wear them again, what's that about?
Impressed with 46 minutes of sloppy, half drunken sex. I'm lucky to last 46 seconds before reaching sleep-world!
My Day...
1:30AM - Tried to go to bed.
2:00AM - Can't go to sleep.
2:30AM - Tried going to bed again.
7:05AM - Got up ate.
8:30AM - Exam time.
8:35AM - WTF is going on?
8:45AM - WTF is going on?
10:00AM - Crap 1 hour left!
11:00AM - Time to start studying for the next exam.
7:00PM - Dinner
11:00PM - Time to head back home.
12:58AM - Still studying....(or trying to...)
Exam @ 8:30AM.
You know Jamie, every girl should have some guy compliment them on their cleavage at 7:30.
...I think I can vaguely recall enjoying that sloppy half-drunken sorta sex at some point in my life. I just can't get into it anymore and I'm not sure why...
...unless it's because I'm usually on the sober end of things and so it just seems sloppy.
Maybe I need to start drinking again! *G*
Awesome, thats' one hell of a day hehehe - particularly like 3:14pm
I do try to compliment as much cleavage as possible at 7:30pm, but then doesn't every guy?
Chris.
Jay, you crack me up like an egg.
I have to admit that I have forgotten half the stuff I've written just one month ago. Anyway, reading yourself is highly entertaining. And yours must be doubly so, adventuresome and all.
What is it with hair products that the makers seem to think that they need to offer life changing benefits in order for us to buy? I'd be happy if mine said "your hair will be clean after you've used this, and you won't have to wash tomorrow"....actually that is probably a life changing benefit in itself.
4:57...what language were you starting with, with 'mine'? French? i have no answers, or even understanding there. Sorry.
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