Talk to the Goat
a moving post... my own head is reeling with too many emotions and memories to be able to articulate exactly what i'd like to say...
I'm so sorry. This post is one of the most moving things I've ever read. Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there was something more I could say, but I'm at a loss for words.
Oh Jay. I've been tingly and teary-eyed throughout that entire post. I'm so sad for Jason, and you too, sweetie. *big hugs...*
i am waiting on a simular call. Not much fun
Snagley
I've been where you are now, I think being resentful is part of the process as you have a burden to bear as well and its not recognised. Keep strong.
I have a lump in my throat.
You are a great wife. Don't waste energy on guilt if your thoughts don't match up perfectly to an imaginary script of what a perfect person would think about at times like these. It's your actions that matter, and your actions were perfect.
And hey, maybe the thoughts of preparation are your way of instictively knowing that you will need to be practical, because he may not be as capable for a while.
I'm sorry for what Betty, and you, are going through.
amazing work. what a difficult place to write from. sorry to hear of Grandma. your little white lie came from a true place though. sounds like she really has had quite a nice go at life thus far. 54 years is pretty nice.
peace.
Sorry to hear about his grandmother! That is sad, but at least he got to go and see her if she doesn't pull through. I didn't make it in time when my grandfather died and I still feel guilty about it...
i think the real strength of that post is your total honesty about the things that go through our brains and the ways we will make our little lies so that we don't totally fuck with someone already in pain. thank you.
is this a recent tuesday?
Even when your mad with one other it all changes and the love is still there. What a hard thing to deal with . He has you there and there is time to prepare mentally even if its still not easy.
My thoughts are with you both.
Diana - Believe me, I know. There is always a dichotomy between thoughts and actions, and we do our best to keep them close enough so that we don't lose our minds. It's hard to be honest about it, but there it is.
Molly - you echo Jason's sentiments. He's glad he got to see her.
Julia - it was yesterday.
Thank you all for kind words.
It's hard when loved ones go like that. It seems that a Hospital has a way of robbing someone of their dignity while they lay in that bed. It just makes things hurt more.
I send my Prayers to you both, as well as to Jason's Grandmother.
I'll be thinkin' 'boutcha!
My condolences to both you, and Jason. Losing a loved one is painful, and there is never an easy way around it.
I lifted a prayer up for all of you.
3T
Sending prayers, loving thoughts, and light to you and Jason's way.
hugs to both of you. i know what it was like when it was my grandmother, but i've never had to support my jason through something like this. take care of yourself too. and my thoughts are with you.
J-gal,
Hugs to you and your man.
Losing people is a horrible feeling.
More horrible still is to watch them die. I watched them pull the plug on my grandmother. One of the hardest things I ever had to endure.
It's good that you share this type of thing, because it makes it more real to everyone, and the void left by those who transcend this life is filled by the essence of all of your friends and family.
My heart's with you.
J
I was there when my Grandpa died, he was able to remain home sitting in his favorite armchair at his farm home in Illinois..., Grandma and the rest of the family who could be there stood in a circle around him and sang that old gospel song, "When we all...get to heaven...what a day, glorious day, that will be," over and over again, as he slipped away slowly into eternity...I think our family was never closer than that day when we serenaded Grandpa on his journey home....
wow, Jay its not often that something someone writes in a blog makes me cry (dont tell anyone, I am after all a boy). I just went through many of the same things with my g-mother 4 years ago and my g.father last month, they were the reason we moved here from the beach etc.. I was there for her passing but didnt make it in time for his, you did a wonderful job of catching the feeling not just the words...
thank you
JQP
heavy
Sorry for the lost. Very touching post.
You are so right about the dead being dead and the dying still being here... I just got a phone call half an hour ago that my own sweet grandma is in the hospital again, and we are now on that same bleak road... Much love Jay to you and Jason both.
Wow, really good post. I like your writing.
You caught the very essence of what life and how we all live it, is all about.
My heart is with you and your husband.
Comment on tale: Most moving. Kind of reminds me of my grandpa's last few months. Hope the J's are otherly well.
Comment on the writing: You have an admirable talent for catching readers off-guard. Your emotive storying has a real kick.
Jamie - Very moving. He is lucky to have you. I am sorry for what your family is going through. And your telling of the story brought a tear to my eye. Corona
You have missed your calling. Unless of course, you ARE a professional author.
Sorry to hear of the bad things.
This is really amazing. Such a beautiful post. Beautiful in it's sadness, potential loss, honesty, misinterpreted tears - everything. I work in a hospital and go to ICU daily. I see the avoidance and the tears and the dances all too often. I'm glad you went with him and that he had the opportunity to see his Gram and be there for his grandpa. My best.
Jay,
There is nothing more important than family. I've already said a prayer for your (Jason's) Grandmother and will continue to send more prayers for her and her family. Your gift with words and your use of them in this situation does your Grandmother great honor.
Anthony
I'm so sorry, this is so difficult...and by being the strong one in the situation it's almost more difficult...keep strong.
There are no words for that one but "Wow." Wish I had more for you. Hoping for the best...
I wish you both all the strength in the world to hold each other up throughout all of his.
Hugs to you.
Great post. I only wish the circumstances for such moving and fantastic writing were more fortunate. We're all lucky to have you in the world, Jay, but none moreso than Jason.
Pictures. The funeral home showed a slide show in the lobby of pictures from happier times at both my Mom's and Dad's funerals. Everything from childhood on. Start looking now. The good memories sweeten the sorrow and help to ease the pain. You'd be surprised how much those pictures help and it gives everyone something to talk about besides the usual "I'm sorry". My best to Jason.
Woman, you are so good. You two are such good people. Thank you for sharing the hard times with the good times, the sad and the funny. Hang in there with each other.
God bless.
Please let me know if you would like to talk.
Jay
That was an incredibly powerful post. You have a wonderful writing style in all of your posts that conveys the feelings and emotions very well. It was a privilege to read. Hope you're OK and getting through this tough time.
Jay... I'm so sorry that you (and Jason) are going through this. The post was so beautiful and powerfully written (no surprise there). You transported us ... to the situation, and inside your head and his. So moving.
Jay, this is an incredible post, a story that just pulls at our hearts, and yet you found a way to weave in your honest emotional roller-coaster.
I feel honored to have read it.
I'll keep Betty, and your family, in my thoughts and prayers.
All the best.
It's hard to follow all of these others who have already said what I was thinking. Writing about that type of event is difficult to do well, and you have done it very well.
I'd comment, but everything's been said.
We all should be so lucky to have a long and happy marriage, and to be blessed enough to have loved ones around us in our moments of need like this. You being there is a blessing, and even your white lies are a blessing. Moments like this, a little escapism or diverting reality do wonders with just coping.
This morning I put a locket in my pocket, and it's got photos of my grandmother's mother, and my grandmother's grandmother. I felt she was sending out a signal to me today.
I just wanted to thank everyone that has left a comment here. I appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. I also want to thank you, Jamie, for always being there. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Thanks again everyone.
Jason
It is rewarding to witness a healthy relationship, though in the midst of a sad time. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Whatever you are upset about, you'll have time to hash out later. It's so good that you shelved it to be there for him and his family. You guys are in my best thoughts.
Lois Lane
I wanna give Jason a hug...
Jay, whatever you may be thinking, you are NOT a selfish person...don't feel badly for the tears you shed for yourself during the drive to the hospital. I agree with one of the earlier comments...you are a wonderful wife and your actions were wonderful...it just shows how much you love your husband that you were able to push back what YOU were feeling at the time and allow him the grief he needed to feel for his grandmother. Your turn will come...love to you and your family
Hugs Jay, I'm really sorry.
Sad with you; blown away by your ability to make this both a story and a tribute. Thinking of you both. XX
all of my hope and prayers are with you.
So beautiful, so eloquent.
thinking of you and Jason.
Sounds pretty rough, some of your posts are pretty personal.
this tragedy was so beautifully written that it moved me so deeply.
so sorry for both jason and you. ~hugs~
Lydd
i'll pray for peace for you.
maybe this isn't related, but hemingway once said that marriage is one of those things that never has a happy ending, because somebody dies.
i say bullshit. there can be no unhappy ending, because the mere fact that you had a rewarding marriage is a happy ending. it's complete.
e+
Awwwwwwwwww *cry* You made me tear! 
Please let us know teh second any changes occur in his grandmother. It makes me remember when mine passed away in such a similar situation.
And it is normal to still feel like that from the night before and then push it away. You feel somewhat ashamed for that selfish feeling but it's a human response.
I want to molest you, exchange links with me damnit!
I am very sorry, as well. But you have written it beautifully.
And yes, sometimes little white lies are a necessity, no matter what anyone says.
"After all, these circumstances are what little white lies are made for"
very true.
One of the most honest posts I've read.
Amazing post.
Stay strong, you're remarkable. Your husband is blessed to have you by his side. Beautiful post, brought tears to my own eyes at memories of my grandmother's passing.
FD
I'm so sorry for Jason and all your family. It's always hard to say goodbye, long life or no.
Oh, and again, you have astonished me with your amazing writing.
Jay, Jason... my thoughts are with you 
What a wonderful post. Thank you. My heart goes out to you and yours. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
This entire piece of yours and Jason's life was vivid and riveting. I let the tears flow, but when I saw the words "too small", I lost it. That extra "Jay touch" was as palpable as your love. I wish this post didn't need to be written.
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