Talk to the Goat
LMAO Oooh, scary, the Monster in Law is coming to town!!! LOL
So you only have a naughty drawer? You should go BBFK's route and have yourself a whole naughty room, so when the MiL gets shown 'round the house you can check her expression when she finds a locked door and no answer as to what's behind it... Mwahahahahaha !!!
Good luck Jay, may the force be with you 
My "in-laws" live 2000 miles away *smug*
Yes, well, mine are 600 km away, and that's exactly why she's coming for a visit. We can't just send her home after cake.
Well, you could send her home, but I'm sure it wouldn't improve things.
Good luck with your house guest. Just be you. After 7 years there's nothing left to prove.
Lois Lane
Unless you sent her home with a winning lotto ticket or something. Which would be totally likely if you won, wouldn't it.
Hmmm, my MIL liked me well enough until she realised it was a perminant situation. She wants her son to marry, she wants him to have kids, but I don't know she ever really realised that would mean ANOTHER WOMAN. Well, at least in the hetero game pack, that's what it means.
But really, me discussing various forms of family formation within a boy-on-boy lovin home would not make her like me any bit more. No. I'm already a little odd.
Right, rather than just dissolving into my favorite topic - gay love - I had actually meant to say "good luck with your house guest!"
And I recommend computer games disguised as "work".
I would do the complete opposite of what you're doing. Leave out the kinky lingerie, inexpensive soaps, and NO ONE gets to sleep in my bed but me and the Wife (ok, the kids can hang out and the cat owns the place). But definately not anybody else.
My feeling is that if someone doesn't like you, don't go out of your way to impress them. Be polite, certainly, but that's as far as it goes. I have a similar situation with my brother in law. Don't know what his problem is, but he's really anti social. And I don't really care.
So as long as you don't turn your husband against his mother, then don't sweat it and do what you normally do. Besides, I bet it would be more fun.
Keep the old sheets on the bed and do dirty things in them right before she walks in the door. It'll be a kinky little secret between you and Jason. 
Yes, I'm BLOWN by the fact that she doesn't like you!!! I think that's pretty effin jacked up, actually.
Especially after 7 years. Dude, you're obviously not going anywhere...homegirl needs to get over it!!!
Hah! I thought I'd be the only one maybe to say I disagree with "fluffing up" your place for the MonsterInLaw. I can totally understand the first say.... couple of years. But after 7 of them, sorry but she's on her own. You've earned the right to respect and to her son ~ and it's time you were able to relax in your own home with him even when she comes to visit. She's the one with the issue, not you or hubby.
So I agree with Lever..... have a whole naughy ROOM, complete with a pair of handcuffs hangin' on the doorknob and a sign that says "Jason and Jay's FUN ROOM ~ no M.I.L.'s allowed!
Aww, Jay. I've visited yoru blog alot and I have to say you are a wonderful person to takes almost every aspect and perspective into your thoughts. Jason is so lucky to have you. Is he reading this? YOU HEAR THAT? YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE JAY!! ^^ *hugs*
See, this is one of the reasons why I'm OK being single.
Wow! I am so going to keep you in my prayers! My MIL hates my guts too, and since her viciousness only drove her son into marrying me out of temporary insanity, she's now taken to the "sweet as sugar" approach to vindictiveness. At least she lives only 5 minutes away so that I don't ever have to worry about her staying with us.....*knock on wood* Good luck girl!
You scare me sooooo bad. I'm a mother-in-law, an ex-mother-in-law, and a mother of someone who lives passionately with a guy who ought to think of me as a mother-in-law. I always thougght they might like me, a bit, at least. Maybe I'll just start making a list of reasonably nice OldFolks residences and leave it on the fridge. Where I used to keep the magentic poetry.
If she weren't driving, a train ride is nothing after a little piece of cake... Next time suggest she take the train.
And five days! Blech.
Oh but think of how many good stories you'll have to write about after this visit is over and done with.
How does Jason feel about having his mom visit for 5 days?
I've come to love popping by and reading your latest, you clever amusing woman ...
Thanks for sharing
Best of luck
Di
If it weren't for mothers-in-law, Sarah and I would never clean.
Also, I occasionally leave nasty things lying out to make our sex life look crazier than it is. "Oh, watch you're step--you don't want to trip on that ball gag."
i have the same problem with my mil, i've been around for 26 years and she still talks about one of my husband's old gf's like there is still a chance things might not work out between us. thankfully, she's about 15 minutes from here, easy to give the boot when needed.
how about a stuffed pork tenderloin one night, or pot roast. it's that time of year you could easily do some comfort food, maybe chili or beef stew?
Thank God for Zoloft. And alcohol. And, hell...for Danielle. (After she's dead and buried, of course.)
SHe is taking the train. We bought her the ticket. She doesn't have a car.
Also, I don't do it for her. I do it for him.
Oooh - five days can be such a long time, too.
Hope the visit goes well and without any major bumps!
WHAT?! Not like you??? Something may be wrong with her. I recommend filling a Pez dispenser with Zoloft (any anything else pertinent) and chomping away. =)
Magnetic poetry - imagine my shock when my mother comes into my kitchen and starts reeling off a few constructions from my fridge, stuff like 'When his luqid runs of her after elaborate enthusiasm'.
The phrases were stuck up during a recent party and I never thought to check.
Always smile and keep a happy face with ur husband/bf ok. That is what I think mother in law actually wants to see the most. ANd it is only 5 days not eternity. So be happy ok
Yes indeed. You will get the last laugh. lol.
These are the rapturous moments that make me wonder why the hell anyone would get married.
But then I remember that I am married, and I remember it's all about the sex.
J
Having just come to the end of a 4 week stay with my mother-in-law I can feel your pain.
And we actually get along well. Mothers-in-law are hard work. No matter what your relationship with her!
Good luck sister...
you will need it.
trust me I know...
have faith and if the fails you have vodka.
JQP
Good luck with the visit. Hopefully the toothpaste will get you on her good side!
how's it going?? I bet you don't dare blog do you...ha ha, prisoner in your own home. No making the bed squeak while Mom's in town now!
OMG, You are to funny. I wished at times that mine lived that far from us. BUT she lives maybe a mile from us. And my husband was her only child until he was 21 and she had a daughter and then a week before she turned one I had our first child. Crazy huh??? Well she checks everything when she comes to our house. It drives me CRAZY!!!
Well she better treat you nice cos you are gonna be the one picking her nursing home.
I don't postpone sex for anyone, or anything.
Jay,
Sadly I still like both of my exmother inlaws. I think my last one likes me just as much as the new one. I would be willing to bet that your MIL likes you too. How could she not? Your writing is probably just like your speech, and I doubt anyone can resist you.
Christine
Oh...I've had so many hiding under the bed moments!
hmm If my mother in law ever came to stay with us i would voluntarily commit myself to an inpatient facility for the week - UGH. Good luck with all of that. I'm assuming she'll also be thwarting your blogging...
Luckily, the ambiguous title of "freelance writer" means I can pretty much shut the door to my office when it's convenient, or painfully necessary, or both.
Five days? That's two days longer than I'd want a closer friend coming to visit let alone a mother-in-law!!
What? Yes, dear.
Ahem. What I meant to say is, have a nice visit!
I feel your pain my friend. I feel it like a fist in my ass. Well, not really...but you know what I mean.
My MIL never completely accepted me. Until I divorced her baby boy. Now she likes me. (She got him back all to herself)
I hope your visit runs smooth. Remember you both love Jason. You have that in common. (That fact didn't help me at all, but I thought it was an appropriate exhortation.) Be sure to update us after her visit!
3T
PS. I'm taking notes here. My son just bought a ring to give to his girlfriend in March. I don't want to be a hated, dreaded MIL.
She probably wouldn;t like anyone that marries her son. it's not you.
MIL can be tricky. I like mine but like you said..it;s like let go of the son's leash you know?
Oh dear... I wish you the best
I haven't been close enough to my hunny's mom to hate her. XDDD
I'm very lucky to have a mother-in-law that I not only get along with but also hardly ever see anyway! lol that's the benefit of marrying a guy with 5 brothers and a sister. My husband was never her 'precious little boy'....
Hi Jay.
Thanks for the comment. Oh my gosh I am laughing out loud at your posts. I'm sorry about the stress of the upcoming visit, but you write in a humorous fashion. The naughty drawer, the magnetic poetry using "pork", and other recent posts about birth signs (I like hot showers too, and used to have the same water temp dual with my ex-fiance), and the ugly coat... too funny!
At least you've got a good sense of humor to see you through the visit. Hang in there.
Ah, the MIL! Good luck with that! I'm fortunate that neither me nor my husband care what my MIL thinks... she being a fundamentalist religious fanatic and us being atheists. Us being feminists and her believing that "women are genetically programmed to love cooking and cleaning" (I'm not making that us. She actually said that. I must be missing that gene!).
I say just be yourself and if she doesn't like it, she's clearly crazy!!
That last bit about you making the decision on which home to put her in brought a biiiig smile to my face.
I don't know what it is with mother-in-laws. I didn't particularly like Craig's mom, mostly because of the kind of mom she was, but after she died and then Craig's dad married her sister (I know...you're hearing Deliverence theme song in the background), I thought things would be great. Turns out, I don't care for mother-in-law #2 either. Hmmm
Anyway, good luck, Jay! It's hard to believe she doesn't like you. Jason seems to think you're the best thing in the world, that alone should make her happy!
I AM the best thing in the world!!
ah. mother-in-law. just the term alone is enough to strike terror in our hearts good luck, jamie! and enjoy...
Keep at least one see-through nightie out, cause it sounds like you're gonna need it sometime in teh next five days.
Just how many different ways are there to use pork as a verb?
you ARE the best thing in the world!!!
Eeeek...5 days. Long time. I'm sorry that you have to go through that. The fact that you are shows that you really love your husband very much. It's hard, but you put that aside. Good stuff.
PS: I've got a cool guestroom with your name on it if you would like.
I'd get some pamphlets from those 'homes' and lay them out on the coffee table. That would scare the love of Jay into her.
Poor kid Just throw yourself prostrate to to the ground and beg for mercy.
I guess I have the reverse problem. The day my 9 y.o. daughter grows up and starts having sex, I will kill myself.
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