Talk to the Goat
Good for you! Broadcasting your stupid little fights can just make them seem worse then they are anyway. Better to put it behind you and move on. Your mother should consider you lucky that you haven't had any major things to come crying to her about.
I just love it here..
You have a great way of handling life. A lot of the people I counseled over the years could have learned alot from you. Thanks for sharing it on your blog.
Well written. A great stop on the BlogExplosion trail. I'll visit again!
Well like you, when I'm angry I yell. I make known to people how I feel. Its so much better than giving anyone ice cold treatment which is mentally exhausting.
I'm fairly confident that if that happiness fish can be caught, you'll catch it. I'd say it's already in the net.
You're such a beautiful and expressive writer, it blows me away every time!
It's unfortunate that your relationship with your mother isn't like the one you have with Jason. But then again, people who don't understand the search for happiness like you do, aren't the kind of people you want to have around all the time. The people who are filled with negativity are the ones who hold it all in, don't ya think?
Sounds like a classic case of Projection if you ask me!
We all fight sometimes, we all have to, there would be something seriously wrong if we didn't. We don't have to tell anyone we don't want to about, that's all!
Jay, I wish I could've shared my Mum with you. She's just lovely!
Jay, you're doing it all right as far as I can see. Just keep fishin', baby, you and Jason are what's important. Bless ya, girl. 
I can relate to you.
I dance like a mad thing in my mum's kitchen too but I don't think she really gets what I'm about. I think it has a lot to do with her lack of confidence, the era she grew up in and she tends to put the dampners on my ideas, where other parents may possibly be more encouraging. I love her though.
Good for you! Mr. Pink's friends are always so astounded that I don't hold grudges and encourage him to go out with his friends... Talking about how you feel keeps you from getting all bottled up... cuz you'll eventually explode, and that can't be good.
PS... green seedless grapes are on sale at Dominion for 1.29 a pound!
Confidential to JQP above, if your real initials are GW and AYJ means something to you, send me an email!
that happiness fish is also one you can't catch with bait. that's a fish that comes to you.
Good for you to realize that those who are actually filled with hatred and negativity are those that can't seem to find any way to express it themselves. Those that do express it, ironically, are probably happier than anyone I know because they don't have this eighteen ton gorilla trying to claw its way out of their chests.
What a great point of view.
There's no better use of anyone's time in this life, than to be in that stream, trying. None.
i used to go to those craft nights with a gf, but then she drank too much and we were never invited back.
i don't know about this mother and daughter thing, it's not as easy as i had hoped but i can never imagine watching and waiting to see anything in my daughters, or any of my kids for that matter, world crumble.
I am the opposite. I get quiet until it all builds up, then BOOM!
I think that's the best you can hope for.
Funny..... my "mother" is actually the reason for my being full of hatred and negativity.
Ouch! It has to be painful for your own mother to be so resentful of your happiness.
I think you and Jason have already caught the sometimes elusive fish of happiness. :o) A perfect marriage, IMO, involves squabbling from time to time. No 2 people are exactly alike - there will always be differences, but if they aren't honest enough, or don't feel safe enough with each other, to express those differences, THEN the marriage is in trouble.
Perhaps your mom needed some more naked couch time in her life.:-/
Good for you. I love the simile. My mom was like yours; she thought because her life had been almost hell (according to her) that mine would be too - all laid at the feet of men - of course. It didn't happen, thank God, but she was one unhappy woman. Life is toooo short!
Chip truck?
Yes, we all fight, couples who say they never fight are either freaking lying or they're freaking lying. What is important, as you know, is the resolution.
Sorry you've had to deal with the things you have in the past, but I can see that you are doing your best to break the cycle and make things better for yourself - and that's good.
As far as airing dirty laundry, I am accussed by my mother of doing that too much. You know, because I post on the internet about my moonshiner grandfather or cheating grandmother, etc. Dirty laundry can be... quite interesting...
Im just randomly checking in......
723 pm in Halifax.......have a great day
As someone with a degree in therapy, it sounds like your mom is projecting her own feelings of anger and hatred to you.
I agree with you I don't think that's really a great mother/daughter conversation, but I of course think any time I see a perfect mom/daughter relationship...I think there's something wrong (but that's because of my own flawed relationship w/ my mother)....
Either way, I think its great the way you have resolved to live your life. Being angry and upset all the time does nothing but give you ulcers and bad skin. (ok, I made that up, but if it did...wouldn't that be neat?) So kudos to you lady.
What the hell is a "Chip Truck"? I don't think we have them here in Alabama.
Jealousy is an ugly thing and even worse when it comes from a relative. Keep dancing and loveing and writing. We all should be more like you.
I wish my husband was capable of ending arguments within 10 minutes. He justs keeps going and going and going... He says it's best to talk it out, which is code for keep fighting. NO! It's best to forget about it because nothing (at least not the stuff we argue about) is important enough to stay mad about! Drives me FUCKING insane.
Nobody has a better chance than you guys....
if happiness is a fish, what does that make sushi? i hope i didn't mess up my chances by throwing my favourite food into the metaphor... :S :P
i hate sharing the fights i have with my better half with other people. anyway, the fights never lasted long. much to my disappointment, i show my displeasure by giving the cold shoulder..
Give your mom my number if she wants some dirty laundry...I mean, I'm mostly happy myself most of the time (ha, vaguest statement ever!)...but I'll tell her dirty stories, until she can't bear it!
I totally agree. There are so many more important things to do with life than to dwell on a stupid misunderstanding. And I was under the impression that you are a VERY happy and "lovin' life" kind of person.
PS~ Thank you for the nice comments, it is always nice to know someone is thinking of you.
Jay, you are brilliant. And I dont say this as a throwaway line. I hope u dont mind but I'm pushing your writings onto my unsuspecting friends. They deserve to be shone on as well by your light.
Jay, you are brilliant. And I dont say this as a throwaway line. I hope u dont mind but I'm pushing your writings onto my unsuspecting friends. They deserve to be shone on as well by your light.
Brilliantly written Jay! And inspiring.
It doesn't matter that family members refuse to see you as you are. The fact that you and Jason have that net out there, that's all that counts! This post really touched my heart. Thank you.
3T
Now I want to hear an arguement as a Podcast.
So are we talking rational yelling or are we talking American Chopper areguement type yelling?
People always assume the perfect marriage has no fighting.
They are wrong.
i think it's rare for mothers to have an accurate opinion of their daughters. too much history- sometimes their own that confuse the reality.
i applaud you for being who you are, and for trying to catch happiness. when that's your mentality, it can happen. it's assuming happiness cannot be caught that sets us up for failure.
- dr. fourth_fret heh
There isn't a damn thing wrong with you and Jason being happy. Nothing wrong with fights that only last 10 Some people grow up and turn into their parents. Others, like you, learn from their mistakes. I hope one day she sees that spark in you that I as a reader see every time I visit. To me you seem like someone who really wants to enjoy life. How crazy is that?!
Lois Lane
*laughing*
You're a good person.
Ah, ever-elusive "happiness" (The one word description of my goal in life.)
I sympathize with the Mom bit....my Mom has silent treatment down to a science...
It's weird talking to your parents like regular people. I mean, they're your parents, the people that only had sex the one time you were born. But I do think, looking beyond that, it's great to have a relationship with your parents. Like the Gilmore Girls. They have a give-and-take relationship and I like how Lorelai forgets shes a mom sometimes and acts like a friend. Cuz only friends get you. Only friends can call you a retard and act like one with you. So, my advice is, try being friends with your mom. Try opening up more to your mom, inviting her more into your life so she wont think that your "filled with hatred and negativity." I think, in her own subtle way, that's what shes trying to do. And if that doesnt work, and it seems like she wants you to fall, then you have to distance yourself. Sad as that sounds, it's true. Cuz if you surround yourself with negative people, you'll start to think negative. Whereas if you surround yourself with positive people, you're more likely to think and be positive.
Great post. I'm sorry your mom treats you the way you did and for the things you've had to endure in the past. Perhaps she's a little jealous of your happiness? Thus the snide comments. It seems as though you and jason have a wonderful marriage. Thank you for sharing.
What is a chip truck?
Y'all seem unpretendingly happy to me. So happy, in fact, that sometimes I get spontaneously happy off the fumes of reading about your happiness.
There was a study in which people practiced frowning and scowling. When they did their mood shifted to being all frowny and scowly with the opposite being the case as well. When they practiced smiling they found themselve to be in a better mood.
Is that pretend or real? Who cares. Maybe happiness is like a muscle and you can develop it with practice.
I really don't think that mothers know there children at all. I know mine doesn't. But, it doesn't bother me at all.
Oh Jay, I spent half my life wanting to kill my mother. Then as she got old, and trust me I never thought this would happen I actually started to get along with her, she was one of those people who never told me what she was thinking either. Then she went and died, and that drives me utterly crazy. I have no idea what happened in much of her life, or why the hell she kept everything so damn quiet. She was young in WWII, but I still have just no idea, none. My parents fought like hell too, and it was crazy. I miss her now. I think it is great that what you are doing works for you. My parents were very unhealthy, and when I was young I grew up way to young because I had to watch out for my little sister. They were the ones who acted like children in my opinion.
Christine
I can oh-so-relate to this. My mom is an undiagnosed, suspected borderline personality disorder person. When she'd fight with my father, it would get ugly. QUICK. She says the most dreadful things... both to my dad and to us kids (i.e. when we were little and if we misbehaved, she'd sit us down and tell us each how horrible we are, how she never wanted us, and detail to 7, 6 and 4 year old us what form of birth control failed).
So for me... when fighting with the husband, I'll be rational and communicative until I realize I'm not being heard or respected, and then I just shut down. Then I melt down. It takes weeks to get over these episodes.
Good luck breaking the ties with the past.
I think it all comes down to judgment. Nobody is in a position to judge anyone else. Everyone deals with things in their own time, in their own way. If you've got advice, then share it. But after you've said it L-E-T I-T G-O.
A chip truck is a small truck that is outfitted with deep-frying vats and drives slowly around neighbourhoods selling french fries and poutine. Yum!
My God, we're sisters....I know, because you have my mother. I'm seriously sorry about that. I thought I had her chained up good and proper in the basement, but she always seems to get loose and find her way into other people's lives....
We all handle stress and situations so differently. It's interesting how many of us grow up to either be exactly identical or totally opposite to our parents.
You have a wonderful way with words. I suppose that's why I keep coming back. I loved the last line.
Sometimes the last line is so good, that your pen has to stop. This one was.
Sometimes living thousands of miles from relatives can be a good thing
DB
Dude! I had a Rainbow Brite nightgown too!!!
I admire the vocalizing in fights instead of the silence, it's something I'm trying to keep in mind when I get emotional.
Happiness is a fish. It's a great honking Idaho trout and I will catch that sucker one day.
Happiness is like a travelling coin in water...not easy to catch.
You have it if you want, but many dont bother to swim with it and win it.
Don't get me wrong but I hope you don't catch that fish... paddling in the stream is the fun part
Yahoo to Our Lady Peace inspired lines.
And be sure to keep on being you, Jamie. You're at least trying to do it the right way. [The right way being, of course, your way.]
I had to Google poutine. oooooh!
Chip trucks sound great!
"Does my mother even know me at all?"
No. If she doesn't know you by now, she never will. She is probably more interested in knowing the daughter she doesn't have.
I've dealt with the same thing, and accepted it. Don't let one sparkle get taken off your happiness.
It sounds to me that your Mom can't handlle the fact that you might be a lot happier than her.
I SO LOVE your attitude about life and how to use your time and getting the fights over with. I don't know anybody in your age bracket that behaves that way. i'm really impressed.
To thine own self be true.
Sounds like that's what you're doing. It also sounds like your mum is a bit bitter that you are living life on your own terms (btw, I say good for you!).
Don't worry about your mum, she'll get over it, eventually.
Big hugs!
My mom alwyas looks at the negative side of everything...she finds fault in all too, its a mom thing...I think...
Your blog feels more like "home" than my own does. Hmm....
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