Talk to the Goat
Hey girl, it's OK 
I'm the experienced editor/writer who gets regulalrly over-ruled by a thinks-he-knows-better inexperienced MD who keeps churning out long-winded, repetitive and patronising crap to an ever-dwindling audience and it's so fucking frustrating that he won't ever listen or take advice.
One guy who worked here once said there should be a complete structural shakeup of the company and the MD should be the teaboy - though I reckon he'd fuck that up too LOL
Go have some daiquiris you'll be as right as rain,
Hmmm...
this post has really made me think, because I've always known you to be passionate about your words. There are so many things we can do in this world, but sometimes there is something deep inside us that pulls us one way, and there's nothing we can do to stop it despite what others (i.e. television, media, politicians, our families) think we should do.
You are young. You have many years left ahead of you. And you are determined.
I know that much is true.
Damn how I admire you! On many different levels Jay. Your literary talent is blatantly obvious. As is your strength and love for life. Your ability to go ahead and cry when you need to. Looking at life and realities objectively, and still plugging away!
I don't know what the future may hold, but I do know you have talent in abundance Jay. (Judging obviously only from what you write for us here in your blog) I also realize the uphill battle of getting published, and then being able to actually make a living off of it. I know this, because my husband co-wrote a book with four or five other writers. It was published, and he didn't make one red cent off of it. But damn, I have that book displayed and am so very proud of him!
I wish you all the best in your goals Jay, and believe anything is possible! You have the education, the talent the love for writing and the drive. Give it all you got! You have quite the cheering section right here on your blog.
3T
Doubts are to be expected when you have such a high goal but as Anna said, you're still young.
Maybe not getting published is a failure but I wouldn't see it like that. You're still writing and getting your work read, and your blog is good enough alone to have affected people and gained you many fans.
Who knows what could happen in the future? With the way the internet is changing things it might not be necessary to get approval from dismissive publishers to get paid for doing what you love.
I feel the need to comment today. I read your blog regularly. I don't know you. I just found your site linked through a site I stumbled across months ago; a childhood penpal's blog (Sarah). But what keeps me coming back is your incredible writing skills. Your words suck me in and don't let go! I know you'll be a successful writer; and I know how blatant publishers can be. But I am positive that one day I will come across a wonderful work, written from the soul, plastered with your name on the front. And I can't wait to read it.
Good luck.
Nothing worth having is ever easy.
It is difficult to stick to your guns, and you have a choice. But what is life if it is not YOUR story?
Hang in there, creative soul. You WILL reap the harvest you are sewing.
Jay, you have a network of support here. I hope you know that, really know that. We here all believe in you completely. It's just a matter of time. I've thought that since the first post of yours I read. If anyone has the talent, courage, drive and determination necessary to break through, it's you.
That you falter sometimes only means you're human. We're all plagued with doubts from time to time; it will just add to your experience. And besides, maybe you can write about it in a story sometime. Don't they always say "write what you know"?
(hugs)
Success is achieved through a series of failures.
Go for it! Then when I see you on Oprah I can say "I knew her when......"
Well, I know what you feel, and all I can say is, "GOOD LUCK".
You'll figure it out, and hopefully everything will make sense again to you.
Remember the little engine that could...
There ARE more than 3 who make a living at this. Who are paid for their work. There ARE. And you can do this, Jay. You really can. Even if nobody else buys your book, I sure as hell will!
Love you, Sugar.
AccidentProne said it well, Jay. One day I'm going to be reading some really great stuff and your name will be attached to it. You've got it in you, it will happen.
But it sucks to wait right? Don't lose sight of your goal, ever.
((hugs))
Jay, you write beautifully... I am envious. It might be a long journey, but my god- you have to do it! It would be a waste for you to do anything else (ok, maybe you have another fantastic skill, how would I know- but you know what I mean). Cry all you need, but then pat yourself on the back- because it's all going to be ok!
Hmmm, I feel like an ass saying this, maybe you're not ready to write. I just finised Frank McCourt's last book, Teacher Man. He wasn't ready to write until he was in his 60's. Then BOOM pulitzers. Maybe with time? Hang in there!!
Well, I for one am glad that you write on your blog as I love your posts. The humor, the honesty, the artistry of the words! Good luck achieving your dreams and I would totally buy a book you wrote!
Since when has failure stopped you? If you didn't get the right colour the first time, you'd try again. And again, and again.
So if you do fail, you know, pick yourself up, and uh, dye your hair [once it grows back]?
I'm going to paraphrase "Field of Dreams" here:
Write it and they will come
Write for yourself, write because you love it. We all know about your talent, we see the truth of it every time we log on and visit. In time the high mucky mucks will see it too.
Here goes another paraphrase (I'm not ver original today) "To all things there is a season". Your time will come and until then the rest of us bloggers will bask in the warmth of your words.
This is your life, but it changes all the time. This rut you're in now will pass, they all do. You know what makes you happy, so all you can do is that. Write and be happy. Nothing else matters.
Pfffft. That's my response.
For someone who appears to have a fairly extensive menagerie of talents, both natural and acquired, I'm a bit surprised at this entry.
See, if it had been a result of frustration, I would have understood it better. But you said in the last paragraph that is ISN"T because of frustration, but because this is the future you have chosen for yourself, and this is your life.
This is your life TO DATE. And you haven't chosen any future yet, Ms. Predeterminism. :P
So finish up dissolving the upholstery with gin flavoured tears already and go get yourself into a sitcom-unlikely situation so you can come back and toss off a brilliantly constructed blog about it in less time that it takes me to figure out if I remembered to wear pants today.
Plus, I'm a bit jealous. You've got a far more interesting life than I do and I'm ten years older than you. So let me be your warning - if you find yourself wearing a reflective yellow jacket, back up and pick a different route.
I know that dark place your speaking of. Until 6 months ago, I was that guy in the red shirt a few feet away.
It took 2 years after getting my degree to finally get the opportunity to do what I wanted, instead of what i needed to do for money. It's a depressing and degrading place but you can escape, just like I did.
Jamie,
Two different issues here. If you are looking to make a living by writing fiction, you're right. It's going to be tough. Attainable, but tough. If, however, you want to publish novels and be read and make a difference to people, then there is no reason to despair. I have every belief that you'll make it.
I do want to point out one thing though, one dire mistake I made. Don't show your fiction to a limited number of people or just rely on querying for feedback. Put some up here or on other blogs. I wrote in a near vacuum for too long. You have to get the reaction of a wide range of readers to make sure you're connecting. That feedback can easily push you from almost, to "there."
Miss Jay--your words really spoke to me in this. I feel exactly the same way sometimes. Beautiful and sadly written. I have lots of faith in you.
you can't deny who you are, how you feel or what you need to do. there's no sense in logic, it's only how you're interpretating it.
Lovely j-
Print all these last years blogs out and put it in a binder. I'd pay $10 for a paperback! Bang- Published author !
I bet many of us would do the same for you!
JC
Hey Jamie, I dont know you..but I just wanted to let you know that I stop by your blog every single day to see what words you wrote today to either entertain me, make me think or make me sad. I love the power of your words and I think you have the best chance of "making it". You have such talent, its incredible. Take Care and chin up girl!
Cry if you must---just don't stop writing.
Do it for all of us Jay.
There are a lot of us out there who think it will never happen. A lot of us that want to reach those goals, those dreams to be able to do something they truly love and enjoy for a living. You can do it, and if you get a rejection letter when that time comes. Perhaps it will break your heart a little, but don't let it break YOU.
You're inspiring, and I don't know if you know how your words affect ...well me for one thing, but generally all of us. You're an amazing person I hope you get your dream.
Fae
You write so well. Don't give up before you start.
I just came across your blog via BlogExplosion. This is the first entry of yours that I have read. I'll be blogmarking you. I'm sorry - so sorry - that you're sad but MAN can you write!
Would a martini help?
Just a small bump...not a mountain.
Jay, I've seen so much absolute SHIT in print, that I know you are going to get published someday because your writing is SO MUCH BETTER. Sadly, I think a lot of it boils down not so much to talent as to "who you know." I hate that. But I don't think that's the only thing that gets one published; it just helps those without talent. But you have killer talent. I know you're going to make it eventually. Remember, Madeleine l'Engle had "A Wrinkle in Time" rejected SEVENTEEN times before someone bought it.
Anyway, this is what I take comfort in whenever I start to feel hopeless and despondent about getting published. Besides - you're doing what you love, and that is no small thing. How many people, when asked, "What have you done with your life?" can answer, "Something I loved every day of." So fuck everyone else.
For every successful writer...there are thousands that fail. But how will you know if you're that lucky chosen one?
By continuing to do what's in your blood.
Oh how I love an honest expression of self-doubt, especially when it comes from someone with so much talent.
Miss Jay , you are obviously very talented. I would read what ever it is you are going to write.
Dont cry. I know it's easier said than done, but dont. Dont cry. True you may never be published. True you may never be an award writing author and you may not make the New York Times Bestseller List. But you know what? All that doesnt matter.
You're doing what you love! Some people never get the chance to live out their dreams. Most people just settle. They give up. They dont take the chance, like you're taking because they have fear. Fear of falling flat on their face. I mean, I'm sure it's a fear you share, but the fact that you're willing to face your adversities head on, says so much.
You shouldnt see these past three years as a waste, but rather as a learning experience. What did you get out of those years? You got the realization that this is something you really want to do! This is something you're so passionate about, you're willing to do all that it takes to get you there.
It's like Junebugg said: "Write for yourself, write because you love it." So I say, go out there and write because you know you can do it. Write because artists like you are a rare thing and stories like yours need to be shared.
Don't give up Jamie. I believe that you will get your break and that you certainly have the talent to go all the way.
You are truly an inspiration to me and whether I'm having a good or bad day, I always stop by your blog because it lifts me up, cheers me up and makes me think better. If your book gets published and it's only available in Canada, you can bet that I'm gonna find a way to get my hands on it.
Take care.
Lotsa luv,
Perky.
Shite, woman, it's been almost ten years since I graduated with a degree in Creative Writing. And now what do I do? I work in finance when I'd much rather have a future as a novelist somewhere.
The saddest part is I can feel all my knowledge and skills in the arts fading.
Keep on going with it, I know of someone who is making a living from it, so it does happen
Yeah, you might not get published. But you have to try. Your words are beautiful and the fact that you can see what you want, and want to go for it, even though it might not be the easiest thing is quite admirable.
It may be tough but you have the confidence, the heart and the desire. That makes all the difference.
You must know how lucky you are...to have a passion so great...something you love so deeply...that it gets your soul singing...something that just isn't a part of you...but is...you. Most people don't have that...the lucky few do.
Sorry I didn't get back here yesterday in time to be in the top 40 but I'm here. The problem with most artists is that they need to understand that you have to do stuff to stay alive and in the process you get material. I'm teaching a young singer songwriter ore about her instrument and how to craft more intricate songs. She's doing nothing but working coffeehouse gigs for tips. She weighs 87 pounds! I'm gradually getting her to see she has to get a day job if she's gonna keep herself alive. I show her how to take life's shit and turn it into art. Being impoverished has not given her material. If something doesn't work, why keep on doing it and expect things to change? I hate that you're hurting so. I hope you can com to a comfortable decision., I don't believe in mistakes. Mistakes are gifts if you learn from them.
This is just echoing what everyone has said above, but you have the talent. A lot of people have talent, though. The question is do you have the determination and dedication? It doesn't matter whether you ever get published, (but I believe you can be), you write anyway because as you said, you must. That makes you a success already.
you are the art,
my flower of the cold north.
need I really say more?
Jay,
As a semi-tortured artist myself, I know how you feel, with the exception I've taken the practical approach and not tried to make a living on my passion. However, I will say that I've managed to make my second passion a career and do indeed get paid to do work that I really enjoy. I've found the balance between the two passions and am actually happy.
You can be too. Just don't let go of the dream. Write, and write well.
BTW, almost forgot. I have not used the degree that cost me 10 years of my life (college and 5 years in the Navy to pay them back) in nearly 6 years. And I don't miss it nor am I sorry I got the degree I got. It was simply part of the path that got me where I am today.
Good luck, baby.
I really believe that you can do it. I promise to buy your book. So make it worth my 30 bucks, K?
Jay,
Some of us can't stop writing because there is something in us that is begging to be let out. You know it is in you, and you will probably have several more experiences like what happened in the Buick till you actually "make it." Hell I keep going through the same thing myself and I am not even 1/3 the writer you are.
Keep up the writing and good luck with everything.
oh fucking shit, fuckkkkkk, stop it! I'm counting on you to get published! Damn you Jamie, knock it off, you're brilliant, it's just a matter of time.
Miss Jay, I am so sorry, but I have to be a bit of a bitch. I am not commenting to validate you, to tell you to stop crying because no, no, uh uh, no.
Nope, not I. Sowwy!
Because if someone has to tell you that your writing don't sucky-wucky, if 49 people have to comment on that to help you believe it, well my dear, 49 million saying it won't make a fucking difference. and you know what? it shouldn't.
You write because you just DO.
It doesn't matter if you have a degree or if you have 8, nobody can teach you how to string random words together in beautiful ways, to create little creatures with them that tug at the hearts or minds of the world at large (or even just the world within your 4 walls).
the degree doesn't matter, the book(s) that don't exist, that may never exist, none of them matter. you made a brave choice to do something you believe in, and for that you should be proud. now suck it up - if you had the strength to choose it you have the strength to be it.
:P
hugs... !
We have all have these moments and they are definately better out than in. I think you're very brave and I'll buy and read your book and will undoubtedly love every minute of it as you are a gifted writer. Keep your chin up and shoulders squared you'll be fine.
i have one like you in my house. please, for the love of jivas & my own sanity.... never, ever, not even for a millisecond... think that what you're doing now & what you hope to accomplish in the future... is all for naught.
you have an incredible gift. and one i hope will be shared with the world some day.
i've told him & i'll tell you. i'm a picky reader. i don't read crap. and you, my dear, are nothing close to that realm.
smile. it looks better on you.
whoa. I wish you the bestest of luck...you're a great writer and I'm sure they'll see that!
Jay, I tried one publisher because I had a very good connection, but it was rejected. I believe in large part it was because I haven't proven myself as a writer. I decided to do just that myself. I started my own publishing company, and CWO magazine.
Just the other day, my book was in the hands of a poor single mom who works with other single moms. I was able to donate a stack of books to them because I call the shots with my writing. Yesterday my sister, a fifty three year old alchoholic who lives in a small apartment with no job, no telephone, and rabbit ears in lieu of satelite TV just finished reading my book. She touched my heart when she told me that the book made her realize that there may be a purpose to her life and is encouraging her to stay off the bottle. Again I was glad that I was able to write for her. All this to say that you write so well--whatever you do will not be for nothing. You don't need a publisher to prove yourself as a writer, your blog has done that already. You will succeed because you are good. Sorry I'm so long winded, but I don't want to see sweet Jay cry.
just passing through, reading your comments, hope you're doing ok.
Wow, what a first sentence. Nice post!
You ARE a talented writer. I dont even know how I found this blog, but you certainly put quite a bit of yourself into every word. A pleasure to read.
((hugs))
I relate...whole-heartedly.
Miss Jay, you rock! It's hard but you have a wonderful fan/support base that believe in you.
miss jay
I would like to be frank with you with my opinion. I may be wrong too but excuse me if I am shooting at point blank range.
I don't think you have any doubt about your writing capabilities as I am sure that you are one of the persons who go over your comment column word by word.
Secondly, I am sure that you are able to count the number of readers you have for such a long time, most of them repeatedly visiting this blog. Do you find any other reason other than your writing that makes them visit you time and again ? I am sure that you got my point.
Finally, though I know that I am not a good in my writing, I do have good taste for worthy readable.
I do not spend time to read long posts like yours unless I find substance in them so do many of your other readers.
Miss Jay! You have a natural talent to write and an imagination of a story teller.
If you still lack confidence...just scroll back and check your achieves and read again the readers comments.
I am glad that despite the way you feel now that you are going to continue to pursue your dreams. I could go through the motions of trying to say a bunch of encouraging things but more than anything I am afraid they would come out trite and unfeeling eventhough I would say them with all sincerity. Contrary to what one may normally say in these situations I do believe that your "falling apart" is a good, cleansing thing that has to happen to us all once in awhile but I am glad that you will still write. I know just from reading your blog that you have a talent for slinging words together and you most likely aren't even trying here. You are doing what many of us are afraid to do, so thank you!
Life is something that happens while you're sitting around waiting to be famous. Write about it and they will come. Of course in my case it'll be the little men in the white suits
DB
I have heard that 130,000 books are published every year. Of those, maybe only a handful will be successful and in the long run maybe one (if that) will still be read in a few decades. Getting depressed about this sort of thing is like getting depressed about not being part of the Royal family.
What you write now is a lie.
You have more people following your words than you know what to do with.
Me?
I'm a hack.
Blogging for fun, and torturing people with my horrible english.
I'm marginally good at a lot of things, but only really good at one: being there for people I care about.
So go write.
And kick ass.
And know that the world is better for it.
J
I think you will find the right publisher, one day at the right time. Maybe it is too soon.
Such a familiar feeling... not necessarily to writing... but in many aspects.
Oh man, my heart goes out to you. You are a writer, nothing you can do to stop the beast now. Finding steady writing jobs is very hard but don't lose faith. You have the talent. Keep plugging along on your book/books, worst case scenerio, you could go print on demand with your first book. Some of the times that helps land an agent, which will help with the rest. I have huge amounts of faith in you and I'm cheering you from the sidelines.
Lois Lane
You are a very good writer. Like the weeds growing through the cracks in the desolation of the decaying parking lots of the world, you do what you were made to do. And it is perfect.... thanks.
I stop here whenever I can to read your beautifully written posts. There are many books I have read that I actually stopped reading them, put them down, and never missed them. However, your writing always draws me in, and I think you are quite talented. In the middle of March, what else is there to feel but despair? As long as you don't let it stop you, it is but a temporary thing...
I lurk by here on a regular basis.
Why?
Because you are a damn good writer. I've cried and laughed with many of your posts. They make me think about myself, my family, and all the things I am doing in my life. Your writing inspired me to comment today.
Everyone has a day with doubts and you are no different but I just wanted you to know that I believe you are talented Jay. I believe (from all I've read about you here) that you can and will accomplish what you set out to do.
And me? I'll be there at the bookstore buying your book. : )
Thanks to all of you who took time out of your days to write a small note of encouragement. It's great to hear from new friends and old.
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