Talk to the Goat
If one of my children stopped speaking to me I'd probably curl up and die.
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The bunny egg rocks.
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I loved my Dad.
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I know you don't know my family situation, but please trust me when I say that I do not and will not regret my choices, and that perhaps if you knew the story behind the story, you would think better of your comments.
Found you through Mrs. Mogul, and I'm glad I did. 
Great post. I know what it's like not to be on speaking terms with certain family members, but to miss them anyway.
Happy Easter.
Thanks for visiting, and for understanding.
Is anyone else getting hailstones the size of volkswagons right now?
That was a beautiful introspective, and heart touching post Jay. Thank you for sharing this story.
I wish you and Jason a Happy Easter weekend.
3T
Jamie... I sat and read this... and no words come to my mind or my mouth or my fingers... but tears do come to my eyes. I, too, (as you may know) have difficulties with my mother. And I won't be seeing her this Easter, either. Amazing isn't it? Much in the same way my mother saves the special parts of herself for strangers or co-workers; your mother keeps the garbage and tosses something special to you.
I wish you peace for this Easter. Peace with or without a call to your mother. And my closing "flourish" will be, love shouldn't have to hurt like that... especially from a mother.
You know what? My relationship with my mom is much, much better because we don't speak. I can forgive her for much if I am not constantly reminded of her qualities that make her a less than stellar human being.
I know what you mean about the small little heart ache, though - I have my mom's wedding ring (she was married first to my dad, for about 2 years) and I wonder about the person she was when she first married my dad, and what her hopes and dreams were...but, in the end, aching for all the things she didn't know or didn't have or didn't know she should want doesn't make her a better person...
Beautiful, Jay, beautiful
This was a great sad/happy post...But it wasn't gray.
I wish you a colourful Easter!
I just read your last 2 Easter posts and I love them! Thanks for the stories, and for the lovely Easter reminiscing..... and I hope you and hubby have a fabulous, chocolate filled Easter!
Oh, you know we will!
You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.
Sorry, that's the Grandma in me speaking.
Edited By Siteowner
Happy Easter Jay. I hope it gets to a point where you two can speak. If not...I'm sorry.
I'm lucky to never have experienced that kind of distance with my mother. My mother is like my older sister, not because she tried to be like so many other moms who don't want to be thought of as "old" but just because she did have me so young (got pregnant with me at 15) and because that's just the person she is. She didn't have the personality or demeanour to be authorative nor had she really had the life experience to be wise. My father though was a distant figure one I didn't really know until I moved in with him when I was 18. I didn't harbour any resentment to him for not being there, but maybe because i didn't feel the connection with him to begin with to care enough. But now that we've talked and gotten to know each other I can't imagine not having him around. Despite what our parents may or may not do, I truly doubt it's ever their intention to hurt us and sometimes when they push us away they think they're doing us a favour by not interfering or not having their problems burdening you or shaming you if they'd done something bad. I hope what happened between you and your mom wasn't so bad that it can't ever be repaired. Good Luck! Happy Easter!
A really really moving post. I don't know why, but it reminded me of stuff that's on my mind. Specifically it reminded me that even though I might feel hurt, let down, or treated unfairly by people close to me, I don't have it in me to cut them out of my life. The things that I love about them will always, in the end, stop me from pushing them away.
This isn't me making a point about you and your mother, because I don't know anything about that at all. But thank you for, inadvertently, making things a little clearer for me.
I have a few things like that---and I don't know where they're going to go---I guess I could throw out some kitcheny stuff. I'd sooner reminisce than cook any day.
It's usually not a comfortable proposition to think of your parents as REAL people. For me, it makes me sad because I'm pretty sure that neither of them feels their lives turned out quite like they would prefer them to.
I can also say with 100% certainty that I do not know my parents well at all. Just the mom and dad side. 
Jay,
I know that I am not talking to my sister right now and strangely I haven't felt better for a long time. My family has a way of making me very depressed and that can't be good. I know everyone has said that same thing to me to Jay, that someday something will happen and you will regret this. I know I can finally breathe without someone guilting me about this and that, and making me feel like shit about myself.
Anyway I love the egg. So she kept all the chocolate from ya did she? Hmm. Well it is good you have it now isn't it?
I hope you have a wonderful Easter.
Christine
Wonderful post, but of course I expect no less from you!
Mom's been gone for almost 2 years now. I sure miss her, but I do understand what you mean about choices, I've made a few of those about other relatives.
Happy Easter to you and Jason. I think the 6 year old grandson and I will attempt the Jello Jigglers eggs this year.
Hi Jay, great post (as usual) and the eggs are hilarious! I totally understand the family thing, sadly going on almost 6 years since I've spoken to my dad.
Marvelous writing, I love it.
For whatever reason that you are not in talking terms, this journal is a present to her from her daughter.
I hope that she reads it.
Thatwas just a great post Jay. I like it a lot. I have no experience whatsoever with a situation like yours but it makes me wonder about mom and dad and their dreams and aspirations when they we. That leads to my own and I must say ... they were very different than my reality. You got some great writing chops and I appreciate them. Thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
TG
Charred black crap is my specialty.
Jay, you are gifted in saying poignant things and making me really step into the shoes of others for a moment. And you always make me laugh, too.
My MIL needs a clean sweep desperately and I'd love to do it, but alas, i don't think it will eve happen. Sadly, it is much easier for me to throw out other people's useless crap, than for me to part with my very meaningful and perfect crap. :-/
I was a father at 27 and a househusband, too. Yes, the shock of finding yourself living for someone else's future was quite something. Took me some time to get over.
I had a friend who despised his dad and once told me he wouldn't stop to help him if he saw him lying in the gutter. I thought this was quite an extreme reaction and suggested that we all feel a greater sense of hurt when our parents do bad things. I wondered if he could stop thinking of him as his father and think of him as just a friend or just someone. Would he seem so bad, then?
I found out sometime later, he'd taken this on board and made contact with his dad. He didn't exactly love the guy, but they were talking again and meeting occasionally.
People make a mess of things, don't they? I'm not a rosy optimist in this regard. Many things can't be fixed. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that many things can't be fixed unless both sides are willing to see the problems for what they are make an effort to change them.
Happy Easter.
Please go to my mothers house and do the clean sweep, she won't let me do it, it's at the point where I really think it's a disease..anyway..my husband does the clean sweep for me. I hide things if I want to keep them.
I can't imagine NOT talking to my mother. She calls me at least 3 times a day. We have break ups in the extended family so I've seen it first hand, I can't image though what it feels like inside. Ouch.
My eyes have misted over and I'm trying very hard not to cry. My two girls are sitting with me (will climbing all ove rme like i'm a piece of jungle gym equipment). I can understabd how you need to be apart from your mother. It does make it easier to hold good memories close and not think they were a figment of your imagination. It's hard to think of the small kindness and truely connected moments when someone is constantly verbally beating you down or incapable of being there for you when you need it most. Wishing you a happy and peaceful Easter
That is a hallmark movie worthy story. I'm so glad you rescued it.
That stuff will outlive us all.
I'm not kidding.
This was a beautiful entry.
Happy Easter!
Well, maybe someday you and your mother could burry the hatchet and reconnect. Maybe that will never happen. Who knows.
But I think it's your ability to understand the world through her perspective when she was your age is a good sign it might happen for you.
Happy Easter. I love the bunny one!
This is a great blog, thanks Jay. Funy and moving.
It made me think of my Mum who also did pottery at some time - I don't even know when or how old she was, I must ask her! She has a great very retro pottery lamp base with swirls around it, which I hope might come my way one day. She married fairly young, not long after the war, and had 3 children under the age of 3!! (I was the 3rd and NOT planned) (thats never been a problem!!) I remember my father coming home late from work and we 3 staying up in our dressings gowns to say good-night - I think her life must have been pretty difficult then.
We have a great relationship and I see her a lot - and hope one day, if yoiu want to, you'll be closer again to your mum.
The egg is fab! Absolutely something to keep.
I laughed about the spring-cleaning, I've been spring cleaning my daughters bedroom with her this week - and will probably post about it when the scars have healed!
btw, I meant to say - You've never met a slug? !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think yourself lucky.
Very lucky.
"She knew how to make 2 things: charred black crap, and boiled potatoes."
Let me guess... She's Irish?
I saw a book once on "Irish Cusine" and I laughed my ass off...
i can't possibly read all these comments, so forgive if i repeat something, but ...
1.) when my mom calls, my sons talk to her, not me.
2.) an observation: at easter, appropriately, you resurrected that egg and a symbol of something that god taught us to emulate (you read my post about a call to being childlike). sorry about going religious, but it's about easter, you know.
3.) perhaps you're right about that part of your mom's life. she might just not care to remember it. perhaps it didn't work out like she wanted it to.
very nice piece of writing there, jay.
e+
Have a Happy Easter, Sweet Jay and Jason. Don't make finding the eggs to difficult for him.
This has brought an Easter Tear to my eye......Her handwriting even looked young. I am so glad that you have it.
This was a tremendous post. Your mom sounds like my mom in that she saves everything--ink pens that have run dry, mail from 1994, pots and pans not unlike those your mother cooked on. I don't know if it's sentimentality or hoarding, but mom's house could use a good going over.
But opposite your mom, my mom keeps sentimental items such as figurines she displays on the fireplace--presents from long ago, and souvenirs from different places she and my father have travelled throughout their lives.
I'm sure you have good reasons for not speaking to your mother, Miss Jay. But your post was most touching in that you realized what she may have been enduring and thinking in her youth. I hope that you never feel regret or trapped by any situation you find yourself in. That's a hard way to go. May you and Jason prosper in every endevour you choose to explore.
Have a great holiday and eat a chocolate Easter Egg for me...!
Despite the fact that you are not speaking to your mom right now, you seem to have a realistic understanding of what she's been through in her life.
I hope you and your mom can work things out with time.
DB
Isnt it weird, when we realize our parents where people like us at one time? That they once had hopes and dreams like normal people and didnt actually come preprogrammed to make our lives miserable...
The thing that I'm wondering is...how long are you planning to be mad at your mom? Six months? A year? Forever? I mean, dont get me wrong, I'm not judging you or anything, I'm just wondering if you think you're ever going to talk to your mom again...
What a beautifully introspective post. I think we only know our parents as parents, not people when we're growning up. Thats why we're so surprised when we realize they have problems like real people.
sometimes its hard to take decicions that might last forever and it seems to me that you are not very happy about it, although you said not to regret.
Maybe Christine is right in some ways. I won't ever blame you for your decicion - too often I found myself at the edge to do the same, but I didn't.
There are always bad days still, but soem good days too.
All I am able to sugest you is to try to think positiv, to remember the good days. So maybe you are one day able to forgive, because I've got the impression that your soul is getting sick about it.
If you need someone to talk write me an e-mail.
hugs Gurgo
Oh, this is such a beautiful and heartbreaking post.
Thanks for writing it.
Jamie, as a mom it makes me very sad to know you and your mother are estranged. I don't know what happened, but life is too short - so you might want to think about forgiving and forgetting, if you can. Someday it will be too late and you don't want to miss the chance to make it better. JMO!
i started to read the other comments and then changed my mind so i'll just write what i think and you can edit accordingly. i had a troubled period, i was in my early 20's, when i stopped speaking with both of my parents, years later, it was resolved, but no mention of what happened. i think you have to do what you feel is right, that you're able to sit down and open your heart up to everyone and share all of your memories, i think eventually you will feel differently about your mom, you will understand what she has gone through, but you might still prefer to keep your distance. i always think of easter as a new beginning, a new life, here you are looking back at your old life, but seeing something different. it's hard to read your posts sometimes, makes me remember the tough times i went through with my parents and i worry about if that will happen with my oldest daughter. i'd be devastated if she ever cut me out of her life, yet i thought nothing of cutting my parents out of mine. i guess that's enough blab, blab, blab, i'll leave you with this after the edit.
that egg is adorable and happy easter to you and your jason.
Awww. I hope you two "find" each other again. Great memories, thanks for sharing. And thanks too for the retro bonnet sisters. You took me back.
Happy Easter to you and the mister.
Lois Lane
I liked this post more than any other I have ever read by you.
I love how you put into words the complexity of family. It isn't always easy to put family relationships into the boxes people expect us to. Family = complicated, as far as I'm concerned.
I can relate to looking at something that others may not appreciate and it evoking such a deep memory or connection. Since my mom has passed, it's been much easier to see her as a person rather than just my mom. It's easier to appreciate them when you see thier flaws.
Great post, Jay!
If only it were easy to keep the memories without keeping the pain.
Your writing shows such wisdom and maturity. It's difficult for most to see parents as flawed humans and not all-knowing immortals. Not only do you recognize it, you validate it. Touché.
I love the egg. I hope it gets passed down to future generations in your family. I found you on BlogExplosion - thanks for sharing.
Take care
My sister and I made 4 easter pieces for my mother in 1984. I don't know if they survived Hurricane Katrina or not. I know all of our photos did- my mom left with them. I have not spoken to my mom in a few months. This whole katrina thing has messed some of our conversations up. Oh well. Happy easter.
What a touching post.
And the eggs? Perfect.
(I found your blog through BlogExplosion. I think you write beautifully.)
I love your writing!
Sentimental things mean the world sometimes. Believe me, I understand!
Happy Easter Day Girlie!!
Hope its a good one for ya
Wow, I completely understood.
I read this a few days ago and it made me pause and consider what my mother's life must have looked like when she was my age. Totally nothing like your moms, but also nothing like my own.
Makes me appreciate my life when I think about things like this. Thanks.
I started out reading this wishing you could come over and help relieve me from the junk that lives with us. But in the end I'm humbled and touched by the story that is you that is your mother that is your story. You sure do have a way with the words. Much thanks for sharing.
Your mom threw out a present she MADE?! How dare she?!
And also, Easter is SO not for kids. But try telling the people at the community Easter egg hunt that. They aren't buying any of it.
It's amazing how the things that seem useless end up being valuable at the most unexpected times, in the most unexpected ways.
I had a hamburger pillow and a lifesize candy bar collecting dust in the basement. Now they are props in my third grade show.
Who knew?
I relate to this post (Easter aside) for many simialr reasons. Ironically, there's a poem about my mother at age 23 when I was 3 yrs old, underneath the paiinting on this blog.
It's interesting when a mix of emotions arise. Despite that poem, there are items in my home now from my childhood, too. One must hold on to those good memories to move forward. No wonder chocolate healing qualities. That is SOME egg she crafted!
OK, 15 months is too long. Far too long. As you observe to someone else's comments, waaaay up there somewhere, I don't know the back story here.
But, because it breaks my heart to hear of family memebers not talking, no for weeks, but months, and years... I will stick my oar in on this boat ride.
The little I've read on this blog shows me you still care for your mom. Isn't that enough of a reason to try reconciliation?
I don't now the whys of your incommunicado status, but I do know it is hard for someone to ask for forgiveness when someone else won't listen.
A personal anecdote: My grandmother and great-aunt didn't talk for over 50 years. My mother never told me all of what the fight was about, though some part of it was abut her I've gathered, but these two sisters didn't talk for the length of some people's lives. They died, my great-aunt almost 10 years ago, and my grandmother three years ago, without ever seeing or speaking to each other again.
Being an insensitive boor of a male, this didn't affect me at all, but I know it hurt my mother.
Again, I don't know the reasons--and there are very good reasons for cutting someone out of your life--but are they worth never talking to yur mother for the rest of both your lives?
Yes.
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