Talk to the Goat
We could all learn a lesson from this, Jamie. Let your finger stump shine like a beacon to all those in constant pain, may they all get through it with the same courage as you've shown.
-Jason
Now that's a stament!
And now for something completely different...
I'm putting aside my urge to demand a clear explanation of how the fuck this could even happen. I'm deeply concerned. Finger injuries, as you know, freak me the fuck out. I like how you're handling it, though. Turning it into a terrific post, capitalizing on its ability to become even more expressive. I'm sure you're gonna get all kinds of advice on this. I found that covering it with vitamin E oil and covering that with a finger cut from a surgical glove for half the day, airing it at night, was the fastest way to heal my tattered fingers. I could type clumsilly but playing the guitar was a birtch.
My one question (other than the obvious stuff about how you cut through a finger nail because just imagining that give me shudders) is how on earth did you write up your post? Well done for typing through the pain barrier.
Ok, I', sorry, but that was incredibly funny!
I laughed my ass off.
And I think your "FUCK YOU" is rather nice and will do a nice job for you until said finger is back in working order.
Ouch.
You should probably be under psychiatric care and observation. I say that because roving bands of cult members secretly scan medical recors at the end of every day looking for recent amputees. Something about baby asprin makes these amputes succeptible to recruitment into the Culto Gillete Ra. These people spend the rest of their lives finding ways to creatively shave designs in their fingernails as a truibute to God of smoothness and disfigurment, Gilette Ra. We'll that and harrassing incoming travelers at the nations airports, selling fingernail clippings for spare change. Jay, be on your guard ... they may be scouting you for the big leagues. I hear Carrie Underwood was a recent convert ... just sayin.
TG
See how much Jason loves you. He is sticking with you even though you're now maimed and hideously disfigured.
I'm a bit concerned for the well-being of the razor. Is it in some sort of protective custody? Has it been infiltrated into some sort of witness protection program? Or is it just on the run, at this point, a fugitive from the wrath of Jamie?
Look on the bright side
at least ur fuck you finger can still raise high like the rest!
"the razor somehow managed to slit a hole through her fingernail and slice into the flesh underneath"
now *that* is talent.
let's just say that now your favourite finger will have so much character that people will always remember being flipped off by you
^_^
oh, how was it typing this post out? did you make Jason do it for you?
ha ha ha ha
This Public Service Announcement, for razor safety, has been brought to you by the letters 'F' and 'U'.
I still don't understand how a razor goes through the nail, but I realized I really don't want to know. I got woozy reading about it. Razor's are BAD. Fuck You is a good call on the bandage. I also applaud you on still typing...you could have woosed out and gone on the DL.
Ow! I had a little nausea myself the entire post. Nice description, maybe a little too descriptive. Hope you get better.
What?!?! You shave through your fingernail and there was no mention of pain killers more appealing than 2 childrens tylenol?
What kind of bullshit hospital is this!?!?!?
Look on the bright side. One time, I was flipping this girl off and she punched my hand and BROKE my middle finger. I didn't think of having my middle finger bound to the one beside it as a loss. No, I thought of it as having a much fatter and therefore more visible 'fuck you'. Hell, the two-finger finger even caught on for a while at school.
I've actually done the same thing!!! It just wasn't as bad as your incident. LOL! Hope it doesn't hurt too much.
you should send lady gilette a picture of your finger and a note with a link to this post. Maybe then they will shower you with condolence gifts and make you their new spokesmodel to keep you contrite.
haha this made me laugh. Hope it all grows back ok.
I put a needle through my finger once near the nail, and the nail grew up and out with a hole in it!!
Trade stuff - yeah, depressing. God, I don't know what we can do about it. Buy local and fair trade as much as possible I s'pose.....
Way to make a painful situation uttery hilarious. And yes, how in the HELL can you cut through a fingernail with a lady gilette?!?!?! Forget your writing, that's talent right there.
yikes! hope you are alright!
Good God, woman!
You're insane!
I hope your finger heals promptly, restoring your god-given gift of flipping the bird!
Best wishes ~ Jos
I just finished my first year of culinary school (as of 3 hours ago) and managed to complete the year without so much as having to use a Band Aid or a spot of burn cream.
This means I'll probably sever an artery on the serrated edge of a tinfoil box.
When I do, I'll have to borrow your 'statement'.
How in the wor-.... Ya know, nevermind.
I LOVE the um, improvements you made to the bandage.
Don't worry, they did offer the pain meds, but I hate to take them. And they apparently "numbed" the area before cutting the rest of the nail off, but the way I expertly kneed the doctor, I don't think it took.
Unfortunately the bandage is too big for the keys. dere - See that? That's what happens when I use it. So I don't. I make do with 8 fingers, 2 thumbs. It's as dumb as it sounds.
Jay, sweet, sweet Jay,
I am just amazed that through it all you were still able to complete such a wonderful and detailed post. Congratulations. You are to be commended. Take care, and don't work it to hard.
My skin was crawling! Every woman knows what those feel like but then you add the whole fingernail bed thing and well....*shiver* you get the idea.
OMG Jay. I hate to laugh at your expense but - OK well I don't cuz that was damn funny!
I once lost a leg to a "Daisy" Shaver. On the bright side, my peg is well suited for the life of piracy I intend to take up any day now. :-P
I cut my fingernail with he razor the other day, down way low and now it looks dumb and HURTS!!!!
Good grief woman! That sounded painful and made me feel queasy.
You better be getting the royal treatment and waited on hand and foot.
This has happened to me in the past, only with my thumb rather that finger. There is nothing so painful as getting soap undearneath the skin (flap).
As much as I feel sympathy for you and your favorite finger, it was still hard to get past the doctor making you wear one of those non-tie up the back gowns for a finger injury... or did Jason insist just for the view?
Take care of that digit
DB
if you were in the states, you could sue lady gillette. did you have to hire someone to type for you?
I can sympathise on many levels, but just try and focus on the fantastic scar you'll have to have people, "ooh" and "ew" and "ugh" over - you know, make them feel glad it wasn't them.
Time to start considering Nair now...?
I help myself. I'm so sorry that you got hurt, but I've been hooting over your story.
I really do love the way you write!
Erp--that was supposed to be "I can't help myself!"
Who hid the martinis?
Like they always say, when the world gives you lemons? Flip 'em off!
Lady Gilettes are the worst of the bunch, aren't they? They claim they're so gentle and harmless with their little conditioning strips but when it really comes down to it? They'll put you in the hospital!
Be careful, Jay!
So...
Um...
exactly how many showers have you guys had that ended up with trips to the emergency room? I learned long ago the shaving and inebreation are not a good combination, although I have never had occasion for the hospital afterwards.
Sounds like a true Python moment...
That was lovely writing, jay !
Tell you something, aside from injuring your most useful finger, do you know that people can read not only your palm but also the back of your hand ?
Get well soon with your fingers.
Incidently, the heading in my new post is "An extended middle finger". Check it out .HAHA
HEAL QUICKLY! IRONICALLY I JUST CAME FROM A BLOG WHERE THE POST WAS MAINLY ABOUT SHAVERS. BESIDES YOU NEED ALL OF YOUR FINGERS FOR NON-BLOG ACTIVITIES... ALTHOUGH WE KNOW YOU COMPENSATE WELL.
-GUILTLESS IN GEL(A TIN)
That is seriously the funniest thing I've read all day.
This happened to me once, only I didn't have the forthrightness to rinse the shampoo off.
Also, no one tried to take liberties with me.
And...well...I was shaving my face, and I didn't actually cut anything off, really.
Ouchy... I hope you'll live
Sorry for the pain.
Thanks for the laugh.
Sympathies to Jason for the "Au natual" look he must now endure.
Miss Jay! I gotta say...I love how you are able to take your pain and turn it into one heck of a funny thing! It's like your hand was made for such a cast! But I gotta ask...how did you cut that particular finger?!
Grace and dignity it is! :o)
Considering the damage Jaime's Lady Gillette inflicted, I'll bet that she has the smoothest leg in Ontario. Heal quickly so you don't need hedge clippers to do the other leg...
Terrific storytelling, by the way...
Yep, this is probably the funniest (and stupidest thing) I've heard happen to anyone lately. Possibly all year.
"Jay is a bit of a dramaqueen" Just a bit? You think?
Oh dear god! You are using an archaic piece of shaving equipment, why not try it with a freakin MACE?
Pony up the extra dough and buy the Shick intuition thingy - the moisture par that surrounds the blade makes it nearly impossible to shave your own finger off.
Jason, if you love this woman you will buy her the shick intition. Go, now get it.. I dont care if its the middle of the night - GO NOW!
On your behalf, I promise to throw the use of my favorite finger into overdrive. I will carry on with the gestures you will temporarily be denying those around you.
What an incredibly tragic story.
And seriously, those things are just accidents waiting to happen. I can count the number of scars I have from just shaving.
We should start a revolution. Or just move to Europe.
Don't understand why my comment above came out as anonymous. ???
Purple Heart time! And those razors are EVIL and must die!
Hilarious story and I hope your finger is better.
Bloody hell that must have hurt.
I have a low pain threshold, I couldn't have coped with that!!
Hahaha... don't mean to laugh, but you turned this into a very entertaining story. With the appropriate conclusion, of course.
Now Jay: If you haven't discovered the Venus razor, you haven't lived!
Hope your finger is better soon!
Ouch! That looks painful!
Sorry to laugh at your accident BUT it's too funny.
Jay! I found you again!
Love, old Vodka Sex and Cheese
Nice artistry on your bandage there. Maybe you should invest in one of those electric shavers for use in the shower.
I'm glad you got taken care of quickly, as I've heard horror stories of waiting for care in Canada.
May I suggest:
a) that you don't shave so hard
b) that you don't shave you entire body
b2)that if you must shave your entire body, you should occasionally change razors
b3)also, that you shave only the directly exposed flesh
Funny shit, though.
LMAO - perhaps waxing has now gained a little appeal?
...is appalleder even a word? if not it should be *grin* I could even picture his face (though I could've done without the nakedness being so prevelant in my mental imagery...)
OMG mine is brass....... !!
Glad your fingie is still intact Jay. Just waiting for the day it can once again spew obscenities at the unsuspecting public!
damn, that bitch does look pretty smug, doesn't she?
e+
Now this was pretty freakin funny! Your writing style kicks my ass!
It's actually a great solution, it conveys everything in a quite interesting way and the bandage makes it look meaner, badder. This finger went through a lot and is therefore even more frightening.
It's also bigger now and would hurt much more!
Nailbeds? Flesh? Pink razors? Five (and a half) martinis? Shit, girl, you know how to party!
Hope your finger recovers quickly, although, from the photo, it definitely hasn't lost its power to charm..
I think I would have fainted!
Jamie, you're a dag. What more can I say? first you get rope burn on your eyelid from your hoodie, then you shave your finger....
Wow. The pain, the horror. Well at least you're able to show your rage despite the injury.
Between the laughing, the trying to figure out why in the hell you were shaving in the shower while accompanied by the apple of your eye, and the involuntary shudders I was having each time I actually thought about the razor cutting you I am plain worn out!
I'm afraid I couldn't help myself but laugh at your expense. I do love the "Decoration" though.
OW!!! Just.... ow!!
I can't tell you how many times I've done something completely ridiculous like that. And no one can figure out just how it happened, except that it did.
Hope you heal quickly and can soon get back to flipping people off properly!
Wow...that is SO something I would do.
Feel better soon.
Oh, and fuck you, too. *grin*
I feel a need to comment on this horrendous accident.
Ouch that looks pretty painful.
you know how I feel about girls who shave...
btw: loved the marriage post, well done as always my flower of the cold north...
JQP
It takes talent to do so much damage to something that small.
I am sorry for your injury but couldn't help but laugh my ass off at your entry. You are a RIOT!
Tell Jason he is lucky you weren't shaving his pubes for him:x
Chris
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