Talk to the Goat
*readies the tuna can to throw*
Why is it you get all the cool google searches? All the google hits I get are things that are actually on my blog, like 50th anniversary, or the guy who was looking up "giant serving trays." Well, I posted about giant serving trays", but it wasn't what he wanted--he didn't stay.
Someone actully googled me once... google "blackcrag" and you will get me. But I wasn't what he was looking for either--he didn't stay. I feel very unloved, actually.
You should throw these poor pervs a bone, or a horn as the case maybe, and post a picture of two goats getting it on. Kinda redeifines the term 'horny', doesn't it?
*aaaaannnnndddddd.... release*
just wondering, why do you throw tuna vans at goats anyhow? And is it some kind of ritual to beat them with a hickory stick after you throw a tuna can at them?
I keep getting search hits from people (mostly from the middle east) looking for "shitting on women" and other really bizzare scatatological references...
The first green link in the second paragraph of this post (Kill the Goat) leads to an explanation as to why you should beat the poor goat with a hickory stick.
You have pretty well covered the goat and everything else too. Great post. Thanks for coming by and visiting.
"Bleeding babies" was my strangest hit.
I wouldn't know what to do... maybe sit on it?
Cleaver, insightful, witty, and just plain funny as hell.
I agree with you, they need to be taken down.
OK, now I'm inspired to check out my stats...
Waith here, I'll go and check them out...
Waiting patiently....dooo dooo dedu...
Right, I'm back... and the trip was worth it...
Knickerless... (shhh)
Where to buy spaghetti squash.(*snort* Not in Australia)
... and the kicker?
lesbian sex in the kitchen with toppings on top...(omg... there isn't any hetero sex around here.. let alone the other!! sheesh)
Honorable mentions...
noo noo tidy up the ball play this game... (bloody hell - people google teletubbies references?)
boob dance swoosh swoosh. (seriously no idea how that factors in...)
...and the month isn't even half over...
Ha! I love how very informative and helpful you are, Jay. It's so refreshing to see someone talk so frankly and openly about all the goat sex, uncover the gay dinosaur theory and provide poetry in one cohesive post.
Never let it be said you don't cater to your public! 
Maybe Google just makes these up to give us a laugh?
Shit.. sorry, had to check out April as well...
aunty and mother kissing (ewww)
breaking toddlers off the rocking chair to go to bed (it's the breaking part that freaks me out)
bog boob bikinis (Fascinated now... what's a bog boob?)
babysitting twins blonde bathsore (!)
I need to check these things out more often... I need the laughs!
Jay, you are a laugh riot! I think that anyone who wants to fuck a goat should be allowed to. They should not, though, be allowed to have sex with another human afterwards...ever! Yup, fuck a goat, get booted out of the gene pool. Makes sense to me.
I get hits for labia and tigers having sex. I'm pretty sure no matter what your blog title may be, if there is an animal in it or anything named that could have something inserted into it (like an apple pie) or be inserted into something else (like, say, a bedpost) than there has been a search for it with the word sex (or same facsimile thereof) attached.
Can they still go to bed if they're broken?
They can ALWAYS go to bed...
Broken or otherwise...
That is a masterful treatment of your search history if ever i saw one! I get so much of that shit too. Google is both a wonder and a colossal pain in the ass. I wonder if it's gotten too big to fix. If it becomes smarter on its own, I'm gonna be scared.
Hmm...I often get searches for things like "bumblebee bedding" and "musical sweet potato" (huh?). About two weeks ago though, I got a bunch of searches for "mom fucks son" or something like that. Ewwww.
I still can't figure out how that happened.
I have a hard time picturing the "otherwise" given for my "love" of children.
Google used to be a search engine, used for actual research. I actual feel sorry for the world knowing that Google is now over-inflated with the lousy opinions of people like me.
And yeah, google totally takes your words and misconstrues them! Takes them out of context! You should sue for libel or something.
LMAO!! I would check my counter, but I know I don't have anything nearly this amusing to report!! 
Visit for the goat sex, come back for the insanity.
I hate the word Slacks , my mother always used it an I just thought of shiny in the butt , smelly polyester pants
I guess I need a counter cause those were cool. I always wonder if I get lurkers, cause you and a couple other blog friends are the only other people outside of people I know that read my blog. Oooo long rambling sentence
Search referrals are a never-ending source of amusement. I do wonder how many of the more disturbing searches were from people who were serious and how many were from people looking for a laugh.
Now you've got my curiosity going. I wonder what sort of searches brought people to my blog. I'm sure not as many "interesting" ones as you!!
this makes me feel like I should have a site counter up again on the new site, but coming to yours and reading your editorial is so much more fun than finding out how to go about that.
Ahh the crazy searches. My personal favorite search visitor was looking for Mannequin sex.
Don't ask.
How's Tommy Gunn's Garage? Or 82nd Sustainment. I am so boring. Gonna go google that hand job with goat cheese thing though. Have a great day doll.
TG
Amen!
Once upon a time, I was inundated with hits from people looking for 'pig masturbation', which got me wondering how exactly pigs do masturbate. I mean, trotters.
Long story short, I googled it and ended up back on my own site.
it just grosses me out just thinking of all the sick ill people out there that would have sex with a goat. sis man.
/bark bark bark
i came here because i though i could kill and eat a goat without being spanked with a rolled paper for making a mess! hey! you tricked me!
/grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
So all this time I've been hanging out over here, casually and patiently waiting for tips to woo my goat lover has been wasted?!?! Damn you and your tempting ways!!!
LOL! You are a riot...goat sex! LOL You get all kinds these days!
Humph! You got all the good ones! I got "What really killed the dinosaurs, funny"? Something about flying pig tasks and Great Pyrenese's...booooorrrring. Ah well at least I know I don't have any perv's visiting my site! Well maybe they are...but they're certainly not telling.
the first time i came here, via another blog, was because i noticed you were canadian. i didn't really notice the title of your blog or it's little by-line until after a few visits, i almost stopped coming here because of it, but i was already hooked on your writing style. gay dinos? i don't remember seeing that in jurassic park, thankfully.
I feel goat heightened and enlightened!
xx
Damn, I love your closing statement!
My search words at this time:
*what makes poo smelly
*fitless cock
*boobilicious
*mule vs. mountain lion
*did mother force you to wear girdle
Don't ask me, I don't have a clue why any of them wound up at my place!
Here’s a selection of ten of the more intriguing searches on my blog:
1. intestinal explosion
2. black analist (note the spelling)
3. cupboards bam spoof (?)
4. bolly wet
5. KT Tunstall smoking
6. KT Tunstall chewing iPod
7. chilly arse
8. narcissism bastard
9. desperately wife bangers
10. ball sack biology
Presumably the last one was someone looking for technical advances in vasectomy techniques...??
"shiny in the butt" - yup, that certainly qualifies.
I just knew someone was interested in that hand job.
Michael, yes, life is a vicious circle.
WB - I guarantee there are some pervs visiting your site. I mean for one, there's me. Plus, the internet is all about sex. You may not have the twisted mind to think up some convoluted reconnection of someof your terms - but someone has. And probably, a few someones have.
BSS - you almost stopped coming? because i have a sense of humour? hmm.
Junebugg, TC...that's just it, isn't it? Fun, fun, fun.
I am not wearing any underpants right now...
love you love the show...
JQP
Jay, you are SO my hero!
What great post fodder those searches can make!! Stay tuned for searches on "freeballing gay dinosaurs having sex with goats."
Yoikes!
As always, thanks for the laughs.
You know it is most likely the big thing that drives straight people that are so freaked out by gay people to distraction is that they spend hours thinking about it. Also, that is why they would consider goat sex. They are afraid that things may someday come to that, if they haven't already.
MSN doesn't have the option of letting me check my google searches, and I am probably better off because of it.
Miss Jay, long may you reign.
People usually go to my site for things like "how do you know if you are settling on a man" or "preteen sex". I don't know which I find more disturbing.
The one I keep getting is "naked English Schoolboys" and variations thereof.
Serves me right for describing scenes from a Bonnie Tyler video!
Yeah, the otherwise sux.
Happily never broken a baby while babysitting (rocking chair or not) so don't have experience of the otherwise, have found I've always been able to get 'em to bed.
Great story, miss jay, but I'm pretty sure gays avoid goats because of the inferior quality of goat wool.
"Never date down", as my mom wisely told me. Words to live by. That applies in the ranks of the animal kingdom too.
LOL!!!!! Oh man, can I ever relate. Having a blog called "The Dog's Breakfast" that makes frequent references to sex and women, and even dogs, one gets visited by innumerable perverts looking for "women having sex with dogs".
I also have gotten several hits for "Jo Frost's tits" and "Kathy Lee braless" (HUH?? Even if I *did* have such a photo on my blog, why would anyone want to see it??)
Like your goat-sex people, I'd venture to say that 99% of these guys are straight. Now if they were looking for Barbra Streisand braless, I'd have to rethink that.
Anytime you have an animal somewhere on your site, you're asking for trouble.
When I did a post about Bob, the Headless Chicken...yowza - the freaks found my blog.
Haha, oh Miss.Jay you do make me laugh!
LMFAO! oh my god, that was disgusting and funny, just the way i like it.
I got "Dominatrix knows Judo" once, then I talked about it in the blog, the I got "Dominatrix knows Judo" a whole lot.
Yeah there have been some interesting search results for my blog like...
"monkey sex"
"monkey masturbation"
"how to masturbate"
I don't know how they ended up on my blog...
I worry sometimes when I look at that counter.
I think it was the person looking for attacking raspberries that did me in. I wonder where they live that they are being assaulted by fruit. And that they actually needed to google for a plan of counter-attack.
I decided to just ignore the person googling for Elmo sex entirely. Because I'm afraid to know just what that was about.
Well, if I had to choose between a goat and a guy with a goatee...
At least it's better than getting dozens of people looking daily for "filling her holes," which seems to be a very popular search for my site.
bwhahahaha girl i swear you are killing me....freeballing...gosh i hadn't heard that in forever.....hehehehehehee
Ah yes.
Good old goat sex.
WHo would have known that it would be so popular.
Strangely enough, I never get anyhits for dog sex, or sex with trees.
So, umm...just to be clear.
There's absolutely no Goat Sex here?
Well (stretch) I should probably be going now.
Yanno with a post that involves both grandmothers and goats... it reminds me, somewhat of my last visit to the Smut Shop... er ... uh... "Adult Novelty" Store, wherein I bore witness to the existence of not only an inflatable granny sex doll (complete with spectacles and dentures), but also an inflatable sheep.
GOOD TIMES!!!
Some people are a waste of perfectly good drinking water
Found you after you posted a comment on my blog. You are hilarious! I searched through all four of your blogs and enjoy this one the most.
I don't visit here for the Goat Sex but for the ambience... well if I could spell ambience. That and you and Jason are funny as hell.
OH MY GOD you had me laughing so hard. Of course dinasaurs were gay, as 10% of every species is.
Tee hee.
How do you check up on all these google searches?! Dang, I'm so jealous that you get all the cool crazy people checkin' out your blog! LOL...
I mean, really, how awesome would a conversation with someone looking for sex with a goat be?! Or even the homo-loving dinosaur palentologist...
Could you imagine how fun a dinner party with all your freaks would be?
Well, that's how I found your site Kidding. Really. Really.
...
http://www.theregister.co.uk/200...8/goat_wedding/
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