Talk to the Goat
I read that it was originally supposed to be called "Pushed Us Out of her Twat Day," but they couldn't fit it easily on the Hallmark card.
Wow! That sounds rough!
Life is a lottery where family are concerned, and that's about the only area I've had any luck in.
Well, Mum's great, but let's not talk about Dad who's paying for past misdeeds in a old folk's home.
...Long story which I won't go into here!
Best of luck with the Dragon!
Jesus, Jay. Kick-ass essay, no lie. You can turn a broken-hearted phrase and then produce a laugh by the end of the sentence. No small trick.
"Jason turned into that man I consider worth marrying because she raised him, or was at least present while he raised himself."
Perfect.
And, as Mutha, I am rentalable for Mother's Day.
Once, I was in a card store with my brother looking at Mother's Day cards, and I asked him, "how come they don't have a card entitled 'For the Bitch Who Bore Me'?" I've mellowed a little bit toward my own mother these days, but that's largely because I only see her once a year.
Great post, sorry for the pain that's behind it.
Amen Sista Friend! Very well said.
You're lucky to have each other, you and Jason. I never understood the whole drive for motherhood thing, to tell you the truth. Must be some sort of hormonal induced insanity. And the mothers who suck at being mothers, like those you experienced, have a hormone that makes them crazy in a completely different direction. Either way you look at it, you're wise to avoid the whole experience. I didn't want to have children but was pressured into it. I don't regret it except their mother was and remains fucking nuts. I have a great relationship with my kids dispite all that. No regrets but I wouldn't choose to have kids of my own even though I really like kids a lot. Your life will be much less complicated, Jay. Enjoy it.
/bark bark bark
good one miss jay. we are also married with no pups and thank ourselves for it constantly! my mom always sends freya mothers day cards because she is the mother of all our pets.
as someone once said "becoming a mother isnt hard even dogs do it"......its raising a child into a whole person that requires some skill. enjoy the weekend and thanks for visitng the yard!
/grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Hmmm... what a myriad of emotions that post evoked. Where it starts out bitter, cynical it then transforms into something else.
While many people probably read that and felt pity, and sadness that you are one of the "empty-lived" "broken" childless people...somehow caused by your parents.. I didn't.
I get it. Some people make that choice. It isn't selfish, it isn't weird.... and no, it's definitely not bad.
Anyway, great post.
You and Jason are so lucky, some of us never find the one who "gets" us. I'll never be part of such a couple, but it's nice to know there is such a thing.
Motherhood isn't a birthing thing. Spawning a child doesn't make one a Mother, raising one does.
and through it all you manage to keep your sense of humor. being a mom and having a mom isn't everything, i say embrace what you have.
Nope, definitely not bad. I adore the way we get to live, and honestly, I cannot imagine for one second why anyone chooses to have kids. Not that I think they're particularly crazy (well, maybe a little crazy), I just don't get it. And that's why I know it's the right choice for me. I really have no idea why anyone would have a baby. But I'm happy for anyone who wanted one and had one - and sad for those who didn't, but had them anyway.
There are no villains in this story. My mother and I have a lot of issues right now, but she's also been very good to me at times. I remember thinking she was the one person I could count on. I haven't thought that in quite a while, but still...we're all just adults making choices, and sometimes parents, who are supposed to be infinitely wise but aren't, make bad ones. And I guess it's hard for them to admit that.
In the meantime, I've learned that I can live without.
You put the FUN in dysfunction.
But still, you are very lucky to have each other. This world can be a very rough and merciless place.
You at least have one "rock" to lean on...someone who's got your back. And I bet you celebrate that everyday.
I actually laughed out loud when I read your twat line. You have a knack for writing that's for sure.
It's sad that your families are so broken though. Although it sort of makes you the people you are, and from the sounds of it, you are both pretty cool (I'd hang out with you!)
I don't ever want children either. It'd be nice if I could donate my uterus to someone who needed it. Cuz I don't need it, that's for sure.
What if your mother is an unforgiveable, selfish slag?
Just thank god everyday that you turned out as swell as you did...my hubby is in the same boat as you with the mother and he also never knew his father....so i can relate...
True, making babies does not a parent make. Raising those babies so they become responsible mature adults is what parenting is all about. And while I was scared to death of having children, now I can't imagine my life without the two incredible people that resulted. My wife is a fantastic mother who learned along the way as most mothers and fathers do. Some learn better than others, some succeed at parenting and some fall woefully short. But you'll never know how succcessful you might be until you try. Still, the inate desire to be a parent has to come forth before you can take the first step toward parenthood. If that desire hasn't presented itself to you, I applaud your honesty in your and Jason's lives to not do something that would make you and a possible child unhappy in life.
Just one more thought,,,,I lament that my own mother and father are long dead and that I can't take another opportunity to thank them for the terrific job she did in making me the man I am today. Mother's Day and Father's Day are just reminders to honor those parents who gave us the chance to be us.
I was a C-section baby. I still love my mom, though.
I learned at an early age, just because they're family, doesn't mean you have to love them.
My mom's dad (I refuse to call him my grandfather) was the meanest bastard ever to live. That's the nicest thing I can say about him. He died a few years back and when my dad told my mom 'Kenny's dead', she asked 'Who?'
Yeah. Then she shrugged and put away the breakfast dishes.
And never said another word about it.
Jay, you always leave me such encouraging and thoughtful notes---I can't think of a thing to say except that I admire your honesty, and ache for your experence.
I think it is good that you know you don't want to have children, and you aren't going to let anyone push you into it. I love my girls, but I knew I wasn't mother material before I ever attempted it. Strangely all my kids friends wish they had a mother like me. Maybe I am doing something right, but I always feel so guilty, not like a real mother.
It is too bad about the trouble with your family, but I think that we all have relatives we can do without. Maybe someday things will get better.
Wow, do I feel better now. I was thinking about posting a really scathing post tomorrow regarding this stupid ass holiday, but I thought "No, everyone will just think I'm an ungrateful bitch." So, you f-ing rock for saying what a lot of people probably feel but won't say.
BTW, I spent $25 damn dollars on three cards. Shit.
Enjoy your childless day tomorrow - I know I will!
You are such a good daughter-in-law, especially considering you don't seem to like her, haha!
And thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject. It sounds like you've gone through some tough times, but from what I read you seem to deal with it all with such grace. You're a strong person and I envy that 
I just read that the second highest gift giving day is mother's day. Talk about the guilt motivation. I'm staying up late sewing up a sweater I knit. And it SUCKS. Oh well.....
Yes, sadly life isn't always as sweet and mushy and sentimental as a Hallmark Card. Though lots of people put on blinders and just pretend that it is.
I prefer your method - it's much more honest and upstanding.
Enjoy the day nevertheless )
How really should market those card ideas of yours...
that pretty much sums up the description of my mother. but i still gotta love her, don't i?
Wonderful essay, as always.
How about Happy Death Day?! For sure! When people have kids their own hopes and dreams die. So don't be fooled into thinking that a birth is just a birth - nothing in this world is, like, as it seems. With every birth there is a death. You heard it here first! I know what you're thinking: "Who knew a valley girl could be so smart?"
If you can survive your parents you can survive anything. I think your boy and my boy may have been raised by the same woman.
You can have my Mother's Day present. Feel free to use it on whoever, or whatever you wish.
Although I may want to test it on my MIL first.
This is Jason's Mom. Haha..anyway, I got all these e-cards and emails and shit and it's sort of like, "hell who the fuck cares?" I did talk to my mom and it was nice. She doesn;t annoy me half the time she used to. I am not the traditional type to send cards and celebrate holidays...
Not everyone needs to give birth from their twats! ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM and TIME ALONE WITH YOUR MAN!!!
That doesn't sound like a bad way to go at all.
Jamie, you guys are the best. I'm glad you have someone who you can send a hallmark card to on that one sunday a year...
Jay - Well, at least you had each other.
I will have to say I really don't think it's 99% anymore. I have at least three girlfriends who say they don't want kids. The older we all get the more we are glad to not have them.
Enjoy what you do have, I say!
I get from regular reading of your site that you and Jason lead really full lives and meet each other's needs famously. That doesn't stop me from being sorry about the relationships with family that you don't have, so please take it in the spirit it is given when I say that I am both sorry and happy for you that you two have each other.
I'm sorry. I couldn't get past the "coming out of my mother's twat" comment.
Your story warms my heart...
Great post
This was a powerful post that hammers the message in deep.
I actually read this just as you posted it and sobered me up but my fingers were still drunk and pointing in every direction but the keys.
You have each other and in some ways maybe thats all that matters.
I have trenches to fill when it comes to my family and all i got is a spoon to use.
Mrs Mogul- I know, I was a c-section baby myself! I just say the word twat to get under Jason's skin. It works every time.
Gotta love my mom who hated Mother's Day. Probly the best gift she gave me.
This post somehow reminds me of that fish. That fish you're both trying to catch.
We all make our own lives, after all. We all have to find our own happiness.
*hug*
Filling holes huh? Now why does that sound like good sweaty fun? :D
Oh PS:
You might want to check out Post Secret... they've posted a bunch of Mother's Day secrets...
Something there for everyone to relate to on this holiday....
yea! Happy Im not a mother day!
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