Talk to the Goat
wait...why won't you and Jason be living together in the near future???
You and Jason won't be living together in the near future? What happened?
Um, What?
Girl, you got this "dropping bombshells without further follow up explanation" shit down. What is going on with you? Hope you are okay ... oh and holiday, holiday, holiday. Neener.
TG
I missed graduated licensing by -- and I am not kidding - 2 weeks. I also took my road test at John Rhodes, the "fake road" test centre over in Peel. Can you book there? Is it even still open?
More importantly -- why will you be chaffeur-less in the near future???
Dude! I totally remember that! Especially being in the parallel parking part, what a bitch that can be!! And now you have to learn it all again, boo. You can do it!
My mother is the most nervous driver I know and she travelled to and from work every day by way of the DVP and some other highways I hope I never need to know. You'll be fine. You're strong.
Since I'm not the first I'll have to put in my "What????" question as well. I'm feeling really bummed. Should I be?
As for driving, I had my own 'get out of the car and walk' moment when I was learning to drive with my mother. I remember slamming on the brakes and nearly throwing us all through the windshield as my patience meter went into the red zone. I think it was a good two mile walk back to my house but I did it anyway, stubbornly fuming all the way.
I don't look forward to the inevitable driving lessons with my daugther in less than two years. Its going to be tough. I may buy a helmet!
Wh.... you and Jason aren't living together anymore? Is it cause of the high school student you fucked the other day?
Ok, all kidding aside for a sec, I'm completely baffled, Jamie. Do I congratulate you? Offer sympathies? Get pissed? I don't even know.
There's something fishy going on here. You're holding something back and I'm starting to get concerned.
I'm suddenly lost. There was a high school student being fucked, there are hints of some big "expectation" bombshell, and now you and jason aren't going to be living together??
We need a little clarification Jay!
We need the other shoe to drop!
I passed my driving test a year ago and now I FORGOT HOW TO DRIVE!
How am I going to deal with a new car?? Anyway, when I was 16, 17 and 18 I asked my mom for driving lessons. She said no each time. I was so mad I sad I wouldn;t learn how to drive...EVER!
You are genius when it comes to beating around the bush. I don't like it dammit. Please explain!!! I have to know more. I believe the other commenters need to know as well.
Alright... DISH. These last few posts are freaking me out. Sleeping with high school students? Babies? Jason's leaving? What's going on?
BTW, I would totally teach you how to drive if I lived near you. I taught my 13 yr old brother. Parallel parking and all.
Haven't visited for a while - and now I'm completely bemused! hope you are ok.
WFT is he becoming along haul driver and planning on towing the car? Perhaps he's going up to ork in the diamond mines???
I didnt get my license till i was 19
my mother would scream at me whenever i drove
my father would scream at me whenever i drove
my best friend let me practice with her little 80somthing Dodge Omni and didnt scream
OK, add my wtf to the list!
You have too many cliffhangers lately. I was going along for the ride, but now, I need a little concrete under me... too much air time here.
To recap: You slept with a high schooler (this is not Jason; therefore you cheated on him?)
You are expecting.. you have adopted a child and so are now going to be a single mum.
You have to have your own car now... Jason is moving away because you are separating.
These are my conclusions of your last several posts. Please correct me.
I haven't been commenting, but I've been reading.
I as well would like to know what is going on, but am confident you'll share in your own time.
You are either just stringing everyone along on something that isn't as bad as it seems...or soemthing is as bad as it seems but you aren't ready to be out with it.
You don't strike me as the type to string us all along for your own evil pleasure only to qualm us in the 24th hour, so I'm guessing something's up and you're not ready to talk.
Either way, trying to or not, you've got me sucked in.
OK, since none of these people have given you DRIVING advice, here's my best (blog-style):
Get a car, any car, a friend's car, work-colleuge, whomever, pay them in beer, they'll let you borrow the car (with them). Go to a large, empty parking lot (maybe late at night or early morning, Suday's are best) practice turning up and down the isles using blinkers, checking mirrors etc... To parrallel park (you can do this next to an empty parking spot); pretend a car is there, on your right. align your car exactly with the imaginary car. Then back up until the end of the imaginary trunk is halfway through your back, passenger window, then stop. now, crank the wheel about 90 degrees. now back up, Slowly, at an angle. once your car is skewed, start straightening it out.
It's hard to envision, but it'll be easier once your behind the wheel.
Also, driving is great, it's freedom, it's taking off for Portland, OR, for no reason other than you feel like it and have the gass money. I'm living in NY now, which sucks for a Montana girl who loves an open road. (plus I left my car back there for now, sigh)
ps sorry for all the miss-spellings,.half fighting with the cat right now, damn it! get dowwwwwnnnn!!
Wow Jay. I don't know how to comment because I'm not sure what's going on. I hope all is well.
Did Jason get a new job that is going to force him to move and take the car until you can tidy up loose ends and follow? Please let this be good and not bad.
I took my driver's test in a snow storm (school was let out early so the buses wouldn't get stuck). I did not have to parallel park because the tester didn't want to push me out of a snowdrift again. I made a lot of nervous mistakes including driving too slow (I couldn't tell where the road was). He said if I'd been a guy he'd have failed me. You need to find a friend (I'd do it if I lived closer) with nerves of steel to let you drive everywhere. My kids had so many miles on them before they tested....and they all passed all levels with no problem. So that's it really. Practise.
Wow, you're the master of suspense. Truly. I can't wait to find out what's going on with you! Hope everything is alright.
You are an evil. Evil. Woman.
Fess up now before I come hunt you down.
I mean it. I know your hood. I do. I really, really do.
I gotta stop reading... the suspense really is killing me...
Finding...
it.... hard... to... breathe....
I'm joining everyone else in the WTF file.
As for driving. My mom pulled the same trick on both me and my sister. The days before the driving test, she borrowed those poles they use to test you and shortened the length. So both my sister and I learned to parallel park into a much smaller space. You can imagine how many mistakes we made while practicing and could never figure out why it was so easy during the driver's test.
Move to Manitoba, I'll teach you how to drive. Plus I drive a small car, perfect for the driver's test.
Not to make you nervous but the fossil of a driving test dude I had when I was 16 actually tried to fail me for slowing down for railraod tracks!
Oh, and go to Belleville for your test. They let a dude who is legally blind (and senile but not sure that prevents people from driving ) get his license again.
And yeah, when you wanna share your news I'm sure we're all ears.
Jay...
These cryptic posts are concerning me. I realize you have many readers and do not want to put all your stuff out there, but my goodness, we worry about you.
You seem nervous to begin driving on your own, but somehow, the post wasn't all that much about driving. I understand, however, why you must be limited in what you say at this time.
If you need to vent, hit my email up. 
Seems like we're all very baffled.
In a world where we're all roads, you're the most twisted and windy one I've ever seen.
BlogExplosion hit!
I love driving. I probably would have gotten my license at ten if I could have.
That being said, it's not worth it to drive with the gas prices the way they are now. If and when I move to Boston the whole $30 a month to get around the city is going to be nice.
Seriously... what??
[...?]
My, aren't we mysterious these days? You've fucked with my already fucked up head but I'd still teach you to park if I was within a hundred miles of you. I've taught lots of kids to drive and never yelled or did that braking motion with my foot. I guess I'll just have to pretend I'm helping you out here. You should come to Florida where they give anybody a licence and let them keep it even when they can't see or turn their heads.
Hey J,
If you want to get together give me a shout.
You know the number.
I can also show you what the "rurbo boost" button does in my car.
Michael Knight,
Over and out.
oh, no. i'm hopelessly lost along with the rest. i was going to say, yay for not learning how to drive (because i don't drive) and then i read this about you and jason. what's up, hon?
~the girl FKA transience
What's this?! You and Jason not living together in future? Jay...I may not comment every post but I have been reading it for a long time...Most of us are all worried now I am sure. Whats going on hun...
Well, frst I have to hand you this new "Queen of the Bombshell Blogposts" award.
Now, what's this abut Jason? New job? Or new lives?
Does it have anything to do with what you were expecting? (which, tell me, wasn't a packet of divorce papers)
Ldbug has good suggestions.
Hope you're OK, girl.
ok, first of all, why aren't you going to be living with jason?
secondly, i had some of the same problems getting my licence as a teen, no one would take me to practice. no wonder i failed. i finally did get it when i was in my late 20's.
thirdly, my oldest just passed her final stage, because of everything i went through, i made sure i took her out every day for a month before each test, practice, practice, practice. one of my gf's just got hers and she's in her 40's, so you can do this.
How about be a biker chick instead?
Man, no wonder you aren't too keen on driving! But I can help you with parallel parking; go to www.107.peugeot.co.uk/peugeot.swf - there's no one to yell at you if you screw up. It can't help you with the pic tho, sorry. 
Can't your attorney negotiate visiting rights with your vehicle every other weekend?
Uh. HUH? Where's Jason going? What the hell?
Same question everyone else is asking..... don't scare us Jay!
Okay, I'll bite: WHY will you and Jason be living apart? Is he going out of town?
I remember driving with my grandma (as both of my parents were useless). I was driving in a cul de sac and let off the gas and cranked the wheel. I wasn't going fast at all but my grandma, she doesn't know how to swim and is terrified of the water. We lived near the lake and she caught sight of the lake right about the time her weight shifted towards the passenger side door and she FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. She had everyone convinced I was trying to drown her and because of that no one would let me use their car to take the driving test. So I had to wait until I was 19 and earned enough money to buy my own car to take the test in.
Hey i think you should put up the pic of your driver's license
I just got to add a "What the fuck is going on girl?" along with the rest. You got me a little concerned here.
I bet I could teach you to drive and maybe even parallel park. But I'd have to fit you into a busy weekend schedule. Plus you'd have to put me and the family up and feed us for a few days (hey, gotta make a vacation out of it!).
I had a yelling father too...but I drive & wouldn't give it up ever (maybe it's the "I'll show him" in me)...
You know you can do it.
you've just motivated me to create a graphic tutorial on how to parallel park. I taught ALL of my girlfriends, and YES, I can teach you too.
film at 11.
You can't leave us hanging like this! Why won't you be living with Jason?
WTF? Jamie, please explain!
Jay, I hope there's a post soon, explaining all of the mysteries of the last couple of posts.
although written beuatifully as usual, filled with chuckles here and there, the mysteries are overhwelming the posts! (Although i thank you for bringing up my own memories of the nightmare of "getting the driver's license!")
Let me add:
Enquiring minds (and hearts) want to know "what is going on?!?!?"
Your always faithful reader,
3T
Yes indeed, your last few posts leave much to be imagined.
I never understood the need for parallel parking on the driver's test as really the only time I used it was to pass the test. Good luck with learning, I'm sure with some practice you will have it in no time!
yes, please, more details.
and unlike Molly, I parallel park nearly every time I drive. If you'd care to come down here for a visit, I'll be glad to teach you how. It just takes practice.
AAgghhh!! What's going on up there?
I'm adding my WTF??!! SPill it girl. Don't MAKE us hunt you down....
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