Talk to the Goat
I have pre-paid a condo in hell, my friends -the ones who will be joining me there - and I have an agreement that whoever gets in first will order up the margaritas (with salt of course). You're welcome to join us!
I never did learn whether my Dad went "regimental" under his kilt.
I always wondered why they called it French kissing. And it seems so much grosser now that I'm old. And it makes me wonder why people are so afraid of germs when our teen years are spent in other people's mouths.
Did you know in France they refer to it as "Russian Kissing"? I believe a French Horn is a French horn regardless of where you are...
Don't know about the toast (or the fries either).
Being a resident of Hell (Florida) I can attest that there are parts that are difinetly akin to the underworld, Daytona and pretty much the entire southern Atlantic coast (Ft, Lauderdale to Miami), in particular. It's not so much the heat but all those damn yankees...
Hell, I am positive, is full of Yankees (or at least Yankee fans)...
Oh, and if I were Pope, (not only would the world be comming to an end but) I would totally be going commando, with a short robe to boot.
I'm definetly going to Hell...
Oh wait, I'm already there, I even have a job working for the man.
Other people's spit freaks me the hell out. I even am grossed out by my mother's spit, like when she wants a bite of my ice cream. Its not even a "bite", but a slurp. No thanks.
I can still make out with my husband though. He brushes his teeth a lot.
Speaking of which - that's the other thing that sends me over the edge. Seeing other people brush their teeth. I was channel surfing once, and came across Mr Rogers BRUSHING HIS TEETH WITH THE FOAMY SPIT AND EVERYTHING on tv. I almost died. Yuck.
Oh, and for some reason I consider my dog's drool ok (I mean, I wouldn't french kiss her, but she can lick my hand or give me a kiss on the chin).
Oh yeah, other people's spit. Bleh! My gag reflexes go into overdrive when I see people drinking from something they just shared with their slimy mouthed toddlers. "Oh just wait till YOU'RE a mom!" never worked on me.
Dr. Quinn was a great show! I only watched it for the hunky guy with the long hair and the fringed leather jacket. 
A few years ago, I was on a prescription that gave me a really dry mouth. I started dating a wet kisser just to make up for it. When I got off the medication, we broke up.
Just the other day my post included a bit about a spin the bottle game back in junior high. Talk about swapping spit. Blech.
French kissing on TV is ridiculous. Do all of us look that silly when kissing? I guess it doesn't matter, since most of us do it without spectators.
You had the kissing disease? You slut.
I remember my jaw hurting due to french kissing to long. Didn't that suck when you had to make out with a guy and he didn't know how to kiss good. Man that would suck.
I have to think that the pope wears tighty whities..he is a conservative older man.
Pondering the Papal banana hammock is a sure fire way to get a reservation in the molten lava-side cabana in hell...right next to mine. Sweet, I'll bring the mojitos
Think about this: cowboy boots are just an excuse for mean to wear heels.
Oh Jay, don't worry... You're not the only Canadian slut out there. My grade 12 year I came down with a wicked case of Mono. Go figure my boyfriend at the time got it as well. Go figure I'm too young and stupid to realize that he's cheating on me when other girls in my grade also come down with it. Buy a clue, Mishy!
I've been commenting on your blog for a while now, but never regularly. Can I link to you so that I can remember to check it out more often?
I can top you...I got mono my freshman year in high school!! Considering my mother married my father (the only man she ever went out with) after only a handful of chaperoned dates, I was definitely bumped up to biggest slut in the family after coming down with mono. Might have just as well been the clap.
Lets see here. French kissing. I never really did that as a teen. I couldnt stand it really. Still cant to this day.
Now Kilts. I am not so sure but I know I was watching Deal or No Deal a while ago and this guy came on wearing one and he was standing on the edge of the stage and the women in the front row could see up his kilt and and Howie Mandel had to ask and this guy said they dont wear anything under there kilts. I dont know if that is all men or jus this one.
Now french toast yuckie. I prefer pancakes so I dont think to much on the name of those. I think its just the egg and bread mix. LOL..
Alright I will quit. Later.
What does Frenching and eating at Wendy's have in common? Are they making out with the burgers?
I think he matches his panties to the color of his shoes.
Good God you're making me feel old. You were a kid when DQMW was on? You realize I was married by then, right?
Punk kid.
Florida is not like you imagine. Sure, it's hot and all, but the whining would drive you crazy. I only lived there six months but couldn't believe all the bitching. My fave was some 18 year old that was interviewed about raising tuition at the local college (which would still like half the price of an equivalent college up North) and said they couldn't do that because then she'd... wait for it....
NEED TO GET A JOB!
Heaven forbid a college kid should actually have to earn spending money. I had a free ride for college and had a job pretty much the whole time.
So count your blessings deary. And just get DQMQ on DVD. I'm sure you can find it somewhere.
I think the pope wears briefs. There would be too much "uncatholic" dangling in shorts and robe.
I also used to love Dr. Quinn. there's a show that should be on Nick at Nite for sure...
I just wonder how many people are going to visit your blog because they googled "pope penis"?!?
Funny how french kisses gross people out, but if you put that same mouth on the other end of somebody it's a treat.....hmmmm. I'd rather kiss.
Are you sure the Pope has bits? I mean, maybe God removes that temptation when we hire him for the Pope gig. Makes you wonder if there has ever been a priest who has taken a viagra.
Okay, I'll go to hell now.
How does french kissing connected to Wendy's, and why you never saw the end of Mission to Mars, and why my grandma thinks slut?
Wow. That's some funny thinking your grandma's gotten you into.
Jumping from snow-bound T. Dot to hell-bound (SERIOUSLY) humid dirty south Hong Kong... I feel like a frog thrown into a pot of hot water by a bunch of french children.
i never watched her when she was on. maybe someone in your life (cough, jason, cough) a season if it's on dvd???
I think that Satan himself has placed a webcam under the Pope's robe, and that all of Hell gathers on Tuesday (movie) night to watch the holy bits dangle and enjoy a good laugh, albeit a rather painful, nauseous one.
I think my self-esteem would suffer a blow if I actually owned the dr. quinn dvds. I'd probably never recover. And I might never get laid again.
Maybe you can catch some of that on YouTube or something???
I think the Pope goes commando. It's a little joke for him.
OK, I guess I'm going to Hades too.
If I reach back far enough in what is left of my brain (short trip), I can remember french kissing. But now, after children? I've seen enough slobber/spit to last me a lifetime and let's just say it lost some of it's appeal to me. Besides, my husband and I don't even do the duty anymore. We found out that's what was making me pregnant. And if I do reach over and give my husband a peck on the cheek, the kids start to gag and screech "Ewwwww Gross!" Kind of not the effect I was looking for.
The thought of the Pope going commando brings a huge grin to my face. I mean, imagine if this HUGE wind came up and flipped up his robe. "Dude! What a way to get your picture on the front of People."
I loved Dr. Quinn. I remember watching that one all the time. I haven't thought about that show in ages.
I'm not in Florida but in Georgia..actually right on the border. We get alot of "Snow-Birds" here during the winter. The sun is nice here, but you have to dodge the gnats and bugs that would be large enough to carry Jason off to their nests and feed him to their young. Come on out for a visit and I'll make sure you have plenty of Dr. Quinn re-runs to watch.
The French find ways to get even. Kidnapping has always been called "Le crime Americain."
I also wonder about the obvious tonsil-probing on TV. I really believe that people should not take their tongues out in public.
And I'm sorry you mentoned the Pope and his unmentionables because now I'm going to wonder, too. It hadn't occurred to me before, so thank you, Jamie.
one big problem? on tv they lick eachother's chins. it takes me RIGHT out of the moment. but i also can't watch porn because it makes me laugh until i pee my pants, so i'm not the average american, i guess.
I've been on the old TV favorite kick this week too. Though mine was Kolchack: the night stalker.
Can't say though that it brought to mind french kissing or the pope's ding-a-ling. Though it did make me think about "swinging in the 70's" and how people still got it on while wearing cheezy clothes.
You've got to wonder whether the french really do sit there eating french bread, french toast and french fries, with their hair in a french plait, while french kissing a french maid. Now I've said the word 'french' so many times, it has lost all meaning
French french french french french
I hope you'll still be my pal but I never got into Dr. Quinn.
Have you seen my summer clothes? I've lost my summer clothes. Our condo isn't THAT big!
I saw someone here in Rochester who looked just like you, I almost yelled..."GOAT! What up?!"
My head is spinning.
I bet the Pope wears Hessian undergarments. I don't actually know what those are, but I've seen enough Blackadder to make this guess. I have never considered the Pope's bits before. Surely eternal damnation lies down this path.
I wonder if he puts pope-ourri in his underwear drawer to keep it smelling nice.
Yep, now I'm going to hell.
Papal dangly bits? ROTFLMFAO!
I had the dreaded kissing disease as well. To this day I haven't an earthly clue where it came from. Or, more pointedly, from whom.
P.S. I want a skirt that make my hips look curvy, too. As opposed to nonexistent. Yuck.
Nah. Ya haven't been to hell until you've lived in Texas for 6 months of summer.
Kissing is fun. I think it should be considered a sport.
I'm just left hoping that the pope does not wear...panties.
Embrace your fetish of all things Quinn, Jay. Celebrate Sully et al. Because who really cares about the repercussions of the sordid tales of a western medicine woman, when it gives you such pleasure. Remember - What you do in the privacy of your home is your own business - even it's Dr Quinn.
Doesn't French mean everything's got garlic in it? ! :o
I've never laughed so hard! I love your insight to life>>>>LOL
ahahaha... very clever
I shudder to think about pope parts!
Boy, I'm glad that I don't watch tv anymore. Ick.
I imagine the pope in boxers, but not the fun kind, just plain, boring white ones.
It's a well known fact that the Pope wears boxer-briefs. He can't just have his boys out there free swinging yet the longer legs are more pius.
Jeez
disgusting mouth-muscle dripping with expectorate probing another, with big gobs of drool and lines of bacteria-ridden spit flying about.
for some reason that reminds me of 7th grade when my class went on a trip to the museum and jody jones and I did nothing but make out in public so much that our teacher told us to "KNOCK IT OFF
Thats where I learned to french, pimples and all.
*throws up
I'll bet that the pope's underwear is worn and torn...Hole-y...
see, so now I want to know why you don't want to eat at Wendys. I can understand not watching the end of Mission to Mars- that was a horrid movie!
ooooh Dr. Quin medicine woman.
we used to refer to her as Jane "le jardin de max factor" Seymour, cos she used to do these really naff ads.....
I was lucky enough ... or unlucky enough ... to never get the "Kissing disease."
I want to see the pope wear a tie-dyed robe at some point. How cool would that be?
oh I miss the daughter on Dr Quinn!
Now of course the Wendy's thing has me curious and I am sure the pope just goes commando
I used to date a guy that looked like that dude on Dr. Quinn. Hot hot HAWT, but an asshole from hell!
I think it would be great if we found out the pope wears sexy women's underwear underneath.
And for that comment, Hell will come sooner than i previously thought.
You think YOU'RE going to hell, my good friend and I have a running joke that involves the pope, copulation, and vehement denials.
Pope-penis. That made me snort. And I'm so sending the link to this post to my friend. You know, the one sleeping with the pope. She can fill you in on the details.
If you think you're going hell I'm wondering where I'd be going... don't even get me started... :S
I love train of thought writing pieces. They're so fun to write AND read.
Good job, Jay. That was like a roller coaster ride of English.
I couldn't agree with you more.
after watching south park, i've become more in tune with the gentle side of satan.
If it makes you feel any better, one of my grandmothers thought I was a slut too.
I was bored today but thanks to your blog, I will be researching what Wendy's and French Kissing have in common. I think the Pope wears boxers.
How surprising it would be to find that the holy guy wears neither?
Not that I want to know...
Geeez, now I'll be wondering out of curiousity all day, thanks.
I like to imagine its required of the Pope to don just as much flowing white fluff underneath as he does on top, so I'm thinking he's made to wear one of those ancient Grecian diaper-like thingys under there. Or, maybe Prada whipped him up some red leather undies to go with the shoes.
Do you think they work up to that in the ranks? Maybe at some point the priests clearly heading for bishop-hood have to pile all their Fruit of the Looms in a bag and burn them and then are taken into a Victoria's Secret dressing room by a busty old matron with dangly chain glasses and taught the secrets of ancient diaper wrapping?
Did you say you were going to Hell? I'll be at table nine, if you need me.
LOVE the new pic
I'll bet the Pope and Dr.Quinn share underwear. Those do-gooders.
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