Talk to the Goat
You took a day off!? And they stiffed you like that? Wow, that, like, happens to me all the time!
You're so crazy, Jay!
Doc Zona makes house calls
and since the first comment was yours. I WIN!!!
Remind me to thank my doctor for not subjecting me to that horror. Plus well, he only charged me half last time I saw him. Very nice indeed.
The poncho medical has not yet debuted at my doctor's office which still favors the paper gown with ties that rip when you tie them. I think his receptionist is surly, too, though it's hard to tell since I don't speak Chinese.
Such visits are always enriching as you come home with not only the disease you went in with, but several others as well. I have to be nearly dead before I risk going there, and also, I have no interest in vintage golf magazines.
Feel better soon, Jay!
I don't know who wrote that first comment, it sure wasn't (the real) me!
And no worries, I'm not sick.
A 70-minute wait? Wow. I wait 5-10 minutes, tops. Is this a universal healthcare vs. not thing, or were you just unlucky that day?
Funny stuff, Jay. Thanks for the laugh.
I'm surprised the didn't make everybody wear a body condom and breathe through a respirator. You know it's entirely possible that there were security cameras that caught your paper poncho routine. I'd write more but I have to go check YouTube
No, the wait is not at all usual.
It was a medical centre, where my regular doc sent me to have additional tests "medical imaging" actually.
70 minute wait? At first I thought, "that's not bad" but I suppose it's about average in the GTA. Not long ago we ran a story about a woman who drove 45 minutes to a dermatologist. She arrived a few minutes early for her 8 a.m. appointment. At 10:45 the doctor STILL hadn't seen her, so she left, drove to work and sent the dermatologist a bill for HER time. And for that I give her two hearty thumbs up and the most delicious cupcake imaginable.
Okay - did they think the design concept through, or were they just wierdo doctors taking delight in the potential embarassment.
Take, for example, the need for arm movement - impossible with a poncho without the rudie bits showing.
Still, you didn't have to grasp the gaping bits together at the back - not when it is sort of an all over gape - ah, I mean't cape.
well, as hot as that poncho sounds, and as sure as I am that Martha Stewart wants one, I'm happy to say that my doctor has opted to stick with the cloth gowns, rather than paper ponchos... and for that I am thankful.
And yet... I am picturing that. On you, though, not me. Is that wrong?
Before I get to my fried bologna and onions (hey, I'm drunk, it's Tuesday, your grandma's here), I wanted to tell you about the time when a pipe burst in my kitchen. I wrapped myself in a roll of paper towels and rolled on the floor to sop up the ugly mess, after turning off the water source of course. I bet that gel is like that.
I've never appreciated my Dr more- those cloth gowns and paper blankets never sounded so lovely!
My doctor won't even look me in the eyes let alone ask me to take my clothes off. It's not particularly great for a diagnosis but the thought of your poncho ordeal makes me realise I think I'd rather keep my dignity.
as a person who dislikes paper gowns with a vengeance, i can't believe i'm saying that i'll take them over the dreaded poncho. picturing myself in one makes me want to laugh...and cry...and laugh again...and plunge my head into the toilet and flush. because if i look that disturbed, i may as well ACT it.
I'm really really glad my doctor hasn't switched to the paper poncho. I'll stick with the gown and the ties that rip, thanks. 
we must still be in the dark ages when it comes to medical care ..
our doctors still use cloth gowns .. you know, the kind that leaves your butt exposed if not careful.
You must absolutely love going to the doctors, no? My last visit to anyplace doctor like was the emergency room visit the day after Christmas. Did you know that is the busiest day of the year for emergancy rooms? Can you glean from that info how long we were there? And I say doctor like because the ghestapo treatment we recieved was more Nazi experiment than doctoring. This jerk was a misserable fuck who was apperantly treated poorly (and deservedly so) by every woman, including his mother, he had ever met. He best hope I don't meet him outside of the hospital as I shall send him right back to the emergency room and not as a practitioner.
p.s. now I have visions of you in a wet paper poncho....
You make me want to be a doctor, heh heh.
next time they make you wear that have some of those oversized sunglasses on you and put those on as soon as they make you don it. that will fuck with their minds.
I do the guessing ailment game too, but I wonder......what do other people guess is wrong with me? Please tell me I'm not the rash girl. What the hell ever happened to cloth gowns??
You are too funny. Thanks for the laughs--I needed them today!
What??? No sombrero to hide under as you sashay about in the highest of Dr. fashion???
After having a gazillion pre-natal appointments and tons of oncological appointments, I hear you on the paper fashion. My ob used a combo - paper tunic that opened in the back and paper sarong that wraps around your waist and doesn't quite cover you if you're not a size 2.
What's not to love about a trip to the doctor's offer where a lack of dignity is thrown in for free! I prefer to stick to MRIs then you get the comfy scrubs to wear, much higher class than a paper poncho!
I've never heard of the paper shoes bit. That to me is new.
And the 70 minute wait? pfffft...no thank you. I wait maybe 15 minutes at the doctor's office.
Thanks for making me realize how "blessed" i truly am
I hate going to the drs office and having to wear those dang gowns. Never had to walk down the hall but once in one. When I had my last c-section with Brianna.. But still thos paper booties and all. I know how you feel. I am so glad I am done having kids where I dont have to do that again.. No more paper gowns for me until I go in for a yearly...
All this for a paper cut?
Paper booties AND paper poncho?? Ok. That's it! I'll never see a doc in Canada.
What is the deal with medical offices and Readers Digest? I've only seen the thing in 4 places, Doctor's Offices, Dentist's Office. At the checkout of supermarkets and homes of people who spend too much time at church.
Honestly, I thin Readers Digest is the work of the Devil.
Oh and I'm sorry about your naughty bits being made so vulnerable,
There is no wait like that at my doc's office, thank god. We can also keep our shoes on..wtf??
Reader's Digest, yep literature from hell. I know what you mean. My annual prostate exam is usually preceded by perusal of decades'' old issues. And after an hour or so of that, I am generally so numb that I don't really care anymore where he sticks his index finger...
I'm sure the poncho would go over well at my gynecologist's office where they turn the heat up super high and then leave me to sit bare assed on a table coated in paper...then the nice woman comes in and tells me to skootch down to the bottom of the bench and of course, the paper rips off and stays stuck to my ass.
I think they plan these things.
Gahhhh!!!! I'm going to cancel my dr appointment tomorrow!
This... this is perfect!
"Goodness knows I would never take the day off work and treat myself to kicking back in a pair of paper booties and indulging in a Reader's Digest from last century on my own."
Are you sure it was ultrasound gel and not some left over astroglide?
I would never ask you to get in a poncho. I would just have you get nekkid and maybe provide a blanket. I don't know if you realize this, but you have a scorching bod and I wouldn't be able to diagnose you unless you were totally nekkid before me ... but just by a few minutes. Love you Jay. E-mail me when you can. tommy@tommysdarkside.com
Later.
TG
This is why I pretend I don't get sick.
Well hello - sorry I haven't been around for a while - I can't seem to get your blog up on bloglines so I keep forgetting to pop in and see how you're doing. This little epistle absolutely cracked me up - anyone who's done the hospital/doctor thing recently will certainly identify - but the wonderful thing is you still have your sense of humour. Take care Love Z xx
Good to hear that you are healthy.
"It's only a paper-moon ..."
So much for fashion being far-reaching! Yikes a poncho...what the fuck. You are amazing. All you can do is where it with dignity and panache..ok maybe not.
Happy Valentine's Day!
pancho pancho, paper towel
how the hell you like me now?
sorry been reading suess to the kid... guess i got stuck. sorry about your "experience"
hoping all is well. H-V-DAY!
Too late, I'm already picturing you only in a paper hat. And liking the picture.
So if you're going to the doctor's office, that must assume your most likely already sick, so how can sanitizing your hands prevent you from getting germs? Though, from the sound of that office, perhaps you want to sanitize yourself as you're leaving to make sure all the germs stay in the office.
A paper poncho... hmmm... it has possibilities... not a lot... but some.
Hand sanitizer and shoe removal? Wow. My doc doesn't do that.
A PONCHO?! Oh, that would have ruined the entire day for me. Plus the shoe removal and the hand sanitizer? I would have to hate the doctor no matter how skilled or prestigious.
costumes! there is a costume Mardi Gras thing at the Gladstone in TO on Sat 16 - with Swamperella (kick ass zydeco) - FUN!
If there's anybody who can do paper ponchos with style it would have to be you Jay. I haven't had to don one of those yet, thank God.
However, my dentist doesn't want his wood floors scratched up so he makes us wear paper booties.
Mostly I am just glad to hear you say that you're not sick. But please don't tell me then, that you went there just because you love the feel of that icky gel on you. That would def make you slightly weird my dear.
Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!! *hearts and hugs*
I can't believe the paper shoes, but next time I'd take the oversized sunglasses & a thin belt to accessorize.
And I've been putting off a doc visit - thanks for giving me an excuse! 
Wooooo Hoooooo! That was good!
Happy Valentines day chicky!!!
I'm currently taking physio (for a recovering cracked elbow) and everyone couldn't be better. Both assistants are fun and personable, and the doc is quite cool as well.
HAPPY V-DAY Jay... I've been thinking about the "letter" but all I got was pretty depressing crap about my first love and all... sigh... it's too hard to write.
A poncho?! I still get a stylish large piece of paper when I see my doctor!
Where the hell is your doctor? Guatemala?
Wow, people must be really contagious in Canada.
I dread the paper poncho...I'm usually just grateful to get 2 paper gowns...one for the front & one for the back...then I make the DR. rip it off to get his cold hand on me.
The poncho would make it way too easy.
Last Saturday at 9:30: am I was on my way by ambulance to hospital, after I had involuntarily fallen and smashed my head against a brick wall.
Later I woke after leaving the OP/Th, I was dressed in one of those tie at the back gowns coming down to my knees, while lying on my left side with my bum visible to the world.
Attractive Fem nurse helped with the pee bottle but I was too stuffed to raise a boner.
Back home now, feeling better, some interest has arisen within my loins on observing your beaut pic.x
i have yet to experience the paper poncho, but i have had the joy of the simple paper sheet. you tell a great story
I think this is one of your best posts.. ever... and that's saying a lot.
Never really went through this paper experience .. but as I read through the post couldn't help but tried to picture all the scenarios .. gown, pocho, sash, hat et al ..
I have no real frame of reference for this new poncho thingy, so thanks for including the reference to your danglies...I enjoyed that visual.
Hehehehehehe.
The thing I hate about the doc is trying to sit comfortably on the paper liner they put on those exam benches.
hahaha
and also a bit of "eeewwwww"
and why do we put up with it?
Yeah. Doctors should have a lot more R-E-S-P-E-C-T for our time and our bodies. Perhaps we should bring a boom box of Aretha Franklin on a loop to our appointments.
Good to see they are trying to become more "efficient" with the use of the paper ponchos. Dcotors offices are much like the cable guy. They'll give you an approximate appointment, but you can bank on it being much later than earlier ... if that makes sense.
I think the new line of exam room wear is coming from the makers of Post-It Notes...
Thanks for the tip. I'll be taking a roll of turbo-strength paper towels to any future visits.
68 comments... hey SOMEONE's popular round here..!... Hey
man! I got so distracted by that I totally 4got what I was going to say...
o yeah! "hand sanitizer"... is that like that "alcohol gel" stuff?
that's sposed to be really "actively" used in British hospitals these days as sposedly it kills MRSA and is more convenient than soap and water (which also kills it)
unfortunately the hand gel does NOT kill c-diff. which "bog"-standard old soap and water DOES... so it ain't all THAT!
it does evaporate off of the skin in the spookiest way though... I have to say...
ps great blog you got here: take care!
;->...
I love the hand sanitizer! I wish it were everywhere like on cruise ships. I stopped at DD this morning because well long story and I was touching money and all that and thank goodness I had some stuff to squirt on my hands before eating my bagel!
This is one of the funniest doctor's office stories I've every read, and yet it's SO true!
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