Talk to the Goat
I WIN
heh can't help you there, all I can do is offer sympathy - me I stay out of the sun as much as possible and i'm on factor 75 when I can't..
wait.. just came across this:
In the lab, green tea helps block sun-triggered skin cancer, whether you drink it or apply it directly to the skin - which is why you're seeing green tea in more and more sunscreens and moisturizers.
came from cybernirvana
Hmm, I hadn;t heard that one. I'm not much of a tea-drinker, but I suppose I could bathe in it if it came to that! 
Email coming atcha, Jay- headsup!
I feel your pain. The last time I went to a tanning salon, I stayed on the tanning bed too long and came out looking like a tomato. Nothing like burnt nipples to turn you off tanning.
I'm the same way., but I just joined the circus...
Neutrogena self-tanner and lots of sunscreen. Don't tan more--fake tan to even out the already tanned spots.
I have to say...I might recommend the spray tan for this particular situation. I'm talking about the kind that's applied by a person, not by a booth, because that way they could target your "problem" spots. Granted, you might end up with different shades in different places, and it really wouldn't do anything about things continuing to tan at different rates...OK, maybe this wasn't such a great idea. But it could work if you just needed temporary evening-out of the skin. Maybe.
Not long ago I wrote a post that asked:
Why did I spend $28 on a bottle of tinted moisturizer that makes people ask me why my knees are bruised?
So, no more fake tanner for me.
Oil of Olay, and a few others have sunless tanning lotions that are very subtle, and NOT fake tanning. They just gently sort of bring out sun, and you never get the tan lines or lotion lines. I'd try that for a few days. I am paler than pale also, and it's never given me a fake look, just the not so death-warmed-over look!
Hhmm...I do in fact know something that's VERY helpful: bathing in tomato juice is supposed to eradicate the smell of skunk.
OK, I know it doesn't help you in this particular case, but it might be worth keeping in mind. You never know, do you? It would be worse to be oddly tanned AND stinky, in my humble opinion.
I learned it on The Partidge Family many years ago, so it must work right?
I've got it: mix some food colouring with your suntan lotion; try to get it to match your brown bits, and apply it liberally (I generally dislike Conservatives).
There. problem solved.
Now. I don't think you're really one for tags, but I tagged you anyway. It's about restaurants you eat at.
Since I single-handedly solved your dilemma, and gave you an extra bit of sound (crap 70's show) advice, I think you owe it to me to participate.
Pop on over to Helsingblog for details.
Thanks in advance.
Love,
Mark
I know you said "no fake tan but me" but I am about the same complextion as you and I can speak from expetience. The tanning bed is the best option however I believe your pockets are a little bare at this time so the next best option is baby oil and Iodine (just a little goes a long way). I did this for years until I started tanning in the tanning bed. It worked great.
Actually, Mark, I happen to actually enjoy the smell of skunk.
I'd go with the self-tanners. There's a lot of good, very gradual ones on the market today - Neutrogena has one as does Jergens (which is pretty affordable). They work so gradually that you should be able to gauge it easily. (My friend Diane has your complexion and when we're out in the sun she sits under an umbrella with a hat and SPF 50)
I wonder if fair skin can actually be classified as a handicap in the Summer.
I was also going to suggest self-tanner on the white areas, and continue to use strong sunblock everywhere when you go out.
You don't want to be blamed for falling satellites and male pattern baldness, but tanning booths are dangerous. Ask your grandmother.
Maybe you should start doing the spray on tan thing?
I have sympathy for you, but not empathy. The beloved says of me "some of your English ancestors got screwed by (the) Romans" We've got that olive skin, brown eyes thing going. Sure I burn, but it takes me longer. However, living where I do, I always use sunscreen in the summer, and even on my face in the winter. Same for D'Arcy... Most of my family have had melanomas removed, mostly cautionary, but it's there. So take care. I can't advise you get more sun, but I'm sorry you've ended up with a farmer's tan.
i feel your pain. i painted a mural for three hours in las vegas today. the high was 100. i think you could've put some mashed potatoes next to me and eaten me fried.
Tan. Yuk.
Now a good look is the night worker look...well, imo, as I happen to work nights and rarely see the light of day.
Daytime is sleep time, it's a great way to avoid that burn.
I like pale girls too, but thats the goth side of me.
Just go with it. Might be the start of a new look...association of half tanned folks or something.
ah! so thats where male pattern baldness comes from.
What about "Total Eclipse" on tar-basis?
I feel your pain, I really really do. I once got sunburnt so badly that I couldn't get out of bed for 3 days because my skin was so tight and blistered, that if I moved, the skin broke. I wanted to die. I always have to wear sunscreen, even if I'm only going outside for 10 minutes. It's so annoying...and I'm never tanned. I look like casper. Oh, and my face breaks out in freckles the minute the sun hits it.
Btw...we call those kind of tans, 'fishermen' tans around here. Same thing I guess. When the men take off their shirts, it looks like they're still wearing a white one.
You are the only other person I have ever know to admit they like the smell of skunk. Are we weird, or what?
I'd say use tanning creams too, but they have to be applied by a professional, I think, so as not to look ludicrous! Maybe the spray on tan is the way to go.
OMG a dickie! that makes me laugh just thinking about having to wear those stupid things when I was a kid! LOL! My mom was convinced that it would help stop me from getting sore throats in the winter and as I got older it would protect me from undoing one too many buttons on the blouse!
On the farmer's tan...I have a permanent v on my chest, winter it's there and summer it's just a deeper shade of red. My arms, well no sleeveless for these sausages!
Sunless tanning cream, sugar. A good one, not one that turns you orange.
I'm proud to admit I'm also a skunk-stink admirer, and I'll shout out loud that I love pale, alabaster, white skin. Tans are for freakishly-thin waifs with nothing better to do than turn themselves into jerked beef.
Thus endeth the soapbox rant.
And speaking as a guy who suffers the perennial Farmer's Tan (neck, arms below the bicep) I suggest just smiling bravely through the mis-matching and try again next summer. And stay away from men, low-flying sattelites and Good Humour trucks.
Hehe! I'm pretty blindingly white too. My season's started off with a tank top farmers tan. Best get my butt over to the tanning salon to even it out.
I think you have little choice but the spray-on or rub-in variety. Either that, or just wear long socks over your hands/arms for the next couple of years.
-- david
I'll be chillin' by the pool all afternoon. Stop by, okay?
*CHEERS*
jay, i've lurked once or twice before, just started reading big hunks of your blog. you are so many great things, including brave, funny, strong, talented and generous. i love your spirit. i hate that you have suffered. i will keep reading. i'm riveted.
Fortunately I don't burn, the tan just gets darker and darker. My twins burn very easily so between May and September, all I can smell is sun tan lotion.
White is beautiful, Beautiful. Miss you. Sorry it took me so long to get back.
as a fellow pale skin I can tell you that putting higher spfs on the tanner parts than on the whiter parts will not really help even things out. I've tried it. The sun is a fickle star.
I'm laughing, having toted leopard skin tans myself! And I acutally did soak in a hot tub full of lipton tea bags in attempt to "even out"....yeah, tea stained fingernails and toenails are the bomb! Totally diverts the attention from your tan lines!
The Wife has fair skin as well (though obviously not as fair as you). She once burned on her legs while wearing a bathing suit. The resulting "tan" on her legs where the suit cut above the hip lasted about 7 years.
But that's probably not what you want to hear, is it?
Slip over to your nearest Chinese grocery and buy an absolutely beautiful parasol for $6.95---everyone will be looking at you with such parasol-envy that they won't notice your country-girl tan....
Before going outdoors in the summertime, I douse myself in a generous coat of Elmer's Glue. I haven't had a sunburn since Kindergarten.
Tastes great, too!
I step out into the sun for a quick run and suddenly I have severe farmer's tan. I'm really bad at times and don't use sunscreen on my body at all (ALWAYS on the face) and think that I can get away with it because of my pigmentation. Au contraire, I once got 'so black I looked blue' (to quote a co-worker) and also sun poisoning. It was awesome.
two words, "naked sunbathing"
Aloe vera is good for many things. Alcohol can help the pain too. However, alcohol and sun DO NOT mix. I know.
Damn you. I sprayed my water all over my computer screen. I didn't need the description. As soon as you said you'd been wearing a scoop neck I knew.
I've been there before. Just get drunk and forget all about it.
And at the same time, congratulations. You're the first to make me squirt like that
I don't tan, either. Sure, I freckle plenty, but it's hardly the same. Maybe I'll just buy some brown paint and splash around in it...
I like the suggestions of the spray-tan to even things out a bit.
I'm not much of a tanner either - mostly my freckles keep getting more abundant.
I always heard to add a little vinegar in the bath for darker skin.
Me? I sport a redneck tan every year anyway.
Be proud of the redneck tan Jay!
Don't burns turn into tans? That's what Aloe is for sweety! 
Best of luck crisping!
I can get burnt and no one can actually SEE it, but it hurts and gives me chills and makes me sick to my stomach, the whole thing. Ugh. If you can see it, then I'm critical... and will go into the blistering icky part. Oh, and don't even start me on the itching. Omg..the itching...
Did I mention I got my first burn of the season this weekend. Yeah. Fun.
Now, if I could just figure out a way to make all the freckles run together... I'd have a pretty terrific tan!
I think the dickie idea is fabulous! You could start a new trend!
I still have a spot on my left arm that tans in a cute little dark triangle from a tan line I got in 1996 when I had a broken wrist in a splint for the summer. I don't believe in that elusive thing called an even tan!
sanding yourself is a surefire way to get your skin nice and even. might want to put a coat of clearcoat latex on top after you've tanned to the desired color and then put some weather protecting treatment on top if you plan on being left out in the rain.
I rarely tan, on the other hand, I work in a big ugly grey building and they discourage us from going outside, in fear that we will realize that's there's a world out there to explore.
Have you considered one of those tan sprays from the store that might help get your tone the same color while wearing the dress? I just thought of it. I know we have that stuff here. I thought they might in Canada also. I cant think of the name of the one I am thinking of but it comes in a spray can like the continuous spf 45.
Trust me when I say I know that you hurt. I have been there and done that. I havent been that burnt since I was a kid but I remember trying to take a bath or shower with those blisters and then the peeling. Yikes. Well hope my suggestion helps some.
Ouch. This time, I won't be of much help for the burning part because I tan when it's covered! However, I have had many shades of tan and It really doesn't look much better.
I hurt for you. Ouch.
.......so.....tell me.......are you happy here in the big world?
I was going to suggest wearing different strengths of SPF. That is what I do because I am always, always getting farmer's tans. I hate it!!!
I see young teenage girls all the time in skimpy outfits on the highway advertising for car washes. They are really tan and I think it's scary that the weirdos probably drive by and lurk at them.
I get tan easily and peel too. Too lazy to put suntan lotion though.
So that's why I'm losing my hair. Maybe you should go to one of the sray on tan booths. They can do wonders with one of those airless sprayers.
Sun burns bite! My husband got a killer burn on Wednesday outside when he was mowing. He's not a burner, either (we both have pretty dark complexions & tan very easily), so it was odd.
Call it day, Jay. Call it a day.
I empathize. I got an "idiots" tan this weekend walking around an arts and crafts faire. (on the neck in no discernable pattern, just ugly)
Freakin' irish skin.
I've been doing the 50 spf on my arms 15 on the rest of me for about a month now. The farmer's tan is just now starting to fade/blend in. Of course you can always go the "fake tan" route. You might have to test it on your feet first to make sure you don't turn into a carrot though.
The older I get, the more I think tans are over rated!LOL!
Save you skin from the ravages of the sun and old age will be kinder to you!
I've played tennis all my life - so I got that weird tan line where my socks were. With my shoes off, it looked like I had prostethic feet, since they were 20 shades lighter.
You could strategically place the sunblock over the tan parts, but that would be tricky.
Not to be Captain Downer, but old habits die hard. After a seven year stint in a dermatology practice, I feel compelled to share with you that a history of just one blistering sunburn greatly increases your chances of melanoma. I've seen really young people diagnosed with it and it's never good.
Wear your dickie (or just put on SPF 30 sunscreen).
Your such a funny girl Jay! I know I can usually count on you to make me laugh, even when your sad you keep a sense of humor. I'm like that too. Sometimes it weirds people out.
I had the same idea as other about using a sunless tanner to even it out.
I am also very white, except for all the freaking freckles running about.
-P
I can't relate. I go out in the sun for an hour or two and turn an immediate shade of healthy looking brown. Don't burn, don't hurt, don't blister or peel away layers of skin. I want to say nyah, nyah, nyah, but that would be rude. Pale whitemess can be beautiful too. Really.
Hi, How you doing? Steady, steady I hope. I don't go in the sun if I can help it - your skin will reward you when you're my age - lot less wrinkles. But I do love the bronzed look - go to the beauticians and have it sprayed on when you want to be a sunkissed nymph - or cheaper still do it yourself. Take care
Z xx
I'm a sister in paleness (not to mention pricky heat like rashes from the sun) & have given up trying to tan...so good for you for keeping on...keeping on
It's only the first of many burns to come this summer. This I know.
I don't tan. That is, I don't try to tan. Ever.
I think whatever skin colour you're born with is just fine. But the sun disagrees.
I will never stay out of the sun. I live for the outdoors. My fate is to burn, and if that's the price I have to pay for enjoying my summer, then that's what I'll do.
You are a hoot Jay. I've been burned many times (growing up near the beach), so I can't say I want to feel your pain!
Trying to catch candles that are on fire? Love to hear the story behind that one! I don’t tan either. Being 90% Irish does that. But I also live outdoors in nice weather, so I feel your pain.
Farmers are all the rage these days, aren't they? Country music, all that...
I've had those burns that blister...all I can say is ow. I feel your pain.
This is the reason I can never wear my sleeveless shirts: I get burst in a t-shirt, and then look ridiculous after that. The should be a support group.
you know, my grandma actually gave me a dickie for christmas just a few years ago.... i considered keeping it for the humour value, but in the end i had to get rid of it. i had no idea which drawer a dickie should be stored in. surely not with full tops, and it didn't quite fit with tank tops. you see my dilemma.
Betcha I'm paler than you. Except where over the years I have not tanned but *freckled*. What the hell is up with that?
And you know you're a redhead when you stand in the aisle at the Target saying "When the hell did they come out with SPF 70? I've only got SPF 50! I need SPF 70!" I am destined to be the whitest girl in the universe until I die.
I'm so pale I'm almost see-through! My sympathies, Jay. I wore a tank top to the zoo yesterday (yeah, Victoria Day!) and my friends kept sheilding their eyes from the sun reflecting off my shoulders.
I have no remedies for inconvenient tan/burn lines. But if you find any, send 'em my way!
Gord LOVES dickies! I didn't know what one was 'til I met him.
I'm outside all summer and feel healthy with some colour. Right now I'm now sure whether I'm sunburned or windburned.
I remember Australian friends of mine being made to wear hats and al kinds of stuff so they would stay pale. Is pale a good look in Aussieland? You could maybe move there.
I used to burn and then after maybe 3 layers peeled off, there would be a little tan underneath. Now that we have a holey ozone, I no longer burn as badly. Go figure.
you are right, it will never even out. If hawaii sun can do that, they all can. and you are right, tube top and modest would only fit with a not somewhere in there
Self tanning lotion. Apply until you're evened out.
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