Talk to the Goat
you're seeing the wrong boys
I don' t know for sure, but I think you could get away with stating it like you did here. 
Jeepers, what IS up with boys these days? I finally come to terms with the fact that the "men just want sex" stereotype is actually generally true, and you go and shatter my newfound sense of enlightenment.
why can't more women be as uncomplicated as you?
Somehow, methinks you protest too much. Or, you don't know the guys I used to.
me, I'm trying to figure out if the boy I've been dropping "let's go have beers" to since *February* has finally clued in. ESP would be v handy in determining if lunch & the ball game last week were dates or not . . . .
Be direct and say what you mean, and mean what you say.
I would go the just telling him route. If he wants the same, sweet.
If he doesn't, it saves you some hassle, possibly.
Of course it is possible, like you said, that he eventually changes sides, but you can't really do anything to avoid that (him wanting more or falling in love with you or whathaveyou).
I like the directness, though, so I might be a little biased. Mostly just because I've had way too many situations where she liked, I didn't (or rather, couldn't, for one scruple or another), and if she would've said something, I could've saved her some heartbreak or whatever.
(Wow, rereading that it sounds really self-absorbed. I wish it was as simple as me being terribly arrogant.)
why don't you tell him you're already in a committed relationship and are just looking for some fun on the side?
That was fabulously written. The reversal of roles on the subject of sex and dating as preferred by men an women was an ingenius way to make your point.
After a particularly satisfying tryst, look deep into his eyes and say "Jeez, that was amazing. Can we be semi-regular fuck buddies?"
"You know what I missed? Hint: it wasn't the football." Ha. Made me think of my ex.
Hmm... I do agree there has been a role reversal as of late. Don't worry though, when it comes to exchanging rings, I have found that men are still as skittish as ever.
Enjoyed your blog.
you know what you do, at least this has been my thought about dipping my own stupid toe back in the pool of stupid... tell him that you both really have to just take this thing as it comes. let it happen organically and drop a surprise BJ on him once and a while.
I'm like Dr. Phil, but I have a big cock
Just say it like it is!
It might help to do so during said sexual play. He'll be at your mercy then.
Wow what a way to be.. No offense please. Just takes me by suprise when I read this one. But you are right how do you tell this man that. That is a mystery in itself i guess.
I could wax poetic on the nature of relationships between men and women or get on my religious high horse about sex and marriage, but I shant.
The guys probably keep coming back (or want to stay) because the sex is good. Who wouldn't want to keep sleeping with a hot gal that puts out?
What to do about Mike? I have no idea. First of all, he's not my type. Second, I've been sleeping with the same woman for over 20 years and she's stuck with me whether she likes it or not. No real perspective here.
Sorry.
Well, if he's not the "other kind" of boy wanting you to meet his mother and all that, then I'd say you've found a good sex partner. Although REALLY honestly??? I think you like him (as a being) more than you admit.
Just give yourself time, Hon. Your wounds are still pretty fresh. Maybe it will develop, maybe not. And as long as it works this way.... Enjoy!
Copy and paste, baby. Copy and paste.
Oh geeze. This is why women are so complicated.
It's that whole "rules" thing. They keep changing them. It's either this or that. It's this, this week, that the next week.
Most men usually worry about one thing at a time, and it's mostly about "not finishing" before she does.
I wish I had E.S.P. or at least a damn manual.
But I still luv ya.
Does Mike meet the Standards of The Freeholder?
I've found that the less commitment I want, the more committed my dates are (and vice versa, circumstance-depending). Feign you are desiring commitment and you'll get the commitment phobes who will happily leave you before brunch (brunch is far too sacred to damage like that!).
So you want someone to schtoooop you, just as long as he doesn't have feelings for you?
I couldn't do it.
Let him read your blog. He'll get the hint. ;0)
Sarah, why didn't I think of that??? That is so clearly THE answer!
The opposite sex wants most what is withheld from them.
PS: Ice cream and cake--it almost sounds like you're eating for two.
Mike, eh? Sounds serious!
Yep, give him the URL to this blog. Saves all kinds of awkward "filling in the past" stuff. I know that amongst the (teenage) kids of today there's much more of a notion of casual sex than amongst older people, but I wish you luck in your quest.
Eat your cake, burp and smile afterwards.
Well... um... this is a risky move but... try telling him straight up and honestly what you want. Worth a shot... no?
I'm not even gonna suggest anything. I've made more mistakes than correct moves in my own relationships, so me saying anything would be tantamount to setting you up for colossal failure. *G*
So. Best of luck there, Jay!
Hey, so when are you gonna come on the radio with me? Wait, that didn't sound right...
It sounds like you might be gunning for a relationship of sorts. Best not forget the parsley.
There's absolutely nothing mysterious or strange about it. This is the very typical and expected nature of boys. They like what they can't have, that whole independent, carefree and single girl thing drives them wild.
As for trying to keep the boy as a regular friend with benefits... ha! Good luck with that. It always starts out nicely, but then I guarantee he'll start giving you the "I'm falling for you/I want more" spiel. It's as certain as death and taxes.
who would have thought it was this complicated? I suppose you could try hiring him as a handyman and tell him up front that you consider sexual harrassment to be nonsense.
Maybe the sex is just too darn good - you need to "be worse" at it ...
Another theory, guys get real interested when the girl seems like she's not interested (or is truly not interested) ... we want what we can't have.
Wait. When did this reversal start?
Women want sex with no strings and men want sex with commitment?
I need a moment to process this.
One of my favorite relationship was with a girl that came over, played a couple games of cards, had a little wine and then f...cked my brains out..then went back to her house.. Jay you set a lofty goal..hope it works out for you. come to Boston and I'll buy you a Martini at the Top Of The Hub, then one at Grill 23, then one at the Copley Hotel (-:
Yeah, I'd probably just say it like that. And offer him a blow job as a consolation prize if he seems upset.
Why not just take a break from all your foot tapping and concentrate on the great novel that is within you.
Lorrie, I like the way you think!
Jamie, where the hell where you when I could have legally enjoyed your company? But then it would only be brief. You're too good a deal for these guys to walk away from. I'd be pretty fucking confused if I was any of those guys. No easy answer here.
Somehow when you try to exclude emotions from the equation, they always find a way of incorporating themselves into it. So if you do decide to make this man your fuck buddy with benefits, be careful Miss Jay, with your heart...
Honey, I am tired and at wit's end. So no nonsense now.
First: Get clear about yerself. What do you want?
Second: Dominate. There is enough of Jay-joy when following th rulz. Explain rulz, do not discuss.
That works for boys. If he's a man you have to fight. Decide whether you want to fight. IF he's a man and worth it you already caught him. Than be woman and enjoy.
Do what ye want, but protect yerself.
Did you want to move to Chicago? You're precisely the girl I am looking for right now.
Sweetie, I'd think any man would be happy to play by your rules...just tell him friends with benefits is the new black.
I have the solution:
Friday - Conversation and drinks and sex.
Saturday - Sex and sex. Possibly some conversation. Maybe even a drink or two.
Sunday - Start the day by setting his pillow on fire and screaming something incomprehensible about "those other whores."
Trust me, it'll be magic every time.
Looks like all of our "commitment" training we've done to men has backfired on us.
Its amusing and frightening to note that boys globally are sooo similar. I wish I had a solution .. take care..
ha. I love it One of my friends once told me...if you're bad in bed, they won't call..if you keep being good in bed they won't leave you alone. I wonder how much truth there is in that 
In the meantime I think you should enjoy Mike wholeheartedly
honestly, I wouldn't say anything at this point. I've noticed that when you don't want them, they definitely want you, and when you decide you want them *poof* they're gone....
It may be about boys to you but it isn't about girls to me anymore. I've had it with them, they can all go to hell.
I'm going camping in the morning, it's peaceful out there. The Insane Chicks Society members can just damn well stay in town and build and control their empires.
If I want a woman bad enough I'll rent one, it's much cheaper and no bullshit goes with it.
Happy boying.
Take him to a bakery.
Find yourself a delectable cake under the glass.
Point and say, "I want to have that, but eat it too."
That should do it.
But then again, you're asking for someone to match your I-want-you/I-don't-want-you balance. That's a mighty fine calibration. If you thought marriage was hard, look out.
Lord...we are living parallel lives. I thought I had solved the problem by dating men in different states, but that doesn't always work either cuz there is text messaging, emails, phone calls.
I too have found a local guy that I have developed a bit of a crush on...I told him the other day that I would like to do something with him other than get smashed and fuck.
I hope I didn't say too much.
I think he'll be fine with a ravaging on a regular basis...seriously, how could he not be?
Your attitude is bold and I love it.
Do you have to tell him anything? Can you just enjoy what you have until it gets to a point where you want to say something? It may never get there; I think you'll get the vibe either way.
Enjoy; he sounds quite delish.
Dear Jay, I'd like to apply for the position of your perfect man.
OK, let's see... I'm tall, and broad and insanely handsome. OK, maybe not insanely; maybe loopily handsome....
I spend my disposable income less on footwear and more on food and drink, but I'll assume that's acceptable if I'm buying for you, too.
I haven't read Proust, but I have read a goodly bit of Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Shelly, Byron, Tennyson, Dickens and Tolkien.. as well as Dilbert, Garfield and Calvin & Hobbes.
I wouldn't mind being ravaged, semi-permanent or otherwise, though I would like a little cuddling, at least if we were watching movies or something.
If you have further questions or just want a preliminary groping session, get back to me on this.
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