Please talk amongst yourselves.
And where, pray tell, is the dodgy pasty shop??
More importantly what IS a pasty??
I realize I could google it and find out for myself, but I'm sure you need something to do while you convalesce :lol:
I've heard there are some LA based Health & Fitness guru's who are recommending a dose of the e.coli's in order to "flush the system out".
You're ahead of your time Jonny. 48-hours of constant shitting of nothing more than rusty tap water could soon be all the rage.
Whatever next? A visit Norfolks first Botox emporium?
I have indeed, lost lost of weight.
Hullo Babs. A pasty is like a pie with a regional accent. There is probably a pasty shop in Iraq, where he is hiding.
No, I think it far more likely he actually IS in Cornwall, Jonny.
Who'd think to look there?!
That is not a bad idea, especially as it is off-season.
If you're not keen on food poisoning - avoid Kenya like the plague!
Things still aren't "right" from when we were there in November.
There were times when I was really annoyed that there wasn't a sink or biddet close enough to the bog to puke in whilst the "equal and opposite reaction" was taking place down below.
Stupid Newton
I'm going down there next weekend for a stago do. I'll put some posters up. Can't hurt can it?
He could be experimenting with exploding fudge.
thinking about it, the equal and opposite would involve things going in...
Hmm, better rephrase that: I created a stomach vacuum.
it would appear to be good news that babyb did not come into contact with the nasty germses... wishing intestinal health to the jonnyb household and all your readers.
*stares at empty tub of pasta he's just consumed for lunch*
Bugger.
did your sister stand there and hold the baby for three, entire days ? she's a very patient person.
did the LTLP shit herself in her sleep?
You can't beat a good dose of D & V - I especially recommend it in Iraq in 40degree heat and with only limited portaloos - I'm sure there's a Japanese game show there somewhere.
Anything to con Sis into taking on the childcare, eh? All that coprophilia in the bedroom was just an added bonus, I expect. What a weird bunch you are in Norfolk...
This is long overdue, but what does LTLP stand for?
Oo I feel for you.
May I recommend not eating Chop Suey in Calcutta? Sweet Lord I dropped a dress size or two that day.
This wasn't aided by someone rushing in the door saying "water is off!"
It is amazing what pressure can gush from every orifice.
Sorry, I just needed to share that.
The problem with food poisoning is that you feel so bad, you can shit yourself and not even notice. Then when you do, you don't care.
Yes, I myself have had the odd dose of "fizzy gravy".
Get well soon!
Londoner should read the FAQ, or whatever silly name JonnyB gave it.
And Tilesey should take a de-worming course. I say this having had experience in Africa myself. I have one here as it happens, three tablets to be taken across the course of a day or something.
Probably needs using up soon so he's welcome to it if he wants.
...Although on second thoughts, that's probably what the bakery said about the pasty to JonnyB?
I'd still rather have food poisoning than share a long coach journey with Jeremy Clarkson, though.
Thanking you muchly for the onederfuly tasty food you have been sending me mr jonny. For many days I sit and wait for packages labelled "Osama, Iraq". The pastry based food you send is keeping me regular!!!
Next time could you make sure that you put the right postage on? I have to travel for a longest time to pick it up as our local post office has been shut by your President Blair - could you help with this also?
Got to the last paragraph just as I swallowed my last mouthful of Ginsters. Tastee.
Thought you may have finally found that ham in a ditch (dyke) by the road and scoffed it for kicks. Only to suffer near fatal bum wee. Ick.
Hullo Johnny. What interesting details you are after. Fanto kind of has it nailed there.
LOL Osama/Birty. You can tell I am still not 100% as I am using a phrase like 'LOL'. Kill me now.
Londoner, Martin is right. The 'read this first' bit is a good bit for people to read first. Although it needs some updating, which I will do when I get time, or do not have anything more interesting to do.
I'd rather have Aids than share anything with Jeremy Clarkson. Though if I did have Aids I'd make damn and bloody sure that he got it too. It would be my little gift, you know, to the planet.
Fuck me, that's the horns of a particularly nasty dilemma: would you fuck Clarkson with your own aids-addled cock...to save the planet?
Geraldine? Get me Michael Buerk at the Moral Maze on the phone, there's a love.
Glad I removed my tongue just in time, then.
The food poisoning thing happened to me once from a dodgy meat pie in New Zealand, in winter, while staying in a freezing youth hostel. Not as bad as having to take care of a baby at the same time, but bad enough for me. As Clinton said, I feel your pain. Glad it's over!
A pasty, in the States is a sticky tassle that strippers use to cover their nipple.
This has caused me no end of grief on both sides of the Atlantic, although I did find that despite the meat pies falling off, I am quite the lap dancer.
If it is possible for there to be a good time to get food poisoning it must surely be when you're sat next to the one remaining vacant seat in Economy and glimpsing Jeremy Clarkson approach from Business Class, studying his ticket with a puzzled and annoyed air, because then you could be sick all over the pompous twat.
Glad you liked it Jonny. I am very worried that the American FBI and CBS will now be busting into my flat trying to find Osama.
I still can't believe you didn't call your child Delia ... I find myself puzzling over this mystery most evenings ... is Delia her middle name?
After the Tom Jones song?
I managed to find a chippy in Belfast so dodgy even the Taxi drivers in the rank next door wouldn't use it (obviously I found this out after eating there). Result, a double-ender requiring imodium for breakfast. It was the LONGEST wedding that I have ever been to...
But you're still married?
So. Is having food poisoning worse than having man flu?
Did Tom Jones do a song about Delia Smith?
I'm so sorry to hear this! I had food poisoning once, and I'll never forget it. OMG, it was just awful and I'd certainly wish it on my enemies!
Hope you're all better now. (Don't the poor ribs just get so sore from all the heaving? )
If you haven't had it in India you haven't lived. The important thing is - is baby OK and don't go near her until you are both normal-ish.
JonnyB: a technical question. I know you like technology.
How do you keep track of who has made comments? Clearly, this is essential, otherwise you run the risk of saying "Hullo, and welcome" to someone who actually has been here all along but simply hasn't commented since about 1986.
You seem to be rather good at avoiding such gaffes so clearly you must have a system. Do you write a list, or something?
Yes, but pasties that cover stripper's nipples, with or without tassels, are pronounced "paysties", whereas pasties that are like individual meat pies, are "parsties", if you live in Cornwall (Home of Osama), or "passties", if you're from oop North.
My advice:don't put ANY of them in your mouth - unless you made them yourself.
> We contract food poisoning.
I have contracted genitalia.
One of the perils of winter.
Hi. 2nd attempt at posting.
I was sorry to read of your tummy troubles. If it helps at all, my granny used to recommend small bites of "something binding" for times like these. Any preparation of bananas is good I believe. Also, Angel Delight.
Saltation must win Best Comment!
Hullo Martin Q and welcome. I just have a very good memory and never get it wrong ever.
Gosh, I didn't think I was gonna laugh after the horror of your post, but these comments had me giggling. Jaysus, I will *never* eat a pasty now based on this post!
I hope you are feeling better. It took about six months for my digestion to return to normal, for the first couple of months things were just plain not normal. Must of been bad krill.
DG
Oh dear. I had food poisoning once. I won't wish it on my enemy, not after what I read about the exploding pig poo tank the other day ewwwwwwwww
I went on holiday just after reading this post. This was not a good idea, as I was terrified anything too 'foreign', as the idea of food-poisoning was just too scary. So I had a whole week of steak and chips, more or less.
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