Walking Circumspectly
Good morning, Kristen! Debi Pearl's book is excellent! You are so correct about today's modern woman. It is so sad. They are not even being taught how to cook, and I think that arises because so many mom's are in the workforce today. But, I digress...
I am reminded of Proverbs 31:12 "She does him good and not evil All the days of her life." ALL the days of her life...that means even BEFORE she is married! She is thinking of her future husband and taking care to do all that would be honoring to him while she is a young girl, a young woman...
Wow, that's true, Christy...I hadn't thought of that. 
Thanks!
I wish I'd been a Christian all those years ago!
I just bought the book, so I was excited to see your good review so far. I know what you mean about the bitterness thing. Sometimes I think we like to hold on to the bitterness because it makes us feel good in a perverse sort of way. How twisted sin is.
Enjoy your day. Hope it is as pretty there as it is in SC.
Leigh Ann
Leigh ANN!!! You are in SC? I used to live in Irmo (near Columbia). I miss it so often.
Please chime in on the successive Tuesday reviews with your own thoughts, okay? I'd love to know your reactions to the book.
Hi Kristen,
This is my first time ever to comment on any blog. I enjoy yours SO much! Thank you for all your scripture based insights. I have read Debi Pearl's book, and it has changed my marriage of 20 years immensely. I wish I knew 20 years ago what DP showed me from God's word in the course of only a week! I am still working to change old habits, but my husband has already noticed my new attitude, and he loves it! I highly recommend the book.
This sounds like a wonderful book! I look forward to reading your further reviews of the book and definitely wanting to read it now!
Connie, that is so wonderful! Praise the Lord!! I'd love to hear more of your story. And thank you for the kind words.
Monica, it is always so great to hear from you...I was actually just leaving a comment at your blog.
Kristen,
My husband and I married when we were 18 & 20. We were both already Christians and grounded in the scriptures, so we were determined never to divorce. Trouble was we grew very quickly to be miserable. We went to 3 different "Christian" marriage counselors through the years, one told us to divorce. This wasn't the answer we were looking for, though. We wanted to be happy. I read book after book, but each one left me resenting my husband more for not "pulling his weight" and considering "her needs." A couple of years ago, I came across the Pearls. They have SO much wise biblical advice for families, and I couldn't get enough. They are very blunt, and plainly say that a wife should revere and honor her husband even if she feels he isn't worthy of honor. I began to see that this was scriptural and wise. God began to bless my marriage like never before, and we were enjoying peace and laughter. Debi's new book was the icing on the cake! I saw how foolish I had been, and how I could build my husband up and encourage him to be a better man. I had been contentious and bitter, and had fought him for the leadership position. His only choice was to fight me for control or withdraw. I have repented toward God and my husband. Now, he calls me his "queen", and says I am the best wife in town. I delight in pleasing him now. This has only been accomplished by God's mercy, and we do praise the Lord!
*tears.*
I totally identify with that. I was reading Debi's book the other day, and I just laid my head on the pillow and cried in grief over the way I'd treated Ryan. Sure, I wasn't yelling at him or even constantly nagging him, but did I roll my eyes? Speak in a disrespectful tone? Ever ridicule him? Yes, to my shame and regret.
I am determined NOT to let that horrible, destructive attitude be the story of my marriage and my life. This book, to me, was like getting a new pair of glasses and then realizing just how bad your vision was before you received them.
I enjoyed your post on submission to one's husband and look forward to this series too. I'm learning to delight in the trust and respect I have for my husband and rest in his authority over our family. I read a couple of articles by Debi Pearl on this topic a couple of years ago and they had a big impact. Reading through the beginning of Genesis where God creates Eve was enlightening as well.
We've also been learning to give each other grace over the 7 years of our marriage. Anyone could come up with a laundry list of failures or ways that the other one doesn't measure up. Or get mired in guilt over our own failures towards our spouses. But, both my DH and I know that we both want the best for the other and try to give each other grace when we fail.
Great post, Kristen, really great post. I almost wonder if I messed up? *laughs* You write in such a structured form, with such clear thoughts, that I am just bowled over. :o )
As I'm sure that you've figured out, we seem pretty like-minded. Something that you touched on really strengthened my resolve and helped me to cultivate the idea of embracing the concept of service. That is, I am not just bringing my husband something to drink when he is tired. I am not scrubbing laundry just so my family has something presentable to wear. Everything we do, every small service that we perform, we do for the Lord. Thinking of it like that helps me to keep a cheerful heart, even when my work and sacrifice isn't appreciated. God sees it all...
:o )
wow great topic, and great comments! I read a review of this book, and really enjoyed it...I realized a lot of dh and my arguments came from my selfishness and determination to be right...other times he was the angry one, but then...God was watching for my response to his anger...I failed a whole lot, then realized what God wanted me to see...today...we do laugh a lot more, and arguments are few. Its a daily struggle though, I gotta tell ya...being the wife/mom/christian the Lord needs me to be whew! I would love to read this book all the way through someday.
Joanna--e-mail me.
Anne--you're right; we could talk until we're blue in the face about the other person's failures (or even our own!). At the end of the day, the question is, are we going to do whatever it takes to serve God with everything we are? Are we going to submit to God's will, or continue kicking against the goads?
((Jenna)), you know what? I thought the same thing when I read your post. LOL.
Christy, great points, as usual. What you said about the Lord watching for your response when Rob isn't in tip-top shape is right on...Debi actually has a chapter called "Reactions Define You." Wow.
LOL!! Joanna wrote in response to my "I may just buy one for every woman I know":
I've been meaning to buy this book. Now I won't need to--cool!
I'll send you my address privately.
Kristen,
WONDERFUL post (as usual).
You go, girl...
Kristen,
Well, now I know what my next pick at the library will be. I think that God is leading me to this book through you! I can't wait to pick it up.
You won't be sorry!
Kristin - Great post! I'm so glad you and Molly and Jenna decided to do this.
"Everything I do in my house, every kindness I can show to Ryan, is shown to Christ. Serving him is serving the Lord"
I keep this attitude about everything in life. My husband is my gift from God. Really. I totally feel that way. I am okay with the submissive role, even though it's not popular and sometimes not easy.
Someone once told me, sometimes you just have to salute or honor the suit. You might have to honor the suit even if you can't honor the man in the suit. (And by suit, obviously I mean the role of the husband.)
I know what you mean, Amber. That's a good way to put it. Debi talks a lot in the book about honoring your husband even if he's not being "honorable."
It's also a good point that whatever we're doing, we can endeavor to serve the Lord in it.
Great post and great comments! This is so interesting. I really hope I will be able to get a copy of Debi Pearl's book here in Germany. So far it's nowhere to be had...
Thanks for sharing your insights, Kristen. I'm always made to think about something in a new way when I'm at your blog.
You know, I was just thinking how I grew up...seemed like it was common to argue all the time when you were married...AND it was common to complain to the other women in the fam. about how frustrating your husband was (NO JOKE...we have a lot of lib. women in our fam...Elizabeth Cady Stanton is a DIRECT descendant of mine...I can tell!! LOL). I thought marriage couldn't be as nice as having a best girlfriend...till Jesus showed me otherwise...wow! You can really tell why marriage is SACRED, and love is DEEP when God is in control...what a difference we see, just making the few changes we have (still have a long way to go I know). I also used to think that my Grandma was submitting to my Granddad out of duty...that it had to be hard...but nah...it was out of love...and easy, when God gives us the strength. Can't say too much about this life changing topic!
I'm so glad y'all three are reviewing this book. It's been at the top of my "Next Book to Buy List" for a couple of months, but I just haven't gotten around to ordering it. I will now, though! Ever since I read the sample chapter from the No Greater Joy newsletter, I've been highly interested in it. I'm not married, but I know that the attitudes I cultivate in my life now will be the ones that I carry into my marriage (assuming I get married). I've been convicted many times of treating my dad in a disrespectful way, and I don't want to have that same attitude toward my husband (or towards my dad!)
Jeannine, thanks. I would think you'd be able to order the book through No Greater Joy and have it shipped to Germany?
Amy, I did that to my father, too, and regret it as you do. I think it's so wise to read a book like this before marriage (get started on the right foot rather than have to say, "hey...I've messed up so badly; can I start over?").
This sounds like a great book.
Ladies, could I ask your opinions on a question related to this? DH and I moved to our current parish a year ago. DH has made a particular friend here (call him Y), and Y's wife Z is....not very submitted, let's just say. I'm friendly but not that close to her. I've already spoken strongly about wifely submission with all four of us there, but things haven't improved much. She won't even do easy, pleasant things that he's asking.
DH has now told me that he and Y have talked about this and they want me to try to help more directly than I have so far. The thing is, she's at least ten years older than I am. Nor is she a new Christian, nor a newcomer to the parish, which might mitigate the 'seniority' problem a little.
OTOH, she's not really close to anyone in the parish, let alone the older ladies. And I have my husband and her husband asking me to try to do something.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what sort of things I could try? I've asked DH to make sure that the four of us get together soon, and make sure she and I have some time so I can try to establish a closer relationship with her; and I need to find out how she perceives the situation; but I'm not sure how to go after that, espcially since I don't know if direct advice (or handing her a book) is appropriate here.
Eeeeshh, Atlantic, that's a tough one!
I am interested in what others have to say, but I'd be very inclined to give her the book. You could get one for yourself, and introduce it to her like, "I am enjoying this and thought you would benefit from it as well" (rather than, "You big nag! You need to read this!!"). 
If she doesn't look up to you, from my experience, she's not going to listen to instruction from you. Building a relationship so that she sees how differently you treat your dh is a wonderful idea, IMO.
I would have to agree with Kristen. If there is no other way to handle this without becoming personally involved, then I would provide the book in a very friendly and non-judgemental way. While I understand what the men are trying to do, this woman may well take it as an attack if she is put on the spot and made to feel uncomfortable. To be honest, the best way that I can think of for the situation to be furthered for for this woman's own husband to purchase the book, give it to her, and have bible study with her.
Ooh, right on, Jenna. That would be great, and it is certainly his place to do it.
Kristen, thank you for the link. But No greater joy only ships inside the US 
.
But I'm attending an American Church, so I'll hopefully be able to ask any of my friends to bring one when they visit their family back in the US.
Now I'm off to sleep as your day really starts
Kristen, My brother-in-law grew up in Irmo, so I have been there a few times to visit my sister's in-laws. It's a small world after all.
Keep up the good work.
Leigh Ann
Thanks for your suggestions, Kristen and Jenna! DH and I have been 'storming heaven' praying for them, and today there's actually been a very encouraging development. Y told my DH that Z has suddenly changed her attitude and has been being wonderful to him this past week! To me, it sounds like what she has done is just the easy and pleasant things he is asking - but he feels it is a huge improvement. And of course it is a far better place from which to start building real wifely submission.
I am off the hook for the moment, now - Y has asked that I not say anything directly to her right now. This will give me some time to try to lay foundations for the future more thoroughly. And maybe I will get a chance to read Debi Pearl's book first!
That's great, Atlantic!
Kristen, I know this is very late but I have to say thanks for writing about this. I will be catching up on the reviews as fast as I can read. Unfortunately, I don't want to read the reviews fast because they're so chock full of wisdom and exhortation.
Thanks.
((HUG)) Thank you, Meredith. Believe me, it's my pleasure--I'm just sharing what He's doing.
God's ways are so different from ours. I think that's the biggest lesson I'm getting from this book. It is SO humbling to realize that we women, while co-equal with men in Christ, were actually created FOR the men (well, man, our husbands, I mean). No wonder the feminists are raving mad at Christianity in general, and God in particular. They're not the stars of the show. Wah.
The funny thing is, the more we revere our husbands, the more God reveres us in their eyes. It takes great faith to live God's way as it flies in the face of our natural thinking. Okay, I'm going to go read your second installment now! Great post, Kristen!
Kristen,
This is my first time visiting your site - I hardly ever have time to go on the computer, but Rand kept telling me I would like your site and he was right.
Anyways, I read and enjoyed Michael and Debi Pearl's child rearing books and would certainly be interested in reading her reflections on being a help-meet. I will have to find a copy of the book - or at least come back here to finish reading your take on it!
Thanks,
Twinkle
Thanks so much, Twinkle! Nice to "meet" you.
I just bought this book and started reading it. It is a very good book! One thing that I do see different than the average marriage book, is the fact that Debi pearl is not afraid to tell it like is. She doesn't use flowery words, or try to sugar coat it for the sake of offending someone. Her ideas are biblical, and fly in the face of the feministic world view. I plan to apply what I have learned. My marriage isn't a bad one, but there is always room for improvement! ALSO, she stays within context of the scriptures, and doesn't twist it in order to make her own point..(sound familiar?? PDL??) This is lacking in modern day christian writings.
Commenting by HaloScan
