Walking Circumspectly
Thank you again for writing about this book, Kristen, and sharing your own experiences so openly with us.
I've observed so often in my own life and also in the lives of my friends how important attitude is and the effects it has on our lives/friendships/marriges etc. It makes a whole lot of a difference! But I still struggle with not getting into a negative attitude, although for me it is more the problem at my workplace than in the relationship with my beloved. But I can tell how one affects the other! I don't want to be the nagging woman at his side! But it takes a conscious effort and lots of help from the Holy Spirit.
Ouch. I'm feeling convicted, and I'm not even in the book's target audience. So often I walk around with a broken spirit due to a sorrowful heart (Proverbs 15:13), then I wonder why my life seems broken and my health deteriorates (Proverbs 17:22). Maybe that's why I'm having difficulty recently falling asleep and end up posting a comment here at 2 AM. Lord, please forgive me.
Kristen,
Great post (not that I'm surprised or anything)...
Wow.
I didn't know you couldn't just stop by the Christian bookstore and pick this up--at least mine didn't have it--so I am going to order it. So far, I agree with Debi. I think one of the most valuable things I have learned in my marriage is that my husband needs my unconditional acceptance. For way too long, I was glad to tell him what I thought of his ideas, actions--especially if I didn't agree with him. I have tried to quit--and just allow the Holy Spirit to deal with him. I can say, it's a beautiful thing, even though I am still not perfect at it. Thankfulness is so important, too--when I am not thankful, my hubby feels like things are his fault--just such a horrible tone to set for the relationship--when God has blessed me more than I could ever imagine! I will try to get the book soon. Blessings! JB
I am so happy for you, Kristin! You are doing a great thing by posting these reviews for people to see and encouraging other women to go back to what God created them to be in the role of a wife. Just reading your review gave me so much encouragement, I can't wait to get the book!
*runs in with hair askew and in pajamas* I'm here! I'm late, but I'm here!
Kristen, what a wonderful way to start the morning! :o ) Your post was a real enjoyment for me. *hugs*
I think this was for me today.....hearing AGAIN my call to be an encouragement to my husband to be his support.....maybe I am actually listening this time...Thanks
Well praise the Lord!! 
I am so glad that the reviews are encouraging you guys. I am being encouraged, too, but I honestly don't feel like I am doing justice to the book and to my experience.
I also don't want to sound like, "Worship this BOOK!" because of course I don't mean that. But I do believe it's a powerful tool God can use, and I am becoming the proof of that. Now it's just a matter of consistency, making all of this a habit rather than a flash in the pan.
I told Ryan that the change reminds me very much of when I got saved: no bells or whistles, just a firm realization that A) nothing will ever be the same and B) everything I do is and must be different now.
thank you for being so honest, and open! It means a lot...and its so familiar, what you are saying. I know what you mean about the book...when you come to a new truth, its like a crossroads. You know that nothing will be the same, and you have this choice now, fueled with knowledge. I just know God has this awesome plan for how a marriage should be. Today so many people think that marriage is so-so...and that it can't be this awesome sacred union. You can't be best friends with your spouse, right? wrong! The more we do things God's way, the more I'm encouraged that the world has NO IDEA how amazing marriage is (and this is only a foreshadow of our Union with Christ when He comes!! I thank You Lord for Your mercy, and patience with us as we keep learning...
You know, I'm going to be painfully, brutally honest here. (painful and brutal for ME, not for Kristen, who again has amazed me with a wonderful post and made me feel all glowy inside 
.
As I was reading the review last week, and then discussing the book with Kristen in the intervening time, and then reading this review today, I was feeling... a little smug. Because these particular aspects of marriage (the not-tearing-each-other-down part, the not-nagging part) are some that T and I have always had at the forefront of our particular blueprint for married life, and they aren't things we struggle with. HOWEVER. I was just about to write a comment which was pretty much going to consist of smugness iced over with humility, when I realized. Um. I may not struggle with THAT, but as good as our marriage is (and, like I'm sure Kristen would say about hers and Ryan's even before she read this book, it's really, really good), God very subtly began to bring to mind a list of areas where I fail mightily as a wife. Some are areas I have been aware of for some time (laziness) and some I had never realized before ("chip on my shoulder") I won't list them all here, but I just want to thank God and Kristen for totally ruining my happy smug attitude. Seriously.
I hope my copy comes today. Just reading reviews has made me rethink things and change some of my ways. And the scary thing is you can't turn your back on this. If you do, what assurance do you have that you are a child of the King? These things are Biblical truth. I have had a chip on my shoulder today, and I needed this review to knock it off. It is so wonderful how the body of Christ, even those I have never seen and who live on the other side of the country, can minister to each other and build one another up in their God-given roles. What a kind Father we have with such a design for His family.
Kristen, if you were still in Irmo, I would run over and give you a hug.
Leigh Ann
Another terrific post, Kristen, with much needed reminders. Even if we each have a great marriage, we can ALWAYS find ways to improve it! I look forward to reading this dynamic tool!
I appreciate your honesty. It's hard to admit that our Christian marriages can have flaws, because aren't ours supposed to be the only unions that aren't cracking under the weight of popular culture? I can't wait to get my copy and start patching.
I ordered the book, and I'm waiting till I read it before I read y'all's posts on it. I'm so looking forward to it!
Ooh, Kim, feel free to read it now and blog your comments along with us!! Seriously, we're only up to Chapter Four today! ((HUG))
I missed you so much last week.
Yay! That's so exciting that you are learning so much great stuff that is improving your marriage. I read a couple of Debi Pearl's articles almost three years ago on this subject and it was a turning point in my relationship with my DH as well.
quote:
GOD placed me here. GOD knows what He is doing...and I can either get on board with what He's doing and enjoy the ride, or I can huddle in misery at the station and miss the train.
-------------------------
SO TRUE!!!!! I've been struggling with this one- especially since *we* moved away from friends and family.
Thanks for the nice comments on my blog. I really enjoy yours and wish I still lived on the Central Coast so I could meet you! You're such a neat woman of God!
"I am practicing shutting my big yap..."
LOL, I think we could all practice that one IMHO.
Kristen, I've considered ordering this book since before it came out, when a chapter was published in the Pearl's newsletter, No Greater Joy, a few months ago. For some reason, I didn't order it then. As I read your post, I want it more than ever. I've been married 21+ years; a few years ago, I really struggled with what my role as a wife really should be. I knew the Bible holds the answer, but where?? The Lord has since placed in my path some wonderful resources and a group of families that have so helped me to find just what it means to be a wife and has revealed pertinent scripture passages through these and other sources. And now I feel that this book is a new resource I want to use. The Pearls' To Train Up a Child (much needed stating of scriptural common sense!) transformed our home almost 8 years ago. (Praise GOD!!!) I'm quite sure this book can do the same.
Thank you for reminding me of it.
Sorry--the book To Train Up a Child didn't transform our home; God did. One of the tools He used mightily was that book.
That's great, Mary Susan!! Praise the Lord. Thanks for sharing that.
Kristen, thank you for sharing your heart. God is so good. When He sees our desire to be more like Him, He always places the right tools at our fingertips. I'm enjoying and learning from your posts!
(((HUG))) Thanks Diane, and everyone, for your kindness, encouragement, and great comments.
Just got the book and started reading. I also got a mega kick in the pants. Why do I constantly think that I am the exception to the rule? I make up these excuses as to why I can't be joyful and merry. But I realized as I read as was stated in the book, I can get on board with God and have a wild, exciting ride or I can become a bitter, hard hearted, stiff necked woman. And we know what the Bible says about the stiff necked people. (imagine a cutting motion across neck accompanied by a "CCCKKKKKK" sound). That does but the fear in you and the fire under you. I am by nature a little bit depressed. I have struggled with it all my life, but that will have to be my struggle and miracle, not my excuse. I will have to become comfortable stepping outside of myself to become playful when I am naturally reserved and self-conscious. This is a big undertaking, but I have a big God.
Sorry this was so long.
The Lord bless and keep you.
Leigh Ann
I missed you, too, Kristen! I see I'll have a lot to read once I'm done with that book. Now, if it would only get here!
Leigh Ann, that is WONDERFUL...and I know how you feel. I am not naturally depressed, but I think we all struggle to be the joyful and merry helpers God desires us to be, just because of our stubborn flesh and self-will. ((HUG)) We can hold each other's hands through this, ok?
Kristen,
Isn't it amazing what happens when we just believe God and then obey? What a concept. So simple yet so difficult sometimes.
Great post. Let us all fear God and believe Him! We believe Lord, help our unbelief!
Blessings.
Yes, Meredith! I say that quite often ('help my unbelief!'). It's really comforting that we can ask even that.
Kristen, this chapter really impacted me. I too often don't shut my big yap either. I'm so smart. I need to share my "smartness" with my husband by pointing out how he is wrong and I am right. *rolling eyes* And what's worse, I do it in front of the children! How foolish! So I feel doubly ashamed. This book is really making me see things differently, for the better!
((HUG)) I know, Kim, believe me...I know.
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