Walking Circumspectly
In my ever-present struggle with submission, my husband once told me that being obedient to him as a wife should, is not just "doing what you know the other person wants you to do," but believing he is right as well. If I'm saying in my heart, "Fine, I'll do it your way!" with a snotty attitude and stuff, that's the same as being not obedient in the first place...
I am dying to read this book! 
It's all about the attitude. I don't always "believe" my husband is right. But I do always believe he is the head of our family and God speaks through him, so right or wrong God will lead him to lead us where He wants us to go.
YES YES to both of you. Steph, my husband has said similar things to me, and he's right, however much my pride chafed at the time. 
I agree with so much of what you ladies have pointed out about Debi Pearl's teachings, and I am in hearty agreement with the overall concept of Biblical submission, but I have a comment/question:
If our Biblical submission is preparing us for our relationship with Christ -- what about our husbands? They too are part of the bride of Christ -- is their dominance (simply as the opposite of our submission) preparing THEM for that relationship?
Great post, Kristen!
Rachael- It seems that men just have different lessons to learn when it comes to understanding and preparing for their own role within the church (bride of Christ).
Oh, just as an after-thought:
Men are still learning about service, and even sacrificial service. The method and ways that they do it may be different, but there are still many ways that a man serves his wife during their marriage.
I would agree with Shannon - it's your attitude. I don't believe that submission means I have to believe my husband is right. In fact, I think that it is only when I think he is wrong that full obedience really becomes possible! When I am sure he's right, then obedience is only doing what I would have done anyway.
Obviously here we are only talking about right and wrong as concerning prudential judgments, NOT moral right or wrong. If my husband were to ask me to do something morally wrong, I have the duty to obey God rather than him.
If my husband asks me to do something that is not morally wrong but which I think is prudentially wrong (e.g. a major family financial decision), I tell him why I hold the view I do, and then I do what he decides as wholeheartedly as I possibly can. I admit, this is sometimes really, really tough!
Rach, I think that "their dominance (simply as the opposite of our submission)" is making the man's role too simplistic. I know you are drawing a parallel with the text here, but we also know from Scripture that ANYONE who would seek to lead must serve. Jesus did that. Men, in their roles as heads of households, are just as much learning to submit (though to a different head, Jesus) and serve as women are. The only differences are our assigned roles. Does that make sense?
Matt 20:25-28
But Jesus called them to him and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
We have to shed any worldly ideas of dominance. Jesus establishes a new paradigm for leadership and headship. Look at the Trinity itself: there is no 'dominance' per se. There is harmony, oneness of purpose, etc. While Jesus was on earth He submitted to the Father's will.
I appreciate your study, Kristen. And you are correct...Debi certainly is FRANK!
I know. And I realize it may seem like a scare tactic to some, like divorce is being held over their heads like a guillotine. But I don't see it that way...I think she's seen a lot of marriages crumble and families destroyed, at least partly because BOTH the husband and wife weren't being who God has asked them to be to one another. And the "wife" part is the only part of my marriage I have say in: I choose how I will think and how I will respond. The fruit of my daily rumination is my own actions.
Great post Kristin - and I love this thread, lots of good comments.
Debi's book is really "in it for the long haul" thinking, which is what we need in marriage. In our disposable society, even marriage is tossed aside when we've had our fill. Christians are no exception.
Thanks for all your comments today and {{{{hugs}}}} to you too.
Yay! I can get in to your site finally!
Great thoughts, as usual, my dear.
Love,
Moll
Considering the divorce rate comment...I wonder how it reflects upon our relationship with Him? *quakes in cute red slingbacks*
Thanks so much for reviewing this book, by the way. I can't wait until I get a new job/raise (preferably both, but...who knows what God is up to?) so I can buy one for myself! I'm not married, but 'tis never too early to learn. In the meantime, though, these posts are SO full of food for thought and rumination.
I'm such a brat sometimes... I feel badly for God AND my future hubby.
Hopefully you'll be on Southern turf soon with a hefty raise!
Have started reading these reviews. Was looking for the one on domestic violence (posted about it on Spunky's site) - but enjoyed this one particularly because of what I learned at a family life conference.
Often it is difficult to respect a husband who does not behave respectably. It takes great obedience and Spirit led power to do so. However, the rewards are tremendous when the desire is met (with God's graceful and supernatural help).
At Weekend to Remeber they reminded us that we are to respect our husbands NOT because they are acting respectably (law) but because they were given to us as husbands by God and we must respect Him and His knowledge and plan and trust that they are worthy of respect for that reason alone. He has designed us all, He knows our hearts, and if we are His, we must respect. That sure helped me schlep away all my protestations.
God Bless
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