Well said! Welcome back. I have missed these posts.
And I miss my Bruins. These guys...they are not my Bruins. They are some bunch of school kids from Somerville...no, wait, they'd be better.
Why thank you!
I do not know what is wrong with this bunch of schmucks. They have far too much talent to be giving games away like they have been. Excluding Peter Forsberg who is, I'm pretty sure, a robot, they should be able to stop more people.
Also? Toivonen. I'm sayin'.
And then God said, "Let there be Peyton ..."
I hate Peyton Manning with a passion. I have a "friend" here at Holy Cross with me who bandwagon jumped Peyton and the Colts a few years ago. He has been unbearable this year. Truly, I avoid him on sundays just so I don't have to listen to him rail on about how amazing Peyton is and all that. Honestly, its unreal. At least until Peyton beat the Pats this year, I could say "Hows Peyton done in NE?" but now thats gone too. Seriously, can't we get someone to Tonya Harting his ass?
Sox deals, well I'm bummed that Mueller will be gone (unless they sign him to play second base, which would rule), but Lowell is gonna break out this year. I'm calling it right here. Other than that, I'm psyched up over Beckett, who'll be nasty and Mota should be great. I'd like to see the sox get Todd Jones back to close in case Foulke repeats last year's efforts.
And man, I can't even watch the Bruins anymore. It actually physically hurts. Between them and the Celtics choking nightly, I feel like taking up an interest in Women's basketball here at HC, because I know that they'll win at least...
Tom- just ask your friend how Peyton's ring finger is these days.
//held together by bubble gum and Lincoln Logs//
nice.
also the locked in the closet part.
It is a crowded closet. That I kind of want to be in. Even if it's full of losers, it's full of hot losers.
Haven't you ever seen Rocky, Amy? "Women weaken legs!" And they're not allowed out to fraternize with any womenfolk until they can stand on their legs without being blown over by a stiff breeze.
Goddamn, pansy-ass O-line...
*grumbles*
Wait, which one in that picture is supposed to be Peyton Manning? The skinny one on the right, yes?
Is there tequila in that closet? I think they all should have to drink a lot of tequila, either as emotional anaesthetic or as punishment.
Tequila as punishment? What a backwards idea. I like to use it as a reward to myself for, I don't know, surviving Tuesday? Oh hey, look at that, it's Tuesday and the Bruins have a game tonight. Better bring the Trinket home for safe keeping...
Tequila is a reward for nothing. Unless you dig cleaning up puke. 
//I was actually rooting for a rouge meteorite to take out the RCA Dome and everyone in it....//
A red meteorite? But what does the color have to do with anything?
My biggest concern with Beckett is that he and Celement will become more competitive about growing and grooming their outlandish goatees than they will about pitching.
Listen Miss Passedout McFallsDowntheStairs, tequila is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy. Or that he hates us and wants us to die. I can never remember. Which, really, is kind of the point.
Will! Pointing out grammar mistakes. Goddamit. Now I have to look up the proper spelling.
No, Kristen Mc...ClosesTheBar, BEER is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy. Tequila is proof of all of my flaws. The fact that I was prohibited from tequila for a year by some of my closest friends should say something.
You can now add vodka collinses and peach vodka and Sprite to that list as well.
//I was prohibited from tequila for a year by some of my closest friends//
Oh yeah, sorry about that. Heh.
Mmmm. Vodka and sprite. Which I need to be kept away from for the rest of my days.
And I'm gonna have to go with Amy on this one, Kristen, given the bad results of my one experience with tequila.
"From the city to the suburbs to the country
From the Southern to the Northern Hemisphere
They're holding a tremendous referendum
And everyone's choosing sex and beer
Sex and beer, sex and beer
Are the two things we hold dear
Sex and beer, sex and beer
Are the things we like round here."
Amy tried to kill me by giving me a giant cup full of tequila at my birthday party. Clearly, she has nefarious plans.
A little Tequila is great! A lot of Tequila is BAD VERY BAD!
And, someone should have banned me from beer by now, but I WILL NOT BE STOPPED!
It really needs to be Friday.
Archeologists have found evidence of beer-making in the earliest settlements of the Tigris and Euphretes river valley; beer may well be the first thing our little species invented. Tequila, vodka and bourbon are simply some of our best attempts to equal that first nirvana of success.
We must continue with all due diligence and collectively meet the challenge.
Ok, I'm going to turn on the Bruins game now, but not without a beer.
Goddamn Bruins.
Seriously. That's it. I'm sneaking in a bag of rabid squirrels tomorrow and letting them loose on the bench. Goddamnit. WHY DO WE SUCK SO HARD?!?
Current Theory: They're all doing tequilla shots in the locker room after the second period.
Well, I mean, I am. In my living room. BECAUSE OF THE SUCKING!
Just when you'd think there would not be enough sucking to go around, they go to the back room and bring out YET ANOTHER KEG FULL OF SUCK!
All this insufferable Colts hype and Peytonbation is all just a set-up for what will be the greatest event in the history of professional sports:
The Colts get first seed in the playoffs. They are undefeated, leaving their opponents whiplashed and breathless.
The Patriots get the lowest seed, limping in to the playoffs on grit, gumption and the head-shaking suckitude of the rest of the AFC East.
The Patriots manage to win their Wild Card game by playing with renewed commitment, utter abandon and leaving it all out on the field. They barely scrape by, winning by a field goal.
In the Divisional Roaund, they face...the Colts. Everyone and their brother -- even Robert Kraft and Bill Belichick's mom -- are laying large dollars on the Colts to cover the 24 point spread. The cover of Sports Illustrated that week is all black save for the words, "Colts vs. Patriots. Why bother?"
In an untelevised news conference, Tom Brady gaurantees victory.
During the game, the audience begins to witness the unfolding of yet another Belichick genius defensive game plan. Richard Seymour draws double-teams, yet continues to penetrate the backfield, terrorizing Half-a-Manning. Willie McGinest and Rosie Colvin finally generate a pass-rush, further destabilizing the formerly unshakable confidence of the Colts QB.
Still, many points are scored, yet the Patriots offense, with all of its weapons healthy and motivated, is marching up-and-down the field, too.
In the final seconds of the game, the Colts are winning by three, and the they are in the Patriots Red Zone. A stalwart, gutsy stand by the Pats D brings the Colts to fourth down but still within Mike Vanderjagt chip-shot range. Peyton trots off the field, with the biggest, most relieved, most shit-eatingest grin ever broadcast on High Def TV.
Justin Snow snaps the ball, Vanderjagt gets the kick off...low. A Patriot gets a hand on the ball, and it falls to the fake-ass turf of the RCA Dome. Collectively, the entire population of Indiana swallows their tongues.
Tedy Brushci picks up the ball and begins hauling his sweet ass towards daylight. There are a handful of Colts special teamers who aren't frozen solid in shock, and they begin pursuit of a man who almost a year ago had suffered a stroke. They are, however, no match for "Full tilt, full time," and as regulation expires, Tedy enters the end zone, scoring six points, leading the Patriots to win by three points.
On one sideline, Adam Vinatieri looks up at the board, sees the Patriots ahead by three at the end of the game and notes that he is not on the field. After recovering from a moment of vertigo, he says quietly to himself, "Weird."
On the other sideline, a man's head explodes right inside his helmet.
I like Adam's world. Can I live there too?
Also, "They barely scrape by, winning by a field goal.//
You know, just to be different?
// I like Adam's world. Can I live there too?
Come on in. I live in a happy world, where even the Bruins aren't brain-smashingly awful.
// Also, "They barely scrape by, winning by a field goal. You know, just to be different?
I try to keep things realistic, you know.
No more tequila of suck!
Many trinkets for Adam!
But I think it will be round three, with yet another team talking about how their bags are already packed for the big show until, well, Trinket Time!!
Oh, and bye Joe, guess the wait for the big trinket goes a few years more....
I would give up several extraneous limbs for that to actually happen. If only to see Peyton Manning's head explode.
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