So last night my roommate Chrissy and I were chatting back and forth during the game only to realize that the Arizona Diamondbacks must, MUST, sign players that could have a secondary career in porn.
Doug Davis? Chad Tracy? Chad Qualls? (really, anyone named Chad)
And, of course, the very subtle and understated Randy Johnson.
Also, Eew.
Oh dear. I am going to sound very pathetic now. Because I was really proud of Randy Johnson last night. If you thought that was struggling, you should've seen some of his other recent starts. He didn't have his slider but for the most part he was able to make things work even so.
The thing is, next to the Amazing Wakefield when he is on like that, any mortal is going to look shabby by comparison. I've seen Wake pitch so many times, and this was the most impressive performance of his I've seen. Although that may partly be because I wasn't way out in the bleachers and instead had a really good view of what those pitches were actually doing. And the knuckleball is one thing, everyone knows about the knuckleball, but I had no idea how weird that slow curve looks.
At one point when they were reviewing the Fenway Code of Conduct on the scoreboard, my dad was all ready to call the security hotline to report that Tim Wakefield was interfering with his enjoyment of the game and furthermore breaking multiple laws...of physics. (And I'm sure no one has ever made either of those jokes before, right?)
Wakefield is a class act! I'm going to start callings Cash cash money because he sometimes has some real money plays.
If he's going into rap, shouldn't it be Ca$h Money? Bling, yo.
Dollar Dollar Bills Y'all
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