Evil Torturing Angel
I am if anything normally a man of too many words. But when I'm really grateful the only word I can summon is "Thanks!"
Best regards as always.
This was a truly lovely post. Thanks for sharing this. From the other side, I feel very much like what you described.
I'm not capable of a purely "vanilla" relationship, any more than a person who has been blind from birth is capable of accurately describing various shades of a color.
I have written of this myself in a way. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone in this, and that it is actually okay not to feel satisfied with a vanilla relationship, no matter how perfectly happy it may make me.
I fear that the iron discipline I employ when playing with someone that can't physically or emotionally handle my intensity will slip.
That is the exact same reason I refused to play with most people for a very, very long time. Over time, I learned to exploit the innate advantage I have as a bottom: if I play more intensely than my top would like, then no one actually gets hurt. However, that is only the physical realm. Emotionally, it has only ever been Eileen for whom I've opened the gates to my submission because I believed she could withstand it during a scene.
I feel so presumptious feeling this way, and dominants are all too eager to tell me how big and tough they are and, bless my little submissive heart, how could I think they couldn't handle a small boy like me? (And I am rather small, skinny and short and whatnot.) I have to shake my head at these women, and wonder if they have been listening to me at all.
Anyway, I'll not ramble more. Thanks for this post. I loved it.
I am loving your blog. Plan to become a regular reader. I, too could never have vanilla relationships. I was born this way.
I think what people get from BDSM is different from one person to the next. However i firmly believe that there are many of us who are drawn to this lifestyle out of need, not through conditioning but sexual wiring. It's the whole born not bred argument. I just think some of us are born this way. The WHY will probably always be a mystery. I try to focus on what i have, and not necessarily how i got it.
The WHY is encoded in our genes somewhere. Why does any one person want or need anything and another person does not? Doesn't matter. What is important is that we recognize who and what we are and live the life that is right for us.
maymay- welcome 
I do tend to agree that the intensity with which we need to play, and how we feel about different things is essential in considering partners. Thanks for sharing your own feelings about it.
strongnsubmissive- nice to see you back. Good philosophy... too often the focus is on "why" and you might end up missing out on taking joy in just being who you are.
slave2catwoman- welcome I am glad you're enjoying the blog, I keep up with both yours and Catwoman's regularly. I want a rickshaw of my very own... it'll go well with the lunge whip!
That rickshaw was a labor of love. I have a friend who is building one himself. I hope you get one.
I love this post, is it very different from my perspective yet I appreciate it and find it wonderful and incredibly compelling. You visited my blog the other day, thanks for the comment...
-P
Sounds to me like you think about it a bit too much, just enjoy it sooner or later someone will put it in perspective, there is always someone darker, crueller and more prepared to take things further than you, but then you are in the realm of legal consequences.
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