Tell me what you really think.
sweetie, i not only hear you loud and clear, but i know exactly whereof you speak! i have 2 brothers and everyone who knows us thinks immediately of number 3 and me. but middle kid is the father of another special needs young man ... and there is a space there that we cannot cross ... however much we dearly, dearly want to! i think blogging would be a healthy thing for both ot them. will say a prayer for your other!
Let me add my plea to Other Sister to start blogging. I think we have a lot in common. 
xoxoxoxox
"She's not afraid to challenge, she's not afraid to sue, she's not afraid to speak out, she's not afraid to petition, and she's not afraid to stand up for him and his rights."
I will betcha that she has fought so hard and for such long time that she longs for a place where she doesn't have to explain or tell about or justify or fight for . . . and that place should be family. Sadly, the world doesn't work that way -- family can no more read our minds and hearts than anyone else, but she may not be able to see that.
My sister and I are opposites. I know how the inability to understand or communicate can hurt.
My two daughters are opposites, too. It makes for some tense moments when we are all together.
I hope you print this post and give it to your other sister. Maybe she would bend a little if she knew how you feel. I hope so.
Oh man, I hope your sister starts writing all of her experiences out. I would print off her every word and send them to my sister, who is in the same boat with her son. Your sister sounds like one tough and brave mother. Wow. I see my sister struggle with Aaron and I don't know how she does it. Your sister could really help her if she decides to blog.
I understand your Other Sister so well, for she is me. There is no way you or anybody could really understand, and in a way that's good because it means you don't have our problems and your children are normal. It's sad when your goal is to be average, you know? But that's our goal, living with Aidan as he is, just to be normal. Average. It will never happen, because he has impacted our lives in every way, in every category. We will never really be normal but we pretend we are. I can't even shop for groceries like other mothers. There is no time for me, nothing, ever. I cry a lot. Tell your sister I understand.
Wow. Such hurting all the way around. Your post makes me sad for you and your sisters. I have no siblings, so I don't personally understand, but I've observed others. I, too, hope that your sister might be able to open up in a blog. It's amazing what one will write for the world to read when they wouldn't ever share with someone close.
How interesting you posted this just as I am going through some of the same with my sister.
The massive amount of misunderstanding and anger and hurt is overwhelming sometimes, isn't it?
However, as much as you would like your sister to blog, my sister wants me to stop. Has ordered me to never write anything about her or mention her again on mine. (and no, it's not on my teacher blog; I have another more personal one).
When do we choose our needs over others? When do we let that other person's needs take precedence?
Oi.
Wow, your sister sounds so much like my sweetie's sister... it's uncanny. She is also the mother of a severely disabled child, and the one member of the family who seemingly has nothing in common with the others. The conservativeness and practicality vs. the others' humorous and fun-loving nature, it all sounds so familiar I could almost suspect you of being Chris' other sister in disguise (except that there are only two sisters in his family).
Oh Mamacita, when I read the comment about being 'normal' or 'average' up there, my heart broke in half. One of the halves for Aidan's Mom and the other half for me, because I pretend we're average all the time. People think I really believe it but I don't. It just helps me to say it. Maybe, if I say it enough, I'll wake up one morning and let Marni out of her room (yes, I have to lock her in or she'll wander all over the neighborhood pestering everyone - people wake up and find her in their kitchens eating their food; twice she's gotten into bed with strangers!!!) and she'll look at me with a rational expression and TALK TO ME. And now it's hormones, and our doctor won't do anything to curb them because "she has little enough genuine pleasure." But when your child displays inappropriate sexual moves with the enthusiasm of a two-year-old with a piece of cake, well, let's just say you get 'looks' from people and I can't blame them but what am I supposed to do? I don't KNOW what I'm supposed to do!!! I'm repulsed by my child every day even while I would do anything for her, ANYTHING. 17 years of heartbroken hell.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that blogging is a lifesaver for me and I think your sister would benefit by it, too. I might have killed myself years ago if I couldn't write it all out. I've got nobody near me who would understand if I tried to tell them. Online, there are people who really do understand.
God bless you, Other Sister of Mamacita's. I can tell you straight up that blogging just might save your sanity, if not your life.
Listen, Other Sister, you don't know how lucky you are to have siblings who care like yours obviously do. My family doesn't even invite us to gatherings sometimes, because they can't deal with Robbie. Half the time I feel like they've written me off as their son/brother. I know it's not true, and they're just at a loss with it all, but the fact is, it hurts. It hurts to have a child who will never sing or dance or sit quietly or swim or read or be in a play or hang out with friends or go to high school or graduate from anything or drive a car or even understand what you're saying to him. I hate watching my son drool and destroy things and eat his shirt collars and screech. I hate wiping the ass of a 22-year-old man who fights me every step. I hate shaving him, and I hate bathing him. I hate cleaning up the mess he makes when he eats. I hate how he disappears for hours at a time and we have to get out the flashlights and search the neighborhood. I hate how he looks and talks and acts. I hate how he tore the braces off his teeth and I hate how people think we didn't have them straighted because he was retarded. I hate seeing him aroused and I hate the looks of horror on people's faces when they see it. I hate knowing he'll never marry and I hate knowing that my family name has ended, forever. Sometimes I hate him for bearing my name. And most of all, I think I hate myself for feeling like that. Lady, don't take your siblings who care for granted. Take them up on their offers and talk to them frankly. If my sisters and brother ever offered or even acted like they wanted us around, I'd weep for joy. As things stand, I just weep because life cheated me so bad. I love my son but I also hate him, and I hate myself for hating him. I wanted a son, and what I got was this THING. And I hate myself for saying that, too.
Blog. If I didn't have an outlet, I'd be more miserable than I already am.
Do it.
Other Sister, how lucky are you to have Mamacita for a sister? I've been a reader here for several years and I think she's the nicest person in the Blogosphere, even when she gets snarky with the dysfunctional parents of her students. For her to post that piece, she obviously loves you dearly and cares deeply about you and your son. Talk about a risk! She took a chance by writing out all the love and frustration she feels. Now, it's your turn. Tell her you are glad to know how she and that third sister feel, and tell them both you want to clear the air and stop with all the secret anger. If you are still angry, at least tell them why. And Mamacita, bless you for having the guts to say what you've been feeling, and for having the grace to ask for help. I'm sure your Other Sister will do the same. Even sisters who are very different will stick together when the going gets tough.
Sister of Mamacita, I have three sisters and two brothers and none of them are able to handle my son because we live so far away and they are just never around us. I think proximity plays an important role in things like this. If we were next door neighbors, at least one of my siblings would be an expert with Sam, just as I am. Nobody taught me, either. I learned these things because I had to. I learned a lot of other things because I had to, too, such as, my MIL falling all over my normal son and excluding Sam from everything. We never go over there and it's just across town. She never helped me, not ever. My mother is three states over but she flew here whenever she could, when the kids were smaller. Now, Sam is just too big and too fast for Mom to handle. Ben moved out on his 18th birthday and I know it was because he couldn't take living with Sam. Sometimes I wish I could move out, but there is nobody in this world who would take Sam, and even if they tried it, it wouldn't work because Sam can't be handled. He's like a wild animal. He's big now, and he loves to grab people and hug them. He's knocked total strangers down, and one of these days some woman is going to clean his clock because he loves to 'pat' people on the butt. I can't move as fast as he can now. I can't do this much longer. But who will take care of Sam if I give up? I can't even die.
If I had three wishes, like yours, Mamacita, I would wish for help. Just some help. I can't go on like this much longer. If it wasn't for blogging, I'd be completely alone in this. Tell your sister to start the journal, NOW. It might be the saving of her.
I wish you were my sister.
Im too afraid of my sister to wish she would start a blog. But if she did I would repay her by stopping in every few months and leave her a little editorial comment about how she is erroneous in her thinking.
Seriously, I love her and wish she WOULD start a blog. This is a good post you wrote here- made me think about sisters. Thanks.
What a very sweet and kind post. If you have time, read my story "An Easter Package" which tells how I lost my brother.
So many siblings, I think, really don't know each other. Nice post and so honest! Super!!!
Commenting by HaloScan
