Tell me what you really think.
You haven't failed--at all. It's not about you. This student doesn't sound like he's cut out for college even with reasonable accomodations. If he is mentally capable, maybe he can be directed to an online course of study. Where it doesn't matter if he's 20 minutes late and he can keep his pencil next to the computer. And where there's no one else to disturb.
There are many students without disabilities who are simply not cut out for college. Just because a student appears to have a disability doesn't mean he or she should be in college if he or she can't function at the college level.
It sounds like letting other people know about his problems IS the right thing to do. There is at least the chance that he'll get the help he needs. That help probably will have more to do with counseling and possible medication than anything else right now. But it opens the possibility that he will be able to make it later.
I've spent the last year working in the counseling center of a community college and have seen relatively similar events.
I feel fairly confident in saying you have done the right thing. I don't know how your institution works, but ours operated under open enrollment which meant that a large portion of the student population probably did not have what it took to make it in a college setting. That doesn't speak against their character or who they innately are as a person. It's the reality of their situation and the cards they've been dealt... much the same as this person it seems.
Even if the student had an individualized plan, it may not be enough to meet his needs. Lowering the standards of the class wouldn't be helpful, either.
In our cases, students like this who were reported for classroom behaviors were referred to the counseling center for evaluation and assistance. You may have helped this student more than you think.
As a retired teacher, I know there really are no words that will "make it all better" for you. Its the way teachers are built. We don't focus so much on the hundreds we have reached...its that one student who eludes us, through no fault of our own, that student will haunt us. I had a situation much like this. I had a student with parents in denial when it came to his behavior. Not only were there outbursts, but violence toward other students for no reason. I had to do what you did. I had to go to the administration and beg for his removal, for the sake of my other students. It drove me crazy, I had never "lost" one. My only comfort came months later, when I learned his removal from my class finally forced his parents to open their eyes and get him the help he needed. You did the right thing. You had no choice. Try to focus on the many students you have reached. Keep your chin up.
not an expert, but i know that when you say "it's not you, but it IS you'" that it really, truly is NOT you. but that just sticks in your throat every time you swallow, doesn't it? been there, a little. is there an asberger's label here anywhere? take peace in knowing that you tried your hardest. blessings
McSwain has it right. This is not about you. Teachers in this country are programmed/selected in part on one dominant characteristic; empathy. The desire to help, and in so doing, shouldering the responsibility for failure.
But that is NOT our responsibility. That lies with the student. The Finns are very successful in education. Based on test scores, much moreso than us. There are reasons for that beyond our control: The Finns have a very homogeneous population, ESL (or FSL, if you like) issues are non-existent. But the other primary difference that we CAN emulate is that fact that the teachers believe that the students must succeed, not that we must teach them better. They need to learn better. The onus is on the student, as it should be.
The onus is not on you, Mamacita.
You are not at fault. You have NOT failed. You are doing the right thing for yourself, the student in question and the rest of your class members. That "pain" in your heart is what makes you a genuine Teacher and not just someone in the profession.
You did what you needed to do! Were some of the teachers who had that poor boy down at Virginia Tech as aware & concerned as you, we wouldn't have had the mess on our hands & 32 deaths (33, including the gunman) that we had April 16 a year ago. Hang in there. It's true that sometimes others can handle certain situations better than we can!
On a lighter note, you're invited to contribute to Take Another Look Thursday. It’s a way we teachers can stay on our toes--and even blow off steam--this summer! http://scholastic-scribe.blogspo...k-
thursday.html
Mamacita, (yes I am writing you from Croatia) You have not failed.
After working in Special Education for only 5 years I have to say that there is absolutely no fault here. He is trying and so are you. If you did not allow him to try then he WOULD feel like a failure. You allowing him to try his hand is not either failing it is both trying. Failure is not trying at all. He knows no limits and that is ok. This class is not his cup of tea. Not an issue. Something tells me that he will not be easily discouraged. Think about how many times you have tried to ditch him in the hall. Has he given that up yet? Nope.
Hugs to you my dear friend.
XXOO
What a great question to ask and it's something I'd never thought about before. I agree with everyone else that there's really nothing else you could have done because he's infringing on the rights of the other students to enjoy your class and further their education. I pray that this incident will help his family or friends (or both) find a path for him that is both appropriate and affirming.
Ugh. This post was heartbreaking for a number of reasons. First, because I feel bad for this kid who just does not have the capacity to learn the material. I wonder if he knows that and if so, having worked w/ some similar students myself, it is probably very frustrating to him. But second, even more heartbreaking because from your post it is obvious how much you care. I always get excited when I find a teacher/professor who is willing to try different techniques and think outside the box to help all kinds of students learn and you sound like that teacher. Thirdly, you are not a failure. The system failed or he would not be in your class in the first place and that is heartbreaking in itself that you and him are put in this situation. I'm thinking of you and hopefully the solution works for everyone involved. 
Best I can think of is to shoot him out of town on a wocket.
Sorry, ace, you did the right thing. Don't make this your problem. Some other teacher failed this kid a long time ago.
I'm not sure I agree completely with Old Horsetail Snake when s/he says, "Some other teacher failed this kid a long time ago." Why blame the teacher? Why not blame the kid? Or the parents? It's obvious, Mamacita, from what you've told us, that this student is not college material. Neither is one of my sons. But that doesn't make him a worthless piece of trash. It just means that there's another way for him to travel besides through the classroom. You did this student a favor by (indirectly) pointing him in another direction.
I feel as though I am looking into the future of one of my students from this last year. His parents are in denial about his (probable) Asperger's. He was incapable of working at the 5th grade level but they expected him to get A's. He was incapable of getting through most days without some sort of incident but they thought if they just restricted him and talked to him, he would behave better. It was heartbreaking because he was doing his best but without their cooperation, we had our hands tied. I feel like I'm looking into his future in reading your post. (Before anyone asks, we tried and tried and tried to help the parents understand that ignoring his problem wasn't helping him but they refused - "I'm just not ready to see that right now.")
Of course, you did the right thing. Hang in there because logically knowing that I did all I could do with this boy doesn't change the fact that I also know that I failed him.
I wish we would get over the "everyone must go to college" mentality in this country. It's hurting more people than it's helping.
There are more paths in life than college.
And you did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up over it.
I have a feeling that his outbursts are his only way of saying "I'm not comfortable here, is there anything else out there for me."
the staring? Get him out of there, no woman should have to put up with that anywhere.
Mamacita, Just two things:
First, any student that has a capable, empathic teacher like you is way lucky, cuz my impression of college teachers/profs is that it is even more rare for them to give a damn than it is for high school teachers to really care.
Second, the situation is beyond your control. You've made yourself available for support, but the student doesn't have the tools to construct a success story.
I just can't see how it's your problema.
But don't stop with the caring. I would imagine that your success stories outnumber the frustrations.
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