Nanny Goats Soap Box
Well, you have a date with me and I am all BlogHer fabulous and shit, so I can introduce you to some of the A-list bloggers. And then they can laugh at us together.
You will recognize me by my stapler and by the piece of spinach on my teeth.
I'd never even heard of BlogHer until I read this post. So what kind of loser does that make me? But I will say this: I've traveled afar by my lonesomeon a few occasions to meet in person people who I chatted with only on a message board. I felt fat and ugly. I felt VERY 13 again. I felt like I needed to live up to something but nobody told me ahead of time what that was. But you know what? It turned out great. I had lots of fun and ended up making some friends I feel I will have for a lifetime.
Be brave, little soldier.
And how funny is that damn picture at 2:02 a.m.???!! lol!
WooooooT!!! Margaret, I'm back! Been unable to comment for 3 wks.
Wait....did you notice??
xxx
That was great. Oh I wish I was going.
Wow, I feel your pain. I will not be attending, but if I were I would stalk you so that you'd feel uber-important. I would follow you around calling "Ms. Panties, Ms. Panties, can I get an interview with you for my very important blog about chocolate chip cookies?" Then everyone would be duly impressed with you and you would run out of cards from all the requests from skinny-bitch-politico-bloggers. Or you'll cry in the bathroom. I can't really be sure.
That was very funny... but it is ALL wrong.
You will meet so many of your fav's that will be just as funny and gracious and as nervous as you are. You will hug each other like old friends. End up drunk in one of their hotel rooms waking up on the floor with shaving cream on your face and a frozen bra!
I am sooooooooo happy that you and many others get to go. I can't wait to read about all of the fun you had!
Don't you have a goat tshirt or something goatlike to wear sweetie?
A goat bag perhaps or coupons for free goatmilk? I think you'll need shwag because all the cool people speak of shwag. Just use that word alot in conservation and you'll be fine.
macaroons? they are going to have macaroons?
damn.
Haha...You'll have a great time!! Can't wait to hear all about it!
*sigh* And here I was, reading that you are going to BlogHer and thinking "Damn, one more super-cool blogger who will be there partaying that I won't get to meet in person."
'Cause, you know, I'm not even remotely cool enough to attend such an esteemed function.
Either that or I'm just too cheap.
Well, too cheap and insecure about how exactly I would fare, what with my western NY accent and Birkenstocks and paint-spattered clothes from my neverending new home reno projects (color o'the week: pink for Kiddo's bedroom)...
Or too cheap, too insecure, and married to someone who would stare blankly at me while I explained "But honey, I need the money to fly to Chicago and stay at a hotel with a bunch of women I've never met IRL for a convention about blogging - you know, that thing I'm doing in the office all day long when you think I'm busily stripping wallpaper or painting walls or mowing the lawn while you're at the office, slaving away?"
Maybe someday BlogHer will come to my corner of the world, like Buffalo or Erie or Syracuse, and then I can mingle with the Fantabulous-n-Famous. Then I could hop into my crumb-and-toy-infested, nine-year-old minivan and be a "commuter" to the convention. Woot!
Then again, probably not. Le Sigh.
In closing, if I were nearly as awesome as you, I'd totally go to BlogHer and stalk you. Just like I do here on the interwebz (blog, FB, Twitter et al). :D
Uhhh, what's Wordpress? Something on the World Wide Web?
Maybe you just need to get cooler followers? We're a little tweaked. Sorry.
Have fun, hope they have alcohol!
Smiles,
Lisa
Sounds like Skinny Blogger #1 might be my niece, who is about to start her Junior year in college and therefore knows everything that ever needed to be known. mmm-hmmm.
I dropped BlogHer about a year ago, so you KNOW nobody asked me to come along, even for the ride.
Thank god I read this post so now I know to lie about everything. My blogspot blog, for example. Also, I have to get a niche. I'm thinking "attachment parenting with a transgender point of view."
I wish I was going with you because I would so be doing the same thing! I am fairly new so I don't even have any biz cards to hand out.(not for my blog anyway) And I happen to like Blogger. Very easy to use for the non-college graduate set like me! I'm lucky to have Blogger because I can't even figure out my vcr/dvd player! HA! You will be FAB!
say something about a trucker's strike and all your swag not making it there and you are "evah so disappointed as you spent an entire fortune on things to hand out" and "they will be totally out of sync by next year's convention". and say "krap" alot. i think they like that.
smiles, bee
xoxoxooxxooxxoxoxo
hello ngip its dennis the vizsla dog hay i cannot go to blogher becuz i am not a her i am a him and plus i am a dog do yoo no if they hav a blogdog convenshun wot i cud attend??? thanks ok bye
id like to offer a few tips if i may:
anyone who says theyre there for oppression or domination of women, inform them the bdsm forum is being held in the parking garage, and they better hurry cuz you heard it was just getting started.
you should hand out little viles of powdered goats milk as your swag. get a note from the local police ahead of time certifying you are not actually there to blog about the effects of meth on stressed out female writers.
on second thought perhaps you should hand out goats milk cheesehead hats instead.
lastly, when youre in the big city dont use craigslist to find a pal for the evening, try a local college campus bar instead.
I will consider my BlogHer 09 experience a complete waste of time if I do not come home with one of your cards!
I WISH I were attending. Because I would be awesome. Does everyone make business cards?
Mine would say, "Lame Blog that Does Nothing But Make You Feel Bad About Yourself."
Sense of humor>perfect fingernails. Always.
Hmmm, I wonder exactly what my niche would be. That of being among the largest methane producers in the world?
Or the largest consumer of noxious weeds.
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmmm.
I am all for goat/human equality but I, myself would not deign to marry a human. They are too self absorbed.
ps: if you want to borrow Abby for the convention you can have her. She can butt those skinny bitches for you.
You crack me up! Show up wearing everything goat...earrings, necklace, t-shirt...and wear your panties on the outside of your slacks. Can you find a goat hat...or maybe go with a goat tied to your back?
Have fun!
this is why I am not going....I wouldn't want to be the wallflower - again. Ever.
but if I were going , I'd so want to hang with you!!
Funniest.thing.you've.ever.written. EVAH!
Wish I could go to BlogHer so we could hang out and make fun of those SkinnyBloggers!
Ha! That would be me, if I even had a full-fledged blog up and running and even dared to go. Thanks for speaking on behalf of the self-depracating nervous nellies of the (blog) world.
Try to have fun!
Oh, Margaret, if I was a woman (which I'm not) and I was going to Blogher (which I'm not), I sure would hang out with you. I would introduce you as my alternate lifestyle companion (the pc term for fag hag) which should elicit raised eyebrows and a complacently snooty "Of course, she is, dahling" response from those gals with the fur coats and Elizabeth Taylor diamonds.
Of course, you could come to SITScation in October in Las Vegas because I will be there, the only guy and proud of it!
Well, I considered going to BlogHer, but I'm not - for all of the reasons you just sited (mostly the "everyone will be prettier/skinnier/better dressed than me" reason).
Margaret's pictures of goats, meet Jan's recipe for fried chicken.
Now I wish I could join you at the macaroon table...
Oh how I wish I was going. I love goats and I love macroons...we would make a great friends. I think I need to have mroe than 3 people reading my blog before I would be brave enough to go.
Maybe next year!
I think everyone thinks that. Your cards are cool so that counts for something. People give out swag? Good grief, I had no idea. Be the girl who says:
"Swag? Oh honey that was so 2007."
I'll be wearing my outfit from the goodwill and ten year old sandals.
we'll be twins.
Do you think it's possible to lose fifty pounds in two weeks?????
{{{hugs}}} I'm not going, but I know if I were (when I do) I will feel like that inside too! I'm sure you will have a wonderful time though and I'm sure lots of folks will have heard of Nanny Goats in Panties! They will be awed by your humor and talent and be feeling just as insecure meeting you.
Maybe you could get some live goats to hand out as your own swag???? Just a thought 
I'd rather be a fence post in Atlanta, then visit Chicago. [grimace]
Anyway, might wanna keep it to yourself that you're from California. Can you imagine the jokes that will come from that information given the present economic climate?! Not good, not good.
Hope you have fun. Travel safe pal!
;o}
I wish I was going! I love Chicago and I'd absolutely come and stand.
I have a Wordpress blog, so I could feel semi-self important, and perhaps that would kindasorta make up for the size of my butt. Maybe.
You're gonna have a great time!
I hate conferences too... but maybe you can sell the swag on craig's list after you get back... gee, you might be able to pay for the trip that way!
You know what???? I have the perfect swag for you to hand out.
I was at the zoo yesterday and they sell goat food in a wafer cone for 75 cents.
1) highly portable
2) easy to hold in one hand while you use the other for a cocktail or portable VLOG editing console
3) biodegradable
4) HIGHLY snackable.
This advice from a much newer and less popular blogger. It's gospel I tell you.
I am THRILLED to know you are going to be there, and I promise to SQUEE! out your name or some other such thing so that all the fabulosas will look over and think, "Who IS she? and how are we so out of the loop?! We horrify ourselves" and they'll come click clacking across the room as fast as their Jimmy Choos will carry them to kneel at the feet of the hilarious (and obviously famous, if that SQUEE! was any indication) goat lady. True story. Can't wait to meet you!
Don't despair. Just remember that you can always know you're superior to me, because I don't have a shred of a nerve to try to attend a blogging conference. I'll be at home hiding under my pillow and scorning all the attendees as "just a big bunch of jerks anyway," in an attempt to make myself feel less insignificant.
Maybe if you had your own swag to hand out the skinny bloggers would realize that goats in panties are a serious real life issue and should not be marginalized.
I suggest handing out big giant granny goat pants. That will show them!
Suddenly, I feel very insecure about my blog.
You are very brave and I'm sure you will be fine. Just imagine everyone in their underwear --- no! panties!
Ok, I was joking in my first comment. I have been to BlogHer for 3 years and I have never ever felt remotely snubbed. I know it is shocking to admit, but EVERYONE WAS LOVELY and everyone understands blogging and being socially awkward because, hey, we are all that way. There are a few fabulous stylish people like Chris from Notes in the Trenches, but THEY ARE LOVELY TOO. Just well-dressed and lovely. And there are plenty of schlubby overweight people in jeans and ironic t-shirts or things they bought at Wal-Mart three years ago, and guess what? No one really cares. They want to say hi and hug you and get your blog url.
You'll have a great time.
I would be delighted to meet you, if I was going. I don't think I'd want to hang around anyone other than humor bloggers.
I like the goat food pellets idea and the business cards rock!
Niche? "Neesh?" I can relate, at least, with one of my blogs, mainly this one. Whaaaa?
After all this, I have to say, I never would have thought of bloggers as being particularly fabulous in that paint your nails perfectly kind of way. I mean, how do you type like crazy and keep your nails perfect?
I am obviously a pro because I pay $8 a month for Typepad. WTF? I am such an amateur, I am going to hang out in Chicago, and I don't even have tickets to any BlogHer events. By the time I decided to make myself available, they were long sold out. I was thinking of just going to the hotel desk and asking them to page all my heroes. "Jennifer Lawson? Jennifer Lawson? Please report to the Front Desk."
At least you have the goat pictures. With me the conversation would stop at, "It's a humor blog." Then, expecting me to SAY something funny, they would let a awkward 45 seconds of silence pass before making an excuse to exit.
------
Hey! Are you still there? I am not done commenting yet.
Hello?
If I were going to blogher I'd totally hunt you down and hang out with you
Maybe next year
take two goats with you. and then send me pictures.
Sounds horrible! No wonder I'm not going.
Something tells it me it'll be a ton of fun though, and then I'll be jealous.
Hey, I know you from Humor-blogs. God bless Diesel and his little book that could. Or something. Anyway, I wonder if BlogHer ever came to Denver if I would go? I'd probably be way too intimidated myself. But if I were going this year, and you were all, "Nanny Goats in Panties?" I'd be like, "Yes! I know that one!" Then I'd join you at the macaroon table. I still use Blogger too. Does that make us losers?
Hey at least you have your own domain name. I'm still a ".blogpost" asshole. I wouldn't even show my face there with my 21 followers. *sob*
Hey, I love your pictures of goats. Who the hell else does goats? Your originality cannot be disputed.
Yes. Alcohol. Bring alcohol. Or find the closest liquor store!
Seriously, this was seriously funny. And well written. And I totally get it.
But, I'm sure you will have a fine time. Especially with the alcohol and all.
BlogHer, eh? Sounds pretty scary to me. The whole reason I blog is so I don't have to actually go out in public and talk to people face to face... especially people who have "niches".
Hanging out with you Margaret would be baa-a-a-ad! LOL It sounds like fun, fun, and more fun to me!
I feel your pain. If I were going, I'd be the woman dressed completely inappropriately in my jeans and tank top and putting my foot in mouth as much as possible..
Damn, now I actually wish I could go.. You'll do great there!! Twitter me...lol
Now I wish I were going just to spend it with you....
I am far too intimidated to go; I feel out of place in a room of two people; nevermind thousands!
C. Andres, 21 followers? That's more than me! I think I have 7...lol. I did just start a few months ago. I'll follow you if you follow me...lol! I LOVE GOATS!
Hope you have a blast.
You are friggin Rockstar Goat Blogger! Those "country club" blogger chicks with the fake nails would kill to be as cool and funny as you! Seriously! Now relax and pass the fried chicken, you'll do great! xoxoxoxoxo
PS WIsh I was going with you. I love macaroons.
Like the first day of school, don't let the popular girls scare you. You rock.
Believe me when I say I want to go to BlogHer so bad that I would gladly walk around and be your people. Your very own 'sorry M is too important of a blogger to talk to you' type of thing. Sadly, I can't go.
Off to go pout in a corner.
Well, I'm one skinny bitch who can't go. *sigh*. But I do have a pic of a goat on my site today! lol
Visiting over from SITS!
Funny, funny stuff----I would be your friend if I were going----you seem amazing!
Have a good one...
I like blogs with goats. I also like macaroons. You'll do just fine. Can't wait to hear about it!
woman, YOU and your goat photos ARE fabulous!
well, we have already met so you can count on at least one person being there w/ whom you can be totally yourself and I will love you for it
You're still using Blogger? I am, too. It's so weird that even without a real platform, our blogs are still visible to the naked eye.
Funniness inspires fear. And envy. People are afraid of wit, especially if they suspect they lack it. Or they might just admire you and love your warped perspective and talent as a writer. I'm guessing that's what's going to happen.
Then again, I wouldn't have the stones to go. I'm hyperventilating just reading about it. I can't wait to read your tales about it afterward.
Remember, laughter saves lives. I can't prove it but I'm pretty sure it's that important. Plus, you have a rocking business card!
If I was in the area I would totally go with you. Between you, your goats, my cat posts and inappropriate content they will LOVE us!
I laughed out loud at everyone twittering everyone else in the room.
I wish I were cool enough to go to blogher.
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