Nanny Goats Soap Box
Excellent instructions.
There is another benefit to holding it until the last possible minute in a public pee palace.
The younger guys will really be impressed with the force of the stream. I always stand back from the pee hole so they can see the sound of a strong stream is really coming from me.
And to avoid splashes on my bare feet.
PS: is this were the term streaming music originated?
I consider your hilarious yet bold statement a challenge. Consider it accepted by the pilot.
I like to say urinate. Because it's rather uncommon, and when someone says ..."what?"
i can reply back to them...
"but you could be a ten!"
You forgot #5 - get yourself a small child.
You only have 2.3 seconds to get the job done before Nosey Nelly wants to know why your pee doesn't "make bubbles" like Daddy's and Brother's.
Em
my family has always called me the pee pee queen. not because i can pee fast, but because i have to pee often. i'm sure you would any pissing contest hands down. unless of course you are talking about a pissy mood contest. lately i think i have just about everyone beat on that one!
Amen to the 'proper clothing' tip.
Many a time(with milliseconds to spare) I have been unable to unfasten that belt or tangled-up zipper.
It's a difficult decision between ripping your favourite pants or pissing yourself.
So let me get this straight: You went to the Emmy Awards wearing crotchless spandex and no undies? No wonder you won!
OK, but it's prostate, not prostrate...unless you're talking about the inability to get back up...which, now that it pops up...uh, never mind.
You know, one of the things I love about your blog are these wonderfully practical tips and pointers that no one should be without.
So, how do you like, pee really fast when you're on that street car careening towards that poor, helpless nanny goat? Hmmm?
If speed peeing is your objective, to be in and out of the bathroom in record time, try timing your flush before you actually finish peeing. It takes some practice, but the rewards are well worth the effort. With training, you can shave a second or two off your time and still have a bowl of 98% potable water.
Speed peeing? I myself prefer the slow and leisurely pace of urinating. That way I can fully enjoy it.
Well now I learned something!!!!! lmao
Oh you were in 2nd place with 13% when I voted!
Ever since we started remodeling the other bathroom, I have become a speed peeing champion! I have kids and it never fails, every time I'm peeing, one of them needs in the bathroom -- and just can't wait another second.
I just LOVE the person who doesn't wash their hands in the office!! Makes pot lucks all that more fun!
But wait...if you spend so little time in the bathroom, when do you read?
Hmmm...
BTW, on the contest...that crabby old coot in front of you has GOT to GO.
Nanny Goats Uber Alles!
I am a fan of the word "pee." Some of my friends with young kids insist on "going to the potty," and I want to slap them. As for skipping the hand-washing part, I'm afraid I'm not down with that. But I do it really fast, which, in my house means running the tap so the water is hot enough when I'm done, so I don't have to stand around and wait. Then I air-dry!
crotchless spanx...hahaha...ROFLMAO!
Yes. Girdles can definately slow down the process... You know what makes peeing even faster? Being a man and having a penis and being able to stand up while pissing... Haha... You have to sit down!
Light-hearted and fun is right. I could give you a run for your money, fast-peeing-wise. I get compliments (well, *I* take them as compliments) on my super-speedy peeing prow-ass.
I was hooked on your blog instantly when I saw the word "pee".
Talking about peeing is one of my most favorite things. It's so easy to do, it's free and it's something we can take pride in every day.
I recently discussed a common peeing condition called "Peeus Waiticus" aka "Waiting to Pee" and posted results of non-scientific Pee Poll.
http://www.giggleon.com/waiting-to-pee/
##
As an ex-DJ who had to learn to pee in under the average song length of 3:20 minutes, I agree with most of your methods. However, semantically, I favor "pissing" over "peeing", because it is slightly more purposeful. Ladies who pee might be tempted to just sit there, reading all of the graffiti on the bathroom wall.
Women who piss are in and out and ready to rock and roll.
Or we could just walk aarund in adult diapers.
I voted for you! Wow..looks like you are in first place! Thanks for popping by today. Funny blog! I am off to snoop some more!
Thanks for stopping by my blog! I used to live in Sacramento when I was a kid...loved it!
Lee 
Call me a germophobe but I cringed when you said dont wash your hands. I have to... the germs they're everywhere...
You are hilarious. And did you find my blog because you googled "goat sacrifices"? I've got goat pictures for you - anytime. Alone, in groups - any color.
Wow. That's pretty intense. I have to admit, I was bummed out when my pregnancy jeans wouldn't fit anymore because those babies are MADE for whipping off in a pee emergency (peemergency?)!!
Back in the day when I was a dick chick (urology nurse), I always preferred of the use of the rather clinical terminology, to micturate. The act of micturation would take way too long in a pissing contest. Very funny post.
This practical information and list of tips? I've been waiting for this forever. Seriously, I'm giving up the spandex in favor of cotton.
Sure, I'll vote for you! You're super funny! But will you also give me a referral so I can join the humor blogger community?
Last night, before I got around to reading your post here, I posted about using outhouses. I guess we both have potty mouths! : )
Now that is HILARIOUS!!!!!! I am so trying that next time. Although I have to be really careful, don't want a bladder infection.
By the way, I so voted for your blog.
Love your blog!!!!! This post totally made me laugh out loud. I'm a follower!
Oh, I always called it "whizzing". I've seen the whiz term in my real life as a painter: There are whiz rollers. With a compact core, they can move behind radiators, do touch up using less paint than a regular roller and make touch-up easier.
I actually wanted to comment on your post about the Second Life Type people. But I wasn't seeing the comment link. Maybe I'm a tad slower than a train in reverse.
Or maybe the fact that Nigel Nancyboy is sitting on me when I need to whiz, has me a bit distracted. The rule of the house where I grew up was, if you have a cat on your lap, you don't have to do anything.
Anyway, that bizarre site reminds me of my friend "Bill". He's been seriously sick with depression for some years. Last he visited me, he chewed off Cricket's ear about the marvels of Second Life.
She wasn't buying. Why would you pay to sit in front of your computer chasing dreams? Why not go out and try to live them?
Hey, I'm not stalking you, but I thought you might enjoy this post about on-line murder....
http://psychcentral.com/blog/arc...irtual-husband/
Virtual affection, Dano
I absolutely, positively can NOT hold my pee. Period. My last child completely destroyed my nether regions 17 years ago and I simply can't wait. If I feel the urge I better start walking. A 40ish year old woman doing the pee-pee dance in the stall is sooooo unbecoming. lol!
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