your thoughts are most welcome...
Some of my closest friends are men and women I have never seen face-to-face or even spoken to over the phone. There are some men out there I would call dear brothers who I only know in the world of text. These relationships are as deep and true as any others I've known.
To your primary question, whether or not I would say anything depends on how deep I think the relationship is, same as it would in a meatspace (offline) relationship. I'm going to go further and deeper with people I know well than with someone I run into once in a while standing in line at the coffee shop.
You want my opinion?
No, wait, you asked for it.
Stay away from him. You are more vulnerable than you realize, and you don't understand what you're dealing with.
Nonetheless, you'll have a delightful, amazingly satisfying time with him, and wonder why you keep having that still, small nagging doubt....
Dare to believe your deepest instincts, m2. They're there for a reason.
Well, I am not the best person to ask since I question myself so much on when to speak and when not to. pray on it...God will let you know. :)
Personally I have pretty stiff boundaries with people I've never met.
I don't meet people from on line. I've done that. Sometimes it goes well sometimes it doesn't, mostly it can get me in trouble so I stay clear. Sometimes that means my "rule" steps on people's feet, but so be it. I don't give out my phone number or address on line. I don't get too emotionally close to people from online. Again, been there, done that.
And again it means sometimes when I run into a request for more communication or if I perceive a wish for a closer friendship I will cool it and back off because I've really really learned my lesson the hard way - a few times.
So, you asked, there it is. If I don't know someone in person I won't get too involved.
bless your little heart L, it's not a man!
i am sitting here with the biggest grin on my face, i love you for your brutal honesty which would, in fact, be totally spot-on were it a man, but it's not a man and it's not *one of those* types of relationships.
i appreciate these other insights. so far, i've behaved. i have strong opinions on what is going on in her life, but haven't even so far as reached out.
Penni,
when I'm going to sit down to visit the blogroll I tell my wife "I'm going to see my friends." When I read about people's troubles I pray for them. When I read something funny or curious I tell my wife. To me you and others are my friends. Friends support, but also challenge each other in a loving way.
Penni,
you believe in the power of prayer, right? That's where you start, and continue in this. If your friend is in grave danger from her choices, then God will advise you if it is you who are to speak out and how to do it. Honest.
As for on-line friends. For me they are as important as those friends I have around the corner. I pray for them when nudged, am happy to chat when we are both on line at the same time, support them as best I can, and yeah sometimes really hope that one day I'll meet them.
Like you :) I'd love just to walk into your cafe as a customer, order something delicious and see the cafe in action, and only then say who I am! Think what fun that'd be!
Yet in all relationships we are to set boundaries, and speaking into someone's life (off or on-line)is very, very tricky. We aren't to live in fear that if we speak we will lose the friendship (though that sometimes does happen) but I find it helpful if I stop and listen a bit more first - both in the natural to my friend and in the supernatual to God.
As your essay title said, things aren't always what they seem!
Your friends are lucky to have you batting for them, but sometimes as a friend (like being a mother) you have to let people learn by their mistakes. Been there, done that, and hate it actually -but my experience is that you cannot wrap people you love in cotton wool. unfortunately.
If it all goes pear shaped, you as a friend will be there for her. That counts too.
Be blessed :)
Oh, it's a her? Ditto then.
btw my comments in no way assumed male or female for your friend.... just stating where I come from.
It's a good question. It's not easy to know healthy boundaries in that situation just as it might not be in off line life. I'm sure as it becomes clear to you that you'll do what's best.
i do like hector up there. I pray for people whom I've never met. I've never met you except online but that doesn't make you any less real.
you've never met mmme either, but you pray for me, and i'm grateful.
boundary line? only if i doubt god that my prayers can affect the whole world. the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous (wo)man availeth much and it is God who makes me righteous and sometimes righteously angry...
so there.
come on over to the dotr. mmmeet mmme. i'm real. so are you.
hugs.
Peni,
If you have a real concern that someone is going to make a disasterous choice, can you stay silent? is that the question?
If it were you, would you want your friend to not say anything and allow you to make that same wrong choice?
Just something to think about.
Love,
Maggie
Not sure what to do about the online friend thing because, well, I've all but butted into
Hey, where did the rest of my comment go???
My advice is to pray for them. Communicating your concern for them has to be done with love, tact and respect. Sometimes that is hard to achive via a keyboard, but I think it can be done.
L, you still make me smile :)
i am feeling better about things today than i did yesterday. it's a matter of faith and i think that is why i was so thrown by everything i was hearing/reading.
if i address, i will do so after much prayer and guidance by the Holy Spirit. until i have the words to say that will be *seasoned* with grace, then i shall remain silent.
steve, i'll tell you how things go tuesday night at dinner :)
jules, you were cut off!! =o how can that be? did it hurt?
You ask:
how far does the *knowing someone* extend if you've never *met* them in real life?
Maybe your answer can be found in the parable about the Good Samartian where Jesus asked, "Who's your neighbor?"
I could be completely wrong on this, but I sense that you were kind of leaning one way in your decision within your post, a decision that might lead you out of your comfort zone by reaching out to someone. (Your comfort zone is a lot larger than mine by far.) Maybe something inside was waving a little warning flag, and you have asked people here to talk you out of it. BUT, then again, something else inside is pulling you to reach out regardless of social protocals. If I am wrong, please please forgive me. If I am close to being right, again, please please forgive me.
I do not know the person you are referring to, but it sounds like they may be sending out warning signs, conscientiously or unconscientiously asking for help. What do we do in response?
We are compelled to try. God calls us simply to care and to love. He does not ask us to be successful, only to be faithful. Besides, the Holy Spirit does all the work any how.
The game of life is messy. You are going to get hurt sometimes, and at times, you cannot not hurt those you love. Are you going to get in the game or sit on the sideline? Are you going to get dirty and bloody and scrape your elbows and knees along side your neighbor, or keep your uniform clean? Are you asking *the* coach to put you in, or take you out?
Be careful. And as you said above, much, much prayer. God bless you and your friend.
if you can talk her out of doing something that will destroy her, it needs to be done.
even if it destroys a friendship, it needs to be done
been there, done that
lost a very dear friend that way
still mourn the friendship
would still do the same thing again in a heartbeat
remember that true love loves you right where you are - and also loves you enough not to leave you stuck there
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