your thoughts are most welcome...
There have been a couple of people recently with whom I have completely cut off ties and I just got through having a pretty unpleasant email exchange with one of them. I had felt so violated by one of these characters that I blocked his IP address from being able to visit my blog anymore. That earned me an angry storm of emails from him. My only reply was that I didn't feel like I had done anything that harmed him and I didn't feel the need to explain myself.
Some time went by and I left a comment on his blog expressing my sympathy for a death in his family and it reopened the whole thing again.
I think it's OK for us to insist on getting what we need from a relationship - and it's OK to simply terminate the relationship if it is obvious that we'll never get what we need. Part of recovery is taking care of ourselves. We don't owe anyone an explanation for that.
It may not be comfortable to shut someone out but sometimes it is what needs to be done.
I have to admit I skipped the bits in quotations. I felt the crap comin' on and disengaged those bits. I picked up again in the second last paragraph.
Sounds totally cornball but maybe this was why you were so much on my mind over the past two days? I dunno. Maybe.
Lately, I have had several communication hazards myself...I found it healthy for both parties to determine boundaries -- one involved an older-than-me lady who has emotional and other medical problems, and can get caustic/whiny self absorbed when she's on the phone. I told her that I would speak personally with her, but would allow no phone conversations except having to do with making travel arrangements/business.
Anyway,with each conflict I had, I needed to be reminded not to escape the conflict by running away, which is my default position -- and to show compassion to each as well -- with the older-than-me lady, giving deference and respect as I think what I may be like in 20-30 years...
I am cautious with those people/conversations who can suck me dry by their drama or relationship-wasting time -- and appreciated your insight into spending important time and effort with your sponsee relationship. Blessings on your week and weekend,
I got paper letters.
My mom basically used them to tell me that I was out of line with God.
When I tried to respond, I was met with surprise, puzzlement, what-did-I-do.
When my husband intervened, because he was tired of it, he called her and I had to listen to her basically tell me that I was the cause of her misfortunes, when her husband, my father, had abused me.
Disengage, indeed. You are brave to do so. I did, as well, and I know the pain is temporary. Whatever healing will happen, I'm not in control of it. I leave it to Him, as you appear to be doing.
Well done.
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