I think you're a fine human being, who is performing Herculean tasks and yet still keeps her sense of humor.
And, no, I don't think you're an addict.
But I do think I figured it out. The Pain_Clinic_That_Shall_Not_Be_Named thought you WANTED to be in pain... sort of like a Monty Python skit...
Well, I think you already know what I think, but I'll tell you anyway. {{HUGS!}} Does that tell you enough? 
I'm so sorry you've been having such a hard time. One one hand your stories about having such a hard time getting treatment surprise me, but OTOH they don't... and I agree, I have no clue what the solution is. It happens in many different areas of life - how do you run a 'system' that helps those who truly need it while filtering out those who abuse it? (And I 100% believe you're in the 1st category.)
In other news, I met Snarkin over the weekend! She's great IRL - she's a fellow cat person, antique & craft lover, & bargain hunter, among other things! We saw the So You Think You Can Dance show here & it was awesome.
Hang in there-
I know something about where you're coming from. Extreme heartburn, indigestion, acid reducers that constipate, and depression that I don't know how much longer I'm going to let torment me.
It sounds a lot like my CF patients, who have a lot of similar problems stemming from a dodgy chromosome 7, except I would like to think they recieve much better care and more compassion than you have. I don't think that anyone thinks you are an addict - and the doctors who treated you so badly clearly need a holiday or something to pull them out of their burnout and cynicism.
And from personal experience I know that with depression, there is a difference between knowing Christ is with you and feeling his love, and that is the problem. When I realised that I knew intellectually that God loved me but was unable to feel it, I knew it was time to go get me some pills, which are helping with my mood quite a bit and HEAPS with anxiety (reason enough to take them despite initial nausea).
Glad to hear the pit may be left behind soon. We all have our desert times but chronic illness is a terrible thing that hurts in so many ways.
God Bless
"Addict" never crossed my mind!
Kim, I think you handle challenges beautifully. It is really inspirational to read. I think taking some time off is the right decision, as is switching doctors until you find one who listens to you / believes you / treats you like a human being.
I don't know what the right answer is, with doctors having to on one hand deal with drug seekers and on the other hand treat chronic pain. I hope I never get so jaded that I would just let someone suffer to avoid any risk of feeding an addict.
I know you will persevere.
I don't know the whole sitch, but I know I was hospitalized Dec. of last year with pancreatitis... Yes your description of the knife going in your gut and out your back is what I felt. So what am I getting at...? Have you had your gal bladder out? I had mine out and my pain is gone now as long as I stay away from alcohol. Just curious if this is an option for you...
Take care and hang in there.
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