WTF???????
she and Julia really hate their kids don't they?
Pretentious bitch...is she so self-involved that she doesn't think her kids will be teased for these stupid names?
I loathe her.
gross.
Mortimer 
Sounds like a cow!
Sad.
Just another example of stupidity from Oatmeal Face.
Sounds like a nickname for a hemmorhoid
Mortimer. Poor, poor child.
"Uncle Morty"sounds like he may have been pettin her kitty(if ya know what I mean)when she was 12.
What a retard. I agree with heartflowers
haaa! haaaaa! mortifuckin'mor? roflmbao!
hey mort! that's just like parents who name their kid dick
"Vaudeville!"
Yeah, all they need is a Sidney and a Milton!
So it's Mortimer Capone Fishsticks Paltrow Martin, huh?
Catchy!
Warty face Morty!!! The kids will say~
Poor child. Mortimer? Morty for short? It's horrible. Dreadful. Bloody dreadful.. (in my fake British accent)
hey mort! that's just like parents who name their kid dick
layna | 03.24.06 - 11:19 am | #
Oh my gosh...I have a customer and his name is Richard Wacker... Now thats a horrible name!!
I really don't understand how Chris Martin can stand her. She isn't hot.
She suck a fucking idiot. If my kid said, "Can I go over Mortimer's house to play?" I would be a little afraid. Twat.
*she's such* sorry
I think it is a beautiful name.
She is such a money grabbing hoe. She is a sell out. How many companies is under her payroll.
what happened to names like tamika, or shauntay, of quanisha? oh i forgot shes a typical caucasian mom.
mortimer sounds much greater than the above ghetto names. shes typical and repugnant
My father's name is Mortimer. Loved by all...known as Morty. It's the perfect name for him, I never could imagine anything else. Granted it is an "old" name, but it sure beats out some of the very bizarre African-inspired names and spellings out there today.
The Uppity BritByDick probaly thinks that it sounds regal or something.
I'll talk to Chris about that Saturday night when I see him at the concert.
Those ghetto names are not African.
I think you should name him Jack...NASTY!
oh my god KellKell! Dick Wacker!!
How about BUBBA PALTROW
Vaudeville! Apple better start learning the old soft shoe!
How about naming him after Steven Spielberg... like "Steven"
KellKell - are you fucking serious???
Oops Bubba Martin
She can do things like that because she has money, but could you imagine if a regular non celebrity child was named MOrtimer? That kid would be tortured in school.
My BLog
Celebrity Gossip
Stoney, it does! Did you ever read Arabel's Raven?
The Raven was called Mortimer. The only thing he could say was "Nevermore" - I love that story.
Mortimer is a sorry name for a baby.
Although, Morty will be good when he's, like, 80.
I think I have reservations at Mortimer's for tomorrow night.
That's bullshit. So not true.
My poor Dad is Herman. Maybe they'll call the little guy Mo for short.
OMG!! that reminds me of mr and mrs. Hornee!! The old couple next door. WTF?
Dick Whacker. That's the best one I've heard in a very long time.
Don't believe this, if anything, she'll name him after her dad.
'Gwyneth' and 'Blythe' aren't exactly run-of-the-mill names either, so what do you expect? The Paltrows like wacky names. At least she's not giving her kids played out Stepfordized McNames like 'Dylan' or 'Taylor' for a girl, and 'Tyler' or 'Connor' for a boy.
I personally like the
name Sha-nay-nay but that's just me. I think Fishsticks should name the little tyke Boogie. That's a nice name. I like Fishsticks. You are all just mad that her cooter smells like roses and Chris Martin writes songs about her. Snort.
Wait, I thought they were naming him Capone?
Hmph.
I liked Capone
Why doesn't she just name him Kick Me, and be done with it?
Why doesn't she just name him Kick Me, and be done with it?
Bean | 03.24.06 - 11:49 am | #
BEAN OMG LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!
tears, Bean, tears!!!!
why does fishstix have to be such a shythead to name her kids like this????
seriously...... i mean she is setting morty up to get his azz kicked..... and i thought i read they were having another girl.....
NoAnjil! 
Wait a minute. My son's name is Conor. With one n. That's the proper Galic first name. There are very few of those, because no one knows how to spell it properly.
bean..LOL!
LOL
Well, if the alternative was going to be banana, kiwi, or some other dopey fruit name, Mortimer has my vote.
Frankly, I expected worse from this bitch. Mortimer sounds like a stale old man, but for Paltrow standards, it isn't too bad. One of my high school guidance counselors was named Richard Rector, middle name Edward. His door read "Richard E. Rector." Hand to God. He knew we made fun of him, so he must have had balls of steel.
I could handle Apple, but this shit has been me laughing for the past 5 minutes. Mortimer is some guy out of Harry Potter, right? Or Lord of the Ring? Maybe King Arthur? There's got to be a Mortimer in there somewhere.
Why doesn't she just name him Kick Me, and be done with it?
Bean | 03.24.06 - 11:49 am |
that about sums it up! playgrounds can be hell...
my ob's name was Rector, my retarded husband used to call him Dr. Rectum (behind his back, of course!)...My first ob was Dr. Odom, sure enough, he was Dr. Scrotum to my hubby! (idiot!).
He'll be gay for sure
Okay, here's my humble opinion on this name subject. We have already talked about how Vadge has "traced" her family tree to English royalty (Camilla Parker "Tampon" Bowles) and that Fishsticks would probably do the same. I think this may be where she got the name Mortimer! I mean, would it really surprise any of us based on her faux British accent, newly acquired love of all things British (no offense to the UK!) and her pretentious royal attitude??? I could totally see her doing research and coming up with something like this:
(From Wikipedia)
Mortimer is a popular English name, used both as a surname and a given name.
In the middle ages, the Mortimers were a powerful magnate family in the Welsh Marches, centered around Wigmore Castle in Herefordshire, and from the 14th century holding the title of Earl of March. Through marriage, the Mortimers came during the reign of Richard II to be close to the English throne, but when Richard II was deposed in 1399, the claims of the Mortimers were ignored and the throne vested in Henry of Lancaster instead. The Mortimer claims were later (1425) transmitted to the House of York, which ultimately claimed them in the Wars of the Roses.
I can't stand her!!
There. I said it.
I have an uncle named... I swear to God... Harry Ball. (I'm sure his parents did not think it through when they named him Harold.)
LOL! Bean. Kick Me Paltrow's middle name could be "And Steal My Lunch Money."
Beaner - I'm kinda diggin your hubby!! Funny, will carry when drunk, what more could you ask for?
Bug Your poor uncle!! I knew a guy whose last name was Dick...it was so funny when he would wear his football jersey with Dick on the back (he was pretty hot, too!)...
Thanks NoAnjil, he is a catch (for the most part)! He keeps me laughing (and drunk!!). 
Fugley daywalker.
Mortimer HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
Just one more thing for her kids to hate her for when they grow up...
My brother, who is a family doctor, always refers his urology hard cases to a Dr. Howe...Peter Howe...my bro told me how to remember his name: He is a urologist, so he has to ask, "How's your peter?"
UP HERS TOO!
Bean you just reminded me of my girlfriend who had a bumper sticker "I heart Dick"
I can imagine the dirty looks she got with that bumper sticker, NoAnjil!!
hearts, !
WHAT AN ASSHOLE.
My dh works at a hospital with a doctor named (no shit) Harry Growth.
Paging Dr. Harry Growth, to the ER, stat!
She is a nutjob. Mortimer? What an ugly assed name........She deserves all the negative comments....dumb bitch.
Mortimer is a perfect name ... when the kid turns 70.
What happened to named him Bruce, after her dad?
Why doesn't she just go ahead and name her son Jackass for all the abuse he's gonna take.
Why doesn't she just name him Kick Me, and be done with it?
Bean | 03.24.06 - 11:49 am | #
Oh Bug Spray! Your poor uncle!!
If she is going to name him after someone, shouldn't it be her FATHER? Not her Godfather!!!!!! Try Bruce Gwenny...it's a little old sounding, but at least it's semi-NORMAL!!!!!
love her
it's funny how you people believe all the shit you read. morons.
WTF??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with that bitch!!!!!! Couldn't she name him STEVEN after Spielberg????? Stupid Brit-wanna be.
why fishsticks? anyone?
Hate this bitch
Supposedly, when she told the reporter Mortimer, she was just joking. I read it on another blog, but who knows if it's true.
'Mortimer'?
Gee now, could she have picked a more pretentious, WASP name? (aren't she and Chris Jewish?) Not unless she called it Vanderbilt, Astor or Whitney (imagine that!), but Mortimer is pretty damn good.
Bitch.
She was just kidding.
She's actually naming him Banana Hammock.
She should name him 'tartar sauce'.
He's going to get beat up a lot.
That sounds like the name of someone who should be in The Addams Family.
MORTIMER MARTIN! hahahahha HARD TO SAY...TONGUE TWISTER ... say it fast!
I'm SO over celebs naming their kids stupid names, I could scream!!! George Carlin has a really funny bit about that on his last standup DVD:
"Whatever happened to Eddie?????, He was here a minute ago!!!"
BTW: My mom (I kid you NOT-you can look her up in LA!!) had a gyno named Dr. Bonnie BEAVER!!!!!!
I always thought she just called her that to be funny, but it was actually her name!!!!
i really hope she names him mortimer. she's such a fucking loser. it would be perfect.
WTF?!!Mortimer? Are you serious?
Bean, Every time I see your avatar, I feel like I should be sitting up straight, no chewing gum, no talking!
20 years from now, we'll see a Deacon Philippe/Apple Martin/Maddox Jolie-Pitt "Bermuda Triangle"
With Mortimer, engaged to Zahara Jolie-Pitt...... and Little Ron Hub Cruise, vowing to destroy them all!!
she is determined to make sure her kids hate her and get beaten up in school...
She could name it Shithead #2 and the magazine would still applaud her ability to maintain a career and have a family.
Fishstick is so fucking stupid,she is the best proove,that all this macrobiotic-yoga-blablabla stuff impairs her mental health.
And doesn´t make her look better neither. Hate her.
OakRaiderfan | 03.24.06 - 11:38 pm | #
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That's right, and you'll get a ruler to the knuckles if I see ANY slouching!
Some people should not be allowed to have kids much less name children. How horrible.
There is a boy in my son's class and his name is MORDRID...yes, after the bastard son of King Arthur. Who in their right freaking mind would name their kid MORDRID!?!?!?!?!?!
Mortimer is right up there with Mordrid.....their parents should be shot.
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