It seems to me that you're acting the way that feels most natural to you; so if you act differently in order to avoid stereotypes, wouldn't you be falling into the same trap?
I know what you mean though. I'm socially transitioning from female to male, and I often feel guilty because of buying into the gender binary (I do still identify as genderqueer, and as transmale as opposed to male, but most people won't see that).
I think that forcing ourselves to change our socially-constructed wishes isn't the answer. I *do* think, however, that we should encourage everyone to follow their own desires, especially when they aren't socially accepted.
So, you can buy your niece girly-clothes, but you can also support her decision to wear boyish clothes in the future. Maybe public speaking isn't for you, but you can defend female speakers if they face sexist comments.
This way, we can build a future where tastes are less constricted, where every decision comes from the heart.
As a transman who's going to be having a baby in February, the pervasive overt gendering of infants (and fetuses) by our society is something I've not been able to ignore.
Leaving aside clothes, it's almost impossible to buy gender-neutral carseats, cribs, even bottles, if you can imagine something so ridiculous as a 'girl bottle' or a 'boy bottle'. I can imagine plenty of gender-neutral cute color schemes for kid clothes ... but nobody's selling them. Even the generic striped onesies have a football/butterfly applique (for example) just so that no bystander could EVER be confused at the gender of your little preverbal lump of flesh.
There's a deep-seated fear in our society, I think, of inappropriately gendering someone -- calling a man 'ma'am,' etc. This extends even to babies (for whom it matters little) and pets (for whom it matters not at all). I've had people apologize to me profusely for calling my (male) dogs 'cute little gals.' Why on earth would I care? But clearly, they think that I would; their reaction implies they're worried I'm going to go postal on them for it.
Food for thought, especially on the subject of 'why transsexuals/gender-nonconformists make people nervous.'
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