rock on, bro.
easier said than done.
but rock on
awesome. it would be so cool to have a whole generation of men stand up and say 'hey marketers & media people, that prototypical man you're pushing on society all the time?--that's not me. it's not even anything like me. get with it."
thanks for the comments! men definitely need to stand up and take control of their lives and refuse all the BS that is seeping into our brains. it's really really important and something i try to stress a lot when talking about these issues with other men. it's empowering and liberating to reject all the bullshit that men generally know deep down inside is wrong. woo i'm gettin all politically riled up!!! haha
Thanks for this great post. Although I am a woman and so have my own issues with this phenomenon, my anger often comes from the same place as yours. That is, I know that the men in my life are not "stereotypical meatheads", and I hate that they are being encouraged to think that they have a certain attitude to women and sex just by dint of being straight men. I refuse to believe that most men are as misogynistic as the advertising and magazine industries suggest. Anyway, it is good to hear this rant coming from a guy, and I am as offended by the assumptions adverts make about straight men as you are!
Well, some women do (and are justified, I think) in judging men as critically as men judge them. There are a million different books on how average guys can attract super-model women instead of average women who match them in terms of looks. Perhaps this is why men find themselves in unfulfilling relationships, one of the many places where patriarchy backfires (not to mention some male bitterness over the women who rejected them for the same arbitrary reasons). Looks are important in how we are perceived as people whether we admit that or not. It affects us on the job, on the streets, and pretty much everywhere. Despite the fact that many of us look very little like the average photoshopped porn star or model; it doesnt stop us from getting harassed/pursued aggressively throughout our lifetimes.
Women are not beautiful in their effortless/natural forms, they have to work for their beauty. Thats the ingenuity of consumerism. If beauty were easily obtainable, we wouldnt have to buy it. Literally everything is sold to us. Our happiness, our health, love, sex, food, in addition to everything else we need to function and live. No wonder we are all confused and miserable. Internalized sexism IS how patriarchy changes form to self-protect. 99.9% of us are (and .1% of us were) battling insecurity, in hopes that insecure women will be ineffective in combating patriarchy or affecting any real change.
We also have to try to work through our own socialization, if we want to help end this destructive cycle. Which is much harder to remove for us, even though there is so much more at stake.
When I catch myself conforming to my socialization I try to challenge what I've done, ask myself why I am doing it, and work through it which is daily because I am bombarded daily. I am hard enough on my self not to make the same mistakes when I know they are wrong, and if I do I try again. I tell myself I have to realize that I am not perfect, and never will be because humans are imperfect. And that when I fail I MUST analyze and just keep trying. I guess what always helps me is to be truly empathetic with others' struggles as much as my own and to be as critical as possible, as often as possible. How I can change anything if I cant change myself? It makes me crazy, but it's worth it. Because the alternative is obviously a whole hellova lot crazier. Ha.
Great post!
~S
When I analyze the situation you've made a lot of sense from the point of the heterosexual male, but these adds also hurt the women; it creates a false image that "this is what men what". So it seems we are helplessly stuck in an endless cycle, with the key word being "seems". Why is it that men are looking for women that don't exist, and women are striving to become this nonexistent women. To me, we as people aren't naturally like this. Have people become so lethargic in life that we just give in to the hundreds of adds shoved down our throats and just accept this as reality. I mean that is what we see on reality television, "beautiful" women and men and their reality, why do we as people allow ourselves to be forced fed our own reality. So I am with you in the notation that we have to do anything we can to stop this market machine that is "beauty".
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