I am a middle aged m-2-f transexual and living full time being the woman I truly am for many years.
Yes I think that some men are quite attractive. However, gay males will oftenassume that I also must be gay, but I am not! Its an understandable mistake. Sadly whenever a sexually immature gay man has discoverded this fact about me; it causes the same kind of openly hostile gender phobia reaction that I have experienced from so-called straight types. I was not a bit suprised to learn that this the common experience among other transgendered women like myself.
I live in West Hollywood, Ca. and I am grateful for the resources of the LGBT Center here. GLB people work hard to project a positive, acceptable image and create a place equal in society. But in the eyes of many gay people, transsexuals just dont seem to fit into that straight acting image. We transsexuals are like a large pink elephant in the corner of the room that everyone wants to pretend is not there. Anyway, it is obvious to me that transsexuals are marginalized by this GLB community. Meanwhile, we trans-wome must try to cope with the hatred and violence in this L.A. town. Thankfully no gay men have ever attacked me, but I have been violently attacked by presumably straight males, 4 times in the last 5 years. All were unprovoked hate crimes, simply because of my gender. The last attack happened while I was on my way to work, waiting at a bus stop on Wilshire Blvd. This attack was witnessed in public. Although I was kicked and knocked down on the pavement, nobody spoke up to help me.
As my attacker walked away free and got on the bus, when the police arrived, they arrested me! No charges were made, but I was locked up 2 miserable days in the notorious towers jail in downtown L.A.. I was humiliated and constantly insulted by transphobic LAPD at the jail. They thought it was fun.
I try not to be bitter.I try to see beyond the stupidity of this patriarchal, unjust, genderphobic society
around me. All I desire is to be free to be the woman I am, to live and create my art of living, and share the colors of my creation with others. Nobody wants to live in fear.
Sincerely, Carmin Messina, Artist
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