Did JLo help you write that? You saw what hanging out with her did to Ben Affleck's career, your holiness.
Maureen
Dude...you may need Eminem to help you on your delivery.
--Ann
I think you need to say "bitchin" more. It's just not realistic enough, otherwise.
What I misheard is true - Cardinal Rap-singer was elected pope!
Papa,
Please stick to your traditional style. Have you encountered the youth from Juventutem yet? We're sure you would like them and that they would like you. In fact, we think you would get along w/them the best, of all the young ppl at WYD 2005.
Sincerely,
El Generalissimo
In fact, here is their website for you to peruse:
http://www.juventutem.com/accuei...accueil-
all.php
Note that we gave you the German version, b/c we know that is your native tongue. Those who want the English version may go here:
http://www.juventutem.com/accuei...accueil-
all.php
Thank you, Papa. We know you'll like them.
In Christo et Maria,
Inquisitor Generalis
Oh Papa, YOU ROCK!
But you know, everyone will be able to tell you're just fakin it. You need to hang with your peeps in Detroit for a few weeks, then you'll sound more convincing. (Except that GRB place on Michigan Avenue. That might not be a good place for you.)
Anywho, I thought the young people are there to hear the truth and chant Benedito!-CLAP-CLAP-clapclapclap. The Svengalis are fine, but talking like a rap song? Leave that to the musical groups.
Yes. All languages are spoken in Hell, but Ghetto speak is probably most prominent.
Dear Papa,
I believe it would be best to stick to your own style. I don't believe for a moment that Archbishop Marini would know better on this point. In fact, I believe if you approached the youth in the same delightful manner as your musings, then you would have great success with your message and that the youth would embrace you whole-heartedly.
Yours in Christ,
Jenn
PS: Papa, is it a sin to laugh at loud and thus disturb my co-workers while reading your musings?
I meant Serengetis, not Svengalis.
Dearest Papa,
As I read your draft, I started to have an idea for the rap video you could do to accompany your address -- Your Holiness in that super-fly snow-white quilted jacket, Serengetti shades, and white ball cap -- you know, just what you wore for your Les Combes vacation -- surrounded by a posse of black-cassocked clerics, while you're throwin down a righteous smackdown on Relativism....
But no... on second thought, your natural manner is far too winning to forego. It looks like you'll have a very enthusiastic crowd awaiting you, so i wouldn't worry too much.
HTH, and HAND tomorrow at the festival! TTFN.
Papa, I say in all humility that you need to stick to your usual style because your advisors have been steering you all wrong on the slang ... it is grievously outdated (you know how fast things change these in these modern times) and will just make you sound even more out of touch.
I beg you, drop "rad", "homie" and only use one "bling" ... though I will say that "Word to your mother" was a pretty good attention getter.
Your devoted,
Happy Catholic
Papa,
Actually, upon further reflection, we've decided that your use of the term "bling bling" to describe your pectoral cross was kinda funny.
Sincerely,
Inquisitor Generalis
You can talk like the youth Papa, but don't forget about stylin as well. Maybe you could wear a partially openned robe, and you could have Nuns in a Victoria Secret get up escorting you. Now that would get the Youth! Don't have scruples about vanity and all of that. This is 2005.
Now that I think about it, having scantily clad women near the altar may not provide the shock value you need. The kids can see that at any old parish in America. Pray about the role of hooches, and I'm sure the Holy Spirit will give you an answer.
I must say, Holy Father, that your musings always make my day, and the comments from your wise advisors are a delightful bonus. Remember when you give your hip-hop address to get a little hand action into it -- flash "east-side, west-side" signs and so forth.
And be sure to give a shout out to my sister in the crowd there...
Dearest Papa,
The youthful language just ain't doin' it for me. I think your advisors are steering you in the wrong direction. Your own style will add so much more spirituality to the message.
However, I must say that "Just say NO to Relativism" would make a great bumper sticker.
"I must say, Holy Father, that your musings always make my day, and the comments from your wise advisors are a delightful bonus. Remember when you give your hip-hop address to get a little hand action into it -- flash "east-side, west-side" signs and so forth."
Perhaps, Papa, you could use the east-side sign as a show of ecumenism to the Eastern Orthodox? You know, you could just show that you're "down w/the East, yo."
Dear Holy Father,
Be careful in flashing those 'west side' 'east side' signs. We do not want to re-enact the assasination attempt on your predecessor. Some might mistake it for gang signals and think that you are part of the Latino Kings, which are previlant around here in Chicago...
That aside, I think that you should have Mother Angelica as 'arm candy'... you'd probably look good together. In terms of language, do omit rad, bling-bling is great (put some diamonds in your pectoral cross, or have a rhine(land)stone 'R' set in it. Maybe a nice white track suit with some white Nike sneakers (I am sure the sponsors would jump at the opportunity) and... how about a gold tooth.... nah.
Omit 'bitchin' it is offensive to women and dogs. How about 'cattin'?
You could get Fr Stan Fortuna up there... he is good at ghetto speak and rap...
i do not think that ghetto speak is more previlant in hell. It is the language of the poor and God loves the poor. Ghetto speak is creative and constantly evolving. I think that there is a lot of life and hope in it. The greatest sin of most of those who speak it is probably ignorance of the Truth. Speaking on their level is needed. Meetin' people wear dey is at!
PS I think that you should throw some 'snizzle' in there, out of respect to artists such as Snoop Dog .
Papa,
You have done it again. Every time I think you have written the funniest musing you could possibly write, you amaze me with yet another.
Thank you for your joyous spirit. And wear that pectoral bling bling with panache, you have earned it.
Your faithful daughter
Most Holy Father,
My personal opinion is that you should stick to plain English (when speaking it) that is limited to no particular time and place but rather English that is timeless and readily understood by all who hear it. Remember that, like our Blessed Lord, you are not just speaking to the multitudes around you, but to the "urbi et orbi", and indeed to the ages. People do not expect (or perhaps should not expect) you to speak like them, but more like God...
Good luck there, Most Holy Father, and God Bless...
Yo yo Papa,
You're a smart guy. No need to hang with the toadies. We love you the way you are. Be cool. Feed your lambs. It's all good. Yo.
Yo Holiness:
You're right. Ignore Marini. With the wrong accent and emphasis "Word -- your mother" could come out "Word -- yo' momma" and that'll start a riot. You taught college students for twenty years and except for a bad patch there in the late 60s, you were pretty successful. Stick to the tried and True and not gangsta rappers for inspiration!
Maureen,
I’m sorry, who is is Jlo?
God bless you,
Papa
Ann,
I’m sorry, who is Eminem?
God bless you.
Papa
Boethius,
I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was supposed to say that more.
God bless,
Papa
Steve,
Hehe
God bless you.
Papa
Inquisitorgeneralis,
I am indeed looking forward to having contact with the Juventutem youth. I wish my schedule was such that I could attend Mass with them.
God bless you.
Papa
Chris,
Thank you for your advice. The next time I travel to Detroit, I will be sure to steer clear of that GRB place. I doubt that I would be terribly welcome there anyway. 
God bless you,
Papa
Jenn,
Thank you for your kind words. The thing you should be asking is if it is a sin to be reading my musings while at work? Ahh, but don’t worry about it that much, even Papa gets a little distracted by a good blog now and then.
God bless you.
Papa
MoongardenMary,
Thank you for your entertaining suggestion and your kind words.
GBY,
Papa
Julie D.
Thank you for your wise counsel. I am satisfied with my decision to go with one of the other prospective speeches.
God bless you.
Papa
Inquisitorgeneralis,
I’m glad you liked the bling bling thing, but unfortunately I am not going with it. BTW, how many of you are there?
God bless you (all of you).
Papa
M.Z. Forrest,
Thank you for your suggestions.
God bless you.
Papa
MrsDarwin,
Thank you. If I run into your sister I’ll send her home with a blessed rosary for you.
God bless you.
Papa
Anna,
Thank you. I did think the "Just say NO to Relativism" slogan was kind of catchy.
God bless you.
Papa
"BTW, how many of you are there?"
We use the royal we, Papa. There is only one of us.
Dearest Papa,
You should at least keep the first line and paragraph. It's great!
And, when you're finished talking you should also do your normal thing with raising your arms and clapsing your hands, only at the end do the "rock on" sign. You know I really like that.
Love you,
Jane
Inquisitorgeneralis,
Thank you for the suggestion regarding the East side sign. That was very ecumenical of you. I would incorporate if I were to go with that speech.
God bless you.
Papa
Brittany,
I’m sorry, what is snizzle? Forgive me for not knowing Snoop Dog was an artist too. I never really cared for Snoop Dog. His little bird friend never spoke and the only thing entertaining he did was to fly his doghouse into battle with Red Baron (which was just bigoted anti-German propaganda).
So, child, I am sorry, but I do not care to pay tribute to Snoop Dog.
God bless you.
Papa
Maggie,
Thank you and God bless you.
Papa
Jack,
Thank you for your wise advice.
God bless you.
Papa
Lucy,
Thank you and God bless you.
Papa
Rcesq,
Thank you for your kind words and sound advice. I certainly wouldn’t want anything to put a damper on WYD.
God bless you.
Papa
inquisitorgeneralis,
Very well then, we thank you for clarifying the matter.
God bless you.
Papa
Jane,
Thank you for your comments. I would try the rock-on sign, but it makes my arthritis flare up.
God bless you.
Papa
You are thinking of Snoopy (who was not anti-German, you holiness, but liked to have a little fun now and then). The person to whom I was referring to is Snoop Dog the rap artist. Snizzle is just part of his non-sensical language (kind of like relativism)... at any rate, hope that WYD is going well.
Maybe you could address the youth from a Muppett perspective? Swedish Chef comes to mind.
Vurd tu yuoor muzeer!
[pause]
Zee Vurd ceme-a tu us thruoogh oooor Muzeer, zee Blessed Furgeen Mery; vheech ves a trooly merfeluoos theeng. Lurd Jesoos Chreest deedn’t cume-a in a BMW ell decked oooot veet funcy vheels itc…; nu, he-a ceme-a tu us in a looly munger, cluzeed in hoomeelity und puferty. Bork bork bork! Es Oooor Guud Lurd’s serfunt reeght noo, I cume-a tu yuoo in hoomeelity und veethuoot zee funcy edurnments, sefe-a my Pescetureeu und pecturel cruss. Um gesh dee bork, bork!
I breeng tu yuoo zee inffurmeshun oon zee freedum thet is zee feeet in Jesoos Chreest. Um de hur de hur de hur. Zee messege-a ooff Chreest is beooteeffool beyund meesoore-a. Oone-a cunnut feeoo zee Choorch es a gruoop ooff oold mee dreemeeng up ell surts ooff rooles und buns. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Tu zee cuntrery, zee Choorch is a muzeer tu us ell.
I elsu cume-a tu remeend yuoo tu joost sey NO tu Releteefism; fur a suool is a terreeble-a theeng tu veste-a. Yuoo see-a, my yuoong freeends; zee Releteefist vuoold feed yuoo a boonch ooff melerkey und tell yuoo yuoong mee thet it duesn’t metter iff yuoor punts hung doon tu yuoor knees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Dun’t booy iff fur oone-a meenoote-a; it mekes yuoo luuk rezeer guuffy und iferyune-a knoos it. Um de hur de hur de hur. Joost sey NO tu Releteefism!
Yuoong ledeees, zee Releteefists huuk yuoo intu beleeefing thet gueeng eruoond helff-neked mekes yuoo luuk beooteeffool, vhee in reeleety it seps yuoo ooff yuoor trooe-a beooty und oofftee teemes joost meke-a yuoo luuk treshy. Bork bork bork! Seemply reject thuse-a vhu vuoold insoolt yuoo und sey NO tu Releteefism! I chellenge-a ell ooff yuoo tu deetch zee cheeens ooff Releteefism und huuk up veet oooor Lurd, Lurd Jesoos Chreest. Um de hur de hur de hur.
Dear Papa,
Woah! Are you on something, Papa? Those painkillers are really something, huh?
PAX
Dear Papa,
I have an idea--have Cdl Marini do that for you and see how it works!
Make sure you are clear across the room, though, so you can see it real well like the youth see it, okay?
You can do the Latin. Cool, yes!?
Happy World Youth Day!!
Your loving daughter,
michigancatholic
Brittany,
Thank you for clearing that up. Though I still think that little mute bird is lame.
God bless you.
Papa
Mr. Felderhoff,
I am very impressed with your translation. It has been many years since I’ve seen the Swedish Chef. I believe you have captured his essence in your lengthy and obviously time-consuming post. Only at St. Blog’s, children, will you find so many people willing to contribute such vast amounts of time in support of their neighbor. Charity is indeed the engine that drives this humble parish.
Thank you and God bless you.
Papa
Michigancatholic,
Thank you for your advice. I do indeed like Latin; it is the language of the Church. I am curious about your name. I once read a quasi-Catholic publication by the same name; any connection?
God bless you.
Papa
Papa,
I think you should reconsider your stand on Snoopy's friend woodstock (the mute bird) after all aren't we all created by the same loving creator. I think it is sad of you to pick on poor woodstock for his/her limitations.
tsk tsk tsk
Your loving daughter
I agree with Maggie, Holy Father. Woodstock (the mute bird) is Carthusian in his silence, yet also Carthusian in the fact that even in his deep silence he still manages to be a part of the workings of the world and to touch other people's lives. He does ocassionally squeak (aspirations to heaven).
I LOVE the Swedish Chef !!! He is the best and your friend had me ROTFL!!! I love the "bork!bork!bork!" What about the "herdy-gerdy"? He used to do that, too. 
Your child
Maggie,
Indeed child, we are all created by the same loving Creator. We being His creation, and the silent bird being just a fictional cartoon character flickering at 24 frames per second. It seems that it would be idolatrous to show charity to such a thing. Thank you for writing.
God bless you.
Papa
Brittany,
I am sorry child; I just can’t buy into the notion that the silent bird is Carthusian anymore than I can buy that the rather vocal Peppermint Patty is Dominican, but thank you for trying.
God bless you.
Papa
What?! You mean that Peppermint Patty isn't a Dominican?! i am so crushed... I always thought that she was... Good thing we have the magisterium of the Church to guide us. I thought sure that the 'modern habit' she wears (aka street clothes) meant that she belonged to the Adrian Dominicans. Tsk. Tsk.
Brittany
Brittany,
Peppermint Patty could never be an Adrian Dominican; she has way too much depth to her personhood, in spite of her only being a cartoon character.
God bless you.
Papa
Dear Papa Bene,
While this wasn't exactly the message I heard in Köln, the homilies you did present were just as engaging.
I must admit, from my vantage point among the 1.1 million there were plenty of heads nodding, fists punching the air, and hands raising to heaven in agreement with all that you said. Too bad the whole world wasn't listening.
My particular favorite was your speech at the vigil. I definitely agree that the only true revolutions are those started by saints and founded in the love of Christ in the Eucharist. It's unfortunate that people seem to skip this minor point (particularly the Eucharist bit) in our world. I think some people have forgotten where to find the answer to life, the universe, and everything (hint: look for a tabernacle in your local church).
Thanks for your prayers for the youth. We are loyal to you. And as for those that aren't...well, you have legions of young adults around the world working alongside the Holy Spirit to bring about a revolution.
Thanks for taking the time to hang with us.
is that World Youth Day speech a translation from the original by ICEL???
hey every one i just had a question i heard this really kool song on the radio to day it was 95.5 and i think they said some thin like luva man luva man luv white sneakas!??and it was like in a robotic voice!!....would any one maybey kno the singer or maybey the name of the song!?!?!?!?!?!?1
hey every one i just had a question i heard this really kool song on the radio to day it was 95.5 and i think they said some thin like luva man luva man luv white sneakas!??and it was like in a robotic voice!!....would any one maybey kno the singer or maybey the name of the song!?!?!?!?!?!?
Commenting by HaloScan
