BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA1!!
Ahem.
Sorry, to make light of your plight, Holy Father, but that's just too dang funny.
--Ann
Ann,
It would only be funny if we could see the end of Reality TV coming, but unfortunately, those clever buggers keep rolling them out by the truckload. Pray child, that the good Lord saves us from this plague soon.
God bless you.
Papa
Dearest Papa,
Did they ask you to do a "Who wants to be a preist?" reality show? That would be kind of nice, don't you think?
Love you,
Scarlette
Note to self: abstain from beverages while reading this blog.
You left out Extreme Church Makeover, Papa.
I'll leave it to the readers to imagine the premise of that one ...
That Queer Eye for the Sacred Guy thing just hits a little too close, Papa...
How 'bout one where they cloister Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie in a convent for the entire summer and refuse to let them film "The Simple Life"? Good for the girls' souls, good for the Fox lineup.
Do you ever watch "Lost", Holy Father? Do you have any divine revelations on what's down the hatch?
Papa,
I hope that HDTV did not paint St. Peter's Basilica in Day-Glo colors while you were at WYD as part of "While You Were Out."
Scarlette,
Nobody has suggested 'Who Wants to be a Priest' until now, but I wouldn’t like it. I can already see what they would do. They would get some young men (and women...*ugh*) and start them out with some easy questions like:
What was our Lord Jesus Christ crucified on?
a. A Cross
b. A Cross
c. A Cross
d. All of the above
Then as the contestant moves up, the questions are more difficult:
Which of the following individuals is a flaming heretic who should be thankful that we still don't burn the likes of her?
a. St. Peter, the apostle and first pope.
b. St. Athanasius, the hammer of the Arian heretics.
c. Frances Kissling, the "so-called" Catholic, pro-abortion, heterodox dissenter.
d. St. Pius X, the terror of the Modernist heretics.
Then at the top of the ladder the questions get nearly impossible:
Has Vatican II truly helped the Church?
a. Yes
b. No
Thank you for writing and God bless.
Papa
Roz,
I am flattered that my humble musings have inspired you to mortify yourself. It's little things like that that our beloved St. Therese spoke of in her little way.
God bless you.
Papa
Chris,
In fact the Extreme Church Makeover people did call, but when I suggested they check out the Milwaukee, Rochester and Detroit ‘renovations’, they decided that it would be too costly of a job for them to fix using the budget of a major television network…if they could be fixed at all.
Thank you and God bless you.
Papa
Inquisitorgeneralis,
I hear you.
God bless you.
Papa
MrsDarwin,
Though the introduction of Paris Hilton into the cloister may not be as scandalous to the nuns as the introduction of an Adrian Dominican, I still can’t in good conscience let it happen.
Regarding the Lost series; I’m sorry that I have no particular insight into the writer’s mind, but I think everybody knows the island is like Purgatory and Hell is down the hatch, but since the theology of it is quite off, we will have to wait and see how the writer’s play it out for us.
God bless you.
Papa
Monoghan,
Thanks for writing. I have never heard of While You Were Out. No worry though; they would never be able to get past the Swiss Guard. Though they might be impressed with uniforms.
God bless you.
Papa
Papa,
You've never seen Saginaw's version, eh?
They would have fainted at that one.
You can tell it used to be pretty.
Dearest Papa,
I have important questions:
On "Lost", who do you think the character "Locke" (the guy who was crippled before the crash) is supposed to represent? Sometimes he seems evil, other times good. I just can't figure him out.
Do you think that the heroine is still good after all the time in the jungle?
Do you think that there is plenty for a person, who is addicted, to last the rest of his life? (Assuming he lives to be maybe 100 and uses twice a day.) Because if there was enough then I would have at it. Would that be sinful?
There's monsters on the island and I would have to be really high to be able to sleep at night or even not to be scared out of my mind all day. I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat.
Is it ok to think "wow, he's cute" about some of the guys on the island? Paricularly the arab and korean guys? Is that sinful?
Is it sinful to hope the dark-haired girl, who always has a stupid expression on her face and always seems sweaty and out of breath, falls down the hatch? (And no, I'm not jealous of her, she looks like a 12 year old boy to me. Besides, I think everyone would agree that the blonde girl with the baby is probably the cutest, anyway.)
Thanks Papa for taking the time to read these important questions,
Love you!
Scarlette
Dear Papa,
I think that we should do a show called "American Idol: The Reality". In it we could gather together all of the top 'idols' (those whom the public religiously follow and love more than God) and then see who ends us being the biggest "American Idol". They could then be cast away for taking away the love due to God and for making gods out of themselves... but I do not know if that would be ethical.
I think that Madonna (the singer) might be one of the finalists... and Cher. They just will NOT go away.
It's great taking serious matters lightly. It is the inherent character of the Catholic viewpoint. How about "Desperate Cardinals" (housewives?) featuring Card. Danneels (did I get that name right?).
my dearest papa:
how about "Iron Priest?"
two traditionalist priests will celebrate private masses according to the 1962 missal simultaneously in 2 altars in the same church.
they'll be judged on how they've celebrated the liturgy gracefully without forgetting any of the many gestures the priest needs to do.
and they'll have to finish their masses under 30 minutes!
(actually i've witnessed something similar in an sspx chapel in manila. the two priests celebrating private masses in two altars in the same church did remind me of competing iron chefs at that time. they did their masses so quickly and hurriedly, leaving to me to think that even the old rite could also be so ugly if done that way.)
Chris,
I have not seen the cathedral in Saginaw. If Bishop Untener of happy(?) memory was responsible for the ‘renovation’; I could only imagine what it must be like. Unfortunately, a great many parishes and cathedrals have been vandalized in similar fashion. We must bear this cross with patience and love in the hope that Our Good Lord will restore to His Bride Her beautiful adornments that serve the greater glory of God.
God bless you.
Papa
Scarlette,
You raise a great many questions and I would love to parse through them all, but I already did my penance for the day. Perhaps you should drive around town for hours on end trying to find a parish where they offer confession on a regular basis (and don’t fall for the ‘communal penance service’ bit); then if you can even find one, ask the priest those questions so that he may assist you more effectively.
Thank you and God bless you.
Papa
PS. FWIW, at WYD I overheard some nice young single Catholic men lamenting that the dark haired girl didn’t seem like a good Catholic girl to them, they were of the opinion that she was quite attractive.
Brittany,
You have certainly identified one logical consequences of Religious Consumerism: idolatry! I’ll leave it up to you to decide who would make the best example of an ‘idol’. Regarding your comments about Madonna (the materialist singer) and Cher, I can’t say why Madonna won’t go away, but I would suppose that Cher won’t go away because she can’t; silicon being an element and over 50% of her makeup would make it impossible for her to truly ‘go away’.
God bless you.
Papa
Father de Castro,
It is nice to hear from you. Yes, I believe the good cardinal’s name is spelled Danneels, though I have seen it spelled with one ‘n’. No worry though, we’ll just leave it up to the Nihil Obstat to correct us if we are wrong; after all that is what he gets paid to do.
Anyway, I can’t buy into any form of Religious Consumerism at all, though your idea is rather funny to me because Desperate Cardinals could actually be a reality show. I have had the pleasure (misfortune?) to witness it first hand last April. During the conclave, you should have seen the liberal cardinals in the Martini camp getting more and more desperate with every cast of the ballots. Of course, I can’t say that I was enjoying it, that would sound Triumphalistic (which is like an ‘in’ word to use these days), but I know some Cardinals were taking delight in it all (not that their names matter, but I am referring to Cardinals Arinze (Franky) and Ruini).
Father, I would also like to mention that I have visited and browsed your blog, Gloria Olivae. All of the posts I read were excellent. I would recommend that the children check it out sometime.
Thank you and God bless you.
Papa
Perpetual Malcontent,
Thanks for writing. As you point out, those circumstances would be bad enough on their own, let alone making a spectator sport out of it. Let us pray that some clever TV show producer doesn’t find a trailer park anti-pope who will allow his priests to do such a show.
God bless you.
Papa
once again, congratulations.
you have outdone yourself again, papa ratzi 
i howled at 'you are excommunicated'.. best musing as of yet.
rock on.
(oops, you hate rock music -go mozart,i mean?)
I was going to link the Saginaw cathedral's parish website with many pictures that gives one a true sense of the interior decor, but the site seems to be down.
Hmmm ...
Dear Papa,
Could you get your beloved curial officials at Vatican TV to get the rights to rework some of those old classics?
I Love Lucy was great. But how about “I Love Lucy, Cecelia, Perpetua and Agatha”. That could be quite informative.
Could you redo ChiPS as California Heterodox Ideology Patrols? Over at The Curt Jester I saw a charming photo of you on your Harley (http://www.splendoroftruth.com/curtjester/
archives/006029.php ) I’d love to see you play the lead on this one.
And M*A*S*H was redone a few years ago as “Mediocre Apostolic-Visitation of Seminary Houses”. (I think it was actually titled “M*I*S*H-M*A*S*H). Have they given you a director’s chair for the re-remake?
Finally Papa, just don’t do “I Dream of Jeannie”? That’s been done already in a few dioceses. Sr Grammick and Fr Nugent helped with the script.
Love, your Venerable Aussie.
gotta just say I love this stuff so much. My kids are 2 1/2 and 7 months old and they laugh all day long. We adults get too serious.
God bless.
xvi,
Thank you, it pleases me that you find my humble musings edifying.
God bless you.
Papa
Chris,
Perhaps it is Providence that the site containing images of the cathedral in Saginaw is down.
Thanks for trying, though.
God bless you.
Papa
Venerable Aussie,
I found your ideas quite amusing, especially M*I*S*H-M*A*S*H. I’ll let you be the first to know that I am preempting that one this fall with one called S*M*A*S*H, Serious and Methodical Apostolic-Visitation of Seminary Houses.
Thanks for writing and God bless you.
Papa
Sara,
I too am afraid that we get too serious sometimes. To be able to laugh even when there seems not much to laugh about is in my opinion a great blessing.
God bless you.
Papa
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