Holy Father,
You must have an incredibly busy schedule to not pay close attention to Bundesliga. FC Bayern München has a marvelous football team. I particularly enjoy seeing them triumph against Manchester United in the English Premiere League. Someday, I hope to enjoy some Salvator (Paulaner Brauerei München) whilst seeing my favorite German football club.
Cheers!
Dearest Papa,
You are so right about curling. The first time I saw it, I was fascinated by it but I don't know why. Even now, if I am switching a channel and it's on, I am compelled to stop and watch for "a minute", but I end up finding myself still watching after quite some time. It's so lame; I don't get the fascination myself.
Is it okay to call jump-roping and hopscotch a sport? I'm pretty good at both and I would like them to some day be an olympic event. I think I could win a gold medal at either. And, I'm pretty sure I could pick a fight with a fellow player. Especially while playing hopscotch; it gets pretty intense.
Love you,
Scarlette
Papa,
Have you ever seen feather bowling? Just wondering ...
I am also reminded of a t-shirt I once saw... The image was of a rather large, rotund, and incredibly unkempt man carrying golf clubs. The caption: "Golf is a sport. Therefore, I am an athlete."
There you go.
Dearest Papa,
I'm so glad that you've been able to watch our great Canadian sport of hockey! The fighting can get a little out of hand - I don't like to see real blood on the ice. But the fact is, when the gloves and helmets come off, and they try to carry on a fight *on skates* without falling down, it's really just very funny. I've seen them sometimes strip each other's jerseys off, so they're standing there in their long underwear. Now, as for curling, I know we Canadians are good at it, but I believe the Scots invented it. Maybe that's why it's a bit ridiculous, rather like the other great Scottish sporting invention, golf. No fighting, but you can always get a laugh out of men scuttling down the ice, screaming "Sweep! Sweep!! SWEEEEEEP!!!"
Since so many Olympic sports are practically designed to give Europeans an edge, like skiing, I think it's only fair to even the field by adding one that Canadians and mid-Western Americans would be sure to excel at: Drunken Snowmobiling. The course would have to be run at night, of course, through a lot of low-hanging tree branches and over half-frozen lakes.
Papa, I find your objections to ribbon waving quite objectionable. I would figure that you of all people would be able to appreciate intrinsic beauty. When I watch ribbon waving competitions, I see the gospel. My priest and I had already made plans for Passion Sunday. We were going to replace the boring readings with me re-enacting the passion of our Lord doing rhythmic ribbon dancing. I had these wonderful lavender tights, most appropriate for lent, picked out and everything. Are you saying that some wouldn't find this edifying? Maybe if you were a little more progressive Papa, you might appreciate Rhythmic Dancing and poor Absp Weakland more.
I'm trying to envision a Discalced Yooper wannabe in lavender tights. I also assume you're a man. I can appreciate why Papa wouldn't appreciate that.
You going to go for the tutu, too?
Dearest Papa,
This Canadian child of yours is puzzled.
When you were Archbishop/Cardinal of München, did you never notice the locals gather on the ice to engage in Stockschiessen during winter?
It's not so very different from curling, is it?
I mean, if the Bavarians can do it, and the Scots can do it . . . it can't be so bad, now can it?
Dear Holy Papa:
Thank you for your comments on the Wide World of Sport. Your billion fans are pleased to see that you are able to get some tube time and recreational reading in to familiarize yourself with sport and to give you a break from those heavy theology volumes. You sound very knowledgeable,as we have come to expect from you.
If I may, Holy Daddy, might I make a nomination for a new category in the sporting world: Most boring sport to listen to on the radio.
Let me tell you a tale of me, long ago, driving on a dreary straight, flat Minnesota road, heading toward the Manitoba border (that's in Canada for those of your readers who failed geography).
I was so far north that I was no longer able to hear any American radio stations. Finally, faintly, I could hear a Winnipeg station with a play-by-play announcer and his color commentator avidly discussing the standings in the World Championship of their sport, just as the next match began.
Let me tell you, Holy One, that there is nothing in this world so boring as listening to the finals of the Silver Broom Curling Championship coming from Switzerland on a radio station with bad reception.
You might make an Appendix for that upcoming First Encyclical that you are writing, lette your flock know what Purgatory will be all about: not flames, but listening to curling on a supernatural radio.
Ray does have a point - curling on the radio is extremely boring. Just odd murmurs, the click of rocks striking each other, and an occasional voice half-raised, giving an order to a team member. (They don't have to raise their voices all the way, because the crowds are so silent.) But boring radio must be a Canadian thing, because once I heard golf on the radio up here. I was nearly zombified after listening for 5 minutes.
Mr. Felderhoff,
I would not consider myself a ‘sports fan’ because I do not follow any particular sport or sports team. I am aware of the happenings in the world of sports only to the extent that sports are inescapable in today’s society. As I recall you are an American, so I commend you on your tolerance and charity when referring to soccer as football. I am sure my European readers, in particularly the British, will appreciate that there is at least one American who doesn’t feel the need to impose his own terms on the rest of the world. Presumably, you accept the fact that some societies don’t actually “drive on the wrong side of the road”, but merely have different rules.
God bless you.
Papa
Scarlette,
Thank you for writing. One could call jump-roping and hopscotch sports if they were a professional athlete in the Sport of Relativism. Please don’t pick any fights while participating in those activities, because it wouldn’t be very charitable; leave the fighting to the boxing and hockey, where it belongs.
God bless you.
Papa
Chris,
Sorry, I have never heard of feather bowling. Is it similar to rollie bowlie? I sure hope it doesn’t involve harming birds for entertainment purposes.
God bless you.
Papa
Mr. Felderhoff,
What a funny shirt. It reminds me of one that I had seen once while visiting Rochester, NY. It had an angry looking woman holding the host above the ciborium. The caption read, “Ministering Communion is sacred. Therefore I am a priest.” Needless to say, I didn’t find that one very amusing.
God bless you.
Papa
Wanda,
It’s so nice to hear from you again. We should all have charity and strive to live in peace, but I agree that hockey fights are very entertaining. Curling in one form or another has been played throughout Europe, but I was unaware that it was actually the Scottish who invented it. I suppose the early days of curling would be even more interesting. Viewing a group of men wearing kilts and sweeping a frozen lake in the middle of winter would have had to have been entertaining enough.
I have heard of drunken snowmobiling. I know of a simple person in Detroit who used to participate in that activity. Apparently, there are some peculiar rules to the sport. The person who gets to the next tavern first wins that leg of the race, yet everyone who makes it home without a broken bone is the winner. Curious stuff.
God bless you.
Papa
M.Z. Forrest,
When I watch ribbon waving competitions, I see the gospel...We were going to replace the boring readings with me re-enacting the passion of our Lord doing rhythmic ribbon dancing. I had these wonderful lavender tights...
Please e-mail my assistant, Monsignor Ganswein; he will assist you in finding an optometrist, a therapist, and a new diocese.
God bless you.
Papa
Mattiacum,
True, there is no real difference that I know of between curling and stockschiessen. Nevertheless, it seems to me that the sport is much more popular and more akin to a national pastime in Canada than elsewhere. In fact, it seems like whenever I tune my pontifical satellite dish to a Canadian satellite I find either curling of Hockey Night in Canada… which brings me to another question; does CBC have a wardrobe department or does Don Cherry choose his own clothes?
God bless you and thank you for writing.
Papa
Ray from MN,
I can only imagine how boring a radio broadcast of curling may be, but I would like to make note of that mysterious aspect of curling. You could barely hear it due to the faint signal, but you heard enough to know that it was painfully boring…yet you still listened to it! I find that draw to be quite mysterious.
God bless you.
Papa
Oh Papa! I couldn't dream of serving our Lord away from Her or His faithful servant Bishop Zukik, not to be a name dropper. My life partner (in support of our oppressed homosexual brethren and in opposition to our patriachal past) does so much work for the Lord. I couldn't imagine her having to give up her Eucharistic Ministry or her duties as RE director. What would happen with the kids? We are in such a blessed community of believers. It takes a long time to build up a community. Gosh, we hold hands, and sing the beautiful hymns from Oregon Press. I greet every member of the parish during the sign of peace. I couldn't imagine getting banished to a place under someone else like Bishop Bruskewicz. I pray Holy Father that Monsignor Ganswein will allow us to stay in our wonderful Catholic community. I hope you come and see the fruits of Vatican II and the springtime in our Catholic community.
Holy Father,
Is it time to call in an exorcist? It is clear that this one correspondent of yours is suffering from demonic possession. Oremus.
Fr. Guido
Did you mean Mr. Felderhoff? I was just wondering.
Scarlette,
You are quite astute. This Mr. Felderhoff has an unhealthy fascination with soccer (he even calls it football!). Soccer is a Communist sport. And we all have seen the evil associated with Communism.
The power of Christ compells him.
Most cherished Papa, what do you think about Notre Dame football?
M.Z. Forrest,
I strongly urge you to contact Monsignor Ganswein as soon as possible to schedule an intervention…I mean…consultation.
God bless you.
Papa
Fr. Guido Sarducci,
Your name rings a bell, but I can’t quite place it. Anyway, I’m not sure if it is time to call an exorcist yet or not; but don’t worry, I have plenty of people I could call if need be. The exorcist convention was in town a couple of weeks ago, so I have a shoebox full business cards as well as promotional items like engraved Swiss Army crucifixes and pocket sized Holy Water squirt guns, etc.
God bless you.
Papa
Scarlette,
How funny; I thought he was talking about the Ray from MN, because something possessed him to listen to a curling match (with poor reception, yet).
God bless you.
Papa
Linda,
The only thought I have about Notre Dame football is that if the school were truly serious about providing a solid Catholic education to the players, they would find a way to put a particular theology professor out on the field during practice. Perhaps he could teach the players the virtue of holy suffering and obedience by being used as a tackle dummy or something.
God bless you.
Papa
Dearest Papa, I couldn't agree with you more. In their own words "they are traditional but always open to change" - really, check their website the next time you are surfing. And always feel free to namedrop if you like; none of us will tell and it makes us feel part of your own little musing club.
Linda,
I appreciate your sentiments - I really do. However, I am not a namedropper therefore it would have been acting out of character for me to have mentioned Fr. Richard McBrien's name in my reply.
Thanks for writing and God bless you.
Papa
Most holy Papa,
Where would we be if you did not guide us on theological matters as well as sports? Do you still hear confessions, and if so, when are your hours?
Linda,
Where would we be if you did not guide us on theological matters as well as sports?
Probably at The Curt Jester reading about PWTN or something. 
Do you still hear confessions, and if so, when are your hours?
Only by appointment and for a limited number of people, but that's only because of the demands of my office; it's not because everyone around here has lost a sense of sin.
Thank you for writing and God bless you.
Papa,
We've always found the combative sports to be the best. Besides, there's nothing like the good ol' Fightin' Faith.
Dearest, most cherished Papa, why is someone named Rick Lugari answering comments for you? Are you well, Papa?
Papa,
Please don't tease us by pretending to be a simpeleton from Detroit. That's a funny concept though.
Love you
Scarlette
Linda,
Pay you no mind to that R*ck Lugar* character. He needs our prayers; I mean what kind of a demented soul would pretend to be the Holy Roman Pontiff?
It's a sick sick world, child.
That being said, I will ditto that simple person's reply to you. At least he finally got something right!
My guess is that since he started over with a new blog, De Civitate Dei, he is pathetically desperate to get the word out.
God bless you.
Papa
Dearest Papa,
to some, including my husband sports are very important. He lives and dies by his beloved St. Louis Cardinals, and was crushed when they lost the World Series last year.
My question is, is it proper to pray for divine intervention in the playoffs, or does God have better things to do with His time?
Scarlette,
I assure you that if I was so immature as to impersonate someone, he would be the last person in the world I would choose. Nevertheless, you pray for him too.
God bless you.
Papa
Maggie,
There is nothing wrong with praying for success in any venture. Our Lord wants us to rely on Him in everything. It's just important to remember that sometimes the answer to our prayers is "no", and that God always has something better in store for us.
FWIW, a very holy and admirable friend of mine, who shall remain nameless because of his title as Archbishop of St. Louis, was disappointed in the loss of his adopted town’s team as well. Find comfort in the fact that if God chooses to say ‘no’ to someone like Archbishop Raymond Burke, you can be sure it is for the better in the long run.
God bless you.
Papa
Dearest Papa, good to hear it. There are all kinds of crazies out there, some of them even infiltrate blogs, case in point is that R*ck Lugar*. How do we know it is actually you and not him? Perhaps only the responses that do not involve namedropping are truly from you. Your children must remain ever vigilant even in the technological realm.
P.S. You musn't stay up so late, Papa, to answer these things. You need your sleep, as you are not quite as young as perhaps you feel these days, eh?
Dearest Papa,
I'm afraid it was all the hurricanes that interrupted me normal routine. I spent hours watching CNN when I could have been reading your musings; I did still manage to get to mass, though, so I hope you will forgive me. I do have a question, though - ribbon-waving and drunken snowmobiling apart, there are a great many pastimes masquerading as "sport", lying in wait to tempt us into wasting our time. So I was wondering - is bowling a sport? How about snooker? Opera? I really hope opera can count as a sport, because I've gotten quite addicted to it lately.
Linda,
What we just witnessed in the person of that R*ck Lugar* is that there are, to use your words, all kinds of crazies out there, and the USCCB doesn’t hold a monopoly on them.
For Heaven’s sake, most pretenders to the papacy either have their parents elect them, or hold an Internet conclave, then take their own papal name and set up their ‘see’ in a trailer park or something. This R*ck Lugar* character doesn’t even have the sophistication to do that much. Pitiful.
Anyway, don’t worry about him succeeding in his charade, his name will always show up at the bottom of his posts, because he doesn’t have the wits to change it before posting.
God bless you child.
Papa
Wanda,
It’s nice to have you back. To answer your query, Opera is definitely not a sport, but please continue to enjoy it. The areas of bowling and billiards are much more difficult to answer.
Since my charism of infallibility does not extend to this matter, I am free to apply an ancient method of coming to a satisfactory conclusion. By the flip of a coin I have come to the conclusion that bowling can be considered a sport, but billiards can’t. I hope that satisfies your quest for truth in these matters; it has mine.
Thank you and God bless you.
Papa
Opera is definitely not a sport
Not even Wagner? I thought his music, at least, might fit under the category of "endurance contests", and the Ring cycle could count as a marathon, but oh well.
Dearest and most gentle Papa, speaking of sports, when are you going to muse on your meeting with that dissident theologian, since it was all over the news, it is not namedropping, do you think, to mention that it was Hans Kung. That must have been quite a match!
Wanda,
I'm sorry, I thought you asked if Oprah was sport. Nevertheless, to consider opera, even Wagner, a sport would be playing the Sport of Relativism.
God bless you.
Papa
Linda,
I don't know if it would be prudent at this time to muse about my meeting with Hans. We'll have to see how things play out. I did get a chuckle over your wording though:
That must have been quite a match!
It certainly would be, but alas, we take much more of a pastoral posture these days when it comes to dealing with heresy.
God bless you.
Papa
Ah, Papa, here is a question for you: is chess a sport? A chess-playing relative of mine insists that it is, since it certainly is competitive. However, from the looks of it, many grand masters appear to move less than do garden slugs. Also I question whether any game that a man can play while wearing a suit and tie can properly be called a sport.
My relative notes that Bobby Fischer calls himself an "athlete." However, Fischer once had all of his dental fillings removed because he said the Jews were attempting to control his brain via his bridgework and caps, so I think we may safely disregard Bobby's opinion on most matters.
My cousin is an even more devout Catholic than he is a chess player, and he beats the stuffing out of me everytime we play - which I confess, is quite irritating. He would surely abide by the Pope's judgement on this matter.
Donna,
Thank you for your fascinating post. What I would do is ask your cousin if he thinks it is okay for a chess player to move a pawn in any direction and any distance he sees fit. If he is honest, he will answer with a “no.” Then simply follow up with, “If you refuse to be a relativist when it comes to playing a board game, why would you wish to be one in defining it as a sport?”
That should lead him to the truth of the matter, but in case it doesn’t, just say, “Papa says your relativist! Nah na nah na nah na.”
I hope this helped, and God bless you.
Papa
Papa, you cannot keep up this musing at these hours of the evening. Please go to bed. You need to keep up your strength to battle the forces of evil (is this a sport?).
Linda,
Thank you for your concern, I will try to be more mindful of getting rest and to answer your question: Battling evil is not a sport, but our dear exorcist friends could be likened to spiritual athletes. Much more so than Bobby Fischer anyway.
God bless you.
Papa
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