thank you Jake.
that was a most incredible storybrought tears to my eyes, its so hard to understand such people and how they can act towards their own children, i am very proud of you, i read your blog nearly everyday, along with americablog both highlights of my day, thank you for sharing your stories with us,you still have the hottest legs on the internet even if they are pasty granny white sometimeslove em, more pics of them would make my day even better thanks again ron
Hi, Jake - I've been reading your blog for a while now, but I believe this is my first comment.
I just wanted to say that this is maybe the most powerful post I've read on this blog - It's funny, because I don't even live in the U.S, but every time I read something like your personal account, and the effect the passing of Prop 8 has had on gay people over there, it gets me more furious at religion, and religious bigotry (not that we're faring much better here in Brazil).
Stories like your and your family's (beause there's no way any decent human being could call you anything other than a family) should be spread far and wide, on news reports and books and television shows and flyers and to anyone who'd listen, and many who wouldn't.
Best,
J.
Jake, you really bring it home, in all ways. If only all those who voted for legal discrimination had read your words. Thank you.
"Your mythology does not trump my reality."
That's one of the most brilliant sentences I've seen composed during this whole mess. That's it. Right there. Wonderful.
Thank you.
"Beware the fury of a patient man."
-- John Dryden
I've had enough. I don't know what I'm going to do about it yet, but I want to find a way to channel my feelings against organized religion into a legal way to stop them from inflicting their insanity and hatred onto the rest of society.
Kudos to you and the domestic partner for giving his brother a loving home.
Brilliant. I'm sending this to everyone I know.
And I'm stealing, "You're mythology does not trump my reality."
Check. Mate.
Go, Jake, Go!!
Yes. This is why I'm an outspoken ally. Yes.
Outstanding. Your writing is always powerful but this post was beyond incredible. Thank you for sharing. If you need help cramming Thomas' mother into a trashcan, let me know.
my pal Brad twittered about this post-- and I just burst into tears at the end of reading it. bless you for the good you're doing, and for this phenomenal post. after days of demonstrating against 8, I'm still crushed, and incredibly depressed, by the defeat-- especially here in los angeles county. it's mind-boggling to me. and don't get me started on the mormon church. grr.
Shocking.
Jake, I liked you from the very beginning, but I sorta thought it was because we’re both from Iowa.
You and your husband (a term acceptable here in my kitchen, where I write the laws and everyone must follow them) are good people, just as your were meant to be. True, you have great kindness, but even more than that you have recognition of responsibility. And obviously you are generous guys. I wish we lived in the same city, because I’d like to associate with people like you.
Suggestion: find a good attorney who will safeguard your home and assets should one of you die or become unable to manage your own affairs. My partner and I have a great lawyer here in Maryland, and she has pretty much locked up any threats to other survivors’ interests. And this is a case where we’re dealing with an ex-wife, some adult children, not to mention the aggressively straight white male brother-in-law who, oh, never mind. Let’s just say that if and when his brother—my-husband—dies, I won’t be surprised if he stakes a claim on the material part of life we’ve been enjoying during our 15 years together. He won’t get it, not over anyone’s dead body.
As for your sentiments re anyone who voted for the man-and-woman marriage thing, you’re exactly correct. I’ve been trying to figure out why the horrible fascination with what other families are, or what other families do. And I just can’t come up with anything other than the fact that they think something that is theirs is being taken away. I witnessed it as a pollwatcher on Tuesday; some people were so angry when they saw Obama signs and buttons that they lost the power of speech, and could only make angry gestures.
How long will it be until people realize gay people cam be compassionate, caring, and responsible?
Anyway, thank you for letting us see a little more about you and your family. I think you’re fabulous. Good luck! Please keep writing. You give me a nice shot of cheer several times a week, and I appreciate it.
I've read your blog for a while but never commented before now. Your post eloquently explains the problems with our country today and the systems in place that help no one. Your situation is one that few people understand and if the "uninformed" masses realized these are the situations we fear, they might be a bit more understanding. It's not just simply because we want to get married to be like everyone else, we NEED to be married to protect ourselves and those we love. It's really that simple.
Thank you.
Thank you for having the patience and love to care for this boy and for having the eloquence to express the injustice that has been forced on us all.
This is not the end of this. We have a long way to go before we make a dent in the discrimination practiced by our country but you and your family are a beacon of hope.
May your reality be one of health and happiness.
Thanks, Jake. My love to you, your DP and especially to your DP's brother.
There are all kinds of abuse in the world, physical, emotional and psychological. But the worst kind is the kind that's dished out while the abuser is wrapped in a flag, carrying a bible and doing it in the name of Jesus. And as others have stated, I'm in awe of your comment regarding mythology and reality.
I hope you won't mind if I steal it.
This makes me so sad... so sick.
Incredible post.
-One of the few liberals in GA
Like several other people here, I've read your blog for a while but have never commented before. I just wanted you to know that, for all the euphoric talk and writing about the historic nature of this election, this has been the most meaningful thing I've read, and it should be required reading across the country.
I consider myself a religiously observant person (Jewish, not Christian), and I am ashamed that my sacred book contains the rationale that these hateful people employ as an outlet for their bigotry. I know that for every inspiring story in the Bible that teaches me how to live, there is something politically and morally objectionable. Mostly people ignore these things as hopeless atavisms, but some people will latch on to any excuse they can in order to push others down. You deserve better, your partner's brother deserves better, and the country deserves better. God bless you all. I know He will.
Jake,
Thank you.
I'm no believer, but in all those sunday school classes I went to as a child, there was a big banner on the wall that said 'God is Love'.
Doesn't seem to be true anymore.
Well said, this is material for an Open-Ed
It amazes me that while some people are slapping each other on the backs and feeling great about finally electing a non-white president (because that proves we're not a country of bigots, dontcha know), we're denying basic rights to large numbers of citizens.
This kind of stupidity enrages me and I'm disappointed that Obama is also against gay marriage.
No doubt your going to get a lot of traffic from this beautiful post. I've already seen it being mentioned in a few places. Some people unfamiliar with your site appear to be confused though, and think that you actually live in California.
Also, The Christian Coalition of America's new goal is to have Prop. 8-type amendments in all the remaining 20 states that do not already have such amendments, including MA and CT:
http://tinyurl.com/648brb
Jake,
My sister is disabled and she receives social security. When you are disabled you are able to get medicaid for medical expenses. You can also sign up for circuit breaker which is a program to pay for prescriptions offered thru the state
Oh my God, you're GAY?!?!?!?
Sorry about that - it was getting a little heavy, I thought I'd lighten the mood a bit.
First of all, I can't believe the shit about Thomas and the DP's crazy mother. Is it too late to have her arrested? You guys are amazing to take care of him like that.
Secondly, this Prop 8 thing has me so disappointed, but remember - we have lost this battle but we will win the war. We are already married. The "damage" to society has been done. We live openly - even here in Alabama. Whether they like it or not, the day-to-day experience that they will have with gay people will not change whether we can legally marry or not. The legal recognition is just the cherry on top.
That's not to diminish the very real difficulties that are faced by gay couples who are NOT afforded the same legal protections as straight couples. I agree with the previous commenter: Get yourself to a lawyer, pronto. You need to have all of your ducks in a row. Put the condo in a trust, get yourself declared Thomas's legal guardians, do what you have to do to protect your family.
*smooch*
is this true? you have never mentioned it before...
according to your 10/13/07 blog entry you hosted a fancy dinner party. you really brought into your home an abused MI person the same day?
SHAME if this story is made up!!!!!!!
EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!!
A more observant busybody would have noted that that post was written at 12:29 am, after everyone left from the party that started on 10/12. I got a call in the middle of that party telling me that Thomas and the domestic partner's cousin had discovered Thomas locked alone and terrified in his mother's house. Within 24 hours, he was living in our house.
Do not doubt me. And do not demand that I explain myself. EVER.
—Jake
Edited By Siteowner
Wow.
If only all the religious bigots could read this and truly understand it. (Anyone know the Pope's e-mail address?)
You, Justin, and Thomas deserve applause, cheers, hugs, and medals.
Delurking to say bravo. The past few days have been very emotional and disappointing, but the strength you show is encouraging.
Jake,
Thank you. As a person of faith, as a religious leader, I'm sick to death of my colleagues who wrap themselves in their own interpretation of scripture...a faulty interpretation so many modern Biblical scholars tell us...a without an ounce of humility or compassion expound generalizations (at best) and hate (at worst) in the name of God.
They are wrong. Period. But worse, they are blind. They refuse even to see the family the three of you and your extended family have made.
The greatest danger in the defeat of Proposition Hate is not that our rights have been delayed--for that is what this means--for the arc of history is already set and we WILL prevail in time, it is that the powers of intolerance--particularly in certain religious circles--will be emboldened.
Tax exempt money given to the Mormon Church, the Knights of Columbus, and countless other churches was included in those tens of millions of Dollars for Discrimination. THAT cannot be permitted to continue. It is a blatant violation of the spirit, if not the letter, of the law.
That being said, there were hundreds of religious leaders who spoke out against Prop. Hate--particularly progressive leaders in the Lutheran, Episcopal, MCC, UCC, UU, and Presbyterian churches. Sadly, their voices were drowned out by far too many intent on their narrow-minded fear-based agenda.
I have previously said that I cannot live in a state where the people have voted for LGBT people to have second class citizenship, so three more states get checked off of my list. So be it.
But I''m just one person. Here's a thought. If California and Florida want to be bigoted, let them answer for it. Look at the vote totals for the various counties in Florida and California.
L.A. & Orange County--counties of hate
Riverside County (Palm Springs)--a county of hate
San Diego Count--a county of hate
Santa Clara, Marin, Napa, Sonoma, Contra Costa--counties of love
My future California plans are clearly made.
Florida?
The only counties NOT in the hate camp, the one that includes Key West and those around Miami and the University of Florida. Northern Florida and Orlando were all in the hate camp.
Sadly... this means that, for me at least, Disney parks are no longer a place I'll feel welcome.... except maybe in France or Japan.
If they want to say we're not worthy of the lives and loves we choose, then let's not give them our money.
And let's hold the religious leaders who've spent so much on hate accountable... morally and legally. If they want to become political parties, that's fine...just don't expect to have tax exempt status in the bargain.
thank you for sharing your family's story with us. i am disappointed about prop 8 . . .
shame on J's parents for doing what they did/didn't do. as a mother, i am disgusted.
shame on tina. shame on you, tina.
Thanks, Jake. You are truly an example for us all.
Please don't take this as laying blame, but am I the only one that was extremely disappointed in the 'No on 8' publicity campaign? Imagine if they would have had commercials about gay families on TV, like this story. People are swayed by emotion. We should have shown more heart.
Alas, we will certainly win the war. I will also mention that we have not necessarily lost this battle. There are 3 suits pending the CA Supreme Court to invalidate this proposition. The two most powerful arguments are that: 1) minority rights cannot be decided via majority vote per the equal protection clause in the CA Constitution; 2) the major changes instituted by this proposition constitute a constitutional revision, not addition, which would invalidate the proposition.
Cross your fingers.
Simple solution.
Move up here to Canada. We would be more than happy to take you all in. We've had marriage rights for three plus years and so far society hasn't crumbled, the moral fabric hasn't unraveled, nor has any straight family (that I've noted) thought there "institution" of marriage has been violated.
Besides there's more room to decorate up here.
sfdj,
You certainly aren't the only one who was disappointed in the 'No On 8' campaign.' My husband and I were just talking about that tonight. I sincerely and desperately hope this is a wake up call to our leading organizations that we can't tiptoe around who we are and not expect people to be suspicious.
My husband and I have been doing that in our own lives by, not to be ironic, bearing witness to the truth.
There's a lot of blame to go around on this, but ultimately, if we want things to change, we need to be honest and open in our own lives with people we interact with and if necessary, find some way to either get the leading groups to change direction...and if they don't, find a way to take them over.
I, like others who have already commented here, have been reading and enjoying your blog for quite some time. (And I don't think I've ever posted a comment.) But I just have to say: I heart you Jake for writing one of the best blog posts on this subject that I have ever read. You and your DP are the true heroes in this world. Thank you for inspiring us all to fight harder for what is right and just.
That was absolutely powerful. Thank you for sharing it, Jake.
Jake, Jake, Jake. Every so often you post something that completely takes me by surprise. This story is amazing. That you would put your home at risk in order to rescue another human being is just so truly admirable. Not many other people would have done the same thing. I am just in awe of what you and Justin have done.
Between you two and Obama, this week had really renewed my faith in Americans.
I know it is important to protect Thomas's identity so we probably won't see pictures of him on your blog. However it would be really heartwarming if you could post the occasional update so we could share in his (and your) journey together.
Big hugs to you three.
When "hate filled" groups wish to take away civil rights, religion has always been used with authority to marginalize and dehumanize their victims.
History proves this
For a powerful read, check out "Crisis: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay in America" (Gold & Drucker).
I'm delighted you chose to share the 'Thomas' story with us, and to know that he has found a safe place with you and the DP.
Thanks, Jake and DP, thank you. I've been reading for a while from France (civil unions yes, marriage no). You're good people.
wow. just wow. I'm lost for words.
Jay
RIGHT... FUCKING... ON.
You go, Jake. I'm behind you 100%.
Jake:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story. Your eloquence never fails to amaze me.
Joseph
I am so frustrated by this entire battle for gay marriage rights. Not because it's too difficult a fight or because I don't think it's a fight worth having, but because our gay leaders are going at it from the wrong perspective. Begging people to "do the right thing" isn't working. It's about time we wake up and realize that chanting in the streets isn't doing anything more than giving the news channels some great video.
This is the key to our success: There already are two definitions of marriage in the United States. You can be married by your church and it's not recognized by the city or state because you didn't get a license. You can be married by the city or state (a legal contract agreement) and it's not recognized by your church because the ceremony wasn't performed by your preacher.
We need to be focusing on the fact that these completely separate definitions already exist, and these state constitutional amendments clearly are designed to disenfranchise a segment of society from legally binding contract law. This is the true issue.....the availability of existing legal protections to all members of our society, not just those that the heterosexual community perceive to be morally right.
Gay and lesbian members of our community already have the ability to be married in many churches, synagogues, and other religious institutions. In order to take our fight further we need to be focusing on the fact that we are seeking the legal protections available to American citizens, not anyone's holy blessing.
If the civil rights movement of the 50's and 60's had focused on the "it's unfair and wrong" aspect of racial discrimination, the concept of Separate but Equal would still be in place around much of the United States. There was a large percentage of people in the American South thought the existing system of Separate but Equal was perfectly fine. By changing the focus of their fight from "it's the right thing to do" to the question of "legal equality for all Americans" the civil rights leaders were able to demonstrate within the court system that there was a legal obligation to treat all Americans equally.
We need to wake up and do the same.
We are not asking for a "new definition" of marriage.....we need to be demanding that the legal definition of marriage (not any particular religious definition) be afforded all Americans without regard to the genders of the parties involved.
A powerful account of real compassion. You guys are admirable. Even though it's sad that we have to do so, the finding of a good lawyer will shield your circumstances from those relatives. C and I spent about $700 several years ago to have a top-notch law firm draw up the documents we needed to protect ourselves. Money well spent.
Dear Jake -
Thank you. I have no words. It is for you that I am doing all I can to get the amendment repealed.
"Thomas" is blessed to have you in his life, as I'm sure you feel the same.
BTW - found you through Joe.My.God. and if you don't mind, I'd like to direct people to your story as well.
Brilliant. That is all.
Wow. That was an inspiring -- and heart-rending -- way to begin a Friday morning. My thoughts are with you today.
Thank you for your story and for being such an inspirational citizen, not only for us gays, but for everyone.
You, sir, are a hero. I'm glad you and your partner saved Thomas from that hell. It's people like you that give me hope in this world.
Wow... Once again in my office in tears.
I am sending this to everyone I know as well.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I agree with Kevin. You should talk to an attorney and get some legal safeguards in place.
thank you jake for sharing that. i linked here from Joe.My.God. and was touched by your story. this is exactly the type of situation i've been trying to tell to people who talk about the sanctity of marriage. why are they so obsessed with gays when there are thousands upon thousands of kids being abandoned or abused by their opposite sex parents. obviously "for the kids" is a blatant lie because i have yet to see one video on youtube or on t.v. of the religious right lunkheads trying to pass a law protecting these children. no it's easier to scare people and/or 'ick' them out over the gays because obviously we only have time to f*** each other in the most sinful way so where would we get the time to lead productive lives and care for other people?
anyway, i'm starting to rant. i wish you the best.
Wow. What an amazing, heartbreaking story.
Although I'm a Christian, I'm becoming more and more ashamed of the religion because of all of these hypocritical conservative Christians, as well as other religions who try to piggyback onto Christianity to be more accepted in the eyes of the public. These people who like to see things in black and white don't really seem to understand that the world is really shades of gray. That immaturity is really hurting our society.
Best wishes to you, your DP, and Thomas. May your efforts continue to help Thomas have the life he deserves to have.
Personal truths are always the most compelling reads.
Thanks, Jake, for sharing your story so eloquently.
So powerful and important and brilliantly written. Thank you.
@ Father Tony:
You are sooooooooo right. Jim and I just spent $800 for interlocking Wills, Powers of Attorney, etc. BEST MONEY WE EVER SPENT. Now no one can touch us or our wealth and property either alive or dead. Jake, please listen to Father Tony and me---you guys need to get a good estate lawyer and tie things up neatly ASAP----we Gay couples have no other choice if we are to be the masters of our own Fate in the present world---
JAKE----please see a good lawyer ASAP to tie things up neatly! Its the only defense we people have in the present state of the world---
It is posts like this that make me realize two things...
I am grateful to be gay and know that there are other GLBT folks out there with beautiful, compassionate, wonderful lives full of hope and meaning.
It is a comment on the resilience of human beings that Thomas can come back from such abuse and that GLBT folks can be well adjusted at all considering the world we live in that is hell-bent on destroying us.
Thank you for sharing your story.
*found on JMG*
Jake, I've read your blog before, but not for a very long time. My husband and I had just set up living trusts a month before it became legal to marry in California (for the short time that it was). I don't know about Illinois law, but I believe that you and your DP could set up individual living trusts, place your assets in them, and no longer have to worry about unwanted family takeovers later on. We also included medical directives to take care of those particular concerns. It seems as though, just by living our lives, we show that we are better than so many of the people who hate us. Why can't they spend time trying to be better people, instead of making their damaged egos feel better by looking down on us? As a commenter on Joe.My.God. wrote about Prop 8, when do we get to vote on THEIR rights? We'll be thinking of you and your family, and wish you the best.
This gave me chills. Powerful piece of writing.
Jake, I’ve been reading your blog since you really did live north of Foster. This post from your heart is your best post ever – thank you for sharing Thomas’ story with us. You have mentioned him in a couple of previous posts but now that we have a better understanding of the situation we, your readers can more fully appreciate him as he grows and triumphs over the obstacles he and his family will face in the future. BTW a previous commenter said that Thomas is eligible for medicade, I believe she is correct and I think you can apply without going thru a social service agency.
Well isn't Commenter Tina a little nosy parker!!! Liked the smack-down!!!
And she's obviously got her head up her ass, you have referred to the developmentally disabled brother of the DP repeatedly in your blog.
Because how fucking cynical do you have to be to think that someone would fabricate that story...
She has since escalated her comments to a staggering level of immaturity and cruelty and has been blocked from commenting.
—Jake
Edited By Siteowner
Jake I’ve been reading your blog since you really did live north of Foster. This post from your heart is your best post ever – thank you for sharing Thomas’ story with us. You have mentioned him in a couple of previous posts but now that we have a better understanding of the situation we, your readers can more fully appreciate him as he grows and triumphs over the obstacles he and his family will face in the future. BTW a previous commenter said that Thomas is eligible for medicade, I believe she is correct and I think you can apply without going thru a social service agency.
We have another defense in this ATTACK on our FAMILY.
We have the POWER to REFUSE to be taxed without representation. So far it seems that only Charles Merrill, Melissa Etheridge, and myself are the only 3 gays who have publicly stepped forward to demand taxation WITH representation, but things like PROP 8 may finally....FINALLY make us angry ENOUGH to stand up directly to society and government through TAX PROTEST.
Unless all of our other protest tactics have been working for the past 30 years...
How about not painting all Christians with the same brush? The far-right fundamentalists do NOT speak for all of us, and they are a minority.
Jake, I read you every day and have never posted a comment. Just wanted to say thank you. You are an inspiration to us all.
Jake - on a very personal note - thank you for sharing your story.
Most of us who experience this horrific experiences due to a LEGAL INJUSTICE are too traumatize, shamed, or just broken down to share our story. I appreciate your words, and know the tears that had to flow as you typed.
Tremendous and heart-wrenching. You should edit out the profanity and send this in as a letter to the Editor of the LA Times.
Wow! That was very moving. Thanks for sharing your story.
The life you and your partner are living right now stands in direct contrast to the lives of the Prop 8 supporters:
On the one hand, there are loving people making real, tangible change in the world through actions, not just words. Through great sacrifice, these actions took a fellow human being from the depths of despair and danger and put him on the road to a better life.
On the other hand, you have people who have chosen to keep things the same by broadcasting hateful untruths, twisted reasoning and ignorant slogans to convince the basest portion of our population that the hatred/ fear they've felt all their lives is not only justified, but actually legal. Their actions have TEMPORARILY limited the evolution of our society, but I have to believe that history will reveal these people for what they really are.
I have to believe that this roadblock is temporary. People can't be treated like second-class citizens and be expected to just take it.
You and your partner (and many, many people like you) actually exemplify the Christian tenet that says we should "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." Sometimes the only thing you can do is live your life by example- it shouldn't be a requirement, but you and your partner are doing it anyway. As for the rest of them- those who want to ram their opinions down your throat and take your joy (and rights)away- they need to learn to live by another popular Christian tenet that says to "Love thy neighbor". As a former Christian who avoids organized religion but still has a personal relationship with God, I believe that these people will be shown the error of their ways just when they're expecting their great reward.
Jake - linked here thru Gapers Block.
You are brave and defiant. You and your DP are filled with wonderful, human compassion. May you and your family continue to rage on.
Best,
Nora.
I'm amazed at this situation and made proud of this example of compassion. I do worry that the WWE marathon watching could be used against you. Maybe limiting it to an hour a week would suffice.
The kid still needs limits, which provide a sense of security; I'd explain it in terms of what's OK in your house, rather than as an explicit critique of its content.
Re: 8, I began thinking of the fools whose unChristian hate makes them a polar opposite to your kind impulse and heroic action as the Mormon Taliban, as there is nothing remotely American about them or what they perpetrate.
Referred by reliable JMG.
Hi Jake-
i'm a longtime reader of your site. Like so many today, I was very moved by your story.
I'm married (in Canada!) to an attorney. I strongly suggest you reach out to one with family law experience. You may be able to put in place a protection order against the mother. Or the mother may surrender her parental rights. There's options there depending on a few things. But it's worth your and Justin's time to talk to an attorney.
I will also suggest reaching out to a social worker. There may be good options for Thomas to socialize with other kids and other people.
Lastly, make sure you own your home as "Joint Tenants with right of Survivorship." This is differnt from "Joint Tenants in Common." If you have survivorship rights, the home skips probate and becomes the sole property of the surviving owner. That way, Thomas' birth mom has no claim on your home.
So see an attorney, please. It really is worth it, and can protect you, Justin and Thomas as a family. Which is what you are.
Kathleen
You and your Partner are amazing people. I so wish the world were different in so many ways. Keep being strong...hopefully the world will be less fearful, ignorant and judgmental one day.
this is the most deeply moving story. thank you very much for your writing - we need people to communicate opening and frequently about their lives!
We’re starting a new campaign here in California to point out the simple fact , as you state: their (reasoning is) nothing but a lazy, artless code for “religious extremists are consumed by a pathological loathing for gay people.”
a new campaign with a new button: "did YOU vote YES? please tell me why."
If you yourself voted Yes on 8, or are in a different state but would have, or you know someone who did, I would be honored to talk to you or them. I really want to understand why. I want to hear your story, your rational, in your words – not from a commercial or a cold statistic. We have to get to the heart of the issue: it is not a religious one – it is a human one. We all live here right now on this earth – whether we’re going somewhere after we die or not – we have to figure out how to get a long here and now.
So – let's ask people: I want to hear from people who voted YES on 8. I am not in any way welcoming hatred or aggressive attacks – just your honest, rational, heart-felt reason why you feel your rights are more important than mine, under the law. If you are afraid that your child might ‘turn’ gay, tell me that and tell me why. If you feel being gay is weird or unnatural, tell me that and tell me why – If someone told you you should vote YES, tell me that. If someone you respect or you consider an authority figure gave you a good reason, tell me. I’ve heard it all before, but tell me again – in YOUR WORDS from your experience. Have you had any experience with a gay person? I ask anyone who voted YES on 8 - Please be courageous and contact me so we can begin a dialogue.
I am deeply outraged - I look forward to our generation eroding these fears we have of each other - eroding the last outposts of a culture of hate.
Hey Jake: Thank you for that story. My partner and I took in a family member several years ago and straightened him out, but the story is no where close to your tale.
My husband and I have interlocking wills and medical powers of attorney in case something happens. If not, I would be afraid that his family would swoop in if he got sick and literally push me out of the way.
If you guys can't raise the money to talk to a lawyer, seeing as you have a ton of other related bills, let me know and I will raise it for you...something like this is too important to let go.
*Cheers*
Damn. I'm sending this to my entire family. (They're all the crazy people you talk of, minus the abuse. They've got Jesus on their side!)
Fucking great story man, I've linked to it from my blog. Bless you and your partner for all you've done, and all the love you're giving Thomas.
This is exactly why we as a people are not going to let the H8 go on. Change has come to America, and it starts right here and now. We're gonna fight hard, and we're gonna win the equal protection of the laws for all our families.
Hang in there, buddy, and God bless you all.
Wow.
Words fail me.
Thank you for sharing this.
You are so right. How have sanctimonious hypocrites captured the minds of America? It's abhorrent and I agree with you, anyone who voted for prop hate is mentally compromised.
This is very powerful. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope that someday, when my partner and I have a child, we will have the same rights that I wish for you in this matter.
Jake, I would be ashamed to admit I'm a Christian if I thought for a second that the "values" expressed by those sons of bitches reflected the teaching of God in any way. They could not be further from the truth.
I write from a conference where I am learning with hundreds of other Christians how to turn my church into a welcoming, affirming place of worship for ALL who wish to enter. Please know that we are working for an inclusive world where everyone is equal, legally and spiritually.
You know what you're doing is right. Protect yourself, your DP and his brother. We stand with you in this fight. It isn't over. It's just begun in earnest.
I'm already a No on 8 proponent and was as moved by your story as anyone else, but beyond that it also just filled me with questions -- I just want to know more detail of the story! (And I would have sent these questions to you privately, but I couldn't find an email link for you. But they're still burning, so here I go: )
Is that woman your partner's biological mother, too? How did your partner escape that kind of life? Did he NOT escape that life? Was he not abused (or not AS abused) just because he wasn't developmentally disabled and hence wasn't as vulnerable? How long did you know about Thomas's situation? Were you kept in the dark somehow, or were you just not able to get Thomas away from her right away because you weren't "suitable" parents? How much older is your partner than his brother?
I wish you all possible luck and good will. You and your partner are the kind of people who make a difference, not necessarily by being famous or rich or exceptionally loud, but by simply seeing what needs to be done in the world and doing it.
I glossed over lots of details like these just to keep focused on what I had to say. As you can tell, I have a hard time keeping my writing brief as it is, so I figured that backstory would just make this post 37 miles long. But it has generated tons of questions like yours, and after a long talk with the domestic partner, I've been given permission to divulge more of his family's troubled past. Stay tuned for a follow-up post.
—Jake
all I can say is that I am moved to tears by this post.....beyond that I'm speechless.
When I first heard that California had approved the ban on gay marriage I was surprised. For a little while I actually believed we as a people were becoming more accepting and non-judgmental of others. We were looking forward toward a future where the "right to happiness" meant just that. Sadly, I was mistaken. The voters in California sent a strong message that when it comes to individual rights we are still living in the past. The sad truth is that those people who call themselves "Christians" when they denigrate, denounce, and defile gay men and women are simply using the Bible as a weapon of their own hatred and fear. The Bible is rife with contradictions because it was put together by men. The words in the Bible are words written by men who lived in a far different world and time. So if one takes those words as a literal blueprint on how to live, then the selling of slaves should never have been abolished. A football should be considered unholy and evil because it is made with pigskin. These are just a few examples of passages in the Bible that at one point in history made sense but now have lost their meaning. That should also be true for gay marriage. First and foremost, gays are people. And people in this country (U.S.) have the right to "pursue happiness" so long as it does not harm others. If anyone opposed to gay marriage reads this and claims that it is harmful to the individuals involved, then let them deal with it! And if you for one second believe it is harmful to the rest of us, you are wrong! I myself am married to a wonderful woman and, in my opinion, a gay man marrying his partner does not harm me in any way. The real harm in all of this is we are telling gays and lesbians that because they are gay, they do not deserve to have the same rights and opportunities the rest of us enjoy. For those who have read the Bible, remember that Jesus preached for peace, compassion, and understanding. At least that sentiment should be carried over from His time to the present.
And to Jake, whose article reminded me that we're all in this world together, no matter what:
I truly hope that the religious fanatics of this country will see their error before it is too late for you and Thomas. It seems to me that you and your domestic partner are his real parents, no matter what the law says at this moment in time.
Thank you!
People need to realize love is love is love...interracial marriage should be outlawed if gay marriage is to be outlawed...sounds stupid huh? Probably because it is! Marriage is about love and commitment...sexual orientation should not be a factor...if marriage were about procreation, then maybe every woman and man wanting to marry should have fertility testing done before being able to marry...again--sounds dumb!! I hope laws change soon because it is ridiculous! I wish you both the best years to come!!
As for your nephew, how awful! As a therapist I must say he is very lucky to have the two of you as you are to have him! People do not realize that homosexual couples have as much love as heterosexual ones. Also, if homosexual couples raised children who would be homosexual, how do we get homosexual adults raised from heterosexual families? (Excuses we hear often about homosexual couples adopting--that it would yield more homosexuals). People are ignorant these days and do not like what they see as different! HYPOTHALAMUS! Read up on it! Sexual orientation IS predetermined before birth. Best of luck and best wishes to your family!! It is awesome this child will have a terrific life because of people like you in this world!!
Powerful story.
So well said.
Jake
This was so moving and powerful.
Please try to have this published.
Thank you also for reminding me that I live in a place of more diversity, tolerance and acceptance that is the norm. ChristopherYVR
Yours is a tremendous story - thank you for sharing. I'm here via Mrs. Chili, visited often, and although I've not commented before, I must say how moved (angered, enraged...) I was by this. Most of my friends and family are advocates (most live in Canada), but I am emailing this to anyone who can possibly help change minds. All the best to you and your family.
beautiful!
"Your mythology does not trump my reality." was so goddamed good that I'm forwarding this on to many that I know.
Though I'm merely chiming in with the masses and have little to offer, I'll offer it anyway.
Thank you for what you said, it means a lot to any who read it.
Thank hashem for people like you. Love for you, Thomas, and the domestic partner. You go on loving and taking care of that poor boy and we'll all try and make sure that we get our fucking rights for your sake and for our own.
Here's where many folks who "disagree" with my own tax protest don't get it.
When you experience traumas like Jake shares, it is VERY DIFFICULT to return to "life as usual" and file those federal tax returns when you are HYPER-AWARE of the abhorrent injustice that exists - not as a "concept - but as a REALITY that has burned a painful hole into your soul.
Jake -- I know that you struggle with organized religion (perhaps that's a huge understatement), but I just want to tell you that the values you described in this amazing post are-- to me, at least--exactly what we learned in all those years of First Lutheran confirmation classes, Sunday School, and Norita's choirs.
Thanks for so eloquently sharing your Matthew 22:36 story of loving your neighbor as yourself.
Hugs from back home.
aloha, jake:
this is an amazing post. i am linking to it on my blog, also.
thanks for sharing.
Jake, if you ever mentioned Thomas previously, I missed it or forgot it for which I apologize. The story is incredible but nowhere near as much as what you and the DP are doing to try to salvage a sorely abused man--how did the DP escape that situation unscathed?
80 or so comments ago, Kevin urged you to find a good lawyer to protect your home, possessions and Thomas's future should anything happen to the two of you--let me second that most urgently.
And bless you both for the time, effort and financial resources you are expending in Thomas's behalf.
Howdy Jake
A very powerful post. Thank you for writing it. I do have a point to bring up though - I do so respectfully and hoping that I am mistaken or confused.
You wrote: "If the domestic partner dies, their parents have legal access to all our shared property, including our house."
Jake, my Domestic Partner, my beloved, Steve did die. On 1/27/08 in Northern California. We had wills and I was his executor.
In checking with the courts, an attorney, and a great NOLO book - I found that indeed Domestic Partners in California were treated the same as married couples at death. I as the surviving partner has a first claim on everything - all common property. All shared property became mine at his death because I was his registered domestic partner.
We also had wills to insure that.
I do not know legally whose house yall live in. Our home title was "joint tenants" so it came to me no questions asked without will or Domestic Partner.
I just wanted to say that in MY experience, when one partner dies, NO ONE has legal access to any shared property. That is the law of California as I learned when my beloved passed on.
No offense meant - powerful post - so glad you wrote it - do NOT mean to demean your writing in any way. I am just not certain you are correct legally here.
Sorry
Richard of Ravenhurst
Sorry, I see that you are in Illinois, not California. Well the Prop 8 folks were correct that in California, Docestic Partners actually do enjoy all the rights and responsibilities of marriage the State can give - not the feds.
So I see that your post IS accurate - what a nightmare! On a brighter note in all this - the University of California retirement systme does recognize domestic partners identically to married spouses. I am receiving a small but much appreciated widowers pension from them since my beloved died.
I DO believe we need to FIGHT for Marriage. Separate but equal is NOT equal here.
Good luck and hard fighting to all yall in states without Domestic Partner / Civil Union or Marriage.
Richard of Ravenhurst
(linking to your blog)
Found you through Chuck. I sit here in tears. Last night, I should have been brave and said your words; "If you voted Yes, you are not my friend." I was not brave and it shames me. Today, I will send your story to him because I have never read anything more powerful, that I thought might break through and make a difference. So unbelieveably powerful. Thank you for your courage in sharing. Not just your story, but your love, care, and life with someone that needs it. You have a most humble new admirer.
As I watched the Prop. 8 thing happen, with all the fascination of a fatal car accident, I kept quoting Martin Neimoller. It's like no one sees this for what it is; first, they deny gays rights, because well, you're *you* and we're *us* and we can, so we do. But how earthshatteringly myopic do you have to be to not see that it's simply the beginning, and if they can do it to you, they are just working up to some version of doing it to everyone?
I'm still just nauseous about the whole thing, and all I can do is keep repeating that I'm so sorry it happened, keep quoting Niemoller to those who don't get what happened, and look for my opportunity to do something real to fix what happened.
This kind of thing makes me wish these fanatics were erased from the face of the Earth.
You guys are very brave and I truly admire your strength. It's a shame that people deliberately ignore all the wonderful things the gay community does, it's revolting really.
I only hope my brother doesn't have to face these horrible injustices when he decides to start a life with his significant other.
A (hopefully not brief) light at the end of a long, long tunnel: in California, State Attorney General Jerry Brown has said that those marriages that have already taken place will remain legal.
This is going to raise a whole lot of complications and a whole lot of lawsuits, meaning the legality of Prop 8 is going to be repeatedly challenged, essentially on the grounds of "What the Hell?!?"
Saying one group of people can be married while another group who is exactly the same can't simply isn't going to stand up in court, and they're NOT going to annul what were legal marriages.
I still think that anyone who is opposed to homosexuals marrying should also demand an end to divorce - and make it retroactive.
Back to your first spouses, everybody!
Sorry for the double post, but one other thing: one of my bugbears about Christianity is Numbers 25.
Numbers 25 has been used for 2000 years (and longer) to forbid interracial marriage: the crime of doing so was death (and how original was that? Sheesh!).
So when some gimboid brings up the bible as a justification for opposing gay marriage, I ask what they think of that chapter of their favourite book - you'd be amazed how few people know it.
I think the hating 'Christians' are always consumed by what they imagine gay people do sexually (probably imagining that the fags and dykes are having more fun than them, which I suspect they are.)
Which first is none of their business.
And second, I like to remind folks who mutter that being gay is 'wrong' somehow that there's nothing whatever that gay folks can get up to sexually that I can't, and in fact do on a regular basis.
The bright side of Prop Hate is the legal morass of having some already-married gay couples have their marriage stand while subsequent marriages won't be allowed. Keep suing, keep fighting, California gays!
Great post!
I'm very touched & shaken after reading this. Incredible story! It has been days I'm still under shock! Still I don't want to believe, stupid prop 8 passed. I had big hopes! I'm very sad & angry! But fight is not over till we win.
Hey -- I'm with you all the way. But I thought that a will would supercede the bio family's access to the property, would it not? Doesn't your partner have a will? Wouldn't that protect you for the time being?
You get it. I get it. A lot of people in this country don't get it. We still have to fight for change.
Thank you for this post. Thank you and your DP for standing up for what you believe in.
Fabulous post. Thank you.
Wow. I wish everyone could read that. I wish you and your family the best.
This was one of the most powerful pieces of writing I have ever had the privilege to read.
Thank you.
I was forwarded this article by a dear friend. It is a moving testament to the power of love and the power of hate. I haven't read your blog before, so I was blown away when you said this was your partner's brother.
I am a Christian who has actually read the Bible cover to cover. I respect the authority of God. That being said, Jesus makes a point throughout the Gospels that we are to love others. He dines with those that are "disapproved of" in society. To me, many of these Christian movements fueled by hate remind me of the Pharisees - those who were so rigidly bound to laws that they did not see that God wants us to love each other.
I am also a survivor of abuse (but nothing like what your parner's brother dealt with). Years after I've escaped my family it is still difficult to deal with. Thank God for people like you who care and who give so much to others with nothing in return. I'm going to echo the statements that so many others have said - to get good legal representation, to get social services involved, and to make sure that these horrible people can't intrude on your life any further.
You are in my prayers as you try to undo years of abuse and as you try to show others that love has no boundaries.
This whole proposition 8 is staggeringly shameful to have to behold. Your post eloquently outlines exactly why it's so wrong.
Jake:
As a straight, married for 31 years, family-oriented Canadian male, I thank you for sharing your powerful, heartfelt comments and would like you to know that there are many others like me who share your views and were saddened when we found out that California passed what you, quite correctly, refer to as "Proposition Hate".
All the best to you, your partner, and "Thomas". You are truly loving parents and deserve to be recognized as such.
What a powerful post. I'm shocked and moved and angry... and grateful that there are people like your partner and yourself in the world.
I just wanted you to know that I am a Christian and am completely and totally in support of gay rights. It's incomprehensible to me that a person could actually think it was God's will to deny another person freedoms and rights that even convicted felons enjoy simply because of whom they love.
You're right. Those Christians are intellectually compromised. They are hateful and judgmental and idiotic. And I don't blame you for being every bit as angry as you are.
This comment is not a defense of or an apology for those Christians that helped to pass this truly inhuman proposition. It is only to let you know that I and a lot of others like me DO support the full rights, privileges and freedoms of our gay brothers and sisters and will fight for them the way so many have fought for us (Women's Suffrage.. without those brave women, I'd be up a creek, too.)
Thank you for showing the best of humanity. Thanks for your compassion and love. I appreciate you.
I am straight and don't live in CA, but I am really sad about Prop 8. I just can't imagine what goes on in people's minds.
I would like to suggest that you send this out to major newspapers all over the country. Ours prints things like this on the editorial page all the time, and this is something people need to read. Thank you for writing it so eloquently.
Thank you for sharing.
Go, Jake, go.
Nicely done. The story touched down on all facets.
Take the story to Oprah, or Ellen. one trip to their stage and the support donations come rolling in. Then, all you need do is invest what you don't immediately need for his future and it too, will be as secure as he now obviously feels.
If I see your story on either program, I'll be sure to dough-nate.
Couldn't hurt!
I posted a link to what you wrote on my blog. It's something I think everyone needs to read. Thank you for writing it. This madness has to stop.
I'm not a religious person so perhaps I'm wrong, but isn't "God" or "Jesus" based on love rather than baseless hate?
Good on you and your partner for the family you are providing/creating, though I am baffled why the law deems it in the public's best interest to refuse you the right to call him your husband.
It makes no sense and it makes me embarrassed for species. Aren't we done with this shit yet? Aren't we better than this?
Wow, what a moving story! I really don't know what to say other than bravo for taking Thomas into your home and providing him a safe and welcoming place to live.
Heartbreaking and motivating, you and the DP are wonderful souls for rescuing that poor guy. Much love to you both!
Well said...
At least you can be...domestic partnered (?)
Here in NC... yeah
Well, first of all, thank God you and your partner are there for "Thomas."
Secondly, yes I did say God, because I was raised as a Christian and I still consider myself one, although I find much to disagree with in the Bible. I now consider myself "spiritual," but I don't really believe in organized religion. That's where the message gets muddled.
It's interesting that any time I've voiced my disbelief about many Bible stories to Sunday morning Christians, I'm most often told that if I don't believe the whole thing, then I can't believe ANY of it. I'm not allowed to "pick and choose" the Christian laws that I'm going to follow.
I find it laughable, then, that these same people will say that homosexuality is "wrong," when there is very little, if any, mention of that in the Bible. (The few instances are not perfectly clear.) Jesus NEVER condemned homosexuality in any of his teachings. However, it was made abundantly clear in the Bible was that premarital sex and divorce were both wrong in the eyes of God. Well, divorce rates are way up, and what percentage of these good hetero church-goers do you think were virgins when they got married? So, I guess you can pick and choose which of God's laws you want to follow, as long as there's a majority rule on the importance of it.
I think there are many Christians like myself who do support gay rights. HUMAN rights. It's unfortunate that there are so many judgmental hypocrites out there giving us all a bad name.
This post made me cry.
After moving to California for law school in August, I've spent the last few months working for No on 8. I was very disheartened when it passed.
Reading this post reaffirms the reasons I chose to go to law school in the first place. It strengthens my resolve and my passion for fighting for GLBT rights.
Thank you for sharing.
Matt
fantastic post. Thanks for sharing your life and for making sense.
Hey Jake
Mezmerizing story and like many others have commented, it parallels an experience I am going through right now with my mother. And my partner Fang has been an absolute saint and rock of support for me through all of it.
Good luck, I will keep following this story and let me know how I can help (I am in SoFo neighborhood of Chicago)
Thomas
OMG!Poor guy!This woman here in Spain would go straight to prison!I was educated on catholicism but I soon understood that the real meaning of religion is hypocrisy...forgot about it and since then I'm never been so happy!Now,from few years so far, here in Spain you can get married to your partner no matter which sex you both are...I wish one day will be legal there as well..I believe that love is between souls, and the body is just like a dress..
This is my recent blog post about Prop 8- if you read it keep in mind that I am a straight woman living in Canada and therefore (as I have been told) "this doesn't affect" me and is "none of my business."
Sorry- I'm an idiot- here is the link to the post http://repliderium.com/political...aight/
#comments
A moving and incredible story. I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for the outpouring of love and humanity you and your partner are providing for Thomas. I know very few people, gay or straight, that would do what you have done.
I gotta be honest...I'm not generally supportive of gay marriage, but this made me think.
Thank you for your compassion and care for this abused and neglected man. It is exactly what we as humans are called to do.
Thank you for being a kind, compassionate, intelligent man that obviously is more of a "Christian" than any of the hate mongering, small minded, bigoted right wingers who choose to support trash like Prop 8.
Keep fighting the good fight. We, as a country, will make the transition from bigotry to equality and freedom with the help of every decent, intelligent American.
It's terrible what people see as worth fighting against when there are actual crimes being committed all around us.
If people focused their attention on real atrocities, such as child abuse, domestic abuse, animal abuse, etc, we'd be a much better nation.
This is a fantastic piece of literature. I hope many people link to this post and read what you've shared.
First off, Jake, bless you for rescuing your brother-in-law from hell. As a former teacher, I had plenty of experience witnessing what incompetent parenting did. I'm glad he's in good hands now.
"Proposition Hate" was appalling. As a student of history, though, I can't say it was the first time organized religion has promulgated hate. The persecution of Jews and Muslims during the inquisition, the collaboration of Southern churches with the oppression of African Americans, the Crusades-- lots of examples. In the end, I think the backlash will bite the hatemongers in the ass. i think that eventually there will be a legislative or judicial overturn of Proposition 8.
The fact remains that nobody—“Christian” or otherwise—has yet to articulate a plausible or even fact-based justification for denying us marriage equality.
I think our own Mayor Daley stated it beautifully: "Gay people haven't ruined marriage; straight people did."
I have never read your blog before and came across it by accident. Your story is beyond touching and so clearly illustrates how wrong the argument for "defining" marriage is. I live in CA and am blind sighted by the fact that, 1. Prop 8 made it on our ballot and 2. How it managed to pass. I truly believe that fear was used by religious institutions to vilify the gay and lesbian community. If more people knew your story, they would see that Prop 8 doesn't protect anything and that it in fact discriminates and reverses all of the progress we have made in regards to civil rights for all people.
Hi I stumbled upon this post as I was posting an entry about a Prop H8 shirt on my site (link to the blog above) and all I have to say is wow.
I had to link it in the post...
keep it going...
Powerful story. Thanks for sharing. But more importantly, thank you for caring for Thomas. The Jesus I know spent his life with the Thomases of his day too.
Hi,
I found this blog while reading another one of course.
I'm putting myself on the line here:}
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, yes a mormon, and I want to commend you for saving this child's life.
I don't live in California, so I didn't vote on Prop 8. To tell you the truth I didn't vote at all. I get migraines and I had one on the big day. I still don't know who I would have voted for, because there were things that I liked about both and things I didn't like about both.
But, as an old fashioned American I will support whomever is in the office and prayer for their saftey and their wisdom to lead this country.
That being said - back to adoption. We adopted one of our children, she is nine and has Down syndrome. Now that I am in the world of adoption and special needs I am more aware of the 1000's of children out there that need a loving person in their life. I said person, no "s", if it happens that there are more than two I say the more the merrier. I don't care the color, religion, political background, married, single, straight or gay. If someone is willing to step up and care for a child the way a child deserves to be cared for then I say let them do it.
So, thank you for stepping up. Enjoy and love your child.
Hi Jake,
Got this link from Steph. I am a Christian, have used the terms "sacred institution", and "threat to family values" in arguments with people from the church. The exception being that in my 'mythology', my God does not see gender. I think marriage IS a sacred institution between two people and their God. No gender need be involved. And the only threat to family values I see are the people like Thomas' 'parents' (and I realize I'm playing it fast and loose with the term parent to describe that woman) So much potential in our species, yet so much ignorance. Keep up the fight, I'm with you all the way.
Your straight, Christian, married, father of two friend,
John
PS adding your link on my blog if that's ok.
Hence the difference between "Christians" and "RRCFs" - standing for "Religious Right Christian ..." Er, I'm sure you can fill in the rest.
Even though everything that springs from my keyboard sounds terribly snarky, I truly mean it when I say you guys are awesome and Thomas is very lucky to have you both.
Big hugs to you, Jake!
God bless you, your husband, and "Thomas". I'm so fortunate to be living in Canada where people (gay or straight) have the option of getting married (or not). This extraordinary post brilliantly underscores the hypocracy of religious-right's hatred and narrow-mindedness. America positions itself as the premier bastion of freedom in the world. It's time that America's leadership actually fulfill that promise for EVERYONE. You're all in my thoughts.
What an interesting story. I hope that Thomas' life will be much better in the hands of you and your partner. It is so sad that he had to go through something like that. And all because our country is so messed up. Thanks for sharing. :-D
--Drew
This is so startling to me, and as I've followed prop 8 from afar, and thought (far too selfishly)how little it affects me personally, I should have been more aware. Please know You are wonderful and doing the right thing. I'm sure you don't need to hear it from me. But You're awesome..keep doing what you do.R
I was familiar with your story as your DP and I worked together earlier this year, but I was still incredibly moved by this post. Please keep up your articulate campaign to break down the "family values" facade that is an ignorant excuse to promote hate. The God I subscribe to thinks your family is the real deal.
Thank you for this moving, articulate post -- I am forwarding it to family and friends, and encouraging them to do the same.
Best,
Mike
A wrenching story, well written. A shame that it is true.
You will have equality soon, and already do in the eyes of the truly spiritual, as well as those who believe in no god.
Your taking in a damaged human and helping him to enjoy some pieces of life, teaching him of kindness and peace will stand your karma in good stead.
I've favorited your blog. You are good people. Keep fighting the good fight. You will be rewarded. In the meantime, know that there are a lot of "straights" who are on your side.
Peace,
Shagata Ganai
I just thought you should know that this blog entry has made its way onto reddit. As a Floridian, we had our own anti-gay issue up for a vote this election... and it passed. A gay marriage ban has been added to our state constitution.
The only thing that makes me feel better about any of this is that the most anti-gay demographic is those who are sixty-five and over. Hopefully things will begin to change soon.
Anyway, beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your story, man.
God bless you and your partner for taking care of "Thomas". Some of us Christians actually believe in things like loving our neighbors. Proposition 8 is terrible. I no more want the government telling me who can be married than I want them telling me who can receive communion or be baptised and anyone who says it is about protecting the sanctity of marriage is either lying, deluded or to dumb to think things through. I often wonder why the people who claim to be so concerned about the sanctity of marriage never bother to talk about outlawing divorce. And I have yet to have anyone explain to me why two guys who I will never meet getting married in a civil ceremony in California somehow diminishes my marriage to my wife here in Alabama. Again, God bless you all and try to ignore the Pharisees
I, too, live in a non-traditional household. I, too, am in a situation that is not supported or appreciated by the legal resources available to those who are traditionally married.
However, I am not gay.
I live with my son from a failed marriage (he's not failed, but his father sure-as-hell was) and my best friend who is separated from the wife who cheated on him and whom he only married because she blackmailed him. He's been separated for 14.5 years.
I cannot insure him at my job, the schools look at us askance because all three of us have different last names.....and our friends persist in calling me his wife or calling him my husband.
We're not a couple, but we raise my son as parents. We're also not Christian, though he grew up that way.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, we do not live in California. Instead, we are in Georgia, in the Bible-belt. We have let go of worrying about being called married because it's just easier not to correct people constantly.
But if I died, my ex-husband would have automatic custody of our son. He has no money, no job, is abusive, but because he was the biological father that gives him rights that the man who has been there for my son would have no rights.
It's not just gays being discriminated against--it's all those who are living in "non-traditional" "non-christian" ways that are being discriminated against.
Yes, Prop 8 is wrong--but many other laws exist that are at least as wrong.
I am so very sorry, I must borrow the phrase "Your mythology does not trump my reality". I, too, have parochial family members, of a different sort.
Good luck from a hetero SD cowboy.
as much as i would like to overturn prop 8 and normalize marriage and civil-union into one institution blind to gender, i think that first you might have to fix your vulnerability to the law in another way.
i'm sure you've thought of something this before but perhaps you should consider asking a lawyer to create a company structure that owns yours and your partner's possessions. as much as that may seem irritatingly complex, i think it would give you peace of mind.
good luck for a speedy return of californians to sanity.
-rob
Hey, Jake,
You said it. I'm'a link to this from my blog, and I hope that's OK with you.
I am still stunned Prop Hate passed in California, and it did so much to my chagrin. I have had friends with Gay Parents. I never have seen anything wrong with it, it should not be about the gender of the people in a relationship, it should be about love and making a happy family! There are plenty of unhappy, early divorced straight marriages, but I believe because gays have had to fight so hard for the right to marry, they actually hold it as sacred, unlike the rest of the US that sees it as something to try out, and if you dont like it, marry some one else!
hey from the uk
read this story earlier but couldn't comment because i was using an ipod touch and its a pain in the neck to type comments on that thing. I just wanted to say that this story moved me I'll never understand why people dislike the idea of gay marriage so much, if 2 people love each other what's the problem? a book thats over 2000 years old and has had more revisions removals and additions than anyone can keep track of says its wrong? so what, ignore the damned book, its not what was originally in there anyway so whats the big deal?
The human capacity for irrational hatred baffles me.
Some parents don't know how to nurture /raise children. This is nothing new. There are strange people of all types.
If your going to expand the definition of marriage - why not include the LDS as well? Add a provision allowing polygamy to the new definition of marriage too.
That way everyone gets what they want.
"..for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.” Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?” 40And the king will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.”
I hope this is not an unwelcome quotation, but it is what your story brought to mind. Please, in love, keep doing what you are doing because you remind us Christians to be who we were called to be and to do what we were called to do; that is, to love one another.
Right on brother... these kinds of stories sadden me on the state of the world, while inspiring me about the state of humanity (because there are good people like you in the world).
And I love that you labeled the post as "goatfuckery." It's all about having a good tag.
Please check out my blog, www.paradoxdaily.com. If you like it, please link to me. I'm going to add a link to you, if you don't mind
Great post, but I'd make one minor adjustment to your popular quote.
"Your mythology doesn't trump reality."
We all share the same reality. It's just that some people seem bound and determined to ignore the evidence. Again, great post.
Starbix
"Don't Panic." -Douglas Adams
What can be done so that you can legally adopt him? I think this is worth fighting for - I would crusade for you if that is your decision. How did your partner escape the same fate at the hands of this unfortunate mother?
Bravo for your courage, your love, and your lives.
I came across a link to this blog post from a Facebook group - and I'm utterly speechless... what an amazing post. Harrowing yet empowering in many ways. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi,
I know exactly what you're talking about. The best resource for social and custodial concerns is the ARC-Association for Retarded Citizens. It's a nationwide organizations and here in Texas it offers social opportunities for the disabled, also access to a variety of aid and consumer solutions. Feel free to contact me. I have a disabled son and have faced many of the issues you face now.
http://www.ezinearticles.com/?Ca...dults&
id=775804
All the best from here in Canada, where even our Conservative government doesn't mess with the right to marriage. Keep fighting - this is a conflict we need to win.
I'm a straight Christian male. And if I ever had to give a child up for adoption, I would pray that he (or she) would be adopted into a family as loving as yours.
You're an inspiration to the world.
Marriage is about love. Love doesn't discriminate. Someday the rest of the world will discover that marriage shouldn't either.
No doubt dude, you do bring up some very valid points here!
jess
www.privacy-tools.at.tc
Nothing to add except support and approval. Let us hope you and your partner outlive your problematic sort-of-relatives.
Jake,
Thanks for this post. I'm a Californian, ashamed that my great state was blinded by hatred to pass this terrible proposition. Nice to see such an eloquent response.
As a straight male I'm flabberghasted that posts like these even need to be made. Who you love is utterly no business of mine, nor mine yours. There are people actually being hurt in the world and we're being distracted by this -- as you so eloquently put it -- "goatfuckery". I'm baffled that in this day and age people are too lazy to just pick up a book, spend 5 mins educating themselves, and realize how perverse their world view is. :
Jake, this is an amazing story of tragedy love. I'm a christian, and I am absolutely disgusted with the christian establishment over the whole marriage business. One thing that I've learned is that love is to be cherished in whatever form it is found. I'm hoping that your partner lives a long life and the situation you describe never happens. Anything can happen however and it is a true risk. Does your partner have a will? and if it left the house to you wouldn't that prevent Thomas' parents from having any claim to your shared property? Now Thomas' guardianship would come into issue. Does he need to have a guardian? Is your partner his legal guardian? This would also be something that a will would cover.
Wishing you and your family all the best
I am a straight married woman and I voted no on Prop. 8. I don't think anyone shouldn't have the right to be protected by marriage. Further more the fact that your partners parents could have access to things are not theirs is bullshit. A will would stop that from happening, he should have one made out, its never to early, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. On a final note I hope everyone who voted to pass Prop. 8 burns in hell.
My parents have a lot of conservative ideas, but my Mom's experience as a hospice nurse in the 1990s convinced her that gay couples need more rights. It's nice to see you make similar arguments with intellectual rigor and emotional force.
In the interest of knowing one's enemy: Orson Scott Card's position on Prop H8 is interesting and logical, if horrifyingly selfish and brutal. He understands our physical existence as a race (pardon the pun) to see who can have the most descendants, and wants as many generations as possible to be forced into fecund relationships, regardless of who they are attracted to. The more acceptable homosexuality becomes in the world, the more chances there will be for young adults to put their own desires ahead of their reproductive duty to Orson Scott Card and his ancestors.
This shines a new light on his literary oerve, for me...
I'm a straight male from a former red state (we went blue this year yay).
I just don't understand how people can feel good suppressing a basic fundamental right that two adults should have.
The right to allow/recognize homosexual marriages does NOT take away or make heterosexual marriages any less relevant, I fail to understand the logic of those who say it does.
If you ask me - 'heterosexuals' don't seem to have such a great strangle hold on marriage - look at the divorce rate.
I hope that EVERYONE in California (and the other 50 States) gets the right to marry if they choose to. It's something that shouldn't be suppressed.
I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. You are an incredible man, thank you for sharing your story with the world.
That was the best, well written, perfectly seasoned with strong rhetoric minus the hateful undertone I've read in quite some time. Indeed even retarded folks would be able to understand the well defined point made in your blog.
Bravo, and your blog WILL be used as a reference.
Rj
Thomas is so lucky to have you and your partner in his life now! Even without the horrible circumstances you describe here, it makes no sense for 2 people who have committed their loves to each other not to be able to share property, make health decisions, and all the other next-of-kin things.
Please don't lump all Christians as gay-haters.
Love,
Pastor's daughter in North Carolina
From a southern methodist turned Buddhist,(with a "staunch record of hetorsexuality"-George Costanza) allow me to say that I support your rights on this issue, and its makes me smile to see you pratice such loving kindness within your family. Helping another's suffering is a noble cause and should be supported by all those around.
One of the things I've noticed about RightWingers is that they seem to think that they think any support of things like Prop 8 constitutes a lapse of faith. So, in an essesence, they are suffering as well. I think its become less about issues than about morality for right wingers. Forgive their ignorance, they are suffering as well. I mean, if they think that creating a law based on their religious beliefs, then they must not be confident that people of their own religion will abide by their own code. That's just my opinon, I could be wrong.
As for the redefintion of marriage, I am in agreement with that. I think we should redefine marriage as a civil union for EVERYONE, and leave the marraiges to the church. Also please feel free to remind others that if the government hadn't redefine marriage that inter-racial marriages would still be illeagal. Before that marriage had to be re-defined to allow blacks to marry other blacks. So that whole redefining marriage premise is lacking foundation.
Anyway, do not falter in your stance and continuing doing what you believe to be right and true.
Good luck in your battle. The stranglehold that religious idiots have on this country is astounding in its reach and frightening in its effect.
Great post. Don´t stop fighting. Grettings from Sweden.
I am: female, heterosexual, non-American, (not-that-kind-of) Christian. And a lot of other things, of course. And I somehow fail to scream with shock and horror when some people happen to be homosexual.
I came across your post through a link on LiveJournal, and I want to tell you that I can only admire you and your partner for what you are doing for your son.
I appreciate love in all of its forms, and I appreciate your love for your partner and your love for your son. And think that perfectly heterosexual BIOLOGICAL parents who abuse and/or desert their children shouldn't have the right to be anybody's parents.
With all due respect, Darina
Jake, yes, crying, I am.
please, however, Everyone. Please stop painting all religion, or even all Christianity with the same brush! Isn't that like saying all Jews are stingy? or all French cowards? I am Episcopalian, and our parish is welcoming to the extreme. One of the 3 priests is an older man, one is a middle-aged woman, and our newest is a 30something gay man. And we love them all. And I wish I could help you from here, Jake. Because we'd love you and your family here.
Just wanted to let you know that your story is amazing. I've reposted the first paragraph with links back here for the full article.
You can find the links I've posted here:
http://community.livejournal.com...rica/
20181.html
http://community.livejournal.com...lj/
1212820.html
Thank you for finally putting a voice to my frustration.
Just awesome, you should be commended for all that you have done for your Nephew (thats right Nephew). You and your partner are an example of what family is supposed to do for each other. I am so sorry that your rights have been taken away, never did I think that I would live to see the day that rights would be taken away from fellow Americans...it makes me so sad for our country and our children.
An excellently written post, and I sympathise with your position.
Are you aiming to be a modern-day Nicholas Nickleby? "Your mythology does not trump my reality." Strongly reminds me of:
"[...] your schemes are known to man, and overthrown by Heaven [...]" yet cannily reversed. There are parellels between poor Thomas and the boy Smike too.
It's also interesting that you liken the religious right to the Taliban. The puritans were known for destroying works of art, desecrating statues and such. Much of England's religious art was destroyed during that time. A representative of Exeter Cathederal said about the Puritans, "They were just like the Taliban, no-one was unhappy to see them go." Apparently at one point the cathederal was divided into two sections led by different Puritan leaders, who each believed they were holier than the the other.
Hello! What an incredible story. Please email me. My girlfriend works in social services here in Chicago and actually helps families who care for their developmentally disabled family at home by helping them find services.
I'm not sure what you need to do to qualify, etc, but I know she would be happy to help you find more information if she can't herself help you.
You are a good soul, and one of the few left in this world. It's a travesty that good people are not treated as such, but know that you have directly improved one person's life, and indirectly, a countless number.
I salute you, your domestic partner, and the courage you both possess.
Best blog ever.
I find it very disturbing that the 'Christan' lobby in America see fit to impose their own view of the world on everyone else. Do they not accept that perhaps some people don't share their same (warped) view of the world.... what gives them the God-Damned right to say who can and who can't marry!!??
All because their imaginary friend (God) says so - well, because a man says that God says so - after all, noone has every had a conversation with GOd or received an email of letter from God .... have they...?? SO who can and who can't marry is based on some warped view from the leaders of one particular cult (Christianity)!!
Christians - the least 'Christian' bunch of people I know!
Best wishes from The cold and broke ass country of Iceland. Just by knowing there is a person like you, your hubby and your nephew you made my heart a little bit warmer.
(you should come and visit, here gay pride is a family festival)
Greetings from Brazil.
I think that all discrimination, being it sexual, religious, philosophic or whatever, is a violence.
The people that commit it are stupid AND violent, and the people who let it go are guilty as well.
Congrats, and "keep walking".
I think you're country doesn't deserve you.
You really should consider emigrating to Canada. Your life and those around you would have the foundations you seek to grow.
Respect.
My heart breaks for you and your family. I hope your blog will be seen by millions of people who will finally be moved enough to do something about our country's outrageous "beliefs." This is NOT the America I want to be in. This is NOT the America that upholds its citizens as equal beings with equal rights. This is pure, unadulterated bullshit.
I wish you and yours the very best from the bottom of my heart. And I mean it, too.
Hi Jake,
I have to say I hated your blog post. I hated it for what it represented and the attitude it represents. I hate if for the unseeing oppression of the obtuse. What I'm getting at I hate the fact that, simply because you are in a same sex relationship, you are legally worth less than this boy's parents. I sigh repeatedly.
I'm a man, a father, a husband, a lover and now I'm angry. I'm angry this child could suffer the legal indignity of his situation simply by having the wrong DNA doners. It's awful. I'm eternally grateful for the situation you've put the boy in and I can't even type this without tears welling up in my eyes.
I'm not particularly for the word marriage being applied to same sex relationships, but I am STRONGLY for an equal and consistent federal mandate that grants same sex unions the EXACT SAME legal rights marriage. I don't care what it's called when it really comes down to it. I feel that it's impossible to go one while ignoring the rights of a large populace in this country. It's called slavery when that happens... you know when a group has fewer rights than another group based simply on the nature of the group.
I wish you luck and I'm already looking into ways to help the cause.
Such a sad story behind your most justified anger. I hope it all works out over there in the crazy USA. You guys have to squish those religious nuts - somehow.
Thanks for sharing your story-- will spread it far and wide. Hopefully it's individual stories like yours that will start to make the difference - it's easier for people to hate caricatures than individuals.
Jake, I congratulate you, Thomas, and your partner for succeeding in the face of numerous horrors. Clearly, your post has inspired many people, even if through tears. I wish all three of you the best in future.
Be careful now, your last paragraph makes you appear just as hateful and ignorant as the people who seek to oppress you. Not all heterosexuals are terrible parents, and some homosexuals are terrible parents.
Came here off reddit.com
Amazing post! Simply amazing.
Beautiful post. I want to send you and your family a holiday card!
Jake, I am ashamed to be living in California at this time (we thought Prop 8 was an abomination and proudly displayed our 'No on Prop. 8' signs). It's been terribly hard explaining to my 9-year old son why this hate-filled proposition passed. When someone as open and innocent as a child sees clearly that this is wrong, I am mystified why so many Californians supported it. They weren't even a majority and yet it passed. I have tremendous admiration for you and your partner in all that you are doing for Thomas. I believe it is by our acts that we will be remembered, not our professed beliefs.
i'm straight male so consider that when you read my comments.
Prop 8 battle could have been won by either side and Prop 8 passed because the gays & lesbians were afraid and act as if they have lost the battle during the election. Where were these touching stories? where were the grassroots organizers? instead of putting up real stories, real lives that people can relate to, the No-Prop 8 put up empty slogans. so... you get what you get.
Dude, i'm really touched by your story and respect your side. It's a tough road for you guys. However, you guys didn't do yourself any favors by sitting back. well, ok, not you personally, but you get my point.
Keep humanize your side, like what you're doing now, and the tides will turn in your favor. Victory awaits...
Moving story, Jake. I added it to the "News" section of the Marriage Equality wiki (click "Homepage" link).
That was really a great story. I'm always glad I voted No on 8.
btw...helloooo reddit
Bless you, your partner, and "Thomas".
Proof that just because "it's the law" doesn't necessarily mean it's just or Constitutional. ALL MEN (and WOMEN) ARE CREATED EQUAL. No one has the right to take that from you, they can however (currently) violate your right to equality.
Please know that awakened America supports you and we are sick of people violating your birthright! One Love for ALL!
Thank you, Family of Jake for enabling Thomas's progress beyond the terror he faced. I'm embarrassed that our country uses the politics of hate and fear to propagate opposition for a non-threat. Love is thicker than blood and all that really matters is the content of one's character. You both demonstrate clearly the content of your character in your care of your nephew.
you are a beautiful human being. november 4th was such an odd day for so many people, steps forward, and steps back. it was just such an odd feeling to be proud to be an american for the first time in my life, and feeling pure shame at the same thing at the exact same moment. i just wish more of these "christians" would hear your story...not that they'd take it to heart, but having been a christian for so many years before things like this began coming to light and my sheer feeling of humanity and moral decency overtook me, i thank you for putting this out there, and for being a human. you, man, are amazing. may god have mercy on those wretched souls that voted for prop hate.
Many thanks Jake for speaking up, your brilliant post and for the kindness you show your family in your life.
We've been sitting at the back of the hair salon for too long.
Speak up fellow gays. You don't have to do something as extraordinary as Jake to deserve the same basic dignity and legal equality as any American.
Unlike Thomas, no one else is coming for us. Like Jake, we can speak for ourselves. Tell the details. Tell everyone about the petty bullshit and the costs we put up with. Be specific!
If you want to do more, host an http://equalitycamp.com in your town.
Tell your story! Thank you Jake.
The God that I believe in loves all of you, and so do I. This world is a much better place with guys like you in it.Keep up the good work and give your nephew a big hug from all of us.
This is amazing, would it be okay if I shared it on my blog? I have recently left the Mormon Church and it is partly due to their involvement in the Proposition H8 mess.
You are a fine example of a human being, and I can't wait until the day where all people are treated as equals.
Thank you for helping this man. I know the two of you would have done so even if your partner wasn't related to him.
This world would be a better place if there were more people like the two of you.
Sincerely,
Andee Duncan
www.windysydney.blogspot.com
windysydney@live.com
I don't even have words to truly describe how angry and frustrated for families like yours I am. Living in Connecticut I've seen recent strides made to protect and ensure equality for everyone. And although those strides are steps forward, it won't be enough until those same type of protections cover every family coast-to-coast.
That you and your partner have opened your home and lives to such a fragile soul speaks volumes about not only your own strengths of character but about your love and devotion to one another. This wasn't a small arbitrary thing, this was an enormous undertaking affecting not only the two of you, but him as well. And I sincerely wish all of you the very best as you travel that path together.
WOOOO-WEEE! Great end to a great article. I'm all riled up and can't wait to argue with a bigot.
Thanks for your unassailable perspective and for being a decent person.
Thank you for such a powerful and eloquent piece of writing and the truth to power you are speaking.
I feel so sorry for you and all of the other same-sex couples in the state of California. This is a very touching yet sad story. I recently wrote a research paper on the Unconstitutionality of banning same-sex marriages and even as a Christian myself (although Episcopalian which is a very gay-friendly denomination) I find it apalling that anyone would want to take away these fundamental rights away from people just because it's not what they consider to be "normal." I voted against the amendment to my state's constitution banning it (Missouri) but alas, I am just one vote and one voice, if only I could reason with all of these misinformed voters.
I'm Christian, but I'm not like the others who use their Bibles as justification for their hate. I only wish that people, regardless of their beliefs, could live in your shoes for one day to understand how you are treated as less than a second class citizen. The government shouldn't have any reason to deny you your inalienable rights.
My heart and prayers are with you, and I hope that someday, we'll all realize that we cannot choose which of God's laws we support, and which we twist around to fit our own agenda (discrimination, prejudice, ignorance, and hatred). In my eyes, you are a child of God, as is your partner and his brother. You deserve the same happiness and protection that everyone else is afforded.
Hi Jake
You have my full support and sympathy for the issues you, your domestic partner, and thomas are facing. I sincerely hope your difficult situation will get better.
Best regards
Hi there,
I don't know path led me to your blog post, but I'm glad I came upon it.
I couldn't agree with you more. I am appalled and disgusted Prop 8 and I want to apologize to you and to all the other honest hard-working gay men and women out there. I am not a California resident (I'm a friendly neighbor up north), but if I were I would have voted for you not against you.
I should have you know, I am a Christian. I don't believe anybody should be considered a lesser person because of their sexual orientation. My blood boils when other Christians spew hate and condemn people to hell and whatnot for what they do (when it is clearly not up to them) these people need to go back and read the Bible again. Jesus preached of love and acceptance, not hate and condemnation. Plus, there is NOTHING in the Bible that defines marriage... so I find it ironic that people try to defend the "God-given" sanctity of marriage.
I will pray for you and your husband, as well as everyone who is struggling with this set-back. I pray that one day everybody sees the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ... and not through the hate-spewing "Christians."
Sometimes I am ashamed to call myself a Christian and be associated with these hate-mongers. But I know deep down inside what Jesus came for and what He stands for. It's not my intent to shove anything at you, I just wanted you to know that there are Christians out there who do love and support all you do. I can't say enough at how amazed I am at what you are doing for Thomas, hats off to you!
Sorry, it's now 2:30am and I'm afraid I ramble a little too much. Succinctness is something I have trouble with, but I work on it daily.
I wish you many blessings in your life! Thank you!
-Drea
I don't even live in the US, and stumbled on this blog post through reddit, and that is hell of a story. Hope you'll find your way through that mess that is Prop 8, and good luck !
Jake, what you and your partner have done is well beyond what the average "Christian" does to help the world and society at large. Humbled doesn't even begin to describe how I feel reading your story. Truly, you are an example to us all.
Thank you for managing to be kind, loving people despite all the vitriolic hatred that exists in this world. I can't help but think that we have to win someday. I just hope we're around to see it.
I found this post off of Facebook.
Thank you so much for writing about this. Your story brought tears to my eyes. It explained the essence of why no one should vote against the rights of other people.
The next time my so-called Christian, Prop Hate supporting family members bring up why gay marriage should be outlawed, I'm showing them this story. I'd love to see them rationalize their views then.
As for me, I shouldn't pat myself on the back because even though I'm pro gay-marriage, I was too lazy, comfortable and chickenshit to be more vocal and visible with my support. Prop 8 passed not only because the haters campaigned for it, but because people like me did nothing because we stupidly thought that since it wasn't "our" state or "our" fight that "someone else" would do the fighting and the job would get done without us. Obviously I should have known better. For that I'm not proud, and I won't make the same mistake again.
I was directed here from Facebook...
Well done, Jake, both you and your partner; and thank you for sharing this with the world. I am glad that Thomas has finally found the peace and security to which we are all entitled. Much love to you all.
I too ran into this from Facebook. And in spite of the passage of Prop 8, Gay Domestic Partnerships are still protected with full legal rights in California.
So if you were living in CA and not in Chicago, you'd still be protected and your nightmare scenario would not come to pass.
Too bad nobody has pointed that out to you, it may have saved you some gut churning.
As a straight man i must say that was very inspiring. it sucks our country has made such a huge step in civil rights by electing an african american president, but cannot give equal rights to gays and lesbians. It makes me sick. Good luck in your fight to gain the rights you deserve.
thank you for sharing, i've put a link of a story of mine here too. I am so proud to hear other voices speaking out.
Intolerance is never Christian, and wasting money that could better be spent giving children what they REALLY need is never a good idea. I apologize for those who are too blinded to see that, whether they think they need apologizing for or not. Good luck with everything, and I admire you.
thank you.
Wow, this has sorta changed my views on gay marriage. I would like to repost this if I can have your permission
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