So it's still okay for the staff of milliners and phrenologists to rend their garments. I guess that would be kind of fun.
If what you have is called a muffin-top (give me a break) then I guess I'm just a whole freaking bakery.
Come on! There's self-deprecation and then there's down-right self delusion. As long as the inseam of those jeans is roughly equal to the waist size, don't give me any of this bull about how fat you are. 
But then again, if you feed me more pie, you can say whatever you want.
You have a staff phrenologist? Wow. I'm sure if I had one he or she wouldn't know what to make of my pineapple shaped skull.
p.s. WHAT THE HECK DID THE VOICEMAILS FROM THE MORTGAGE JERK SAY?????
p.p.s. And what, pray tell, are "muffin-top jeans?"
Voice mails: He apologized profusely and he's already resolved every issue. I seriously don't think he's a jerk; I just think I'm on the very low financial end of the financial spectrum he serves and he puts out the million-dollar fires before he puts out the thousand-dollar fires.
Muffin-top jeans: Jeans that are probably too small in the waist, causing any amount of excess waist flesh to pooch out disproportionately over the waistband and give the illusion of out-of-control parked-in-front-of-the-TV-eating-doughnuts time.
—Jake
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