Oh dear God!!! How do you stand it. You must have the patience of Job.
Every entry my admiration of yer character and scope arises.
Ooooh,eeeeee. Too much blood hon, too much blood.
I dabble a bit more in the other bodily fluids---but, we do have very large BLACK towels for the ultimate bleed outs. Having a terminal bleed in front of yer loved ones is never a good thing so we try to save them the horror of red.
Anyone who has been in this business any length of time recognizes how much we don't know about the human body and its subtle workings. When a new grad it always felt like such a failure to give the answer "I don't know"
Now, I know how much I don't know.
And, not ashamed to admit it.
Great story. You should really send this story on to Reader's Digest. It is that good. Enjoy yer writing so. Nearly coughed coffee all over the screen.
Love ya. Merry Christmas to you and yers.
You owe me a new screen and keyboard. I don't know how I'll get the Coca-cola out of my laptop this time.
Hi Nurse William, I'm glad there are people like you out there. I'm a horrible patient and I tend to be a bit squeemish sometimes but in an emergency I could probably get through. Thanks for doing what you do.
Have a very Merry Christmas!
Howdy.
I'm reading your blog at 3 in the morning because I also work nights in an ER and I can't sleep on my only day off this week!!! I wish I could type something piquant, witty and so "with it"; but I can't....your story is just too true!
William:
I swear you must be the man of steel. I don’t know how you do your job without strangling some of your patients. You tell a good story. Thank you for putting a smile on my face.
MJ
PS: I think you should submit this story to Grand Rounds or Change of Shift.
I agree with Mother Jones - definitely material for Grand Rounds or Change of Shift.
Gotta forward this to my EMT middle child too. With a warning not to drink anything while he's reading.
That has got to be one of the funniest blog entries I've read in a long time.
Good stuff!
William... I'm printing this out to share with my husband's ER folks. They are just might frame this one!
In all my years of hospital work (former MT and Admin in a previous life,) my fav' patient was a Biker-Boy who landed in our ER one night with massive injuries from running his bike into a pickup. His injuries included a nasty gushing compound fracture of his leg. I had to get this guy typed and crossed for surgery as everyone was pretty busy saving his girlfriend across the hall.
Biker-boy decides he's going to protest my sticking him-- he's totally afraid of needles. He'll faint... all the excuses. After attempting to reason with him twice, I get politely in his face and tell him, "Look honey it's like this-- either I get to take a sample, or I leave you to bleed out. They frown on me just picking any old'e bag a blood to put back into you-- and Jack Daniels isn't an option. You've had enough of that-- right?"
Needless to say, I got to make the stick. As I walked out the room, the two Orthos who were going to plaster Biker Boy back together were standing outside the door-- waiting and laughing their asses off. When I asked why they hadn't joined me (aka helping out,) they told me, I was doing just fine by myself--
Four days later Biker boy and I had another encounter, this time I had to drop by for another late night collection round-- He asked me if he could have that pint of Jack I'd mentioned now. I just rolled my eyes and said-- "No, we don't have a liquor license."
Sometimes you wonder if a Darwin Laureate can be living!
Mary Lu
Good God. Some of these patients of yours seem almost as brain-damaged as I am.
Ditto Armed & Christian up there...do you have any idea how hard it is to hoover spewed coffee out of my keyboard? 
You must be a great nurse in real life.
You know, for the most part the patients we see are genuinely sick. Some of them may have "unconventional ideas about self-care, but it's more because of simple lack of understanding. We actually see very few wantonly stupid people such as the ones I have described. But when they come to us, we remember for a long, long time.
I like to think I am a good nurse. I know many "great" nurses. But I still have much to learn, and I do not count myself among the "great" nurses.
Box cutter $1.99
ER copay $50 (x2)
Being the most talked about ER patient for 2007:
PRICELESS
Thanks for visiting, TC. I understand that you were also in the ER for some time. I'd love to swap stories with you sometime.
I've been an emergency nurse "forever" and I think I met your patients in my travels. Actually, I think there is a place back east that "stamps" these folks out and sends them across the country so we can share the wealth. You realize, of course, we are "enablers" otherwise they might "self-destruct."
Thanks for sharing that we aren't the only emergency with these folks!
I once sat next to a guy in the ER who had made it through two tours in the middle east /without a scratch/, only to come home and accidentally chop off the tip of one finger by sticking it in a plugged in blender. *headdesk*
Next time I go to the ER. I ain't saying a word. I'm afirad I might end up on a blog. :P
I just have to say, this is one of the most amusing blog posts I've ever read. Whenever I need a good laugh I come back and read this!
Thanks for writing it.
Commenting by HaloScan
