Thank you for your comment!
I used to think the same thing until I went to a church service and it was like the preacher was speaking to me and he said that the verse "He'll never give you more than you can bear" was not even in the Bible. What it says is this:
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; HE WILL NOT LET YOU BE TEMPTED BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN BEAR. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.ā€¯ (1 Corinthians 10:13, NIV)
Dear Sarah,
I am compelled to read more in your site as I feel like I only have a partial story (going back through your posts). You are a lovely writer and I must say that I hope many who haven't suffered in life read your site. It is hard when well-meaning people, Christians too, give us "blanket statements." I've heard my fair share as I've suffered a miscarriage, as well as lost a twin with my last pregnancy which resulted in a premature delivery of the one remaining. My "preemie" is now a little over one and since that time I was diagnoses with thyroid issues (the reason why I felt like leaving it all at time or like I couldn't cope). Not too long after, we found out my oldest, full-term baby (I only have 2 children), has heart issues. We are on the road to seeing a geneticist to see if it is Marfan's syndrome. I truly feel there are many who haven't walked such roads and it is hard for them to comprehend. They mean well but they say all the wrong things. :0) I guess our job is to be diplomatic and share with them how it affects us, perhaps so they are more sensitive to the next person. I don't know . . . maybe, maybe not. Anyway, I feel for you as I have heard so many comments throughout these events. It can be hard but I love the way you searched out the Scripture and found out the source of the teaching. Way to go! I'll continue reading through your blog. I have yet to share about my Rachel on our website as we are just walking the journey of seeing a geneticist and I guess in some sense, I'm trying to guard myself from the comments. If they walked a mile in my shoes they would know it's okay to worry about yoru children b/c it is human to feel such emotions (God wouldn't have put them there if we weren't to feel it sometimes) but it should bring us to the place where we drop it all in the Lord's lap. Everyone needs a good cry and the right to express themselves. I'm glad you are being open and honest in your blog. I look forward to visiting your site time and time again. (Sorry for getting so wordy here.) I just appreciated your website today.
Blessings,
Erna
I've heard that phrase used so often and I have used it myself but there was always an empty ring to it because it didn't make much sense. Thank you for sharing . . . and I'm praying for success on August 3rd.
And on the hard days, I'll remind myself of the very same thing. Sometimes it is too much to bear, but I don't have to bear it alone.
Now that is something worth quoting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh my. In all my year of reading blogs this touched my heart the very very most. You know how you read or hear something and you think "thank you God because I know that was JUST FOR ME!" This is one of those. I have a very very high stressful life and yes I've heard the more than you can bear thing since my middle son was born with special needs. Well anyways thank you for that statement. From God's mouth to your blog to my eyes :*) I very much enjoy your blog I'll be back to visit again! (came via the home tour!) xoxo melzie
Sarah,
I don't think I've ever said "hi" before...I'm a bit of a lurker who enjoys your site. So..hi. =)
I loved this post and wanted to encourage you a little bit. I don't think you are supposed to be able to bear any of it alone. I certainly can't. Forget about surgeries or other dramatic stuff...I can't bear my daily tasks by myself. I think that's the whole point. I can't do it, and I really need the Lord's strength. I need him to do it. All of it, not just the REALLY hard stuff. You know?
The big one I realized recently is how we always ask for God's "help" to do something. I finally came to a hard situation where I just could not do it. I was at the end of my rope and had nothing. I was beyond needing help. I needed Him to figure it out, carry me through it, and I would help Him! I had it backwards. Even needing God's "help" implies that we are still in control and He is just helping us. Hardly...
You are right. This is more than you can bear. I bet that your daily life is too. But, isn't it great that your creator (and your daughter's), is in charge of the whole thing?
Hang in there...and don't even try to bear it! He'll be there.
Blessings,
-knoel
Cheryl, thank you--I'll remember the lines of that song on those hard days.
I read this blog the other day and once again you amaze me with your writings. And your willingness to share your heart so openly.
In the process, it reminded me of a song my husband sings. Allow me to explain first.
My husband's first wife, Rita, went on to be with the Lord almost 13 years ago, due to liver cancer. She was a wonderful Christian lady and my friend. Very humble and somewhat shy. Her younger brother used to write a lot of their songs, including this one. His inspiration for this particular song came one day when she had purchased a new blouse. Something she would rarely do, as she usually bought for others rather than herself. This day she had put the blouse on, feeling pretty I guess, as much as her humble heart would allow. But as she was passing through the doorway a nail caught the sleeve of the blouse and tore it. She turned back to enter the house again and sat on the bed crying. She had been having some rough days recently and certainly this was probably just the last straw. Her brother entered the room to comfort her and she said "sometimes even though there are people all around, I feel so alone."
From that he wrote these words. I wish I was able to send you the recording.
Sometimes I feel like everyone has left me
To face this ole world on my own
But its then a voice from deep inside starts calling
Don't give in for your never alone
No your never alone I am with you
Standing by your side
To help you with your problems
To comfort you when you cry
In my arms you'll find protection
like you have never known
When you feel like giving in
Remember your never alone
When the load that you carry seems so hard to bear
Everyones around you, but it seems like no one cares.
Just listen to the Savior as he calling
I am here, you don't have to be alone
Repeat chorus
Sorry for writing so much. Hope this brings you comfort you as well.
Very well said. I was just going on to my husband about how that verse is very mis-quoted. Sadly. Thank you for saying it so well.
"Everything has God's fingerprints on it."
That's my favorite quote of all time. Everything that I go through ... everything that I do. He is with me, always.
That's what makes my load lighter to bear.
Hi Sarah,
I just found your website through Lisa's a few days ago and I love it! I just wanted to pass on a note to let you know how much I'm getting from reading it. I gave birth to a preemie daughter about four months ago and I can identify with a lot of what you talk about. This is our first, so I've never stayed home before. I love being able to read your blogs and feel the same things you do and identifying so much with someone else who has done this a little longer than I have - except the cooking part. I love to cook.
Sarah~
You and your family are in our prayers.
I am sending an e-hug! Is that possible?
Renee
Sarah, I posted a "response" of sorts to this blog today.
I'm not sure how I came upon your blog today, just blog-jumping, but I really needed to hear the message you wrote. I have had trials in my life that were totally overwhelming. And I somehow felt "weak" for feeling that way.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'll pray for your little girl. And that you'll never feel alone in this journey.
I think you've gotten it right. God does give us more than we can bear. Alone, we could never get through it, so we turn to Him.
I understand how people you feel like you aren't quite being strong enough or stoic enough. Wellmeaning people often say the wrong thing. They also say the right thing occasionally.
I loved that you used the phrase "carry the load" when speaking of Jesus. In Matthew 11:28&29 Jesus said,"Come to me all you people that are tired and have heavy burdens. I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." The word used for yoke in Hebrew was the harness that TWO oxen use to pull a load. In other words, you and God will be in it together. Not that I think you didn't already know this, but I thought the "yoke" thing was really cool.
I am praying for you, your family and of course your daughter.
I don't want to upset you either, because maybe my comment will seem like one of hypocrasy but it isn't meant that way. Just remember that I suppose the reason that God says that is because it IS too much for us to bear, alone. Not with God's help though!
Love in Christ!
You are right, & your mother is right. We don't know what you are going through, & it must be lonely. My heart goes out to you.
Well said Sarah - I have heard that numerous times throughout my life and probably have said it many as well. Not only all that you said, but we each have different breaking points and different seasons in life. What is major to one in their particular season of life may seem minor to another.. however that makes neither person less capable of bearing what is to come. And the best news of all is that Christ is with all of us; through my minor, your major, your minor and my major. He is there; He is our constant source of Strength and Comfort.
Again - know that my prayers are with you and your family!
Tears falling and speechless... Thank You!
WOW!What an excellent lesson for me. I found you from Lisa Whelchel's site & enjoy reading you now.And with all you have to deal with, you still have some posts that just deal with everyday life, taking walks, making bread.You are not missing the point.You and Addison and your boys and husband are in my prayers.I remind myself daily that God is not concerned with my comfort, but with my character.
I think women in particular want to try to fix things because we don't want people to feel sad (or angry, etc...) So we end up saying things without acknowledging that hurts won't just "go away."
One thing I have tried to tell myself is this: if I haven't experienced the struggle personally, then I need to keep my mouth shut when it comes to offering "advice" or trying to make people feel better. In those situations, I think the most loving thing we can do is to listen, sympathize, affirm, offer help, pray... but not to try to fix anything.
Thank you for being transparent and honest, and for doing it with gentleness and grace.
This subject has been a big issue with me for a long time. Almost 14 years ago, my 49-year-old husband died of a brain tumor after a horrifying illness of about a year and a half. One of the most unexpected things that I learned in the fire of that experience was not to trust in what everybody "knows" about God and what "they" say He will do, but in God and what He says (and doesn’t say) about Himself.
I did occasionally hear platitudes, but truthfully, it was from relatively few people. Much of what I heard was in my own mind—-all those things I'd always believed because we all know they are true, just like the perversion of I Cor: 10:13. After all, that's in the Bible. “God said it. I believe it. That settles it.”
I began to understand that when I felt disappointment with God rising in my heart, it was almost always because of my own unbiblical expectations. Even worse, I'd been guilty of perpetuating some of those "truisms" myself. And the fruit of believing these half-baked truths and misapplied Scriptures produces the opposite of what God intends, which is to acknowledge our helplessness: “I am weak, but He is strong.”
When I feel the guilt produced by untruth and half-truth laid across my shoulders with the heavy weight of obligation and the unspoken admonition to try harder, I have learned that it isn't the gospel. The gospel says, “His grace is made perfect in my weakness.” The gospel says, “I can’t, but he can.”
WELL SAID Sarah!
I have blown it before by saying the wrong thing on occasion. Know what I've learned? It's better for me to speak less, because truthfully, I haven't suffered like many have. So no, I don't know what it feels like (and trying to imagine it always fall short of reality).
So......instead of speaking to a hurt friend..... I hug and I cry and I bake and I listen and I babysit and I pray and I pray and I pray to the One who knows what she is enduring.
Sarah, I pray peace on your heart.
I've always found it difficult to know what to say in circumstances like these. But when someone says to me God won't give you more to bear than you can, I simply blow it off because I almost never believe they mean what they're saying. I think a lot of people just say what they think they're supposed to say and don't even stop to think what it means. I agree with your Mom. A simple hug and an offer of real help is much more real and meaningful.
THANK YOU! It's taken me 11 years of parenting a severely disabled child, and hearing that hogwash flow from peoples' lips to have you so eloquently give me the reply I'll use from now on!
We are facing the heart-breaking decision to place our son in an assisted living home with another family....the last thing I need to hear right now as I am overwhelmed with Mommy guilt and sorrow is that platitude of platitudes you debunked so effectively!
If I want to curl up in a ball and sob for a week, I HAVE THAT RIGHT! If I can bite my tongue no longer and ask if that oh-so-helpful (NOT!) person would like to take the NEXT 11 year shift and then get back to me, I HAVE THAT RIGHT!
Just as YOU have the RIGHT to worry, and sorrow, and grieve for your darling baby girl...whom you love beyond measure, and hurt for beyond belief....
Bravo, well said, right on post, Sarah!!
I came to this realization a while ago, when I quoted that same verse out of context to my own mother, and she pointed out exactly what you just said.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Great, great post!
Sarah, what a powerful word you have for us. Thank you. I'm reminded of a chapter in "The Purpose Driven Life" addressing how God expects us to use our trials to in turn minister to others. That you are already doing that -- not after your trial but DURING it -- is remarkable. ... And, Sarah, it makes the rest of us look bad. 
Peace to you and your dear family.
I like your post and how you clarify what the Bible is actually saying. I think we misquote its words far more than we'd care to admit.
You are human for feeling and thinking what you do. And I'm sorry you're having to go through this season of life.
Thank you, Sarah! I've been following your story for a couple of weeks, and I think of you (and pray for you) often. This post has given me more to think about; as a counselor, it is so tempting to use the platitudes instead of walking beside a sufferer, holding his/her hand and entering into the suffering. Praise God that indeed, we do not walk alone.
Just two days ago I was going through something that was difficult, and the phrase that popped into my head was "stand in the gap." That became my prayer--that Jesus would stand in the gap between me/my sinfulness and His call to holiness. The beauty of it is that He was simply waiting for me to ask for what He was already giving me. I pray that He will stand in the gap for you in whatever ways you most need it.
Sarah-
Thank you for that. I have found that most people who say that God will never give you more than you can handle, have never really been through anything difficult themselves. They truly have no idea of what is "too much to handle." And, if He never allowed us to have more than we could handle, then we would never think we needed Him!
I love this quote from Corrie Ten Boom-
She references Psalm 91:1- "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty."
Corrie goes on to say,"Now the message was clear. Although there was no light to guide me, I was still abiding in God's will. Actually, when one is abiding under the shadow of the Almighty there is no light, but that is only because God's presence is so near." she says "Dear God, when this shadow came over me I thought You had departed. Now I understand it was because You were drawing me closer. I eagerly await whatever You have planned for me."
(from her book "Tramp For The Lord")
Sarah, beautifully said. There are few things more frustrating to me that Christians who aren't real. Pain is real, suffering is real, trials are real. Christ told us to pick up our cross and follow him. He didn't say jump into this cushy car for you will never have any more problems. When Christians throw that verse around (especially so insensitively) I cringe. I just love this post and your honesty. Thank you, THANK YOU, for being real.
Hi Sarah!
Another guest from Lisa's site!
I have always accepted that statement without question and believed in it... until now. Off to rethink....
Sarah,
Thanks for speaking directly to my heart. I am going through the most difficult time of my life right now. Our fifth baby was born July 12th. He was diagnosed with acute myeloid lukemia. Every visitor I've had in the hospital since then has glibly repeated the phrase, "God never gives us more than we can bear". I have to bite my tongue, because right now, the load is crushing down on my heart and when I look at my sweet boy and think about all he still has to go through, the pain seems overwhelming-and it sure isn't a comfort that people seem to think God thought fit to give me this "load to bear".
Seems like you're going through the fire right now too...thanks for directing people's misguided (albeit good-hearted) intentions to comfort.
Linked to your blog from Lisa Whelchel's a couple of weeks ago and it's been a balm to my spirit. This post reminds me that it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes but that Jesus is always there. I'll be praying for you...
That was beautiful and very well said. You are right. Jesus will help you carry your load. I pray for your family every day. I can't imagine what you have to deal with. That thought is too hard for me. Your strength is amazing.
Michelle
Thank you for this post. It put a few things in perspective for me and what we are going through right now - nothing that could be compared to your family's trials but difficult all the same. Please know that I have been praying for your family since I found your blog a few weeks ago and I will continue to do so.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've gone through some hard personal things over the past few years, and I heard this phrase a lot from well-meaning Christian friends. It was always confusing for me.... I would think "then why can't I get through this, why does it seem so overwhelming, am I not a good enough Christian, am I weak for having such a hard time with this, why do I think of suicide if this is supposedly NOT more than I can bear, who will help me, how much longer can I carry this load?" I always thought there must be a REASON Jesus says to bring our heavy burdens to Him... doesn't He want to relieve us of our burdens? If it's all about my degree of faith or prayer or surrender, then where is God's power in helping me? I wanted so badly for someone to help me, but then I kept hearing comments about how I needed to pray more or surrender more to God's power or be closer to Him and things would get better.... I never felt so un-Christian, yet He was the only One I could cry out to during those times. My faith was stronger than ever, though the load was almost impossible to bear... I felt like He was the only one who understood how hard it was.... who saw me as the fragile human I am who cannot do this alone. If these burdens were not more than I could bear.... I just didn't know how I could go on. God wants us to displace our burdens onto Him... He does not intend for us to buckle under the pressure of carrying our own stuff around... HIS POWER is found in His humility and love and desire to mend our hearts and be our Savior. When the load IS too much to bear, then we can drop the load and say "Lord, help me... I'm done and I'm tired and I'm weak. I NEED YOU to take what I cannot carry. This is too much for me right now, so that's why I'm seeking You."
Thank you for talking about this. You gave me a place to share my heart as well. It took me a while to realize that even the "strongest" Christians get REALLY tired and need help and grace. I felt, for so long, that the burdens would get light if I would just trust more... but I didn't know how much MORE I could trust. He was all I had.
Amen, and amen! Sometimes we want to just say some little phrase that I guess is supposed to work like a band-aid. Jesus himself didn't just use verses to comfort. He picked people up, touched them, cried for them. When he cried for the family and friends of Lazarus, he KNEW this was too much for them to bear.
I know this week in particular is overbearing. We're praying over here, for God to be your strength in weakness.
Hi Sarah! It's my first time here. I read about your daughter's impending surgery. I, too, am a mom to a heart baby. My twin son was diagnosed in utero with TGA (transposition of the great arterties) and VSD. He had an open heart surgery at 3 days old in CHOP (Philadelphia). We didn't get to bring him home until he was 3 weeks old. Then he had developed hydrocephalus because of a mild stroke during the surgery. They had to put VP shunt on him when he was 6 months old. I don't mean to scare you on this. This is my way of saying that God is good all the time. He answers our prayers all the time. I asked of Him to let me take care of my son. He did just that. My son is doing great at home. He's 10 months old now. All we are doing right now is Physical Therapy and of course visit to his cardiologist. Faith without fear. We are taking things one day at a time. Take care and I will pray for your daughter. God bless.
Sarah,
So well said! I think as Christians, we want so much to comfort people & give them something to hold on to. I know that's how I feel when things happen to people I love & care about. It's so difficult to know WHAT to say in those situations when "I'm sorry" seems woefully inadequate, and "I'm praying for you" seems trite.
I can't pretend that I know how you feel. I've never been thru something like this. But, I can tell you, without a doubt, that every time I've felt that I've been smashed to pieces by life's circumstances, God has taken each piece & made a beautiful mosiac. BUT getting to the point of seeing the new & beautiful pattern has often been a process I could do without!
Prayed for you this morning, and that the surgery will be scheduled in God's perfect timing!
Blessings,
Melissa @ Breath of Life
A 9 year old child loses his father, then mother within 6 months of each other. A 24 year old man puts a gun to his mouth and pulls the trigger out of desperation in his failing marriage.
A 26 year year old man loses his wife and kids in a divorce because he "found God" - when the gun mis-fired.
A 41 year old man loses his only son to suicide.My father had "too much to bear", and lived the words you wrote so eloquently.
And left the words "Jehovah Jirah- my provider, your grace is sufficent for me" embedded in my heart. You're right- it's the only way any of us are going to get through the day.
Yes, Sarah, YES. When I've had hard times in the past and listened to platitudes, I always wanted to say "what about Job? He ripped his clothes and wailed and sat in ashes! I should be able to do AT LEAST that much!"
You are so right....I will think next time before I speak.....This has helped me to consider other peoples feelings. I hope I did not offend you. I'am praying for your family and little Addison
Jen
Thank you for the truthfulness in this lesson. Sometimes we need an etiquette reminder on how to love people who are going through the hardest times. My mom used to say the same quote to me and I have struggled with it for years. Your article put things in perspective for me.
Bless you and your family!
WOW Sarah, you couldn't have spoken it any better! This past year was one unbearable year for our family. Many days we thought "I can't handle any more!" It was too much to bear, but we didn't bear it alone. We had Jesus! Do you ever wonder how people get through life with out Jesus? No way I could. Today I pray that you feel Jesus holding you up, crying with you, worrying with you, and loving you.
By the way, I don't think you were offensive at all. Like you said, most people just don't think. You have just made them more aware what NOT to say.!!
Sarah,
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I found your site through Lisa Whelchel's and I'm so glad I did. With 2 boys (6 and 4) and a little girl (16 months), I can relate to pretty much everything you are writing about. I also want you to know that I am praying for you specifically. My Caden (love the name 
) was in the NICU and Cook Children's for 3 1/2 weeks when he was first born. It was a very scary time for our family, but the Lord taught me so much, especially about the power of prayer. When we finally got home, he was diagnosed with a genetic disease called galactosemia and I felt like my world was out of control. Anyway, before this gets too long, I wanted you to know that I can empathize with some of what you are going through and also tell you that that by God's grace, and despite feeling many times that that the burden was too great, we have survived!
Blessings,
Rachel
This is my favorite thing you have written. Someone in my family just said that to me a couple of weeks ago and I did not keep my mouth shut. Instead I decided to tell her that she needs to quit saying that. It's not biblical and He will give us more than we can bear. Why else would we need to trust Him? I guess I need more of your "keep your mouth shut" qualities! I lack in that area! But everything you have just said is so true. It's scary to think about when you look through the human eyes. We do not know what tomorrow holds. But, no matter what comes, He still sits on the throne and we still have to trust Him.
Thank you for being so open. I'm praying for Addison and for YOU.Your writing blesses so many of us.
Well said, Sarah! You're in my prayers daily.
I often worry about saying the wrong thing and hurting or offending when I mean to help. Your post was wonderful, and truly gave me something to think about and consider next time I do decide to speak up. ((hugs))
Sarah, Thanks for this post. I must say I have been guilty of this in the past. I had good intentions, but it was just something I had heard other people say. I think it is really important to know the context.
Praying for you today as the surgery is scheduled.
Sarah, that was beautifully put! May God's peace be with you today as you schedule Addison's surgery! I am praying for you.
Wow, Preach it sister! And thanks "but I don't have to bear it alone"
Blessings
Deborah
Beautifully written, Sarah!
Sarah- You have such a gift for taking what many of us are thinking and writing it in a way that it clearly, authentically and powerfully communicates truth. THANK YOU for sharing your gifts (and your struggles--this testominy-in-progress) with us.
To God be the glory!
I have tears in my eyes. Thank you.
"Sometimes it is too much to bear, but I don't have to bear it alone."
I've been telling that to Heather (midlifemoments.com) and I think she realizes it finally.
You have made me weep! You are truely a gift!
When I stood beside my mom, who had just lost her son to suicide, it WAS too much for her to bear; many people tried to comfort and said what they thought would do so. I'm grateful for you letting even a few people know what this verse really means; if it's uttered just a little less then the post was worth it. When Jerry died I was amazed at some of the things said to me, by well-intending people who cared but did not know what to say. A hug, a meal, a "how can I pray for you" - those are great responses. Would you like to write a post next on "I know how you feel"...?
In case you'd like to visit, this is my correct homepage link--the earlier one wasn't correct. Sorry!!
Blessings!
Sarah-
I've only posted to you once before, a couple of days ago, but I have been keeping up with your family's story for a couple of weeks and pray for you daily. Through the difficult times, be strengthened in the knowledge that you and your family are being prayed for by so many. I pray that God gives you peace tomorrow and throughout the days and weeks to come.
Wow, Sarah. This post is awesome. My favorite sentence: Sometimes it is too much to bear, but I don't have to bear it alone.
Thank you for sharing. I will remember this post the next time I am talking with someone facing an unbearable situation.
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