Thank you for your comment!
Thank you for sharing such a terribly raw and personal time with us, Sarah. Yes. Amazing plans.
There is a whole other world out there of hurting people that we often overlook because it is just too painful to join in, but what do those families do who don't know the Lord? How do they stand up under the weight of their pain? I just don't know.
Sarah, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt the Lord has put you here for this time. So many of us have needed a voice to say what our hearts have been crying out and our words have not been able to express. Thank you so much.
There is just nothing that adequetly describes to someone who has not walked the NICU path or had the physically disabled child or waited before that surgery the feelings you have so beautifully put to "paper" here.
I have found it is a defining moment in my Chirstian walk so many times. And then when the immediate fear/lack of trust is removed, I'm right back in the pit of self relieance oh so often. I'm not proud to say that but it has become a little easier to see what I am doing after so many of those moments and I pray God will use your wise words to move each one who reads your post just that much closer to holding on to God's hand and to HIs gift of our extra special children and holding on mostly to His all comsuming Love for each of us.
You go girl. Love, Love Love, the name connections! I'm a "Betty" fan myself!
That is just beautiful! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. We are learning much too.
First, I am very happy to hear Addison is doing well. I will continue to pray. Second, thank you! Thank you for being so willing to share your heart and your life with others. That is a ministry in itself. I can see from all the comments, your sharing is doing just that! Ministering to others. So bless you and thank you.
You are right --- you didn't sign up for this. I believe (of course this is totally MY BELIEF, I have no scripture to back this up) that we are selected for these "special needs" children. Having one myself -- I have been and still visit from time to time, the "I can't handle this" moments. We have sat in waiting rooms, waited for test results and been referred from Dr. to Dr. time and again. However, I have come to rest in the comfort that I was blessed to be the mother of a special needs child and like you, though I wouldn't have chosen this path for our family, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I wouldn't miss the love, the experiences, the wonders of daily life and so much more ... they are all the blessings that have made me even more appreciative of Gods' grace and love.
"God's Amazing Plans" -- simply to show us His Amazing LOVE AND GRACE!!!!
Blessings, Prayers and much Love!
This is just a really beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes thinking of those babies, their families and the plans God has in store for all of them.
Can I comment again? This - "They don't really have "special" needs, these babies have the power to show us what we really need.......that's why they are special. God has granted you, and everyone in contact with you, the power to experience unconditional love....Is there any greater gift?" by Gwen - blew me away! Wow!
And this - by Clemntine - Re EE - ""You wear the Lord Jesus beautifully. He has much in store for your family. Press in, Dear. Press in." Couldn't you just see, hear EE saying that. I wrote BOTH in my journal.
Many, many times I have thought I knew the purpose of an eveny or stress in my life- then God totally surprised me with the real reason for it all. Now I kind of sit back and wait for Him to reveal it to me. But one thing I do know about what you are going through- is that you are a witness to so many people. :>))
I have learned that God lovingly allows our "bathroom" moments. He allows our questions and our pleading for answers... just look at the Psalms. He created us that way and He loves us through it.
He is then there on the other side to allow us to push hard in Him to survive whatever might lie ahead.
Thanks for such a wonderful post!! This touched my heart and I can totally relate to not signing up for this!! Thanks!
Praising God for His healing hand! Know that you all continue in my prayers!
I don't pretend to understand why these kinds of situations happen. It is a great mystery. I do know that He works all things for the good. Your story is already a testament to that. He has spoken to so many through this! I agree with what Jen said about "surrendering" During times we don't understand I think the most important lesson that we learn is that He is everything. Like Paul in prison, we learn that in Christ there is peace, hope and joy in all circumstances. May he continue to reveal this to us! Thank you for sharing with us.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your heart and reminding me of these truths.
Sarah, your attitude and compassion are such a beautiful testimony to your faith. It is such an encouragement (and challenge) to me to see how you can look beyond yourself, and your own trials, to allow yourself to be touched by the hurts of others. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences and faith with us.
Thank you so much for your posts and your witness. You have been a great encouragement to me and I read your posts often. I'm off to buy my first EE book! I am praying for Addison and for the rest of your family.
Just know I am praying and I don't know what to day. I could not imagine....I am so sorry...
Sarah,
You are absolutly amazing. God has a plan for sweet Addison and your family. Your boys will have such a gracious heart for experiencing this life with Addison.
I still find myself reeling for answers, but I know I will never find them here on this Earth. As mad as I get at God sometimes, I know that I can love Ivey like no other...God allows that. We have not sat waiting room during surgery, yet, but it's coming. I have sat in the waiting room of so many doctors wondering why am I sitting here? I have found myself reaching out to other moms, you, all who are in this same boat. We may not have the exact same problems, and we may not live in the same neighborhoods, but we all know the love for our children and the hurt we carry for them. The compassion shared is truly a humbling experience. Addison is very blessed she has such a strong mom. The load is much lighter when their are others to share your pain....we are all here.
In all the grief that we feel everyday, I feel much much more happiness. I can't imagine life without Ivey, or her problems. She is who she is. If you were to weigh the happiness with the saddness, the happiness would prevail. You are lucky. You are experiencing a piece of Heaven here on Earth. Three months ago I would not have chosen this for my family. Today if God gave me a choice between a healthy baby and a special needs baby, I would choose the special needs baby over and over. Why? They don't really have "special" needs, these babies have the power to show us what we really need.......that's why they are special. God has granted you, and everyone in contact with you, the power to experience unconditional love....Is there any greater gift?
Gwen
You have warmed my heart with this touching story. This is exactly how we have felt over the last few weeks. After seeing the pain of other families, I am thankful for what we got. I am so glad that Addison is doing well. I know that she would. Praise God!
My husband is a Wheaton grad, and before his commencement, we had tea with Elizabeth Elliot and a few of the faculty. We were only engaged at the time. At one point, she took my hand in hers and patted it. She looked me right in the soul and said something I've treasured since that day.
I wrote those words in my journal that night, and I've written them on the first page of every subsequent journal since then. Now I write them to you, Sarah:
"You wear the Lord Jesus beautifully. He has much in store for your family. Press in, Dear. Press in."
Sarah, again, thank you for being so open to share this journey with us. I especially appreciate your comment of maybe your current trials are part of God's plan for Addison, or maybe it is a result of living in a fallen world. I appreciate that because so many people want to just automatically say "well, that's just God's plan" when there are times that I so don't think that is the case at all, and that it is just part of the heartbreak we face in this fallen world. I can say this because I faced my sister's very sudden, unexpected death 8 years ago and came to terms with that very realization. You are a precious person and such an obedient witness to share your lessons learned with all of us. PEACE and much love be with you, Karen
Sarah:
I don't know you, but I am sitting here crying in sympathy for you. My 11 year old son had reflux when he was a baby. We had visits to a pediatric gastroenterologist for a few months, until he outgrew it at 7 months old. He looked perfectly fine, but I, like you, would sit in the waiting room with parents and children who were obviously in very serious condition. I was always so awed by these parents' testimonies of how blessed they were by their children. May the Lord bless you and your sweet baby.
You rock.
Really. This is an incredible piece of writing, sweet friend - with an even more incredible testimony behind it.
And have I ever told you that I got to see Elisabeth Elliot in person? I did. I DID! About 5 years ago. She did not disappoint. 
I'm not even sure what to write at this moment. But it is so encouraging to see how God has brought you so incredibly far in the last couple of months as you have faced things you never dreamed of facing and the way you have been able to minister to others whom you probably would have never crossed paths with. Yes, God does have amazing plans for your family, Sarah, and how comforting is that!
And if you find it appropriate, feel free to pass our info along to Catherine's family. It is always a breath of fresh air to find a Christian family walking down the same road.
Seeing her tonight, in that little hospital crib, amazing to know what has already been accomplished in her short life, with her, with all of us. You know mine and Dad's hearts.
THANKS for sharing!
]I think some people take advantage of how precious life really is.. I was definetly guilty of this until I had my son! we did not have any problems after he was born... but had to have an emergency c-sec...
It made me realize just how special and precious life is! Thanks for sharing your thoughs and updates about Addison, I have become a worried momma... and want to make sure ya'll are ok!
There are so many things I want to say...but it boils down to this: Your ability to surrender and let God use this (the good, bad & ugly) is ministering to more people than you can imagine. Really. I was having coffee with 3 women who do not blog last week and sharing your testimony...and God used it to speak to these women who weren't even in similar circumstances.
THIS, Sarah, is what the Christian life is all about....FAITH regardless of our circumstances and having a faith that grows stronger each time it is tested and the faithfulness of God comes through.
Oh, surely, God is heaven is pleased with your choice to use these circumstances to bring Him glory. Well done, faithful servant!
Sometimes, I think we all want to scream "Why me?". Every time I get there, I remember and fall to my knees in thankfulness that my kids are healthy-even though this "thing" has claimed more than 4 generations of my family. God chose this path for us. I don't know why- yet. But, as you said, it has to be an amazing path. Nothing God does is without purpose or plan.
I don't know much Elliot, but I stand on thisL "There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still" - Corrie Ten Boom.
I could not compare what I went through to your situation. But I had a baby born two month early, 3lbs. My baby was in the hospital for a month. I know the deep feelings you talk about. I have thoes for any baby I see in the NIC unit. I have fear, smpathy, and deep emotions.
Things turn out good for us, my son is now an acitve, healthy 12 year old (the first two years were difficult). But I told him "God has a special plan for you, or he would not have breathed breath in you when you were not breathing." It makes him feel special.
Praying for you.
Dear Sarah,
Addison is in my thoughts and prayers. Your writing is so eliquent that I have cried while reading this entry. I have two healthy boys and wow, how niave I am to the world you are living in. Sure I have empathy but I have so much more sincere empathy from reading your life on the web.
I have been keeping up on a blog in my area of a teacher from a local high school that just lost his fight to cancer. He was only 30 and his beautiful wife, 28 is left with their 2 children. Oh, the tears i cried, because through their journey I couldn't help but say, "that could be me!" I know you like to eavesdrop so check out the blog sometime and read the history, it only began in Oct. of 05. She posted daily on his health on the blog. The blog is edhorn.info/, She protrays their beautiful love story through this blog and their strength in christ.
Sarah, stay strong and know that Addison is in Gods plan to accomplish great things in her life!
Katy
What a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing your insights with the rest of us.
First of all, Sarah, I am glad to hear that Addison seems to be doing well. I know what you are saying. When the sign-ups for motherhood were passed around, Down syndrome, a heart defect, a thyroid disorder, speech/physical/occupational therapy, etc. were all things I did not sign up for either. But, God, in His great Sovereignty put my family & I on the list. And now, I have my precious son--and we would not want him to be any other way than how God made him!
Thanks for your encouragement, Sarah. We are still praying for you guys. Hang in there! I hope one day we can meet you & Chris and your precious family.
Kristi from NC
Sarah,
I could have written this post myself (I too had the bathroom encounter with God). So many emotions run through our bodies when one of our children is suffering, and then they start all over again.
I could tell you everything is going to be alright, I could tell you that God has a plan- but right now I just want to tell you that you are an amazing mom- an amazing women, and so many people have you and your daughter enveloped in prayer.
You are right, this is a different world than what we knew with our other children- But in that same thought, we have been blessed. We have seen a glimpse of heaven through these children. We have become closer to our spouses, our families, our friends because of the awakening we have had due to our circumstances.
Its okay to grieve. Its okay to hurt and be angry and to shout "No More!"... Be real in your emotions, and cry out to Jesus. He holds her in his hands.
God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for her. He will be her guide, He'll hold her closely to his side. WIth love and grace for each new day- He will make a way.
You are loved.
-H
Sarah,
I, too, am an Elisabeth Elliot fanatic. Such wisdom the Lord has bestowed on this great woman and how humble she is...
I was deeply touched by your entry this evening. I have had my share of waiting room times myself. As you wrote I could 'feel' the depth of your pain. Thank you for being so transparent to others. In this way you are truly following 2 Corinthians by comforting others with the comfort you have found in Christ Jesus. Just as the couple in the waiting room have found their comfort in Christ they have bestowed upon you and Pace the same comfort. God bless them and their child as they embark on this journey of uncertainty.
The Lord has gifted you with a unique gift to share your heart and allow those of us to pray for you and your sweet baby girl.
My husband is well acquainted with waiting rooms as well when his dear beloved wife died at age 28 from cancer leaving him with three toddlers to raise alone. I have been able to share your story with him and believe me when I say he is a prayer warrior. He loves to lift up others to the Lord.
Please know that many of us will continue to lift you, your husband and children up to the Lord during the days, weeks, and months ahead. The Lord bless and keep each one of you and He tenderly holds you in His loving arms.
Praising Him in all things,
Vickie
It sure does seem like God has amazing plans for your family. So many have been touched by your faith and openeness through all of this. Thank you for letting us into what the Lord is teaching you.
I am the mom to a special needs child too. I often say "I didn't sign up for this" and someone very wise told me, if you HAD to sign up for these angels, then no one would ever get one, because nobody is brave enough to take it on without God's guidance.
Special children are given special parents for specific, God ordained reasons.
Your family has been in our thoughts and prayers over the last few days--I'm relatively new to your blog but what a sweet, sweet spirit you have. You are a beautiful person.
Addison is a blessed little girl!
Glad to hear she is doing okay. Hang in there.
Commenting by HaloScan
