Thank you for your comment!
I can only echo all the other's comments and say I'm grateful for your testimony.
Hi Sarah! I don't know you but I'm Nikki Farmer's stepsister and I found your blog from her site. You write beautifully and straight from the heart & soul! Please remember that GOD BLESSES SPECIAL MOTHERS WITH SPECIAL CHILDREN. He has selected you as one of his angels to raise another angel. He is never wrong and He will never give us a test that He hasn't equipped us to pass so KNOW that He has blessed you with the tools you will need to accomplish His mission. The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you and if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Keep the faith and know that He will always provide you with the strength you need when you need it most because He is an all-knowing God. All the best to you and yours. Dana
Sarah, thank you so much for this post. I know you have about a bizzillion comments on here, but I just had to say ~ AMEN!
When my husband was arrested, some wonderful folks jumped in and helped...bringing me groceries and just generally blessing me like crazy. But some in the community avoided me like the plague. I wasn't hurt, because I've been there myself in that place of "not knowing what to say". But I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of it.
I SO enjoy your writing! You really touch my heart.
I remember being in 4th grade and my best friend's grandmother (that lived with them) died. Know what I did? I completely avoided Kelley for about 6 months because I had NO idea what to say to her. HOW HORRIBLE of me!!!
I've since learned a lot about pain, suffering and sorrow. Unfortunately, it can only be learned by going through it. The kind lady that genuinely wanted to know how you were has probably been through some hard times herself and knows what it's like to hurt and feel so very alone.
Some people don't know what to say because they (thankfully) haven't experienced similar pain. They will, sadly, one day.
Then you have people that are so absorbed in their own lives that they couldn't see a bleeding man lying in front of them. Heartbreaking.
So, please know that there are MANY out here in the blogosphere that are praying for you and your family. May the Lord hold you tightly in His arms and His security and love envelop you.
And, above all, stay in the Word, dear sister in Christ.
He always knows what to say, doesn't He? 
His,
Mrs. U
I love how you said that pain can be used - to mold us, shape us and soften us. Got here via Ivey Sirmans...
I don't have much to add to what others have beautifully written. But, it is such a sticky situation for all involved and I thank you for bringing it to light. I appreciate your honesty and your ability to let God work through you on your blog. Your words have touched many people. Your daughters life has already been a great witness to many and will continue to be. Thank you for sharing your heart with us all.
I love this post. I think the reason we dont ask is because sometimes we dont know what we would say if the person really fell apart. As I do not know Addison's story, I can say I know others are going through medical issues with their children, and when I talk to them I am at a loss, because I have no idea how to console or make things better... and how I would love to be able to make the pain of life go away. My dad always taught me when someone asks you how you are "just say GREAT" --then how would you have any encouragment if you couldnt let it all out?? THanks for this post.
Greetings in Jesus Name!
I read your posts once in awhile, and as a matter of fact I have your blog link on my blog (see url link above). As a member of the Body of Christ, and a father of 3 children, I would like to join in prayer. Not just the passing prayer, but I am going to put you and Addison on our Church prayer list. If you would like to share her condition with us, it will better help us the focus the prayer. Please don't take this as just another bystander saying that they are sorry and you never here from them again, but I really mean this, we are going to pray.
Jesus is the name above all other names!
Thank you for sharing. I know it wasn't easy. I've only been a reader a short while, so I don't really know Addison's whole story. But I always think that you have such a beautiful spirit and a tone of peace and joy in your posts, even though I know your heart must be heavy. Blessings...
Beautiful post, Sarah.
You know, Addison's life is already HUGE. Her precious life has already touched so many through your blog. She has given you a testimony just being her mother, but as she grows up, she will have one that God will continue to use for His glory.
You are just the Mom that Addison needed. She is so blessed to have you. Your wisdom and heart will keep her pointed toward Christ....this I know from reading your posts each day. I just wish I knew you persoanlly. Your family is a blessing.
When we fall through that rabbit hole in life, we don't come out unscathed. When we emerge we have to make a choice, run from our cup or embrace the pain that comes with it. Like you said, "...Pain can be used. It can mold us, shape us, soften us." We become more confident to reach out and love others because of our experiences. Something happens within. Our look softens, we slow down, we talk less and listen more. You want people to know you have something more beautiful to share than sorrow. How God changes us in ways we'd never imagine. All thanks to Addie. Your posts are such blessings.
What a wonderful post! I can relate to that feeling, too. I had a health crisis about six months ago and my life is different now. It's hard when people ask because I don't want to be a downer, but things really aren't "fine." They're not horrible, but I, too, want to know that if people are asking, they really want to know. And sometimes I tell them I'm fine because I just don't want to talk about it. It's hard when people offer to help, too, because I don't know if they're sincere. I hate when people say that I should let them if there's anything they can do to help. I have a whole list of things that people could do, but like I'm really going to call people begging for their help if they have a free minute.
Pain is a funny thing. I think many of us don't like to be reminded of our mortality. But for those of us faced with either our own or a loved one's pain, we have to face it and find comfort in the middle of it.
This is a good reminder for me to not be so wrapped up in my own stuff that I forget to ask others and truly care about their pain.
Kristi, you are free to ask anytime you want. And I'll do the same for you
Sarah, ever since I've been reading your blog (a long time), I've looked to run into you at church. I run across Pace all the time (he doesn't know me though). I have always known that I'd want to hug you if I saw you, and so if you ever have some crazy girl come up to you at church and hug you, you can know it's me. God always uses you to touch my heart and you are such a blessing to me and to so many. I'm not a wife or mother yet, but I know that God uses you to help me grow in areas needed to fulfill those roles. You are truly a lovely person and I thank you and God that you willingly share your heart with us. And when I see you, I will truly want to know how you and Addison are doing, if you want to share...
Sarah, I love how gutsy you are. I know many, many people can relate to what you've written, whether they've been in circumstances similar to yours or not. Thank you for being brave, and vunerable and, well, real.
I've never understood the need to pretend that all is well when inside we are hurting, aching, dying. If there is one thing I've learned over the past few years, it is this: the grace that God extends to me is supposed to be extended to others. That applies in forgiveness, in acceptance and in dealing with the trials of life.
I'm not perfect at trying to delve into the heart of others, but I hope to show others that when they choose to let me into their life - pain, suffering, fears, joys - I can be trusted with their response and that I will pray for them through it all. And although I may not be able to compare my pain to theirs, I can offer to lift their burden before the Lord and to help when they will let me help - in whatever way they may need it.
Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Sarah. You are bringing such glory to God with your open honesty and your beautiful heart.
This was written so well. I, too, have wanted to ask you more specifics but have not felt at liberty to do so since we do not even know each other (only through blogging). If we lived in the same state, I think we would be kindred spirits and our children would have a delightful time growing up together! One of those silly things that bothers me is when people very close to us act like it is happening directly to them and that he is their child. I know that it is family that just loves him so deeply and I should not let it get to me. But sometimes (on a bad & quirky day), I just want to say "he is MY child and you do not understand the way his parent does." I do not know if that makes sense, it probably sounds goofy.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on your life on such a deep level.
When my roommate in college was dealing with the death of her father, she always said that she wanted people to ask how she was doing. Her comment was that it's like they're afraid if they mention it, they'll remind her that it happened. She said "It's not like I forget it...ever".
This post is beautiful and at the same time makes my heart hurt a little for all that you've been through. I wish we could sit and visit over a Diet Coke and I could hear how you're doing.
This is a delicate issue of balance as you said, and such a beautiful post. I know, from personal experience, the farther you get away from the "trying time" the less people seem to care, and even though they do still care, everyday life takes over, and it's hard.
Beautiful post, Sarah. As others have said, God has already greatly used Addie and you to touch hearts, and to encourage, challenge, and inspire, and I know He will continue to do so. I've been doing my best in recent years to never ask "how are you" out of mere obligation, but only out of a desire to truly know, and to listen. I know that in the depths of pain, a person can't always answer that question fully, but I also know that it means so much to me when someone asks sincerely, and then is willing to hear.
Thank you for sharing your heart - being willing to be open. I too struggle with both asking and answering that "how are you?" question.....So often it's surface stuff yet we can't bear other's burdens when we only keep it to the surface. God bless you.
edith
In your willingness to share your heart with us, God continues to use you and Addie for His kingdom. Thank you for the thought-provoking reminder and encouragement.
how wonderful that you have opened your heart and mind and shared it with us. it is a difficult situation to ask "how are you?" and truly mean it when the real fear, I think, for each of us isn't in hearing how the person's doing, but rather not knowing what to say IF they should share with us. nonetheless - it is a need - we must put ourselves out there - a little moment of discomfort for us may ease the load of another. and isn't that what becoming more like Christ means? putting aside what feels comfortable for the sake of others? stepping outside our comfort zone?
you are right - most of us experience some form of loss or pain and in those moments we most certainly do NOT want to be isolated.
sincerity is what it boils down to and THANK YOU for the reminder of such!
hugs
Sarah and Chris, God love you for all you gave from your heart in this post.
I too don't ask questions or make comments because I don't know what to say, except I love you and your three little ones, and I pray.
P.S. GrandPa's right. All the time, Addie is getting more beautiful.
Sarah, I always wonder what to say or do with a question that can cause so much pain. I certainly don't want to open wounds, but I also don't want to ignore the pain and heartache. As always, your beautiful words say it all. As I try daily, with all my heart, to do things God's way, I think I will always try to think about what HE would ask and how HE would ask. That is the one sure way I know I would be doing the right thing for someone. I am praying for you.
Sarah,
I have been thinking about pain and grief a lot. Two years ago I was in a horrific accident that changed my life. I still have so much grief from it, just thinking about it right now brings tears to my eyes. It is so true I don't want people to ask but then again I do. I don't understand. But I do know that Jesus is near to me. I need to read this post tonight. Thanks for sharing your heart.
LaQuetha
Sarah,
Your post tonight and others inspired what I wrote on my mine some and I have linked to your blog. If this is not what you want, please leave me a comment (my e-mail is down) so I can delete it for you. Thanks
Funny that when people at our church ask Dad and I, it strikes us that we don't talk about it with you two, because we're too close. What hurts you hurts us, and vice versa. I learned from a Stephen Minister not to ever say "how are you" unless I pause to really hear the answer. Otherwise, say "its nice to see you", but never ask unless you care enough to stay for the answer.
Your comment on the look in the eyes - if you weren't my daughter, if she wasnt our granddaughter, then I'd congratulate you on a wonderful post, and the comment on the eyes was the crowning touch, but you are, and she is, so it's much more than a post. Sometimes I long for simple days when all the hurt and worry and fear doesn't invisibly hang between us all. Dad saw her photo tonight and said, "shes getting more beautiful all the time." So are you, inside. xoxox Mom
...that was supposed to say "the deeper the hurt", not "the deeper the heart." My proofreading skills seem to lag at this time of night!
Sarah, beautifully written. Having experienced a very tragic, hurtful experience myself I can relate on one level to what you are saying. But because of that experience I have learned that the deeper the heart, the closer it draws us to God and the more He can use us. I've been amazed at the people God has caused to cross my path that have been through a similar experience as mine and needed someone to understand what they were going through. I have no doubt that God is going to use you in the same mighty ways. Now, that doesn't help you feel any less lonely or afraid, but maybe it shows a bit of purpose to your pain. Just by reading the comments to this post, it is very evident that you are making a tremendous difference in many people's lives. I hope that gives you some sort of comfort and peace--at least you know your suffering is not in vain. Much love in Christ to you, Sister, Karen
Sarah, When there's that awkward silence, I often fill it with babble. So I will be consisce here...piercing.
Thanks to you...and the big God we serve but thanks to you for being available to Him to be used by Him.
Jenny Beth
I found your blog from Ashley's Story. I have gone thru and read your archieves and on some hopefully not too weird level feel like I know you. I come back everyday to see what's going on in your life and see how your kids are doing. And I honestly care. It's weird how we can care about people we've never even met. Reading your words along with Trish, Ashley's mom, gives me such a feeling. I know I am saved, but do not attend church regularly, or have a good Christian walk. Since I have began reading these blogs, I am I guess falling under conviction on some level. (I think thats what it's called)Your words are uplifting and I know we all have our problems, but you seem to be so trusting in the Lord, I feel like something is missing in my life. Thank you for your words and sharing your life with others.
Hi Sarah,
I struggle with this question ALL the time. It is said so often and there are only a few expected or acceptable answers. But what about when you don't want to talk about it, but you are not at all fine? Do you lie? Or do you come out with all the weight of the issues onto this unsussecpting person?
I had a similar post back in december. http://bendingpeak.blogspot.com/...2/dr-f-
joy.html
It is nice to know that there are people out there who really do care and really want to hear the answer. Even in Dallas these people exist.
~BendingPeak
BTW the kitchen looks great!
Sarah - I know exactly how you feel but could never have written it as well. We have had life-altering diagnoses for my husband and sons in the past couple of years. I have told so few people for very practical reasons. Yet even with those few, I can tell the ones who truly want to know and those who just want me to say eveything is fine because they just don't quite know how to deal with me. I want to be one like the woman you described. We so desperately need one another.
Oh, Sarah, you said so perfectly how I've felt around others since my miscarriage. I want to know they care, but I'm not always sure I can handle being asked. Sometimes, I feel joy despite the pain; sometimes overwhelming sadness.
God chose you to be Addison's mother, and He chose you for a reason. Why--may be a holy mystery now, may be revealed later, may never be revealed. Sitting half a country away it seems to me that He chose you because you are wise, strong and perceptive--and because He knew you'd raise her to be His.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Wow, what a wonderfully written post. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Sarah,
God is using you to bless us with your wisdom and insight that he's given you to share with us. What a wonderful message that will make us all think the next time we use those words we always say when we pass someone at church or the grocery store. Let us think and mean those words and really want to listen to someone and let God use us. Thank you and God Bless! Emily
I stumbled upon your blog a while back and your words have truly been a blessing from God. I could have written this post not too long ago. And even now I long for someone to ask "How are you doing" and really be able to tell them what bears on my soul.
Thank you and God bless.
Alexis
I think if each one of us has at least one person who asks "how are you really doing," it makes all the difference in the world. Conversely, if we can be that person to just one person, we could make all the difference in the world. It really is such a fine line. I'm learning that I have to open up a bit with people - I don't always have to be the rock. At the same time, I want to be sensitive to others who are hurting. It's part of that community thing we share as Christians. As you so aptly put it: "We have to pay attention to somebody other than ourselves. We have to be willing to hurt for, hurt with, another."
I have been praying for you consistently concerning Addison, afraid to ask, how is she and how are you doing? But I think about it often. I can not relate, but I sure do hope the best for you all.
Thank you for saying how you are doing. So many times I think of you and wonder how you are doing. What you went through with Addison was life changing, how do you fit "normal" in it. But you have not said to much, but I know it must still be there.
So thank you for answering, "how are you". Also I know a bit of what you are saying, I have a son who was almost dead at birth, and I rejoice in each of my kids birth but I KNOW for a reason that God has a special plan for this child. He just has laid that on this mother's heart.
blessings.
Apparently both of our hearts have been heavy. I will email you.
In my bible study we talk a lot about "offering up our sufferings, uniting our suffering to Christ's suffering and that, through suffering, comes grace". I find these concepts difficult at the real-life and most basic levels of living. But what an impact little Addison has already made on this earth in her 9 months. She is one of God's treasured children who may have a more difficult journey than others, and you and she are sharing that journey with us, many people you will never know, and it is inspiring us. Christ knows. There is a plan. I pray for peace in your heart.
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for this post. Your heart and the way you are able to say the very things I think but am unable to put out there have spoken to me. I needed to hear this. To know that someone else feels the same things I am afraid to admit it so very comforting to me. I appreciate your wisdom, your heart, your friendship, your presence on our journal, and your precious prayers. You are right. Our daughters are a gift in themselves, but I have learned through their stories that they were never meant to be ours and ours alone. I know that their struggles and their unknowns were meant to bring others to Him. In the end thats all that matters. You and your precious Addison are on my heart today and I just wanted to thank you for your example. Your words are appreciated by this mom who seems to be struggling right now. May God Bless you, Trish
Again you have managed to capture a subject that we don't talk about out loud very often, if at all, with such grace and beautiful insight. I can relate to so many of the things you have said even though our situations are different. Its so true, I get almost angry that no one asks, yet I know sometimes it might open those floodgates and I don't know if I want that either. It is teaching me to be more sensitive to other people going through difficult situations and not just ask the question, but actually mean it. Beautiful Post
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