Patience is its own reward. I am reminded of my wedding night: my new bride unveiling herself for our mutual carnal pleasures, me watching her with a certain shock and awe, yet still asking for a few days to "think it over". Ah, memories.
Ed? Angry? That's hard to figure. He seems so levelheaded.
The Venerable Ed |
01.06.05 - 6:18 am | #
General Sir,
Maybe that well known homosexualist Bob the Builder needs to bomb things instead of building them. Then he would be a real man. Nation Building for instance is for women. Bombing the shit out of Civilians is noble and Heroic.
Here is a new song for the American rewrite of the cartoon:
"Bob The Bomber...Bob The Bomber he drops a ton. Bob The Builder he massacres everyone."
General it's obvious that the man has something to hide, I bet he's got all the Bob DVDs and he plays the bits where Bob bends over to pick... up...
I have to go now.
salvage |
Homepage |
01.06.05 - 8:56 am | #
Sir:
If you think he's mad now, tell Mr. Ed about the Wiggles like I asked. I just rented one of their videos, and it got me so enraged I tore one of my own nipples completely off and swallowed a C cell battery I mistook for a tootsie roll. The video is called "Wiggly Wiggly World", which in itself puts to rest any remaining question about their evil plots for homo global domination. There's one scene with this aging fag called Rolf Harris who sashays in the foreground shaking his "wobble board". Then they all sing the most unbelievably obscene song about getting tied down with kangaroos, engaging in dangerous breeding with wallabys, and having somebody named Bill (Klinton?!?) doing something called a platypus suck with his mind. These strange lyrics were wiley and enticing, sure to work on children but almost strong enough to confuse me about my own manliness. When the more handsome yellow Wigglewuss appeared dressed like a fairy, calling me a girl, and asking me to keep his cock-or-two cool, it made me think I should... well let's just say that's when I started choking on the battery.
Something must be done about this menace. We cannot allow the white (gay) man keep us down (under).
DJ Col Harry S. S. Winfrey
US Wolfenstein, retired
mentata |
Homepage |
01.06.05 - 12:53 pm | #
General, Sir:
I just love it when you keep us on those tender hooks of yours.
Bakelite Lung |
01.06.05 - 12:54 pm | #
The suppression of privates MUST be accomplished for you to be ranked with the martyrs. I say you should begin post-haste in order to make amends with Mr. Ed.
I wonder whether Mr. Vitagliano would like to come over to my barracks to watch cartoons and read comic books.
It'd be fun. I have a large supply of sugary breakfast cereals, owing to the wide-ranging tastes of the neighborhood children. (I don't often bring up my charitable work with them, because I believe one should serve the Lord quietly, and not seek to glorify oneself by mentioning one's altruism to the world, the community, or their parents.)
To fulfull this task honorably, I must be vigilant when it comes to evil influences. Specifically, I hope Mr. Vitagliano could confirm or deny my suspicions about Captain America. The Stars and Stripes he wears so patriotically and tightly around his muscular, action-hero body, with the mask that lends just the right hint of mystery, make me want to stand up and salute a bit too much, if you know what I mean. And sometimes I think he hides from danger, behind the emblem of our great nation, with his "mighty shield." A shield constructed from a enigmatic meteor. (Doesn't a meteor figure prominently in the Muslim "faith"?) Why can't I find any details about his exact relationship with his youthful sidekick Bucky? Also, his super-powers didn't spring from hundreds of honest push-ups, like the ones I think about doing each morning, but from a drug!
Anyway, I'd love for Ed to come out, and play, even if he isn't in the mood for research. My favorite cereal gives one the energy of ten children, as we emulate our heterosexual heroes. We only fake punches, with wrestling, for safety, but I do very realistic fight sound-effects! Pow!Zap!! Bring 'em on!!
You're welcome to bring your super-villain vinyl shark for us to beat, General! What do you think about having Ed bring some of the homosexual characters, for stripping and forcing into pyramids?
Back after these commercial words,
Capt. Twelve A.M. Midnight, E.S.T.
CapMidnight |
01.06.05 - 1:24 pm | #
Genrul:
Maybe Ed doesn't like Bob the Builder because he's had the pleasure of meeting Mike the Mover.
I hear Mike the Mover likes to greet people with a gun on his hip. I can tell you, greeting me with the implied threat of deadly violence is a wonderful way to embiggen my Favorite Tentacle. Just ask my sister.
GC -- Mike the Mover once approached me while wearing a gun. Given the rather bad relationship he had with my employer at that time, I have to admit that I was more than a bit nervous.
patriotboy |
Homepage |
01.06.05 - 4:02 pm | #
Rather than watch the Senate and House hearings (filed under 'Barf Alert' in Free Republic), these all-American individuals are using their time and typing skills to focus on the above-mentioned issue:
I hear Mike the Mover likes to greet people with a gun on his hip.
You're the person who told me that, but it was in a private email to me, so I didn't want to name you as my source in so public a forum without your explicit permission.
But now I have to go back through my inbox and cherry-pick all the good tidbits you've sent to me over the past several months so I can spray them all over the internets.
Well, at least now I know better. Thanx for clearing that up.
mentata
do you think this kangaroo was trying to infiltrate the u.s.
to spread the "wiggly" lifestyle of which you speak?
DODGEVILLE, Wis. - A kangaroo that went on a walkabout in frigid Wisconsin was captured Wednesday. But where the marsupial came from remained a mystery.
Sheriff's deputies cornered the 150-pound kangaroo in a barn after receiving calls for days from shocked residents who had seen it.
Officials from Henry Vilas Zoo in Madison, about 45 miles away, planned to pick it up and take care of it.
(from yahoo news)
I wonder if ed vitocorleone knows of this incident?
brent kockman |
01.06.05 - 5:16 pm | #
Brent,
I don't know what mischief that miscreant kangaroo had in mind, but if any of those zoo officials from the heartland made a show of tying it down then this video is getting far more circulation than I fear to guess. My stomach is killing me (methinks there may be something in a Duracell that's not good for a man), but I managed to do a bit of internet research between comments and am now evermore concerned. Apparently that profane bestiality song has been around since the 60's (go figure) and was quite popular among the outback heathens in its day. Worse, it had more lines than the Wiggles utter including this filthy bit:
Play your digeridoo, Blue. Keep playing 'til I shoot thro' Blue.
Not only does that conjure horrifying and seductive images of monotonic animal self-fellatio culminating in a money shot, but it incriminates one of the last children's heroes left standing. If I can't even watch Blues Clues, what good is my TV?
DJ Col Harry S. S. Winfrey
US Wolfenstein, retired
mentata |
Homepage |
01.06.05 - 9:08 pm | #
For those of you playing without an official rules guide:
Bob the Builder? 'Bob' is a verb, you sillies. Now does it make sense?
As for the Wiggles, I must admit with deep shame to being a compatriot of theirs.
No - it's worse ... far worse. Until alerted to their disgusting perversity by this proud, um, upstanding website, I believed them little more than frolicsome fools, suitable for distracting the fruits of my loins while I exercised my more manly and important functions. I even (forgive me, General!) allowed the poor, innocent angels to appear in one of their 'videos', little realising the sick subtext it promoted.
I pray a Christian country such as yours will never be subjected to the smut that is 'Wiggle Bay' (rhymes with 'gay', see?), but if it is, I am sure your tears will flow as you see guileless youth co-opted into an orgy of anti-family propaganda.
Lest further evidence of the Wiggles' real agenda be needed, allow me to point out that the only recognisably adult human female in 'Wiggle Bay' is ... a mermaid! A woman unable to bear children as her creator intended!
Your magnificent government already has two so-called 'Australians' in its minimum-security holiday camp in balmy Cuba (and has possibly even sent one of them on an all-expenses-paid tour of several Middle Eastern tourist attractions); may I submit, General, that these Wiggles be allowed to join their fellow traitors?
P.S. Did I mention that there's a suburb in Sydney called Manly? Proof, if any were needed, that all real Australians are aggressively heterosexual. Like your humble correspondent.
warbo |
01.07.05 - 12:14 am | #
You will notice that the Rolf Harris Kangaroo smut ditty was banned in Singapore, where folks know really know how to be consistent with Christian values. Plus, they have legal prostitution! I've gotta find my passport.
DJ Col Harry S. S. Winfrey
US Wolfenstein, retired
mentata |
Homepage |
01.07.05 - 6:09 pm | #
General,
Ed? Angry? That's hard to figure. He seems so levelheaded.
General it's obvious that the man has something to hide, I bet he's got all the Bob DVDs and he plays the bits where Bob bends over to pick... up...
Sir:
Genrul:
Bob the Builder? 'Bob' is a verb, you sillies. Now does it make sense?
