I realize that "more guns" is pretty much the Right's solution to everything, but this is just plain irresponsible. Putting firearms in the hands of fetuses is simply a gilt-edged invitation to skyrocketing rates of violent fetal street-crimes (including robbery and homicide), as well as a literal explosion in the numbers of fetal suicides (especially among minority fetuses) and fetus-related accidental holiday shootings.
Guns are not the answer. What WILL work (and HAS worked in Federally-sponsored pilot programs nationwide) is police-supervised, neighborhood-based programs for fetal self-defense training. Teach a fetus some key pressure points and holds, give it the self-confidence to apply them...and watch out, Killer Mommy!
Take my word for it: You show a fetus how to use the Vulcan Death Grip, and that little fucker ain't gonna drop till he's damned good and ready.
Rotwang |
01.08.05 - 2:55 am | #
We at LGF support the right to fetal firearms! Due to the growing Islamofascist threat, fetal firearms are absolutely necessary. You never know when one of our brave fetuses will be confronted by a Mooose-lem taxi-driver/abortionist hell-bent on jihad!
While we're on the subject of jihad, I've got David Brooks here and I'm about to jihad his stinkhole.
Charles "LGF" Johnson |
01.08.05 - 3:40 am | #
Hi ya,
I am the official spokes-zygote for the Fetuses for Freedom network...or FFF. I am here to report on a gross miscarriage of justice. Oh, sure, we've heard the hype. Come on out little fella so we can whack you on the butt and start you on the road of life. Gee whiz, who are they kidding? What is this? Some fraternity hazing or Abu Ghraib ritual? Whack your own butt, leave our's alone. The first thing that happens when we pop out is encounter some sadist. Sorry. Baby's gotta gun now and baby's gonna have some fun. Bam bam. Bam bam.
Besides, why should anyone at FFF believe anything any nutty adults have to say. So we come out. So we enter the human race. We eat, we poop, we sleep, we eat, we poop, we sleep. Then we grow up. We eat, we poop, we sleep, we get an education, we eat, we poop, we sleep, then we graduate and get a job. We eat, we poop, we sleep, we work, we eat, we poop, we sleep, we go to happy hour and get drunk and pass out in some strange bed. Then we get married, and we eat, we poop, we sleep, we work, then we have ungrateful kids like us who we slave over for the rest of our lives until they finally put us into some old folks home...where we eat, we poop, we sleep, we eat, we poop, we sleep...and then we die. Now, do you call that living? Forget it.
We at FFF know a raw deal when we see one. It is a gross miscarriage of justice. Only an insane god would come up with such a pointless scenario where the ultimate goal of everyone entering into this world...is...to...die. What joker came up with this idea? I bet they were smoking crack or high on something.
So, we at FFF aren't coming out without putting up a fight. We're packing heat, so don't try any funny business. You can keep your damn world for all we care. Noooo, keep those cold, sterile, latex hands away from me. Noooo, I don't wanna, I don't wanna. SLAP. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Eat, poop, and sleep. Eat, poop, and sleep. (And the race for the dead-line begins).
The Oracle |
01.08.05 - 8:32 am | #
You'll take away my little pre-born baby's AK47 when you pry it from his cold dead 1/2 inch hands!
Signed,
Susan "Busted Ravioli" Knight
Proud Incubator of Fetal American #666047583
Susan Knight |
01.08.05 - 8:33 am | #
The town of Agua Fria birthed a stranger one fine day
Hardly spoke to those around him, didn't have too much to say
No one dared to ask his business, no one dared to make a slip
The infant there among them had a big iron on his hip, a big iron on his hip
(With apologies to Marty Robbins' lawyers)
The Venerable Ed |
01.08.05 - 8:50 am | #
I made the serious mistake of listening to a clip from John's CD of Xmas songs. Jesus Christ in a mullet, that's strong stuff. And it made all the dogs bark like mad.
cinnamondog |
01.08.05 - 9:36 am | #
Sir,
One minor concern: I can see where this might cause a problem when Mom tries to board an airline flight.
OTOH, it certainly suggests a solution to the problem Bill O'Really's constantly carping about on his radio show -- Air Marshalls that are too easily recognizable. We could simply deputize the little bastages, after training them to hate the smell of Musselmen like all good Christian kids do.
OTOOH, Bill would then have to be a lot more careful where he puts his falafel...
melior |
01.08.05 - 1:01 pm | #
Just as Laci Peterson was a dream-come-true for the life-at-conception critters, Bobbie Jo Stinnett could be that dream-come-true for the arming-of- Zygotes crowd….just think how wide Lisa Montgomery’s eyes would have gotten had she been starring down the barrel of mini-mini .44 mag…..the chase for Montgomery would’ve ended right there and the overall objective of putting a dent in the escalading number zygote-snatching cases will have been achieved.
Damn…I think you’re on to something there general….
peterh |
01.08.05 - 5:03 pm | #
Gen. JC- I love you! Don't ever change.
amy |
Homepage |
01.08.05 - 9:24 pm | #
I know I'm having a good day when I come across the phrase "Gun-Owning Blastocyst."
The picture that's worth a thousand letters to the editor. I would like permission to pen the tune "I'm a Responsible Gun-Owning Blastocyst..." myself, since Cosgrove clearly lacks the chops.
mentata |
Homepage |
01.09.05 - 2:40 am | #
I think we should propose a bill that every male who masturbates must report the killing of millions of sperm-humans to the police within 1 hour of the act. After all, those millions and millions of sperm spilled with every hand job have the right to life, too.
sar |
01.09.05 - 1:56 pm | #
This idea, guns to the unborn, though generally wise, has its dangers. While our culture respects life in the womb, in the laboratory freezer, and in abstinates' testicles, embryos eventually mature, some into deviants who ironically clamor for reproductive "freedom" and similar "rights." The blastocyst, with its innocent appearance, and lack of criminal-history records, is an ideal vehicle for the Islamofascist terrorist intent on harming unsuspecting medical personnel.
Converting airport x-ray machines to ultrasound is prohibitively expensive, and the "science" necessary to insert embryonic Marshals into every womb is surely displeasing to the Lord.
Several weeks ago a Fetus-American was savagely ripped from its mother's womb. Were it not for those gun-grabbing Liberals, the Fetus-American could have defended itself against the attacker.
When fetal firearms are outlawed, only outlaws will fire on fetal arms.
I realize that "more guns" is pretty much the Right's solution to everything, but this is just plain irresponsible. Putting firearms in the hands of fetuses is simply a gilt-edged invitation to skyrocketing rates of violent fetal street-crimes (including robbery and homicide), as well as a literal explosion in the numbers of fetal suicides (especially among minority fetuses) and fetus-related accidental holiday shootings.
We at LGF support the right to fetal firearms! Due to the growing Islamofascist threat, fetal firearms are absolutely necessary. You never know when one of our brave fetuses will be confronted by a Mooose-lem taxi-driver/abortionist hell-bent on jihad!
Hi ya,
I made the serious mistake of listening to a clip from John's CD of Xmas songs. Jesus Christ in a mullet, that's strong stuff. And it made all the dogs bark like mad.
Sir,
Just as Laci Peterson was a dream-come-true for the life-at-conception critters, Bobbie Jo Stinnett could be that dream-come-true for the arming-of- Zygotes crowd….just think how wide Lisa Montgomery’s eyes would have gotten had she been starring down the barrel of mini-mini .44 mag…..the chase for Montgomery would’ve ended right there and the overall objective of putting a dent in the escalading number zygote-snatching cases will have been achieved.
Gen. JC- I love you! Don't ever change.
I know I'm having a good day when I come across the phrase "Gun-Owning Blastocyst."
The picture that's worth a thousand letters to the editor. I would like permission to pen the tune "I'm a Responsible Gun-Owning Blastocyst..." myself, since Cosgrove clearly lacks the chops.
I think we should propose a bill that every male who masturbates must report the killing of millions of sperm-humans to the police within 1 hour of the act. After all, those millions and millions of sperm spilled with every hand job have the right to life, too.
General sir:
Holy crap, that's hysterical! This one's going up on the wall!
