Ho ho General!

It is to laugh! Once again I have enjoyed a hearty chuckle at the manly humor of one of our finest right-thinking Americans, and would love to join in the fun. I wish Hal would come down with some type of extremely painful terminal illness so I could say "that inhuman heartless bastard deserves that, and worse". Just in the sense of jocular fun and good-natured ribbing, of course.
Major Woody | 03.08.05 - 2:38 am | #

My dear General:
What great fun. I have laughed all evening, ever since I read that.
Har de har, chortle, gasp! I can hardly get my breath because I am laughing so hard.
Yours, in true Christian love,
The Rev. Onan Spillseed | 03.08.05 - 2:46 am | #

This Turner character is a national treasure. There can be no higher Christian calling than to whitewash the murder of an elderly woman. The patriots who did this must have had some serious balls to make that daring attempt.

Taking down an elderly woman (in addition to the nearly elderly man) is no easy task. They can put up quite a verbal fight before you can get them to stop their learned and sophisticated ravings.

It must have been an harrowing task.
Colonel Cornhole | 03.08.05 - 2:57 am | #

Yes and the AARP would have a poster of the old woman smiling and list her contributions to a better society...

Thank god our chosen ruler can inspire such Christian action. We're building god's kingdom here on earth.

Long live the king! This new millenium we can set up a thousand year kingdom! in jeebus' name, (ah-men)
Mr.Murder | 03.08.05 - 5:11 am | #

Dear General,

Talk about "working toward the Fuhrer!"

It seems that Neoconservatives are sick and tired of waiting for liberal judges to retire or die, clearing the way for Our Leader to replace them with Jurists who "have their minds right."

Many patriots like Turner are courageously ecouraging Our Leader's supporters to take the law into their own hands from their mighty keyboards.

I wonder though, how these self proclaimed Christians can link the teachings of Jesus to the act of shooting an eighty seven year old woman in the head with a pistol?

How does it work General? Do they commit the murder and then pray for forgiveness? Does that make it all square with the Big Guy?

Maybe Hal Turner should write a book about this issue, as I'm sure that I am not the only person that doesn't fully understand his celebration of murder and the intimidation of federal judges.

Glory!
Capability Jones | 03.08.05 - 5:51 am | #

Yeah, that's a riot. Freedom is on the march, baby. And it's packing heat.
The Venerable Ed | 03.08.05 - 6:08 am | #

These uberpatriots of Heimatsicherheit have their own special religion, the Worldwide Church of the Creator (They're sure not about to worship any jews!)
You can spot them by the big "W" they use as a trademark.
Lancelot Link | 03.08.05 - 7:48 am | #

Brilliant! I don't know why Fox Network doesn't pick up on this:

Hal's Heroes a laugh-a-minute sitcom of hilarious hijinks of a group of comic misfits who execute old people for revenge.
MOJoe | 03.08.05 - 8:41 am | #

But iz zo ineffective. Ve had good ovens for dem schweinhunds.
Helmut von Lupin | 03.08.05 - 8:50 am | #

Wow.

I live in Chicago, and I work with plenty of lawyers, and two days after the Lefkow murders, I was at a hearing with two attorneys who were discussing what had happened; both of them found uncomfortable parallels between the murders and the routine killing and intimidation of judges that goes on in Colombia and other SA countries. At the time, I thought they were over-reacting just a bit (attorneys do love to hear themselves talk) -- but now I'm not so sure of that.

"Mr. TURNER: Yep. This judge chose to make rulings in--in a case against people that I know. It was almost as though she had gotten a comeuppance."

I mean, does that boggle your fucking mind, or what? Think of the complete ignorance of how the judicial system works, that is behind that assertion that 'the judge chose to make rulings...' And the rest of it is even scarier.

It's bad enough that the stupid morons of the world have been out-breeding the intelligent people for the past few decades (at least); now the stupid morons are just out and out killing the intelligent people.

Hell in a handbasket, here we come.
cinnamondog | 03.08.05 - 9:03 am | #

MOJoe,

Conicidentally, I've been working on a sitcom of El Salvadorian death squads during the Reagan eighties. You know, the loveable, affable Gipper character combined with those wacky Latino soldiers breaking into monasteries and stopping nuns on the road. A little mix-up on Halloween, some good clean heterosexual rape, and the possibilities for a hit show are endless.

I have my agent on the phone now.
cosmic grappler | Homepage | 03.08.05 - 9:04 am | #

OT - I just looked down and I'm being teabagged by those damn Bumpernuts again.

In a manly, ad-wise way, of course.
cosmic grappler | Homepage | 03.08.05 - 9:08 am | #

cosmic grappler: Oh, that's easy! Just breathe through your nose.

/Samantha's advice
jus' sayin' | 03.08.05 - 10:03 am | #

cosmic grappler: Will John Negroponte play himself? It would make the show so much more enjoyable for fans of manly grit. I hope there will also be some hot salsa mamas to give the show some visual appeal, I mean beyond the rape scenes, of course.
ZTP | 03.08.05 - 11:02 am | #

ZTP,

Hot salsa mamas in nun's habits! What could be hotter?

Aye Caramba!
cosmic grappler | Homepage | 03.08.05 - 12:38 pm | #

I assume that's a big black "W" on a red background.
Alex | 03.08.05 - 12:55 pm | #

Well, what the hell did we expect, given that there was little or no outrage when John Negroponte was nominated to be intelligence chief.

And, of course, the right wing never fails to sink to the scummy bottom....
Anonymous | 03.08.05 - 12:56 pm | #

General, Sir:

I had such a good chuckle over the antics of our god-annointed holy warriors this last week.

Brother Hale's fine missionaries, those good natured pranksters, certainly pulled a fast one on that commie activist judge.

Gods Crusaders in Iraq shared a laugh with an Itallian journalist whom they surprised with a great "shooting up a car" gag. It was the stuff of comedy legend, General.

Do you know of any Fox execs I can get a hold of? I had a wonderful idea come to me during me evening self flagellation, over sinful thoughts about Ashton Kutcher. Then I thought, why not a special series of Punk'd? He's rich, male and most importantly white and delightsome, that I am sure he'd be perfect for what I have in mind, despite the fact he's an anal sex obsessed holywood elite.

Picture this is you will, General: Dark, streets of Ramadi, the only light coming from tracer rounds, flares and explosions. We set up a fake check point, with a hidden camera crew to capture the laughs. Whenever cars drive up to the checkpoint, we riddle their cars with bursts of fire from a Bradely Fighting Vehicle. Then we reveal the surprise. Ashton can jump out of the Bradley and tell the orphaned children in the back seat they've just been Punk'd, and the camera crew will capture their expressions for the viewing pleasure of millions of American! I can see a new horizon of comedy on Fox....


"sin"cerely,

His Eminence,
Cardinal Syn | 03.08.05 - 1:21 pm | #

If death squads in Chicago drop nuns from helicopters, I will be looking the other way.
John Negroponte | 03.08.05 - 2:35 pm | #

Hal would benefit from having a very large boot planted firmly in his freakin' ass. Not that a boot would be the only thing that could be used. I have many more substitute ideas. Greasy Joe in cellblock 3 might even have some ideas of his own if Hal were to visit.
pissed off patricia | Homepage | 03.08.05 - 2:41 pm | #

The far right Christians don't fear Gitmo, obviously.
Elaine Supkis | 03.08.05 - 3:45 pm | #

Elaine, the right wing owns Gitmo. Gitmo is a shrine to the war on non-believers, perhaps the most important of the stations of the waterboard on the path of righteousness. The right wing didn't get busted on anthrax so why should they think they're going to get busted on anything else by this administration? Friendly repubs still want them to be able to use bankruptcy to avoid fines after they have bombed abortion clinics.
ZTP | 03.08.05 - 4:21 pm | #

You know, I was concerned about our Leader's "liberation" (har har) of
Iraq -- poor nun-hunting over there. I admit, I was a little skeptical. It's not like Iraq is Central America, a veritable smorgasbord of easy prey just waiting to be run off the road by SUVs with blackened windows!

I am shamed, for I lacked faith in our Leader. Be assured, I adhered strictly to our Leader's central pre-9/11 tenet of ignoring all brown and other French peoples living beyond the sacred confines of Jesus-land. Imagine my surprise when, after liberating the brown people, I learned that what I thought were ambulatory tents turned out to be chicks in burkhas! Talk about boundless hunting opportunities! And, the best part is, unlike nuns, who are lesbians, they procreate! And here's the gravy: after gunning down those burkha-wearing heathens the sight of their defenseless, terrorized offspring/future America-haters, newly orphaned and covered in their parents' blood, are the kinds of things our nation can collectively look back on one day and say, yep, we done good. Real good. "With us or against us", they ask? Not any more! Our Leader has made sure the brown people are clear on how they they should resolve that little conundrum! Forgive me for doubting you, dear Leader!

Now that terror squads have moved back to home turf, targeting the on-shore/domestic market, we must ask, isn't this market segment already saturated? After all, the murder rate in America is already impressively prodigous. What can right-wing terror accomplish in this already crowded shelf-space? WELL. . . it turns out, quite a bit can be accomplished, when robes -- again -- are the catch of the day! This time, it's liberal judges! Tally ho!

What do all these prey have in common? Papist communists. Muslim terrorists. Secular humanist liberals. All are enemies who must be liquidated: AND ALL WEAR ROBES! Robes: they add a touch of romance and mystery in a world grown weary with kiling people whose faces you can actually see.
nosgroth | 03.08.05 - 5:22 pm | #

LAUGH ALONG WITH HAL

A ribbing, a zing, a comeuppance
For a tuppence, a mere utterance
It's all in good fun, a grand "gotcha"
Just like Lubitsch: his Ninotchka
Lighten up, do a dance, a nice cha-cha
It's all a big joke, don't you see?

So a couple of lives were upended
They were suspended, I mean ended
It takes time when there are no takers
Some manage to meet up, visit their maker
Nothing at stake here, Undertaker!
It's all a big joke, don't you see?

(chorus)
Let's go to the basement
Let's go to the floor
Let's empty our guns there
Let's empty some more
We'll show all the bad guys
What freedom's for
Let's go to the basement
Let's go to the floor

Laws with no claws give us pause now
Just like Mullahs and Shahs now, holy cow
Disagree, fine, you're a no-go
At work you're a no-show
Dead as a dodo
It's all a big joke, don't you see?

'Tis no passing fancy, assassin
The haves and have nots are all has beens
Society ever descending, hate is pending
The message is most in the sending
The rot that was wrought is unending
It's all a big joke, don't you see?

(chorus)
Let's go to the basement
Let's go to the floor
Let's empty our guns there
Let's empty some more
We'll show all the bad guys
What freedom's for
Let's go to the basement
Let's go to the floor

(repeat whatever you want)

+++
MJS | 03.08.05 - 6:17 pm | #

Went to the dentist for a double root canal. 5 shots of novacaine didn't touch the pain. That extra touch of super special double secret medicine sure takes off the edge. Nosgroth, I highly recommend it.
Sue | 03.08.05 - 7:09 pm | #

And and dose of MJS.
Sue | 03.08.05 - 7:11 pm | #

See, that's the thing...
Liberals have no sense of humor.
When we say there are too many activist judges and prosecutors, and then some trailertrash snuffs one, it's kind of funny. Ironic.

What Liberals fail to remember is that then the whole family gathers, and they recall the good times, and eat some casserole, and then go scrub the blood off the linoleum.
Murder brings families together.

Sometimes promoting family values is a thankless task.

Marching as to War,
the Rt. Rev. Jerry Gloryhole | 03.08.05 - 8:31 pm | #

Ohhhhh, yeeeaaaaaahhhhh, General, Hal's a fucking LAUGH RIOT.

Now, granted, it would be terribly tasteless & inhumane for me to suggest that someone anally rape this mouth-breathing fucktard on the front lawn of his Section-8 house, so that he can understand a REEEAAAALLLLLY funny joke... that would just be beyond the pale. Tacky, even.

And, of course, far be it from peace-lovin' ol' Annti to suggest that someone take his favorite housepet and commit taxidermy on it, right in his little closet of an air studio... I like animals, I wouldn't wish the fate of living with Hal in the first place on ANY critter.

But, General, as you know, I'm going to be relocating the bunker soon, and when I do, I have a feeling that I'm going to have a couple of boxes of unnecessary left-overs, items that probably won't be needed in the new fortified encampment. Thinks like jack-handles, aluminum baseball bats, 4"x4" lengths of board, crushed aluminum cans... you get the idea.

And guess where I'd like to store them? Take CinnyBuns' idea and expand on it a bit, and throw in the Sam's Club-sized gallon-jug of Tabasco, along with a few pounds of sea salt and maybe some lemon juice. And steel wool. Definitely steel wool.

And ya know, I bet that Hal's got such a great sense of humor, he's going to WET HIMSELF LAUGHING before we're done!
Anntichrist S. Coulter | 03.08.05 - 10:39 pm | #

America was having trouble, what a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore its former glory
Where, Oh where was he? Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me.
And now it's..

Springtime for Bushler and America
The Homeland is happy and not gay
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race



...deepest apologies to Mel Brooks
five of five | Homepage | 03.08.05 - 10:51 pm | #

Glory, glory, Hallelujah,
Gory, gory, Hal-a-screw-ya
And the storm troopers keep a-marchin' on

Glory, glory, Hallelujah,
Gory, Gory, Hal-a-Fallujah
And Our Leader keeps a-stompin' on

(Hey, I'm no MJS)

On a side note: I wonder if Rush Limbaugh has equated the Lefkow murders with being nothing more than a "fraternity prank" as he did with the Abu Ghraib torture authorized by our Glorious Born-Again Nazi Leader and his faithful sidekick, Alberto "as long as it don't kill ya, it's not torture" Gonzales?
The Oracle | 03.09.05 - 2:21 am | #

Melde Gehorsamt Herr general!

It is important to see that in the days coming, there will be plentiful opportunities made to as you say "rid us of the meddlesome left."

In the old times, we would create the krisis and then could make the state of emergency and also the arrests. It was so in 1933 after the so-called Reichstag fire, and again in 1934 when the Leader did away with bad people. Also the happening in 1938 mit the Judisch and so on.

So now we need the event to happen, and make a state of emergency. After comes the detention of the enemy and the homosexuelle und also the politik from the left.

So we should prepare for the great day and keep with the strength und vigilant under the god. Also we will have the uniforms back once again.

Mit Kameradschaften Begrussen u. The Grossen Wunschen Sincerely,

A. Bewartung
Retired
Tom S | 03.09.05 - 3:49 pm | #

Anntichrist - that super secret medicine was nitrous oxide (laughing gas). Great stuff! You can get it from whipped cream canisters, or just wear a white coat and the local medical supply company and say you're a dentist. Let's shove it up his rectal canal and create the world's largest super sized Tasty Freeze sundae.
Sue | 03.09.05 - 4:54 pm | #

Sue, honey, you just created the perfect diet. After the little cartoons that you just drew in my head, I seem to have lost my appetite... PERMANENTLY.
Anntichrist S. Coulter | 03.09.05 - 10:31 pm | #

I'm writing a diet book - should I include pictures?
Sue | 03.11.05 - 4:21 pm | #

Only for the ones you plan on selling to the bible-banger/republicunt "book stores." The ones for the rest of us --- your descriptions are more than apt. And for semi-normal, sensitive human beings to view those things... well, the trauma would be too great. Best save the really gross shit for the people who DESERVE to see it.
Anntichrist S. Coulter | 03.11.05 - 9:16 pm | #

Now that the Lefkow killings have been proven totally unrelaed to any evil white racists, all of you can take your foot out of your mouth.

But rest assured, I will continue to stoke the fire of public criticism upon judges; giving out their home addresses and the like.

These high and mighty people have had a good laugh for a long time, thinking they were untouchable. Not anymore!

-- Hal Turner
Hal Turner | Homepage | 03.24.05 - 10:04 am | #