I am personally vetting the other humor blogs. They are very forthright for our president, but our president is no joking matter. He is a serious individual.
Pinko Punko |
Homepage |
12.10.05 - 3:07 am | #
General sir,
There is nothing wrong with asking your readers to vote when you're up against a heathen talking dog. Knowing Jesus, you would probably burn in hell if you didn't.
Talking about building up a lead, let's not forget the Best Blog category. I know it's a lost cause -- unless Jesus would answer my prayers and send Karl Rove -- thanks to that damned Kos, but our beloved Michelle Malkin [2178] is just inches ahead of Lafayette [2015].
Can you imagine what would happen if she would lose to that french bastard. I've started building my ark...
Oh, Sir, if only I could get around that obnoxious "You've already voted within the last 24 hours" block. Nevertheless, we will not be deterred. Your troops are ever on duty and working tirelessly to ensure your victory. It's actually kind of scary how this has become my new obsession.
Today's Mission Accomplished! Our Saviour must even be workin' muricales on them heathen evilolutionists! That evilolutionist, pz meyers, has a post up urgin' his Darwinist minions to vote fer you.
It may just be a Merry Bill O'Liellymas after all!
An Enquiring Mind |
12.10.05 - 11:00 am | #
Yeah, get out there and vote for the Yellow Dog Blog -- the right wing assholes he's competing with have pulled out all the stops on their blogs to *keep* people from voting for him. Even lying like crazy. But then, what's new about that for Repukes?
Colton Ross |
12.10.05 - 11:08 am | #
Morning Sir General Sir!
Peeled the potatos Sir!
Cleaned the mess hall Sir!
Voted Sir!
Permission to carry on?
Col. Klink |
12.10.05 - 11:18 am | #
General! Sir!
I have already done reconnaisance on your direct competitors, sir, and am thoroughly repelled! Forgive my lack of guts, sir!
To atone, this morning I did reconnaisance on the Best New Blog Category, sir! There is no way Wuzzadem is Veritas, sir! Veritas was relatively literate and somewhat intelligent, sir!
I'm sticking with my Condi theory, sir. Have you noticed that Veritas hasn't been around now that she is back in the States, sir? Exactly, sir!
You now have over 7,000 votes. By comparison, Kos has 3,000 votes although it gets a million hits per day.
No one in any category has anywhere near as many votes as you do. My question Sir, because seemingly only about 100 or so loyal officers regularly post here; who the Hell are these thousands of stealth followers and invisible groupies?
Col. Klink |
12.10.05 - 12:30 pm | #
Ah, Col. Klink: As you of all people well know, "Ve haf vays of dealing wit" the situation!
`
MzNicky |
12.10.05 - 12:34 pm | #
Sir, Private Cakes reporting for duty sir!
Sir, having been voting every day sir. Will follow orders until the mission is completed, sir. It appears the recruitment plan has been working, sir. The invisible groupies have been responding in numbers, sir.
Thank you sir! May I have another? Sir?
Mungen_Cakes |
12.10.05 - 12:48 pm | #
From the Front, sir.
Victory is certain, sir.
Voted again.
Re : lurkers and groupies :
Speaking as a foremost representative of this group, I would say the reason for our usual reticence is the extreme intelligence and, of course, manliness of your Regular Officer Corps.Faced with these giants of the intellect and other areas, one is, as a mere private, hesitant to intrude.
Oops, that Anon was me. Just cleaned out six months of accumulated cookies in my computer.
Ensley |
12.10.05 - 2:13 pm | #
Voted again, sir! You are ahead. Permission to go to the bathroom now?
blogenfreude |
Homepage |
12.10.05 - 2:29 pm | #
As a veteran, I was interested in Best Military Blog and found a lot of crap in a lot of the blogs about hanging Howard Dean and John Kerry, those evil liberals etc. But I did find one thoughtful blog. Take a look at Intel Dump and if you agree, vote for it. The leader in that category right now is an ass.
cosmic grappler |
Homepage |
12.10.05 - 2:32 pm | #
General Sir
Voted this morning before I brushed my teeth, Sir.
Cosmic grappler, thanks for the tip. I checked out a few of those blogs and couldn't continue. Off to check Intel Dump now.
Will report back later, Sir.
WhattheH |
12.10.05 - 2:55 pm | #
The French blog Crooks and Liars has a huge lead. It is perhaps a bit unfortunate that Ms. Shrugs is losing to a Yellow Frenchman, but perhaps she can rub her nipples for more votes. And also, Scott Adams had in one of his posts said that he makes no money from blogging, and thus he's just in it for the awards. Thus I have come to the conclusion that Scott Adams is indeed a communist and we will have to keep closer survelliance on his blog.
Agent W-Zero-W |
12.10.05 - 3:16 pm | #
General, Sir!
Back from the PX, now full of Christmas cheer at low, low prices and high, high proof!
Sir,
Reporting once again that Mr. O and assorted Olings have their orders to vote, Sir
Jackie_O |
12.10.05 - 3:46 pm | #
Based on the results and the comments posted so far I'd wager the General's recruitment budget must be higher than the Pentagon's. Well, OK, I lie. I'd wager it's more successful than the Pentagon's.
Col. Klink |
12.10.05 - 4:37 pm | #
Screw Scott Adams!
He hasn't been that funny for the last 5 years anyway.
Besides, the French cartoon man Dilbert engenders disrespect for our God given Capitalist system. Commie bastard.
I like to think that just like Our Leader, my manager was appointed by God himself to rule over me and make me cater to his capricious whims.
Besides, I figure that divine intervention was needed for the stupid motherfucker to have graduated from engineering school in the first place.
Capability Jones |
12.10.05 - 7:48 pm | #
General Sir
Doing a fly by with report, Sir. Just returned from the front, where Daughter WhattheH cast her ballot, strategically of course, and she reports the battle is going well in your favor. Report filed, over and out.
WhattheH |
12.10.05 - 8:28 pm | #
General, Sir!
I tried to vote today at work, Sir, and could not. I can only assume that somewhere else within the vast institution where I work, there must be others soldiering for you.
However, now that I'm home, I have voted, Sir!
Sir, must say that I have no idea there were so many lurkers. Well done, Sir! They are surely drawn to your manly heterosexualness.
With my gloved hand firmly grasping the voting lever....
Terry |
12.10.05 - 8:32 pm | #
General Sir,
I am currently negotiating with Son WhattheH, but he's remaining firm in his demands. It's a difficult decision, Sir - teenage boy, my car, Saturday night, girlfriend, later curfew - recipe for disaster..hmmm. Vote, car, vote, car. I know where my duty lies, Sir. Son WtH now at the front, voting strategically. Blackmailed by my own spawn, geesh.
WhattheH |
12.10.05 - 9:28 pm | #
Capability,
Scott Adams was never an engineer! In the early days, he got the engineers at work to give him the technical language for his strip! So, he is not only a capitalist-system-tweaking communist, but a poseur as well!
General, good Christian comrades, the following has been posted in the comments box of the Best Humor/Comics Blog poll: "Jesus General has a campaign to pad the vote. Their sending e-mails to people through orginizers to slant the vote so they can then draw national attention to their yellow elephant campaign. Your being duped."
Kanga |
12.10.05 - 11:28 pm | #
Is it safe to tell Christian conservatives that a vote against the General is a vote against Jesus?
You might really pad your lead with that approach.
Col. Klink |
12.11.05 - 12:42 am | #
General Sir
Kanga has been a true patriot. I went over to the site to check on these scurrilous charges, and found that Kanga and stinkeye had fired on all cylinders. As someone named GoodGrief had already indicated my feelings on the subject, I refrained from posting any more, for fear that it would result in a sneaky counter attack. Ah, the burden of command must be terrible Sir, but your troops are everready to defend you, so it must ease the weight. Bully, Sir.
WhattheH |
12.11.05 - 12:51 am | #
Col. Klink,
Is JillK your wife?
Back to your comment, I think that is exactly what is happening . . .Pat Robertson has ordered his faithful followers to vote for Jesus' General . . . I mean how can anyone, in these troubled times not come out and heartily support our Savior and the military? You can kill a lot of birds with one stone when you vote for Jesus' General.
It's Sunday here in France, and there were only two old ladies and an old priest in the village church when I went in to get one of those horrid croissant things and a bottle of cognac. Heathens!
Lucky Pierre |
Homepage |
12.11.05 - 7:18 am | #
Just did my best to help the General and Jesus this morning!
meowomon |
Homepage |
12.11.05 - 9:29 am | #
General! Sir!
Heh, sir! Right now, Fafblog's total is at 666. Always knew there wasn't something quite right about those three, sir!
YES SIR I CONSIDER MYSELF PROFOUNDLY BLESSED THANK YOU SIR FOR CONDESCENDING TO REPLY TO ME.
Also, thank you for explaining my own reaction to me, because I don't understand the nuances of my own thought processes until I have them filtered back to me through the anti-establishment bias of some liberal arts film fucko who thinks it's edgy to criticize big business and quote cop killers. Jesus, could you be more arrogant? Every time I see what you and your ilk write, you never fail to make the tacit assumption that republicans are really giving critical thought to the issue unless we're seeing things the same way you and your hippie idols do. Like your logic is so PRISTINE and UNASSAILABLE that all you have to do is borrow a quotation from one of your third rate sociali*t lice farms, present it to us with a sage wink and nod, advise us all to think long and hard and then prance off to FAIRYLAND to bask in self-contentment while the INEVITABLE TRUTH penetrates our THICK, WAGE-SLAVE SKULLS.
Okay, here goes, I'm thinking critically about what you post:
You're an idiot.
BLUH FLUH CORPORATIONS ARE EVIL DURR FLURR RACIST IMPERIALIST HEGEMONY AND OTHER SOCIALI*T CATCHPHASES. IN RELATED NEWS: DIALECTICAL MATERIALISM AND SALTY HOT HORSE COCKS
Does that pretty much sum it up? The world as we know it is just the superstructure that has been pulled over our eyes to keep us from discovering the truth of the base OMG THE MATRIX IS REAL!!!@ You're regurgitating the same pinko propaganda circulating every liberal college campus across North America, and it's not revolutionary, it's common and shopworn: big business bad, redistribution of wealth good, MASSIVE MEAT PISTON IN MY TAN ONE CYLINDER OH SO VERY MUCH BETTER. There's a reason we're not falling at your feet for descending from your blue-veined ivory tower and distributing these pearl necklaces of wisdom, and it isn't because we're BLIND CAPITALIST SHEEP tranquilized by our televisions. It's because we've painstakingly analyzed your arguments and decided, independent of any brainwashing by THE MAN, that you're completely goofy. We did this back when the arguments were new, and being expounded by their original authors. If you're going to jerk off in our faces, you could at least have the courtesy to use your own fucking dick.
I got the mock advertisement, okay? I didn't need empty generalizations like "slick oil-crats" to clarify, it was fucking crystalline the first time. Here is what it was not:
A) Funny.
B) Insightful.
C) Heterosexual.
>
I must've misunderstood the part about Uncle Sam being a drug addict and America bringing the 9-11 attacks on itself, then. That was actually quite complimentary of the United States, was it? TIP: expressions of sympathy over the attacks and love for the nation will be a lot more convincing if you're not simultaneously saying BY GOD WE FUCKING DESERVED IT and posting a slew of largely irrelevant pseudofacts that purport to prove why.
I perceive you're shitting on the country BECAUSE YOU ARE. Constantly. In every one of these posts. The real America, anyway; I can't speak with any authority about the idealized Platonic form of America you've distilled from 19th century poetry and your Rage Against The Machine albums.
You don't seem to have an original thought in your head. And speaking of whom, this is where you're getting your ideological ammunition? A pot addled cock smoker who scraped together just enough presence of mind to immortalize his paranoid acid fugues in free verse? Great. I'm bowled RIGHT THE FUCK over. Do you have any conception of how insulting it is to anyone who survived the holocaust, not to mention the memories of the dead, to compare the president of the United State's foreign policy with that of a bloodthirsty dictator that slaughtered over six million innocent Jews? You child. You absolute infant. You're calling your mom Hitler because she won't let you borrow the family car.
But please, continue to wallow in your self-proclaimed glory. It must be satisfying for you to be "king" of your own little "cyber (coughFAKEcough) world" It must make you feel like a big man when the commoners on this blog call you sir...
JillK, I apologize for my previous comment. I'm sure that your insessant need for attention and approval most likely stems from the sexual abuse you sustained as a child. I did not intend to drege up those terrible memories of your uncle and father gangbanging you, while they made you wear army fatigues and call them "General Sir"
Please forgive me. I know it must be tough, but you'll get through it.
What a staggeringly bizarre thing to write about someone you don't even know!
The only reasonable explanation is that your comment is pure projection. Who knew the nerve the General and I touched led to such traumatic childhood experience?
Sadly, you won't find relief from your demons here. Obviously, you need therapy. I would recommend someone experienced with treating PTSD (Post Traumatic Stree Disorder). Conventional talk therapy tends to just make PTSD worse, since the trauma resides in a more primitive section of the brain.
Salon had a good article about the new types of PTSD therapy several months ago. If I get time, I'll send you a link. Until then, you may want to Google it.
Eeeuuw, that first link, argh, that link - now I need to shower. .
WhattheH |
12.11.05 - 3:51 pm | #
Veritas,
Back s l o w l y away from the keyboard. The Haldol, Thorazine and Stelazine are right where you left them -- on the second shelf of the medicine cabinet. Remember, dosage is critical: 800 mgs. of the Haldol, 500 each of the Thorazine and Stelazine.
There, there, that's a good boy.
The Venerable Ed |
12.11.05 - 4:00 pm | #
What the fuck is Veritas trying to say?
patriotboy |
Homepage |
12.11.05 - 4:28 pm | #
Colt,
Thanks for that first link - it will help me with a project I'm doing. But I'm with WhattheH: Eeeuuwwwwwww!!!!
You have awakened me to the folly of enjoying the General's posts! It's certainly inappropriate to poke fun at the foibles of our elected leaders, religious icons and pundits. Instead, from now on I will visit web sites I don't understand or like and insult the authors and commentators. What fun!
P.S. In your reply to JillK, calling The General a "15 year-old acne scarred obese basement-dwelling homosexual" was an especially uncalled-for and insulting remark. I am indignant with rage! The General General does not dwell in a basement, he lives in a VAN down by the RIVER!
Major Woody |
12.11.05 - 11:49 pm | #
Veritas, you are dead to me.
meowomon |
Homepage |
12.12.05 - 12:51 am | #
Major Woody,
That post shows why you outrank me! That was just wonderful!
Although it is true that I don't even know what my rank is. General?
Sir General Sir,
I have placed my daily votes as ordered. I now know what you mean our kind of Demoracy should be! We will have our Democracy in this country if we have to throw everyone who disagrees with us in jail. AMEN!
ED Beckmann, Viet Vet |
12.12.05 - 12:35 pm | #
General! Sir!
It appears that Veritas has been scared off this thread, sir! Permission to stand down, sir!
Scared? really Jill, you must be joking. I was merely sitting back while enjoying my nigger's blood from the body of a semi-living Katrina victim that I purposely maimed by blowing up levy #5, and enjoying you simple lowlife's respond to my comments.
Please,carry on. Or are these pathetic comebacks the best this site has to offer?
Veritas |
12.12.05 - 3:59 pm | #
General, Sir! This Veritable thing said the bad n-word! May he banned yet, Sir? Or shall the troops gleefull carry on with the troll-squashing?
Ratting out the rats in the glorious border state,
`
MzNicky |
12.12.05 - 4:35 pm | #
MzNickey,
Stand down, soldier! All we have here is a troll who took some bait and then tried to puff himself up to get some more attention.
I am personally vetting the other humor blogs. They are very forthright for our president, but our president is no joking matter. He is a serious individual.
General sir,
Oh, Sir, if only I could get around that obnoxious "You've already voted within the last 24 hours" block. Nevertheless, we will not be deterred. Your troops are ever on duty and working tirelessly to ensure your victory. It's actually kind of scary how this has become my new obsession.
Yeah, get out there and vote for the Yellow Dog Blog -- the right wing assholes he's competing with have pulled out all the stops on their blogs to *keep* people from voting for him. Even lying like crazy. But then, what's new about that for Repukes?
Morning Sir General Sir!
General! Sir!
Sir, Private Cakes reporting for duty sir!
From the Front, sir.
Oops, that Anon was me. Just cleaned out six months of accumulated cookies in my computer.
Voted again, sir! You are ahead. Permission to go to the bathroom now?
As a veteran, I was interested in Best Military Blog and found a lot of crap in a lot of the blogs about hanging Howard Dean and John Kerry, those evil liberals etc. But I did find one thoughtful blog. Take a look at Intel Dump and if you agree, vote for it. The leader in that category right now is an ass.
General, Sir!
Sir,
General, Sir! 
Just did my best to help the General and Jesus this morning!
YES SIR I CONSIDER MYSELF PROFOUNDLY BLESSED THANK YOU SIR FOR CONDESCENDING TO REPLY TO ME.
Oh, dear, I always pick the wrong days to go shopping. 
What the fuck is Veritas trying to say?
Thanks Veritas!
Sir General Sir,
"levy"???!!?!?!?!
