I don't care what it says, that crab louse is a damn liar.
Catholic Jackson |
12.27.05 - 1:04 am | #
That explains why all those good Christian girls in red states that only allow schools to teach abstinence are getting knocked up at a higher rate than their blue state counterparts. Clearly the embryos were spontaneously generated, thus assuring that all these young ladies are still virgins. That also explains how my wife got pregnant when I was on a one-year deployment. Maybe I can have our divorce overturned.
It also looks like the Dover, PA school board now has grounds for an appeal. In your face, Darwin-worshippers!
John |
12.27.05 - 1:26 am | #
This is pilpul in all its horror: a chicklet born in a henhouse could've just appeared, because after all, did you see it gestate?
kei & yuri |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 1:33 am | #
Why do I feel all crawly after reading this?
Oh, you mentioned Dembski...
I hear the shower calling (so you know I'm not French!)
...general,i agree this is simuliar to the chicken and egg theory.i have sent mr. dembski one case of A-200 for further research and study,will alert when conclusion is drawn...your worm,and ID advocate in the bay state...
kingweasil |
12.27.05 - 5:54 am | #
"That also explains how my wife got pregnant when I was on a one-year deployment."
Dear Seńor John, I assure you that this thing has nothing to do with the time I have spent with your wife dealing with plumbering.
Chico, the Jesus Sargent |
12.27.05 - 6:12 am | #
Pretty smart, getting them Jews on the ID bandwagon!
#1, Heebs is well known to be sharp operators. I never heard of a Bible Believing Christian getting the best of them in any business deal. And, many scientists are Jew. So, having them Heebs on our side will give ID instant credibility. Hell Boy, I seem to recollect that Einstein fella was a Jew hisself!
And, like Dembski said, them atheist Demo-rats won't be able to say that ID is a Fundamentalist plot to replace scientific theory that causes our kids to question the literal truth of the Bible.
Capability Jones |
12.27.05 - 6:21 am | #
Now I'm confused again. Evidently, the fact that no one has seen worms generated spontaneously does not prove that this is not happening. OK, I get that. I could have given a more interesting example myself, and used this reasoning to explain the time my wife caught me in my workroom with a ferret in my boxers, but that's another story entirely.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, on the one hand, not observing spontaneous generation does not mean it is not occurring. On the other hand, evolution should be discounted out of hand because no one has directly observed one creature evolving into another. Hmm....
Oh, wait, I forgot! Only those we disagree with must back up their arguments with solid, verifiable evidence, which we can choose not to accept anyway. We can spout any hair-brained contradictory crap we please and just accuse those who don't buy it of being intolerant, or even better, of "hating America/the troops/Christians". Phew! Thank you, Director of the International Society for Complexity, Information, and Design, for helping to set my mind at ease!
Dr. Woody, Director, Intergalactic Center for Research on Interspecies Rectal Probe Abuse
Major Woody |
12.27.05 - 6:43 am | #
General, Sir;
I never had crabs, sir; and I hope I never have them again. Aiiiieeeee, they are the baddest bug. But there is a great strategy for getting rid of them. You go to a movie and get two big buckets of salted, buttered popcorn--one for you and one for the critters and after you've eaten some popcorn you excuse yourself to get a a drink of water and they, engrossed in the film, just say, "yeah, whatever, bring me a Tab." The other cure involves shaving one side of your, ummmm, nether regions and starting a fire on the other side--then stabbing them with an icepick when they try to escape. I think that one is mostly used by LGF'ers.
I woulda done more Merkin Merrymaking, sir, but I been sick with some sorta ague that seems to have been contracted while I was spying on a bunch of brie eaters at a couple of holiday ops.
Democommie |
12.27.05 - 8:35 am | #
General,
I'm sorry to learn that you, Ofjoshua and Mister Gonzales next door each simultaneously developed spontaneous crab lice. The Designer works in mysterious ways, I'll tell ya.
The Read Admiral |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 8:52 am | #
General! Sir!
I love the graphic, sir! I was just curious when exactly did the stupid bus get slammed into reverse?
I hope you feel better by tomorrow, dude! Avery is sick, too, and at this rate Ivana's going to be all alone at Clarke's slamming back the martinis in despair and getting even more irritating that usual.
I think I'm going to cough my lungs out today. I hope that happens before my sinuses explode.
patriotboy |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 9:11 am | #
General,
This debate about spotaneous generation was all the rage a couple of centuries ago.
It ultimately spawned the science of microbiology - a healthy result of logic and science used for the right purpose - to discover the so-called truth.
Let's hope something similar happens in this case - but I'm not sure if proto-slime can learn... The NSA has permission to quote me on this...
McBug |
12.27.05 - 9:41 am | #
Thanks for the nod in the Update, General.
I just can't get enough of the world's greatest talking sheep joke.
I missed the talking sheep joke . . .are you talking about the lamb of God? . . . please tell me the joke.
Mrs. Blanche Maison |
12.27.05 - 10:21 am | #
Sir, it is my painful duty to point out that crabs are not kosher. Those Lubavitcher types are not permitted to get them.
blogenfreude |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 10:30 am | #
Ivanna, Darling;
I may be too sick to do a lot of things. I am never too sick to partay with the Billionaires!
General, Sir;
Thanks for the kind words. Thus far my malaise has been limited to a very sore throat (better now) and extreme lassitude (and, no, you guys from CIFA, that does not mean, like Mr. Santorum I want to hump a dog's leg).
The news that our Deer Leader has apparently not been as successful as we might have hoped with calling the entire congress traitors and terrarist sympathiizers for questioning his motives (and possibly his sanity) vis-a-vis the Domestic Surveillance(Gestapao)Tactics is disheartening but, hey, it's hard work.
Democommie |
12.27.05 - 10:32 am | #
Sorry it isn't about the lamb of God, Mrs. Blanche, but here goes:
A farmer was working in the barn one day when a stranger stopped by. "I'm an animal psychic, and I can tell you exactly what's wrong with each one your animals. Would you like me to translate for your horse?" The farmer agreed, and the psychic focused on the horse for a second. "Your horse has been poorly shod, making one of his legs lame." The farmer examined the horse, and sure enough, it was true. "Would you like me to translate for your cow?" Intrigued, the farmer said why not. The psychic closed his eyes and focused on the cow for a second, and spoke: "One of the contacts in your milking machine is broken, which has chapped the cow's udder and lowered milk production." The farmer checked the cow's udder, and once again, the psychic was proved correct. "Would you like me to translate for that sheep?" At this, the farmer's eyes narrowed.
"Why would you want to talk to that liar?"
Jay C. |
12.27.05 - 10:38 am | #
I HATE those spontaneously generating bugs. And all those other diseases that spontaneously generate on public toilet seats.
If I follow the gist of their argument it goes something like this: despite all evidence to the contrary, you just can't prove that the impossible didn't happen.
And that, my friends, is the most succinct explanation of religion I've ever encountered. Kudos to the Lubavitchers.
With that in mind, can anybody out there disprove that Dick Cheney, like Buster the body crab, spontaneously generated? I didn't think so.
The Venerable Ed |
12.27.05 - 10:41 am | #
Mel Gibson discusses his views on evolution.
Evolution: "...I think it's bullshit. If it isn't, why are they [monkeys and apes] still around? How come apes aren't people yet? It's a nice theory, but I can't swallow it. There's a big credibility gap. The carbon dating thing that tells you how long something's been around, how accurate is that, really? I've got one of Darwin's books at home and some of that stuff is pretty damn funny. Some of his stuff is true, like that the giraffe has a long neck so it can reach the leaves. But I just don't think you can swallow the whole piece."
Playboy, July 1995
General, Sir
I thought that blowflies laid eggs in rotting stuff, and that's how the worms (maggots) are born. I saw it on CSI, so it must be true, mustn't it? Of course, spontaneous generation would explain the cold that I've also picked up - nasty germs. Could it be from reading the comments here, Sir?
whattheH |
12.27.05 - 12:10 pm | #
General! Sir!
I hope you feel better soon, sir!
Democommie,
I hope you feel better soon, too! It will be nice to see you tomorrow.
Einstein's younger brother, Shemp, you remember him? Well, he actually went off on a different track altogether, the MD theory. Malevolent Design helps to explain a lot of things on this Godly, 6,000 year old mudball we call home: herpes, mosquitoes, the NY Yankees and Yellephants--all the result of that bitch, Eve, jerking Adam around with that whole "fruit of the tree of knowledge" thing. I can just see it now, she's, like, all up in face and shit, and sayin', "so, whatta you some kind of belly-buttonless pansy or a real man? I ate some of this and do I look sick, no, I look hotter than, well, never mind..." And so Adam takes a big-ass bite and shitzam!! there's God, smitin' his ass big time. God says, "Hey you wanna play me? You don't play me monkey boy! You wanna mess with me you animate chunk of play doh? Well, let's see you outsmart the plague, dipshit; and here's some polio and diptheria and floods and famines--can you hear me now!?...
Oh, sorry, Sir; I just carried away every time I start playing with my new SixDaysSymEden KKKristian Video Game that I got from Jesus KKKlaus (It came with a really cool Yahweh Action Figure, too. You can interchange the right hand from the "Creation" touch of love to the "Damnation" fist of doom in a trice. You know sir, I grew up Cath-O-Lick and the liturgy said that Jesus died for our sins every single day and was reborn again and again. But we only got KKKristmas gifts once a year--what's up wit dat?
Democommie |
12.27.05 - 12:40 pm | #
Dear Jay,
Thanks for the sheep joke . . .I'm going out now to tell it to my sheep.
Mrs. Blanche Maison |
12.27.05 - 12:42 pm | #
News Flash:
Human trials are underway of a new vaccine which may protect against the most virulent strain of the new ID virus.
The strain, known as ID-K (for Intelligent Design Kansensii), is currently only a danger to the faithful. However there are very real concerns that it could mutate at any time, allowing it to spread to non-believers.
"The danger is very real," said Dr. Olga M. Endel, of the CDC in Atlanta. "With more young people being exposed to the ID-K strain, the pathogen could jump the brain/reason barrier at any time. If it does that – and we believe it will -- there's every likelihood that ID-K will share its own DNB (dubious notion baloney) with ordinary DNB to create a dangerous new pandemic strain."
"We're long overdue for a pandemic of unreason," she cautioned. "The last one was the pet rock craze back in the 1980s. Before that, in the 1950s, we had the Red Scare. And so on all the way back to the Spanish Inquisition." When asked if she wasn't being too alarmist, Dr. Endel said, "Well, nobody expected the Spanish Inquisition, did they?"
Other experts are less certain. Mr. A. Luny, of the Uncovery Institute in Seattle, questioned the notion that ID-K poses any danger to the public. "ID is God's own handiwork," he contended, hopping up and down to underscore his point, "and it would be blasphemous to impede its spread!"
---
Darwin's back... and he's MAD.
JillK, thanks for the sympathy - it soothes the bruised ego, and the rapidly worsening chapped nose.
I hope you and Democommie have a blast tomorrow, and look forward to pictures of the revelry.
General and Demo, get well soon, so I can visit with impunity, without fear of recontagion from that there spontaneous stuff.
WhattheH |
12.27.05 - 1:48 pm | #
are we not all in the dark because funding for the texas supercollider was cut?
mike |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 1:53 pm | #
WhattheH,
Sorry to disappoint, but our meetings are secret. No photos!
Look for our New Year's Eve photos on Jan. 1rst or thereabouts, though.
We are going to be "harassing" some anti-war protesters and bragging about our war profits. It'll be fun!
I presume you got those crab lice in a very manly, heterosexual sort of way: naked Spartan wrestling with a fellow ostensibly manly-man who led you to believe he was of higher character than he actually was, perhaps?
DAS |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 2:05 pm | #
General, Demo, and FOG's (friends of the General's),
Hope you all are feeling better soon. My son in San Diego has been laid low with an Intelligently designed CA flu bug. One could come to the conclusion that an Intelligent Designer that makes Intelligent folks sick may be either stupid or on a power trip. Of course, the fact that he makes people sick at all would lead one to believe he's just an asshole.
Jackie_O |
12.27.05 - 2:09 pm | #
My New Breakfast Problem
I walked into Denny's last week
My hunger had started to peek
They sat me right down
I was happy, but frowned:
The coffee was just a bit weak
The waitress was friendly and kind
She took my order in time:
"Give me Miracle Eggs
With spontaneous legs
And toast upon which to dine"
(chorus)
Oh, who needs a chicken
To make your arteries thicken
Who needs a mother and dad?
When God manifests
The lowliest pests
They've no parents at which to be mad
Lord
They've no parents at which to be mad
My son asked me how was he made
Why genes are selectively played
And why when he whistles
He sounds like a missile
And he wonders why mommy was spayed
"Son, the reasons are few
And most of us haven't a clue
It was only a chance
You're not a stain in my pants
Ask a Christian, but don't ask a Jew"
(chorus)
Oh, who needs a chicken
To make your arteries thicken
Who needs a mother and dad?
When God manifests
The lowliest pests
They've no parents at which to be mad
Lord
They've no parents at which to be mad
The Truth is quite unexpected
On gossamer wings its erected
It soars in the sky
Don't ever ask why
Just accept that it can't be inspected
Who needs the egg & the sperm
Not Adam, not Eve, not the worms
The reason is clear:
Relax, have no fear
Brains go soft when belief becomes firm
(chorus)
Oh, who needs a chicken
To make your arteries thicken
Who needs a mother and dad?
When God manifests
The lowliest pests
They've no parents at which to be mad
Lord
They've no parents at which to be mad
JillK
Understand the need for secrecy in the planning stages, so will stay tuned for the pictures of the New Year's revelry - er - protest pictures - instead.
Jackie_O, May your son recover quickly. These ID designed viruses can be brutal, and I'm with you on the anal reference.
WhattheH |
12.27.05 - 2:33 pm | #
whattheH: I thought that blowflies laid eggs in rotting stuff, and that's how the worms (maggots) are born. I saw it on CSI, so it must be true, mustn't it?
Anybody wanna help me pitch a new series to the networks: CCSI - Christian Crime Scene Investigation: Kansas City?
Anonymous |
12.27.05 - 2:59 pm | #
That should be CCSI:KC, of course, and I would not have been anonymous if I left my cookies alone.
Mentis Fugit |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 3:00 pm | #
MJS, have you the music to go with that brilliant song?
Anonymous, what a unique suggestion. The investigators could come to the crime scene with crucifixes, Holy water and Bibles. Of course, the CCSI personnel would have to be certified priests/fathers/reverends/pastors/elders etc. There is a story there. General, Sir, could we get your associates, Misters Falafel and Gibson to appear as guest stars?
WhattheH |
12.27.05 - 3:07 pm | #
OT, but whatever happened to AnntiChrist S. Coulter? She was fuh-ny.
Karla Marx |
12.27.05 - 3:12 pm | #
Mentis Fugit;
I think it would probably work better as CSR-KC (Crime Scene Revealed). You could have Agent Fred Phelps running around like Mulder in X-Files, screeching about everything being God's punishment for us tolerating the sodomites. Each episode could culminate in a ducking, pressing or burning at the stake. During sweeps weeks they could have a mini Auto-da-fe.
Democommie |
12.27.05 - 3:49 pm | #
whattheH<
Write to me at my e-mail and I will send you an Mp3 of the melody (I have given the orchestra a much needed rest so the song will be acapella).
Dear General,
I think the fruit fly is much more likely to spontaneously generate - just put a banana in a bag! What happens?
Donutd1967 |
12.27.05 - 4:08 pm | #
Simply brillant idea. So many sins, so few episodes. Think of the possibilities, and you never thought you'd be rich. Could I make a small request? Just a wee part that involves a wig with very long hair? I miss my youth.
WhattheW,
Thank you, dear. It's difficult enough being separated from family on 2 coasts during the holidays, but then to be sick. I'm going back out to San D. in Feb., ID Epidemic permitting. I'm beginning to feel like a commuter from Chicago Midway to San D and Southwest Airlines loves me.
Jackie_O |
12.27.05 - 4:25 pm | #
Honey and hot lemon fixes a sore throat (real honey and real lemon juice, not the powdered flavourings you get in some medicines).
Honey contains proteins that resemble the cell surface proteins that cooties latch on to. So they bind to the honey instead of your throat and get washed away.
Ooops, that was a scientific explanation - pardon my French. The real explanation is that the Catholics have long suppressed the fact that just as bread represents the body of Christ and wine represents the blood of Christ, honey represents the sweet semen of Christ. Naturally, if you've just given Christ a symbolic bj by swallowing his symbolic semen he will miraculously cure your sore throat.
Brian de Ford |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 4:43 pm | #
Jackie_O, I understand perfectly. I would walk on fire for my offspring, no matter where they were. Don't worry about the ID epidemic - I suspect that we may all develop immunity from being exposed - ye olde white cell reaction is still working - gift from whatever God?
MJS, will be in touch. Only son is getting very involved in writing music. Gave him Sibelius as a Christmas gift, but being a philistine, I hope that was the right choice?
MF AKA Anonymous, With the combined imagination of the General's troops, can Emmy awards, nay Oscars be far be far behind? If Michael Moore (that librul apologist) can do it, why not we?
WhattheH |
12.27.05 - 4:59 pm | #
am a biologist and not into any dogma, abrahamic [i.e.judaeo-christian-islamic], eastern, darwinian etc. i believe science should hold on to any of its own 'dogmas' only as a temporary device, until its relentless pursuit of exclusive cause and effect pairings begin to uncover anomalies in the current dogma and either overturn or greatly modify it.
So it has happened that the so called CENTRAL DOGMA of molecular biology which ruled the roost for several decades in the 20th century [i.e. DNA -> RNA -> Protein had to thoroughly revised after Altman and others].
The broad outlines of classical darwinism have proven key to the development of much of present molecular biology, and it should feel honored if further advances in that very science should serve to partially overturn or at least greatly modify certain key suppositions.
Now this should be a natural Evolution within the academy, not mutilation at the hands of self-serving power-hungry creatures masquerading as religious/spiritual figures.
what we see of viral evolution, of sub-viral disease agents, of satellited plant viruses, of plant transposons, is such a wonderful mysterious world, with perhaps its own rules that impinge on evolution in ways we have not yet begun to appreciate. And yes, also the roles of proteins, and non-nuclear elements in inheritance of traits, as also the the vast stretches of 'unexpressed' nucleotides that comprise much of our DNA.
When more of these tantalizing mysteries are elucidated, perhaps we shall understand better those cases that today almost seem like candidates for ID. It is strange that these perfervid clowns did not bring up certain orchids, whose astonishing mimicry of phenotype of their pollinators or of their pheromones, represent some of the most perplexing cases, given our present state of knowledge.
The issue is that these particular orchids are sparse species, with very specialized habitats. Germination is chancy. Given this plus the relatively short time available to the plant to evolve to its present status, the laws of chance, randomness, and numbers that are posited in classical darwinism seem not to be correct. if these orchids were abundant like the grass on the pampas, then, yes; but as they are now, probably no.
But by investigating this vey 'NO", i believe scientists will be led to something very interesting : inter phylum exchange of genetic material or at least of boichemical signals/ligands that can intrude upon "cross-talking' biochemical pathways in way that can determine choice of one fate over another.
Anyway, pray do pardon this long rambling bs.
a. mitra [can you please that |
12.27.05 - 5:23 pm | #
CCSI:KC, hmmm, I'm kind of picturing Quincy meets Father Murphy.
One problem we might have to overcome is complex crimes. The crimes will have to be extremely simple, otherwise the Father Quincy character will have no choice but to conclude that the circumstances are too complicated to be anything other than the work of Big Daddy.
"It wasn't suicide, it was the Lord's will!"
The Venerable Ed |
12.27.05 - 5:52 pm | #
Mentis Fugit,
Sorry to say that the Kansas City most of us think about ("They've got lots of pretty women there and I'm going to get me some") is in Missouri.
There is a much lesser metropolis of Kansas City, Kansas across the Missouri River from KCMO, but there was nothing there but boarded up buildings and the Rosedale BBQ last time I was there (well, that was 20 years ago, but I doubt it's much better now).
Sorry if I just made reality intrude on your most wonderful idea! You could always call it CSI: Kiowa or CSI: Topeka! There is also a town named Kismet!
Jill, I'm just a damned foreigner. Don't expect my geography to be up to scratch. CCSI: Topeka has the right ring to it.
Mentis Fugit |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 6:43 pm | #
I smelt the effect of spontaneous generation on a crowded subway a few months back. Nothing intelligent about it.
Col. Klink |
12.27.05 - 7:52 pm | #
Vote Murtha! Vote for John as 'most attractive to gay voters' for President '08. Vote here, and vote Murtha!
MT |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 7:52 pm | #
Forget Sudafed. An easier, quicker, and cheaper way to relieve sinus pressure is by alternately thrusting your tongue against the roof of your mouth, then pressing between your eyebrows with one finger."
MJS's song worked pretty well when I sang it to the tune of "Stairway to Heaven." Next I'm going to try it to the tune of Kellis' "Milkshake."
::mwah:: |
12.27.05 - 8:35 pm | #
God™®damn, I love this blog.
MzNicky |
12.27.05 - 8:43 pm | #
PS -- to all stuffy noses out there:
1) Wrap your head in a towel.
2) Hold your face over a pot of steaming boiling water for as long as you can stand it. (Do not scorch your face.) Breathe the steam in through your nose as much as possible.
3) Go to bed and sleep with your head propped up as high as you comfortably can.
"scientists will be led to something very interesting : inter phylum exchange of genetic material or at least of boichemical signals/ligands that can intrude upon "cross-talking' biochemical pathways in way that can determine choice of one fate over another."
A. Mitra: sounds fascinating and it could potentially be a cross roads on how genetic material can be understood and perhaps adapted - of course in an Intelligent design sort of way.
WhattheH |
12.27.05 - 8:51 pm | #
A. Mitra.
Once again in English.
Frank Grimes |
12.27.05 - 9:23 pm | #
So, that's where Republicans come from! I knew that they couldn't've been born from an act of love.
jurassicpork |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 9:35 pm | #
MzNicky - it's working, it's working! I can breathe again - is this part of ID? Don't know, don't care - I can breathe AGAIN! Mom's old remedy - hot toddy - was okay - once you had two or so, you didn't much care, but to breathe again is a true blessing. Thank you.
WhattheH |
12.27.05 - 9:36 pm | #
Sir, General Sir,
I have verifiable proof of spontaneous generation and it happened right here in Zion! My secretary (a Gentile) came to work last week not looking her chipper self. When queried, her voice sounded like a tortured soul in whatever brand of heck that she subscribes to this week.
General, Sir, I did not see the pathogen enter my body, rendering me the shivering mass of Nyquil dependent patriot. There were no ardent embraces no deep tongue kissing, not even a sneeze in my direction.
I must conclude that Heavenly Father felt I needed a lesson taught to me -- and the best way was to lay me low with a spontaneously generated pathogen. I suspect that is why you are suffering as are my fellow patriots. We must repent -- only those true of spirit will survive this plague.
somewhere in Zion...
Nic Peterson |
12.27.05 - 9:57 pm | #
Nic, try MzNicky's remedy - it won't cure ya, but ya can breathe again! Repentence can come after. Even the neo's need to be able to breathe in order to spew.
WhattheH |
12.27.05 - 10:10 pm | #
I think we may be missing a real opportunity by not copyrighting CCSI: Jerusalem.
Just think of the possibilities;
The Mysterious Case of Water and Wine.
Lazarus; Wanted Dead or Alive.
Golgatha: Resurection.
The Holy Spirit. Spontaneus Generator?
Just think of the potential spin-offs of this series. Endless.
Frank Grimes |
12.27.05 - 10:14 pm | #
"CCSI: Topeka has the right ring to it." Mentis Fugit
And how right your are, MF. Topeka would be just about perfect for several reasons. Not the least of which is that you'd have a "home grown," truly Xtian on tap to be the Supreme Director of the CCSI: Topeka. That'd be none other than that incredibly KKKKristian activist Rev. Fred Waldron Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church ( http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/ ).
Adding to that would be the truly ID friendly Kristian Klimet brought to you by the Kansas State (we want myth & science taught as one) School Board. What a fine backdrop you'd have there.
You could probably get some financial help from US Sen. Sam Brownback, that staunch defender of a biblical interpretation of our Constitution & judicial system.
Yessir, MJ. You made a fine choice.
ROF |
12.27.05 - 10:27 pm | #
Yes, CSI:Topeka.
After much goo-enhanced organ perambulation, Rev. Fred concludes that the Elvis impersonator in the Barcalounger spontaneously combusted, the intense computer-generated heat firing a single bullet from the pearl-handled Derringer he always kept in his wig, one bullet crashing through the motel wall and into the Church of Universal Love & Truth next door, piercing the eye of Deacon Mustard just as he was pocketing the collection plate with the blackmail check made out to Mrs. Gloryhole.
It turns out her, ahem, gonorrhea was of the spontaneously-generated type, as noted by the Flying Spaghetti Monster Scientist, another inhabitant of the motel.
Detective Bruce throws his arms around Rev Fred as the credits roll, and the camera pans out across the Churches and vacant lots of Topeka, hot-cross bun capital of the Heartland.
See ya tomorrow, Ivana and Demo and whoever else of the General's Puritan Brigade isn't diseased.
Whee!
Intelligently Designing inter-phylum communion wafers as we speak;
the Rev. Jerry Gloryhole |
12.27.05 - 10:27 pm | #
The War on Christmas is over, the Battle for Easter begins!
Col. Klink |
12.27.05 - 11:02 pm | #
Intelligent design is the truth. I have read peer-reviewed articles on it in a number of scientific journals, why are my children not allowed to learn about it in school but they are allowed to be lied to about how they are descended from some damn dirty apes?
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 11:18 pm | #
WhattheH: I'm so happy it worked for you sweetheart! It's a method I devised when I was great with child XY and could not therefore take unto myself any medication for the worst sinus infection ever.
Re: Kansan-related TV series: As my parental units originate from the state with which much is the matter, may I suggest Leavenworth/Lansing? Fine solid Christian values, and they know how to deal with murderers of family values, as my cousin, the former prison guard, can attest, having been witness to the hangings of the Clutter family killers made famous by Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood."
Just thought I'd throw that in.
MzNicky |
12.27.05 - 11:18 pm | #
Intelligent design is the truth. I have read peer-reviewed articles on it in a number of scientific journals, why are my children not allowed to learn about it in school but they are allowed to be lied to about how they are descended from some damn dirty apes?
Yes, I peer-reviewed one of those articles, and I'm sure even a real scientist will one day. ID is the answer, my friend. Don't lose hope.
thehim |
Homepage |
12.27.05 - 11:55 pm | #
Thanks for that helpful, if somewhat vague, information, shoelimpy! To help us to promote ID, please let us know to which prestigious "peer reviewed" journals you are referring. And which of the leading scientific lights of our day have come out in support of this brilliant research again? We need names! Perhaps you refer to the brilliant scientist and theologian Dr. Zaius, who said, "There is no contradiction between faith and science... true science."
But I know how you feel about those lies they teach in school. Wasting time studying apes to learn about human origins! To paraphrase the aformentioned Dr. Zaius, "To suggest that we can learn anything about humans from a study of apes is sheer nonsense. Why, apes are a nuisance. They eat up their food supply in the forest, then migrate to our green belts and ravage our crops. The sooner they are exterminated, the better. It's a question of human survival."
Like us, my good friend George Taylor has the same aversion to these simian brutes. In fact, he put it quite eloquently when forced into close contact with said creatures: "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"
Major Woody |
12.28.05 - 12:03 am | #
Hey thehim, you beat me to it! Maybe peer review in this context means that you "peer" at all the fancy scientifical words in the article, then praise the Mighty Morphin' Sky Being who created the author!
Major Woody |
12.28.05 - 12:10 am | #
I had the bug starting about a week and a half ago, here in San Jose, CA. 4 days of a roller coaster of dying followed by not too bad, dying again, then in a ~two week process of slow recovery w/ lots of phlegm, no ID required. anyone w/ a pair and no social life or job can just chew on raw garlic continuously
PFC Dave McLeod |
12.28.05 - 12:20 am | #
General! Sir!
Permission to speak! SIR!
Re Kansas and CSSI: this location scout would humbly suggest that enclave in the SW corner of the glorious state that revels in the name of Liberal. I stayed overnight there once; it prides itself, for reasons I never lingered long enough to learn, as the Wizard-of-Oz capital of the world. Indeed, the place is up to its Great Bend in Wizard-of-Ozzitude. Everywhere you turn, there's an effigy of 16-year-old Judy Garland with the braids. On second thought, maybe that would make CSSI: Liberal too David Lynchy, in toto. Or as they probably say in Liberal, in toto too.
(P.S. For those with difficulty breathing because of spontaneously generated infections: ten mins in a steamy shower may also help; it's a roomful of Ms. Nicky's remedy, and in my exp. the helpful FX last a little longer. My sympathies, and good luck!)
Yours in very manly admiration,
88 |
12.28.05 - 12:22 am | #
What the hell are you people talking about?
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 12:24 am | #
General Sir:
It is also important that Mr. Dembski resolve the tree in the forest falling question too.
I believe the tree not only makes a sound when nobody is there to hear it, but it screams "Holy Mother of Gawd I'm Falling!"
Can Mr. Dembski clear this up too?
Poncho & Lefty |
12.28.05 - 12:42 am | #
Shoelimpy:
One peer-reviewed article does NOT suddenly legitimize ID. Read here for a point-by-point refutation of Meyer's " The origin of biological information and the higher taxonomic categories" article. It's both funny and prophetic; the authors of this analysis predicted that ID proponents would point to this article as some sort of scientific proof of their beliefs. I quote:
It is gratifying to see the ID movement finally attempt to make their case to the only scientifically relevant group, professional biologists. This is therefore the beginning (not the end) of the review process for ID. Perhaps one day the scientific community will be convinced that ID is worthwhile. Only through this route — convincing the scientific community, a route already taken by plate tectonics, endosymbiosis, and other revolutionary scientific ideas — can ID earn a legitimate place in textbooks. Unfortunately, the ID movement will likely ignore the above considerations about how scientific review actually works, and instead trumpet the paper from coast to coast as proving the scientific legitimacy of ID.
(snip)
We cannot review every problem with Meyer’s article in this initial post, but we would like to highlight some of the most serious mistakes. These include errors in facts and reasoning. Even more seriously, Meyer’s paper omits discussion or even citation of vast amounts of directly relevant work available in the scientific literature.
ONE paper does not suddenly make ID valid. Like any other scientific theory it must be tested and re-tested over and over before it will gain acceptance. Physicists are STILL testing Einstein's theories one whole century after the fact. The same goes for Darwin's theory, 150 years later. I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but Darwin's theory is winning in the professional biological community.
Let me be clear: Evolution v. ID is NOT a he said-she said debate. We are talking about scientific facts. And the facts simply aren't supporting ID.
Come back when you have a much larger body of research to back you up, shoelimpy.
Anonymous |
12.28.05 - 1:15 am | #
The anonymous post above was mine. I think my computer must have spontaneously generated a virus that caused this mistake.
John |
12.28.05 - 1:18 am | #
General, sir,
Another of life's Great Mysteries has been solved (at least in my mind) by closely studying your outstanding conservative Christian online organ...in a completely heterosexual way, of course.
You see, sir, there is actual proof that an Intelligent Designer can cause worms to spontaneously generate any place the Intelligence Designer pleases. And when I say proof, I mean proof.
General, haven't you ever wondered how that worm got into that bottle of Tequila??
Well, now we know. It wasn't through reproduction. It was spontaneously generated there by the Intelligent Designer. And the proof? Why, it gives the Proof right there on the Tequila bottle's label. And who needs anymore Proof than that?
Which means to me that the Intelligent Designer has blessed the Tequila I buy...on a weekly basis...by the case.
Ooops, sorry sir, time for another religious service to commence. Aaaaah, the Elixir of the Intelligent Designer.
Viva La Sacred Tequila!!!
The Oracle |
12.28.05 - 4:08 am | #
Yeah, sure, John. What, one horribly flawed opinion piece isn't enough to convince you? You want facts, huh?Facts, schmacts! Try looking in your Bible, buddy, that should settle this debate once and for all. Sheesh!
Major Woody |
12.28.05 - 4:12 am | #
"Let me be clear: Evolution v. ID is NOT a he said-she said debate. We are talking about scientific facts. And the facts simply aren't supporting ID.
Come back when you have a much larger body of research to back you up, shoelimpy."
I have thousands of years of research backin up Intelligent Design, beginning from the birth of civilization and even prior to it. Care to take on all that evidence?
Evolution is a lie, period. I don't care how many peer-reviewed pieces of crap you have backing it up.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 11:40 am | #
Comrade shoelimpy,
Unfortunately the French have already exposed our Agent who sheparded our propaganda piece thru "peer review". http://danielmorgan.blogspot.com...-
continues.html
But fear not. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Cordially with a heel click,
Wing Commander Knut |
12.28.05 - 11:41 am | #
Nothing has been exposed. This work is true, despite what the "peers" say. The vast majority of the scientific community are nothing but stupid morons. I ask you this, if all the blind men in the world produced peer-reviewed articles claiming that grass was blue, would you believe them?
I wouldn't.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 11:46 am | #
The vast majority of the scientific community are nothing but stupid morons.
Now if that there comment don't positively end this little debate we gots ourselves going here nutin' will.
Col. Klink |
12.28.05 - 12:07 pm | #
I didn't realize there was a debate going on, I thought this was a place where loosers with nothing better to do came together to mock Christians.
"I ask you this, if all the blind men in the world produced peer-reviewed articles claiming that grass was blue, would you believe them?"
I give this strawman a 6. The form's not bad, but the odds of it turning on its owner are just too high to bring it up to the elite strawmen that people like Coulter and Malkin bring to the table. He's got the rabid froth down, though.
PantherWill |
12.28.05 - 12:14 pm | #
So you're saying that you would believe the grass was blue if peer-reviewed articles told you that it was?
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 12:43 pm | #
No, I'm comparing your argument to being peer reviewed by idiots, as opposed to being peer reviewed by people who people who actually know what the hell they're talking about.
PantherWill |
12.28.05 - 12:50 pm | #
Shoelimpy,
Now you're talking about the birth of civilization? I thought we were talking about science, not history. How do you know that most scientists are morons? Are you some sort of genius, and have you met most scientists or at least read about some of their research? What makes Stephen Meyer credible and the rest of the researchers not credible, or 'blind' as you suggest? I'd like to know what evidence you have to back this up.
Go ahead and post more peer-reviewed research into ID, if you can find any. Let the facts speak for themselves. REAL facts, that is, not 'facts' that spontaneously generated out of your ass.
John |
12.28.05 - 12:54 pm | #
What real facts do you have on evolution? Were you there when monkeys first started turning into humans? Didn't think so.
Science is the study of the natural world. Although modern morons (ie scientists and yes I have met quite a few, including Stephen Hawking) like to think of science as a modern phenomenon, science has been going on since time immemorial. And the majority of scientists in the history of the world have all come to the same conclusion: the world and all of the species that inhabit the world came about through INTELLIGENT DESIGN. Period.
And yet you like to say that we were spawned from an amoeba's ass that just decided it felt like mutating into an organic multicellular organism one day. Cuz, you know, its boring just being an amoeba.
And oh yeah, we got a Big Bang out of nothing, except maybe there was something but we don't really know where that came from. But all of the peers agree that there was something that banged that brought the universe into existence. Well, some disagree.
Blah blah blah.
None of that changes the FACT of Intelligent Design.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 1:29 pm | #
General Sir,
I am reminded of an old saying after reading the last comment by shoelimpy:
Never teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of breath and it only annoys the pig.
How can you people claim to be Christian when you don't even support such a simple scientific theory as Intelligent Design?
Lying Fascist Traitors should all be drawn and quartered.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 1:49 pm | #
How can you people claim to be Christian when you don't even support such a simple scientific theory as Intelligent Design?
Lying Fascist Traitors should all be drawn and quartered.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 1:49 pm | #
We've got a realllllllly slllloooowwww learner trolling here in "shoelimpy."
He seems to show up whenever Idiot Design is mentioned. Why just the other day at Pandagon, he got his black & blue ass handed to him after a major butt lashing on this very topic.
Does he learn anything? Oh no! Here he is again w/ the very same faith based "reality" he tried to peddle over there.
Now, I ask you this, if all the Xtians in the world produced bible-based articles claiming that grass was blue, would you believe them? Or would you believe a scientist who could demonstrate that grass is green, & his results could be duplicated by others?
Oh well, I won't reach him, & neither will any of you, so unless you like gnawing on limp shoe leather, why bother?
ROF |
12.28.05 - 1:58 pm | #
Well, I never claimed to be Christian, so that pretty much rules me out.
As for the whole "Lying Fascist Traitors" thing, I'll tell ya what. When I deploy, feel free to tag along. I'm sure my squadron commander could put your enthusiasm to good use.
PantherWill |
12.28.05 - 1:58 pm | #
Ummm, actually no one handed my ass to me anywhere. Try actually reading the thread, you'll see who the winner of that debate was.
And none of you can refute anything that I have said, and must now come down to the ad homs.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 2:21 pm | #
It's Xian, not Xtian, and it's not an insult.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 3:31 pm | #
General, Sir;
Permission to snark, sir?
Howzabout you put Shoelimpy and Annieangel together. I mean just let them post on their own little thread. That would give them both something to do and unclutter this website.
Shoelimpy:
When you run out of talking points (which doesn't take more than a few posts) you seem to revert to the Reichwing crankspeak that is the stock in trade of your brothers in ignorance all over the blogosphere. Lets just reduce this to an argument even you can understand. Facts are observable. Fantasy is not. ID is the latter.
Democommie |
12.28.05 - 3:50 pm | #
shoelimpy,
"...you'll see who the winner of that debate was."
Have you read what democommie said, brainlimpy? Facts can be defined simply as something that is demonstrably true. That means that if I see the charred, smoking remains of a house, I can deduce that a fire took place, whether I actually saw it or not. If the police suspect arson then they'll go looking for person, not the Devil. I don't need to actually observe 4 billion years of evolution to know that it took place. The fossil records strongly suggest evolution took place. Genetic similarities between species strongly indicate evolution took place. Laboratory experiments with microbial life-forms indicate that evolution takes place. Drug-resistant antibiotics show that evolution is STILL taking place. "Peer review - peer-review" is very, very important because they want to make sure that the author has the "facts-facts" "right-right".
Were you there when monkeys first started turning into humans? Didn't think so.
Were you there when God created the earth, the heavens, and all life? Didn't think so.
Lying Fascist Traitors should all be drawn and quartered. - 1:49 pm
And none of you can refute anything that I have said, and must now come down to the ad homs. - 2:21 pm
Let me see if I have this straight: Ad hominem attacks are NOT acceptable, but suggesting that we should be brutally executed for disagreeing with you IS acceptable? Calling for the death penalty over a disagreement = good; insulting a person = eternal damnation? You're a hypocrite, dicklimpy.
Also I DID refute the only 'evidence' you offered (the article you linked) with the article I linked. Are you paying any attention? Of course you'll dismiss it because some 'moron' scientists wrote it. You met Stephen Hawking? Is he also a moron because he disagrees with you about the origins of the universe? Did you suggest to him that someone should push him down a flight of stairs like Jack Palance because he doesn't agree with you? That would have been the Christian thing to do, right?
Go to bed now, and debate Darwin, Einstein, Sagan, and Hawking in your dreams. That's the only place where you'll ever win, fuckwit. (Now go and round up a KKKristian posse and have them string me up for calling you a name AND disagreeing with you).
John |
12.28.05 - 7:11 pm | #
I give up trying to explain this to you, dimlampy. I have a better chance of teaching my dog evolution than you, plus he won't try to rip me apart if he doesn't understand it.
Go now, and spread the ID gospel to more pagans at Daily Kos or Crooks & Liars. However you better have the Inquisition on standby, because I don't think they'll be much more receptive to your ignorance than we have been. Torture may help win them over. That's what people like you are good at.
John |
12.28.05 - 7:23 pm | #
"The fossil records strongly suggest evolution took place."
Strongly suggests does not a FACT make.
We have eyewitness testimony of Intelligent Design.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 7:30 pm | #
Have you stopped torturing your wife yet?
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 7:31 pm | #
Ummmm....define winning, please.
I'll do it: Limpy won just like Dubya won us the War in Iraq. We liked winning it so much that we're still over there winning it.
He won it just like the Christians won the crusades. Just like Nixon won in Viet Nam. Like Scooty Libby won his indictment. Like Turdblossom won his nickname.
When you're a big enough looser, anything can look like winning.
John the Baptist |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 7:47 pm | #
Have you stopped torturing your wife yet?
No, I'm making her read all your postings. Bwa-ha-ha!
John the Baptist |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 7:53 pm | #
If ya'll are so good at winning debates, why can't you actually debate me rather than sit around and talk about how I can't win a debate? I'm the only person on this thread who has made any well thought out, contentful posts.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 8:00 pm | #
"I'm the only person on this thread who has made any well thought out, contentful posts.
shoelimpy | Homepage | 12.28.05 - 8:00 pm | #"
You mean the following are well thought out contentful posts?
'Lying Fascist Traitors should all be drawn and quartered.'
Or how about that quintessential comment:
"Have you stopped torturing your wife yet?
shoelimpy | Homepage | 12.28.05 - 7:31 pm | # "
Even the atheists I know wouldn't stoop to such obvious attempts to bully people into their belief system, and when bullying didn't work, resort to irrational slurs. You know nothing about the people who post here, yet feel you can attack them with impunity. Who is the fascist here? Didn't your mother teach you values - such as You don't come to someone's house and defecate on the welcome mat.
General Sir
This proves that Intelligent Design does have some failures, Sir. After all, "Intelligent" is defined as
1. Having the capacity for thought and reason especially to a high degree.
2. Possessing sound knowledge
3. Exercisting or showing good JUDGEMENT.
4. Endowed with the capacity to reason.
etc. etc.
Ah well, every theory has it's little problems, but it does make a case for eugenics n'est-ce pas. Damn, forgive me General - I let my inner Frenchman escape for a moment. I'll retire to self flagellation.
GoodGrief |
12.28.05 - 9:13 pm | #
Holy crap, I thought you were kidding when I responded to you earlier. My lord, we're in trouble.
We have eyewitness testimony of Intelligent Design.
No you don't. You don't even have a single scientific experiment to back up any aspect of ID. You have a lot of conjecture that mainstream science laughs at (appropriately).
None of your "peer-reviewed" articles are accepted as "evidence" by any scientific establishment. There is no Bigfoot, there are no aliens on the moon, and evolution did not need the "hand of god".
thehim |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 9:22 pm | #
Why does the lack of intelligence of one individual person reflect a lack of intelligence on the part of the Designer? If we were all as intelligent as the Designer, then of course there would be nothing to distinguish us from said Designer, and we might as well say that we Intelligently Designed ourselves.
You sir, are ridiculous.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 9:23 pm | #
"We have eyewitness testimony of Intelligent Design."
We do? That's excellent! Get the eyewitness to communicate with the scientific community and we can get somehwere!
I, personally, have direct,physical evidence of species changing in response to their enviroment (that's what we call that "evolution" on my planet). It's sitting at my feet right now. I call it "Wiley" most of the time, but sometimes it's been known to respond to "goofy dog".
It's ostensibly an Austrailian shepherd. Since there were no domesticated dogs in Austrailia when Europeans arrived, and there were no dogs with these particular characteristics in Europe before Austrailia was discovered, it's difficult to conclude that this particular breed of creature was created 6000 years ago.
Dorothy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 9:26 pm | #
"We do? That's excellent! Get the eyewitness to communicate with the scientific community and we can get somehwere!"
Many scientists are already in direct communication with the eyewitness. In fact, most of the important scientists throughout history have been in direct contact with this eyewitness.
Pick up a book sometime, you just might learn something.
shoelimpy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 9:45 pm | #
shoelimpy, thehim is not ridiculous - quite frankly, you are. But I have to give you credit - you are flagrantly ridiculous. Why did you come to this site? Is it some sort of self flagellation, or do you get a kick out of spewing your unscientific totally whacko ideas and having some sort of self congratulatory feeling out of testing the waters. So far, the General's loyal troopers have been very kind to you and have attempted to give you a way out, but that isn't enough for you - total dominance and your way is the best way is the only way.
You have insulted and impugned us all, yet still expect us to agree with your reasoned 'contentful' statements.
Bah humbug, you are a Philistine. I wish you all good things, but please, go to Little Green Footballs, where people just like you congregate. there you will receive the reverence for your theories that you seem to want.
WhattheH |
12.28.05 - 9:58 pm | #
General! Sir!
Permission to speak! SIR!
I have to say, I was on the fence for a while, but that last scientific argument did it for me. Ineligent Design: it's a slam dunk!
And what's this about drawing and quartering the lying fascist traitors? Torture them first!! Like a true patriotic Christian!
[WhattheH: I hope your cold is going away.]
Yours in very manly admiration,
88 |
12.28.05 - 10:02 pm | #
It would help a lot if you name even one book I should pick rather than just tell my how uneducated I am.
Naming any single eyewitness would help, too. And the assertion that the scientific community is currently in contact with eyewitnesses to the origin of life is fascinating: I honestly would like to learn more about these people.
See, that's the difference between "debate" and "ranting." I offer a concrete example or an observable piece of evidence to support my side. You then offer a concrete example or an observable piece of evidence to refute my point or support one of your points.
Dorothy |
Homepage |
12.28.05 - 10:03 pm | #
88: thanks but it's an uphill struggle. Gone to the chest and coughing up nasties, but I think I'm almost at the end. MzNicky's remedy is being tested on a daily basis.
Dorothy - like your site and your feistiness, but don't hold your breath waiting for an intelligent response. The next salvo will be along the lines of "You fascist pig". If one such can't defend on a solid basis, attack on a personal level is the best defense. Seems to be the latest debating technique for neo cons.
WhattheH |
12.28.05 - 10:27 pm | #
shoelimpy,
I believe you! I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who created the earth, mountains, trees and a midget... and then linked global warming with the number of pirates in the world! Very intelligent!
I can see why you thought shoelimpy was fooling. Nothing he says makes much sense at all. He also bounces from weird point to weird point at a reckless pace typical of full-tilt sarcasm.
It's extra funny that several commenters on this thread are having sinus problems - sinuses being one of the most unintelligently designed structures in the body!
Anyone on this thread have appendicitis? The appendix is another unintelligent structure.
And then there are our knees, our spines and our hips - none of which are really well designed but do show vestiges of our primate ancestry.
But what do I know? I'm just another stupid moron scientist.
JohnQP |
12.28.05 - 11:04 pm | #
JohnQPublic: I'm getting used to the sinus thing, but my knee and hip are also giving me trouble. Of course;, rhat might have something to do with my taking a flyer on ice the other night. Twas brutal. Thankfully, I'm one of those slim folks and I didn't break anything, but damn, it hurt nonetheless.
Good to have another scientist in the General's troops. Welcome. Can you suggest a remedy for pixillated dropsy, because I fear I'm suffering from that dreaded syndrome.
WhattheH |
12.28.05 - 11:15 pm | #
Thank you WhattheH! We can only hope that Her Noodly Appendage touches shoelimpy! If not, there is always the endorsements from scientists and politicians!
I guess I don't get it. Why should shoelimpy, & others of his apparent ilk, care what rational people think. Aren't most of those who are proponents of Inelegant Design also believers in The Rapture? And isn't that supposed to be coming to a theater near you soon?
As an exercise in fantastic irony, wouldn't it be fabulous if the "bird flu" virus evolved so that the raptors of the world (birds of prey -- I do so like homophones!) become the vectors? Further, that an element of the evolved virus caused the birds to attack people w/ auras projecting totally irrational beliefs.
I suppose that's just as nasty as "Lying Fascist Traitors should all be drawn and quartered," but it's a whole lot more poetic.
ROF |
12.28.05 - 11:40 pm | #
Why does the lack of intelligence of one individual person reflect a lack of intelligence on the part of the Designer? If we were all as intelligent as the Designer, then of course there would be nothing to distinguish us from said Designer, and we might as well say that we Intelligently Designed ourselves.
You sir, are ridiculous.
LOL!! Yes, if we're as smart as god, then we get to BE god. Therefore, god made us all a little stupider than him (and some a lot).
thehim |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 1:34 am | #
If we were as intelligent as God, we would be able to control God's powers. Therefore, we can't be intelligent as the Designer. That is a given.
You expect me to believe that evolution happens through natural coincidences, and yet you present me no evidence that a group of protozoa are one day going to decide they want to spontaneously form into an organic multicellular organism. I've seen no peer-reviewed articles demonstrating this is a FACT.
The fact of the matter is, these sort of things don't just happen. They are planned. Period.
shoelimpy™ |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 2:59 am | #
God you're stupid.
Major Woody |
12.29.05 - 4:54 am | #
Lying Fascist Traitors should all be drawn and quartered.
shoelimpy | Homepage | 12.28.05 - 1:49 pm | #
++++++++++++++++++++++
But how would FOXNEWS find new employees?
Who would pollute the AM hate radio if Rush were chopped into little pieces?
How would the republicans replace all those open seats?
And, I'll tell you another thing, shoelimpy. The NSA is reading this blog, and threats to Our Leader and His Helpers are taken down for evidence.
I'd watch my ass, if I were you.
Go and sin no more.
Capability Jones |
12.29.05 - 5:50 am | #
MzNicky and Dorothy,
I have two Australian Shepherds . . .the husband insisted we get "allies" so no French Bulldogs or German Shepherds for me!
Mrs. Blanche Maison |
12.29.05 - 8:06 am | #
Blanche: Fine work, soldier. Keep it up, as it were.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 9:50 am | #
"I hate every ape I see,
from Chimpan A to Chimpan Z,
you'll never make a monkey out of me."
Troy McLure, Stop the Planet of the Apes I Want to Get Off - the musical
Col. Klink |
12.29.05 - 9:53 am | #
shoelimpy,
The fact you are missing is that individual organisms don't evolve because they "feel like it" or "decide" anything. Evolution happens in populations of organisms in response to environmental challenges. The individual organism itself either lives to reproduce or dies.
Let me give you a simple example: A person takes antibiotics for a staph infection. The antibiotics kill 99.9% of the bacteria. The remaining 0.1% have some genetic difference(s) which makes them resistant to the antibiotic. If those resistant staph bacteria are viable, they survive, reproduce and pass down that antibiotic resistence to their progeny.
Thus we say the bacteria has evolved to be antibiotic resistant. And we don't mean that the individual bacteria evolved, but the population of bacteria did. And the population evolved because of the fatality of the antibiotic in their environment.
Let's just say, for the sake of argument that there is a population of unicellular organisms which face some environmental pressures which kill all the organisms in a population but spare a mutant variation which has sticky membranes. The sticky membranes allow the unicellular organisms to stick together in bunches...something very much like a multi-cellular organism. Then subseqent pressures cause a variation which has more specialized components to survive and reproduce. Sure, nobody was around to witness this evolution, but the theory makes a lot more sense than "God did it and if you disagree you should be drawn and quartered!" Plus, as has been mentioned, we have evidence in the form of the fossil record to bolster the theory.
Now, if you are nice, I'll explain how the analysis of the DNA of individuals in related populations can be used to read the record backwards to provide a factual basis for determining when species evolved and what other species they evolved from. But only if you are nice.
JohnQP |
12.29.05 - 10:10 am | #
JohnQP;
Perhaps when Mr. Shoelimpy has contracted some particularly virulent strain of the flu because none of the "Stupid scientist" vaccines are current he can try praying for a cure.
Democommie |
12.29.05 - 10:31 am | #
General! Sir!
Reporting, sir! I was intrigued by shoelimpy's remark that some of us "...should be drawn and quartered", so I tried it out on some friends.
Me: "You should be drawn and quartered"
Artist Friend: "What's that?"
Me: [gave description]
Artist Friend: "Ewwwwww! I thought you meant someone should draw me!"
Me: "You should be drawn and quartered"
Techie Friend: "Did you take your med's today?"
Me: "Yes"
Techie Friend: "What are you taking now?"
Me: [description]
Techie Friend: "When's your next appointment? You should tell your doc you've been feeling hostile"
Me: "You should be drawn and quartered"
Friend: "LOL"
Me: "You should be drawn and quartered"
Techie Friend 2: "You should be hanged!"
Me: "You should be drawn and quartered"
Friend: "Why would you say something like that?"
Me: "Some ID troll wrote it on the General's site"
Friend: "Why would he write something like that?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe that's why I'm saying it to all my friends to see how they react!"
Friend: "Damned trolls!"
Me: "Yeah!"
Interesting, a site that exists to mock Jesus and America, and a regular poster calls my boyfriend a troll! Um, honey, you are the troll, never forget that.
So Jill, how do people react to this site? It's really just a rip off of the JSM, isn't it? Reverend Monkey and the gang? Do you enjoy the reactions you all get from the stuff you post?
You're ALL trolls, my God you even admit it. LOL!
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 1:35 pm | #
Oh, for goodness sake, Annie's off her meds and on the bottle again.
Annie, you must not stop taking the Disulfiram.
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 1:46 pm | #
Huh.
Do you not admit to being false Christians? Does that not make you trolls? This entire site is designed to upset Christians and make unbelievers laugh by doing so.
Classic troll, not even a parody troll, your hate is too obvious. And the medication cracks are not only childish but a classic troll comeback.
I suggest laying off the military stuff, it's not funny and you're not good at it. I also suggest REPENTING, because you sinners are pissing Jesus off with your unfunny antics.
"You expect me to believe that evolution happens through natural coincidences, and yet you present me no evidence that a group of protozoa are one day going to decide they want to spontaneously form into an organic multicellular organism. I've seen no peer-reviewed articles demonstrating this is a FACT."
I've seen no articles--peer reviewed or otherwise--that state this premise AT ALL. Science makes no comment on what triggers the causes of evolution. Mammals evolved as the dominant paradigm because the Earth cooled off. Why did the Earth cool off? That is a completely different question, and it is completely tangential to the FACT that reptiles lost the evolutionary battle for world dominance because they couldn't handle the colder weather.
"The fact of the matter is, these sort of things don't just happen. They are planned. Period."
The fact of the matter is that this is not a scientific hypothesis in any way, shape or form. It is not proveable, not falsafiable, and not supported by any observed data. Could it be true? Possibly. Is it worth discussing? Maybe.
But it can't be "scientific" because it's very construction falls outside the boundaries of the scientific method. As such, it does not belong in my kid's science classes any more than subordinate clause punctuation or Attic Greek optative mood syntax belong in her math classes. It's totally irrelevant.
I'm sorry to break this to you, but science exists to observe the natural world and postulate testable causes for these observations. It does not exist to coo in awe of your beliefs and gush over how brilliant and right you are. it just doesn't.
If you want that reaction, I suggest a dog. I highly recommend an Austrailian Shepherd.
Dorothy |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 2:16 pm | #
Jill and WhattheH: I wouldn't know personally, of course, but I understand that getting rid of crab lice can be notoriously difficult. Unlike with some vile and persistent pests, lice infestation simply can't be ignored until it goes away on its own.
I further am advised that serious delousing involves frequent applications of harsh treatments and avoidance of direct contact with the tiny buggers, which can be quite effective. Should this fail, however, more extreme measures may be necessary. Let us hope it doesn't come to that.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 2:20 pm | #
Jill and WhattheH have crabs????
Why would you tell things like that aobut your friends on here? That's not very nice, but it is very french. So are the crabs.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 2:43 pm | #
MzNicky, wise counsel as usual. It's much easier with mice, rats and other such vermin because cats are so effective at catching, destroying and regurgitating in one small package - cats that aren't familiars of course. Dorothy, I'm sure Australian shepards are equally effective.
It's difficult when one is dealing with these types of persistent infestations. I must look into those caustic substances because lice just don't go away when you ask them nicely, especially those who have a direct line to WWJW.
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 2:46 pm | #
The existence of an Intelligent Designer is most definitely testable. Billions of people test it every day, and find that in fact there IS a Designer.
As for the unicellular organisms forming communities that turn into multicellular organisms, those are COMMUNITIES not actual multicellular organisms that can reproduce as multicellular organisms. How do they become actual multicellular SPECIES?
shoelimpy™ |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 2:48 pm | #
I hope you get it all worked out, WhattheH. Why don't you just go to the doctor? And if it's persistent, why dont you clean your house a bit? At least wash your sheets.
It's good that you are comfortable enough to talk about it I guess. I think it's kind of disgusting, but that's just my opinion.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 3:01 pm | #
WhattheH: Yes. In especially annoying cases, the more caustic the solution, the better. Some pests just cling and cling for dear life until finally the superior host, patience having been abused beyond endurance, must be forced to ban said parasitic vermin once and for all. My understanding is that it doesn't happen often around here, but it does happen.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 3:01 pm | #
MzNickey,
Strangely enough, I'm still having fun with the pests. I know I am funny that way. And now my friends are all wondering what is up with my talking about medieval execution methods. Always good to keep your friends on their toes!
Dorothy,
You are very wise! My cat Fuzz was a great mouser in his youth and would considerately eat the pests all up except for the tails, which he would bring to me with great pride. Not messy at all and he took such pride in his work!
JillK: Oh, it's fun, for sure! And I do so love seeing the General's comments numbers grow so incredibly high! It's just that sometimes nit-picking becomes rather tedious, and one yearns for more intelligently-designed creatures.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 3:19 pm | #
When you consider that shoelimpy knows
stuff the editor of the Oxford English
Dictionary does not even know, such as
the word 'contentful',you should give him the benefit of the doubt. It is also a known fact that the dinosaurs
became extinct during the great flood,
they shat so much that Noah threw them
overboard.
ciccio |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 3:24 pm | #
MzNicky, JillK, troops
I've run into a strange situation - Tag Team Lice. Can one solution take care of the problem, or must one submit to two or more caustic applications? Each lice has their own page...er.. I mean place in the universe, but they link to one another in infestation, harassment and itch techniques. When one of the lice doesn't get the required reaction, they call in the other for reinforcement. I suspect it's a plot to ensure constant infestation, at least while their attention span lasts. Do we need permethrin 1% solution to delouse?
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 3:25 pm | #
MzNickey,
"nit-picking"! Absolutely excellent!
WhattheH,
I'm sorry I called you Dorothy. Although I also like Dorothy's posts!
WtH: I think it's actually the same person. I'm guessing of the male persuasion—note how those legs look rather, well, manly, albeit hairless. They're drag-queen legs. Two blogs run by one guy who cross-posts to himself and then runs over to the General's site to fling bullshit repeatedly in hopes of getting more attention, since it must be awfully lonely to have not one but two blogs wherein no one else comments except your imaginary friend? Why not? Narcissism knows no bounds. And the ID regurgitation is just a piece of flotsam upon which to stay afloat.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 3:35 pm | #
Interesting how a meaningful debate on the validity of ID is degenerated into talk of lice and trolls by you people. If you don't have anything worthwhile to say, why don't you just not say anything at all?
shoelimpy™ |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 3:39 pm | #
MzNickey,
I agree. A fascinating case of psychopathology!
And look at his/her entry at 12.29.05 - 1:35 pm. She/He asks me a question and answers it herself/himself! A fascinating case, indeed.
You've heard of flea circuses, right? How about if we make a lice/louse circus? Might be fun, yes?
JillK
Fun, yes - but only if we can terminate the performers after the performance. We don't want to let them loose on an unsuspecting public. Those darned lice infestations are hard to control. Geez, makes me itchy just thinking about it.
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 3:56 pm | #
Shoelimpid,
You are not understanding the problem people have with I.D.
The question is not whether the universe was created by an intelligent designer.
That could be true. Many people believe it, and it can't be disproved. I wouldn't bother arguing about it.
But, "is I.D. science?"
No, I.D. most certainly is not science.
Intelligent Design is an invention to push Darwin out of public schools.
The story of Charles Darwin is simply the study of Genius. He thought about the world differently than people that went before him, and revolutionized natural science. The idea of ignoring Darwin and ridiculing natural selection and evolution is just the type of intellectual dishonesty that the Fundies are rightly despised for.
And, I'll let you in on a little secret. The reason that Darwin's discovery doesn't fit into the literal interpetation of your Old Testament is simple.
The Old Testament is not literally true, and you Fundies know it. But, keep pretending, and maybe the man in the sky won't send you to Hell.
Maybe. What have you got to lose, right?
Goof Balls.
Capability Jones |
12.29.05 - 3:57 pm | #
Jill: Oh goody! I love the circus. But can lice be trained, like fleas?
I think you're correct, too, that we're dealing with more than a borderline personality disorder. Perhaps it's multiple-personality disorder, or even schizophrenia.
In any event, even the mentally deranged can be taught to perform the simplest of tricks! How about a high-wire act, for starters?
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 4:00 pm | #
shoelimpy,
Since your response wasn't so very nasty, I'll reply. You ask how a community of unicellular organisms becomes a multi-cellular organism. The answer is endosymbiosis. Symbiosis is when two or more different organisms cooperate for the benefit of both. Lichen is a good example, being made up of algae and fungus. The algae creates sugars from photosynthesis; the fungus provides a framework on which the algae grows and provides minerals leached from the substrate. Symbiosis can be quite strong, to the point where individual organisms cannot survive without each other. From there, there is essentially a little step to incorporating into one organism - if that provides an advantage. When the structures of the two organisms merge so one is inside the other, that is called endosymbiosis ("endo" means "inside").
Remember, we aren't talking about individual organisms evolving, we are talking about populations of organisms evolving over time in response to environmental pressure.
Incidentally, the initial groundbreaking work in answering it came from Lynn Margolis in Massachusetts. She found that mitochondria, the energy-producing organelles in cells, were very much like blue-green algae - they even have their own DNA. It appears that somewhere along the line, blue-green algae became endosymbiotic with another organism and that partnership enabled the joint organism to have greater advantage in the environment. Now, the descendants of those original algae are in all living creatures.
Now, if you continue to be nice, I'll explain how we know when certain species branched off using DNA. Do you know about DNA or do you need a primer there as well?
JohnQP |
12.29.05 - 4:03 pm | #
I believe that Annieangel and Shoelimpy are one and the same.
Both like to refer to their enemies as "loosers."
A coincidence?
I think not.
Capability Jones |
12.29.05 - 4:03 pm | #
He's my boyfriend, stoopid.
I wish Mcnizzy and Jill would take their hygeine problems to IM. They're cluttering up the topic.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 4:07 pm | #
CJ: JillK and I have surmised as much. "They" also misuse the pronoun "its," insisting upon inserting that unnecessary apostrophe when it's not needed. We needn't even go into the making up of words, as ciccio noted earlier.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 4:09 pm | #
You all are the same person, where's this "general"? Why doesn't he ever post? Yet you all are here all the time....
What you are doing is yet another troll tactic to those lurking, discredit the poster you can't debate.
It's a common thing for trolls such as these admitted trolls here to do. They're not very creative. But they are damned to hell.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 4:12 pm | #
MzNicky:
Yes, I never heard of a couple so close that they shared exactly the same grammar mistakes. Two stupid people together is believeable, but I never heard of cloned stupidity.
Annie/Shoe must be a real "looser" to pretend to be different people.
Capability Jones |
12.29.05 - 4:16 pm | #
Capability, Mz Nicky also believes that. My dime is on tag team wrestling. Both have web sites, which have cross links. Both like appearing in provocative poses (what's that called? exhibitionism? Bet Jesus loves that.). My own perspective is that they are brother/sister, husband/wife, lovers, or all of the above. Any which way, they are lonely travelers in search of a home, and are desperate to have people click on their hompage.
MzNicky, I think that's one of the other steps - admitting my sins?
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 4:17 pm | #
OT, sorta, but did the General ever get that Plasma TV? He deserves it more than ever.
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 4:24 pm | #
MzNickey, Capability, WhattheH and troops,
Yes, let's see what tricks we can make 'em do! So far we have projection, moral superiority, ad hominum attacks and now delusions of omnipotence. What fun! Let's get 'em up on the high wire next!
And after the fun is over, most definitely termination!
Jill: They've also got tenacity—or is it simply masochism?—down pat.
The balancing act is pretty good, so perhaps they'll be ready for the high-wire act soon. First, though, I'm a little concerned about the tendency to veer off course and run smack-dab into immovable objects without realizing it. There's also that unfortunte Tourette syndrome-ish habit of jerking about uncontrollably and emitting vile screechings for no apparent reason.
We still have our work cut out for us in terms of training and discipline.The General's spatula guy could be of assistance, but he'd probably just smash the little beasts to pieces. Perhaps when termination time rolls around.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 4:49 pm | #
Don't you have anything else to talk about? Like the topic of the thread? Get your game on girls, this is a parody site isn't it?
Mczinny gives me way too much attention. I guess there isn't much going on in her life. :-( I'd tell her to find Jesus, but she knows she needs to and is refusing. So there's nothing I can do but wait until Judgement Day so I can watch her french ass get toasted.
It's sad to watch their lame insults get lamer....but that's what happens when you get angry, darlink.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 5:01 pm | #
MzNickey,
Yes, the attention they get hooks them and pulls them in. But there I go again mixing metaphors!
I also forgot to mention that we had sterling examples previously of all-or-nothing thinking, mis-labeling, overgeneralization, misleading vividness and jumping to conclusions... wait a second! I think we have a full set from Group I! Who would have thought?
JillK
Chances are that the louse and partner are busily preparing themselves for Vespers so will not be responding. I sorta like the prayer (or psalm) that says:
"If you took notice of our transgressions, Lord - Lord, who would be left?" but I don't suppose lice read or if they do, don't understand. Ah well, I'm merely an old hack on a twelve step program for my addiction to lice baiting.
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 5:20 pm | #
Jesus Street Ministries. Reverend Monkey. They did this on Beliefnet, waaaay better than you all. You are trying real hard to copy them, but you can't hold a candle to their satire.
Even though they will burn in hell for their sins, pride, mockery and too many more sins to list, at least they were funny and original, and NEVER this totally lame.
Annie,
Are you still naked? Are you naked for the Lord or naked for people on the internets? Why are you always naked? What do you have against clothes? Do you have to sit on a towel? What happens when you squeak out a wet fart? Do you suffer from the heartbreak of psoriasis? Are you using a tartar control toothpaste? Have you thought of refinancing your loan thru ditech.com?
Jackie_O |
12.29.05 - 5:38 pm | #
Jackie_O,
I think WhattheH is right and we have scared off the pests. We may never get the answers to our questions. Too bad! I really wanted to learn about that rock!
It means you should find another site to post on where people won't remember the idiot you are making of yourself here.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 6:25 pm | #
I once had a female dog that should have been a winner in every way - beautiful coat, great teeth, wonderful pedigree - but damn, she had a nasty, demanding, self important temprament. Unfortunately, because of the temprament, she never came first in any show category (nor second, nor third - I did have a lovely terrier who won, but that's another story). Of course, I couldn't put her down, but I dared not breed her either. I loved that dog till the day she died, but she never loved me. Sad? Yeahfusure. The memory of her reminds me of the current lice infestation. You want to extend your hand, then it gets bitten, then you get nasty SDIs.
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 6:34 pm | #
Oh good Lord. I go to eat dinner and look what happens.
Jill, darling. I fear our hopes for circus-training may have been premature. It seems annlimpy suffers from attention deficit disorder, on top of everything else. It can't even remember the names of the General's troops from one regurgitation to the next, so the high-wire act is definitely out. Plus it's discourteous and insubordinate. Up with how much disgraceful behavior shall we put?
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 6:36 pm | #
As much as you dish out, Nizzle.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 6:37 pm | #
WhattheH,
I know what you mean. The sad part is that they really don't know, so can't get help to change. And they sure as hell don't change without help.
Thankfully, the bites are harmless on-line! And at least we have learned that annie and shoelimpy are the same person. That's something!
MzNickey,
I've gotten quite a bit out of my little exchanges with annie/shoelimpy. But I agree that the usefulness of such exchanges is now diminishing rapidly. Plus, both "annieangel" and "shoelimpy" have extensive records on line for data mining.
Delusional attempt to misdirect.
Shoelimpy/Annieangel showing signs of increasing hostility. Check.
Jackie_O |
12.29.05 - 6:44 pm | #
Soory ladies. Came in late.
Jackie_O |
12.29.05 - 6:46 pm | #
I wonder if Annie and Limp-diky are posting from the same IP address?
Did anybody notice the nude broad on Annie's blog looked alot like that Axis Shrugged girl?
Capability Jones |
12.29.05 - 6:48 pm | #
Seriously speaking here, during my tour of duty in the psych ward in nursing school, I saw some really spooky stuff, and this is spooky and a little scary.
Jackie_O |
12.29.05 - 6:53 pm | #
LOL! The only hostility I see is coming from you all. Why is that? Why do you hate me, and by extension, Christ?
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 6:53 pm | #
And let me ask you a question, maybe the General can answer it, why do you troll people who come to your blog? Why can't you handle differing opinions?
It is very immature, you know.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 6:54 pm | #
Do you people ever say anything that means something?
Pathetic what some people will do to get attention.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 6:56 pm | #
CJ: Seen one slut-for-Jesus, seen 'em all.
Pathetic what some people will do to get attention.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 6:56 pm | #
Yes, such as mocking Jesus and the American military for attention, that's just pathetic, don't you agree?
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 6:57 pm | #
"Why do you hate me, and by extension, Christ?"
++++++++++++++++
Don't confuse yourself with Him. It is basphemy, you know.
I don't understand your attitude. We are all fine upstanding republican neo-conservative Christians here.
Our hero is Jesus' General in the fight against Homos, brown people and liberals.
What more do you want?
Turn or burn, Biatch!
Capability Jones |
12.29.05 - 7:01 pm | #
Overweening and hostile demands to be validated, check.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 7:02 pm | #
Yawn, Jones. I'm still waiting for my apology, btw.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 7:03 pm | #
You hate God's servants and therefore you hate God.
Your women are insubordiante and serioulsy in need of servicing. You being a man, Jones are in control of those two, "ladies."
Put flags over their faces, and do it for France!
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 7:06 pm | #
Troops,
It is time for me to vamoose homeward. I just wanted you to know that this thread has been very valuable to me. Your help has been invaluable more than you will know for another month or so!
The humor, intelligence and cooperation here is why I love this blog and its commenters... in a very not-manly, heterosexual way, of course! You people are the best!
Carry on only if you are enjoying the baiting. If not, then at ease!
You are the one who was writing about how drunk you were? What do you think a drunkard is?
I thought your alter ego, Limpy, was ranting about how "he" is an I.D. scientist. My post about that subject was ignored by you "two."
Here it is again. (Sorry).
+++++++++++++++++
Shoelimpid,
You are not understanding the problem people have with I.D.
The question is not whether the universe was created by an intelligent designer.
That could be true. Many people believe it, and it can't be disproved. I wouldn't bother arguing about it.
But, "is I.D. science?"
No, I.D. most certainly is not science.
Intelligent Design is an invention to push Darwin out of public schools.
The story of Charles Darwin is simply the study of Genius. He thought about the world differently than people that went before him, and revolutionized natural science. The idea of ignoring Darwin and ridiculing natural selection and evolution is just the type of intellectual dishonesty that the Fundies are rightly despised for.
And, I'll let you in on a little secret. The reason that Darwin's discovery doesn't fit into the literal interpetation of your Old Testament is simple.
The Old Testament is not literally true, and you Fundies know it. But, keep pretending, and maybe the man in the sky won't send you to Hell.
Maybe. What have you got to lose, right?
Goof Balls.
Capability Jones |
12.29.05 - 7:10 pm | #
Annie,
I just had a chance to check your web site. I invest in a Gilette real fast. Those hairy legs are gruesome.
And Shoe/whatever, it's time for some underwear and some decent Christian clothes.
I did have a Christian upbringing so I was taught to love you and turn the other cheek, but you are testing my resolve.
Grimey, don't take this the wrong way (especially if the wife is reading)) but I love you! in a most manly non-man heterosexual way!
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 7:43 pm | #
LOL! You think you're baiting us??
Now Jones, having a few drinks at Christmas doesn't make a girl a drunkard. Your mother on the other hand.....
Since it's obvious you aren't going to apologise to me, I'll pray to Jesus that you may lose the sin of pride.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 7:47 pm | #
WhattheH,
Thank's. Next time your in town we'll head over to Moe's and celebrate.
Annie/Limpy,
You know what your psychiatrist would say. Stop your obsessive stalking of commentators at Jesus' General, and refusal to take responsibility for your unhealthy behavior.
Jackie_O |
12.29.05 - 7:57 pm | #
Commentators? You're lame parody trolls who can't even keep up your parodies! You're sinners of the worst kind, and you think that somehow you're cool and funny! I mean at first, I found this place while full of filthy sinners, to have the potential for a few laughs here and there. We Christians can laugh at ourselves, unlike you commies.
However, what I've found is a bunch of bitter old hens with no talent who attack all pretty girls who post here and a couple decent Christian men who must be slumming with said girls in exchange for oral favors.
I haven't had this much fun since I saw Foxy attack Seven Mile Sheila with ice skates one Friday night when I was a kid.
Annie, I hope you are a real, real, real good Christian because you have a lot of laughing at yourself to do.
Bonne Annee and peace and good will to women.
Frank Grimes |
12.29.05 - 8:21 pm | #
Laird in Heaven Above;
Bless this bridge in the name of the Two-In-One Troll who skulks below;
Bless His/Her gams, flashing freshly-scraped flesh above taunt-me pumps;
Bless Babel and her far-flung tongue-twisters, stomping words into a pair of mecium that wriggle rather than reek;
and Bless us, Laird, with a Crusade to rally every latent australopithicene to Your Side, hair-shirts freshly hung out to dry, chanting in snake's tongues and lying when it seems the least bit advantageous.
Intelligent Designers prefer pink.
The Lamb of God requires blood.
Proof? Proof?
A bit of the Sun's energy trapped for a moment by clay.
Heaven? Sun.
Hell? None.
Amen.
the Rev. Jerry Gloryhole |
12.29.05 - 8:28 pm | #
When does the humor start....I've been waiting....
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 8:35 pm | #
Darling Rev. Jerry: What WhattheH said to Grimey above.
Let's hope and pray to the dear La(i)rd above that this helps The Thing see the Light. Just in case, I've got the handlin' snakes at the ready.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 8:36 pm | #
You've got a way with words, Rev. Your silver tongue could entice millions into your fold. Millions of dollars, that is. You could give Scientology a run for the money, in more ways than one.
Celebrities. You need to recruit celebrities. Forget about Cruise and Travolta; they're hopeless homos. Paris Hilton? Let the Kabbalahs have her. Oprah? Bingo! She's got the fanbase, baby, and it could be yours too. Give her a few wacky medals and make her some sort of high priestess. The checks will practically write themselves after that.
John |
12.29.05 - 8:44 pm | #
Lawd in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy Kingdom come upon the Heathen as it is i n Heaven in a fiery torrent of Your Wrath.
FIRE!!!!
The vile French Atheistical Commie Would-Be Christian Sycophants are coming towards the Gate. St. Peter is there in all of his GLORY! Do they think that they can overcome the VENGEANCE of the LORD OF HOSTS??? Oh foolish mortals, Sweet Baby Jesus weeps with laughter at your insipid inanity.
SEND MONEY!!@!@!@!!!!!
Its time to bust out the Wig-Bars, ladies and gents? Anybody Kick Satan for Jesus lately? Its time to stop living on Easy Street and move it on to the Jesus Street!
Give me ten Hail Marys and a Hallelujah! Done it? Good! Go to Hell you EVIL PAPIST SINNER!!!!
Did I mention FIRE!!!!!!
And don't forget to SEND MONEY!!!!! The more money you send, the more blessings God you will receive from God. Take this gentleman right here. He gave up his house, sold his car and almost lost his family because he just couldn't stop sending money! The next thing you know he is discovered by a talent scout in Los Angeles and now he is a MILLIONAIRE MOVIE ACTOR!!!! I would tell you his name but if you can't figure it out for yourself, well, you're SATANICISTICAL!@!@!@!@!!!!!
Oh Holy Holy Father, thank You for giving us the greatest gift of all: Sweet Baby Jesus. Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, you are the Sweetest Baby of them all. Thank you for giving us your flesh and blood that we might live in your death.
Okay, that's it. Sorry troops, I've lost it. I've had health issues, with which most of you have assisted by either kind words or remedies. I've tried to be a real trooper, but this is beyone the pale, so please excuse the rant.
"You're sinners of the worst kind, and you think that somehow you're cool and funny!"
Annie: we never, not once, not in any thread indicated that we were cool or funny - quite the opposite - we all indicated adherence to the Republican way. Nor did we ever indicate that we were pure, so what the hell is your problem? And who died and made you God?
"I mean at first, I found this place while full of filthy sinners, to have the potential for a few laughs here and there. We Christians can laugh at ourselves, unlike you commies."
Annie, my goodness, whatever gave you the idea that this site was full of filthy sinners and commies? We all pledge allegiance. And MyDear, who died and made you God? Remember - Judge not, lest ye be judged. What is a filthy sinner anyway? Is it someone who posits an opinion, or someone who posts a suggestive - semi-pornographic picture on the world wide wed of oneself?
However, what I've found is a bunch of bitter old hens with no talent who attack all pretty girls who post here and a couple decent Christian men who must be slumming with said girls in exchange for oral favors.
Gosh, I never thought I was a bitter old hen, nor did I ever consider JillK, MzNicky, Blanche, Terry and the other non men old hens, We are actually of various ages. I must admit, from my perspective, I did not find you an attractive personality, but that had nothing to do with your looks. I've visited your website exactly one time, and have been treated to a vision of your legs, body spreadeagle. Jesus and your mother would be proud, n'est-ce pas.
"with no talent" That is actually a grossly ignorant statement. You have no idea who posts on this site, but we now know all about you.
"who attack all pretty girls who post here"
Strange, my computer manufacturer forgot to put the Pretty Identification key on it. Damn!
" and a couple decent Christian men who must be slumming with said girls in exchange for oral favors."
Annie, we're bitter old hens, remember, so how can we be girls?
Major Woody, Capability, Demo, John, John Q, Chico, 88, Col, and the rest of the manly troops - not sure to whom she's referring, but please, Identify yourself!
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 8:47 pm | #
MzNicky-
Those who open their eyes see.
Mmm...snakes.
Hugs & kisses, and may you and yours have the best year ever.
Sometimes, I drive through Johnson City.
Viva Tennessee!
the Rev. Jerry Gloryhole |
12.29.05 - 8:48 pm | #
Playing the victim. Check.
JillK. |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 8:53 pm | #
Oh poor WhattheH! She can't handle it when those she mocks actually speak up and defend America and God.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 8:53 pm | #
Read this from Annie/shoe's comment section from her website:
Shoelimpy™ said...
While masturbating to his own sick fantasies beside a tree as Cliff is about to have his head chopped off, Wandering Pig Effer is impaled by Sir Shoelimpy's broadsword and thrown into the air. Pig Effer's fall is broken by a nearby pig trough, where is almost eaten by a swarm of starving hogs until it is revealed that the Queen Pig is actually his mother.
She saves his life and he begins suckling at her teat crying about how mean Sir Shoelimpy is and lamenting his sorry state of affairs. "I could have been a Crusader!" he wails.
In the background the crowd cheers as Cliff is decapitated. Sir Shoelimpy sweeps Princess Annie off of her feet and carries her into the castle.
She blogs on a site run by a 17 year old kid in the UK too. Hope his mother is looking over his shoulder. She leaves no doubt as to her temptations...oops, I mean intentions with her gravatar.
Annie,
You reveal way too much about yourself.
Jackie_O |
12.29.05 - 8:53 pm | #
What's wrong with you people? Isn't any of you ready to get down and funky for the Lawd? Come on, people, let's get this party started! This isn't just any party, this is the best sort of party there is. A JESUS PARTY!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
Jesus Funky Christ we love you. I pray to you that the Heathen would too. Then they could join OUR Party and get into the groove of God's Grace.
Rev. Gloryhole: No kidding!! the Tri-Cities area is my old stompin' ground! Well hay-ell, I'm only a hop-skip-and-jump from JC -- you must let me know the next time you're down this a way, and we'll share a chalice of consecrated wine!
Did you know that there are representatives of the 12 Apostles alive today? There are! George W. Bush is their leader, he is the modern day Peter. These are men who have truly overcome their worldly forms and touched the FACE OF GOD. Now they speak with the authority of Christ.
ANYONE who disagrees with them or criticizes them IS SATAN. They must be beaten and FORCED TO ENLIST in the Armed Forces in Iraq if they wish to continue on living because otherwise they are just fake hypocrites who LOVE THE DEVIL!
Do YOU LOVE THE DEVIL? If you don't, make your voice known.
INTELLIGENT DESIGN IS FUN!!!! Come on, Kids, let's talk about how Dinosaurs were conceived out of GOD'S ANUS! It isn't just an ANUS, it's the HOLIEST ANUS EVER!!!!! (Except for Jesus's anus. They are of EQUAL GREATNESS!!!!!!!!!!)
Sweet Baby Jesus cries when he thinks about the dinosaurs. Before he was born and he was a PROTO-SWEET BABY JESUS he would wake up every morning, run outside and play frisbee with his dinosaur pals. But then they didn't know how to get on an ark and they died.
Folks, folks, we have lost sight of our divinely ordained purpose. In our blind fumbling to find some kind of contentful point to annie's/shoelimpbiscuit's rants, we forgot to entertain her/him/it/them.
Forgive us, Ansholimp! Have mercy on your unworthy servants! We promise to be funny, honest!
Um...two Rabbis walk into a bar...and...they meet two gay firemen wearing red suspenders...and...um...and they hold their pants up...um...knock-knock?
Dorothy |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 9:06 pm | #
I love you Shoe! In a totally unmanly way!
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 9:07 pm | #
Oh, annie/limpy;
the Lord loves it when you root through my pockets for change.
Dig! Dig!
Dear Friends, the Big Man is callin'!
When the Fire comes, when the strip mall turns to flamin' jelly, are you gonna call T. Rowe Price and add to your Roth?
No!
Get ahead of the Abrupt Climate Change Curve!
The Church of Universal Love & Truth feels your pain, and is here for you.
The rich man can't buy a pin in the haystack of Heaven, so unburden yourself! Call! Listeners are waitin', sittin' here with their ears a-burnin' to unburden you, Mr & Mrs John Smith, so help them help you by lightening your load.
The sky will be like fire!
Seven this, and twelve that, proven by Scripture!
We can help.
We weep with joy.
Our accounts are your accounts.
No charge for the snakes.
the Rev. Jerry Gloryhole |
12.29.05 - 9:07 pm | #
This is a special message for all of the
SINNERS
ATHEISTS
SATANISTS
LIARS
and
FOOLS
out there who refuse to accept our LORD and SAVIOR Jesus Christ into their hearts. You might think you have gone too far, there is no turning back, you can't be forgiven for the things you've done. I am here to tell you the GOSPEL of CHRIST
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO LOVE JESUS!
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO ACCEPT JESUS INTO YOUR HEART!
Pray to God today, pray that he enter your SOUL that you might be SAVED!
And don't forget to SEND MONEY!!!!
Anonymous |
12.29.05 - 9:10 pm | #
The anonymous was me. THE POWERS OF SATAN are STRONG tonight.
Projecting? No, it's called copy and paste. It's on your website. Projection would be if I were to pretend to be a Christian, pose nude on a website, then accuse others of being the devil, evil papist sinners, etc.
Jackie_O |
12.29.05 - 9:17 pm | #
Did you ever hear about the man who was God?
Yeah, man, he was a real cool cat. He walked and he talked and he shat just like you and me.
But he was God, man, he was God.
His name was Jesus, born in Bethlehem, ya dig? Out there by Israel way, make a right at the Big Dipper and you can't miss it.
He was the greatest, man, he loved you and he loved me. He was the Son of Man and the Son of God.
But we killed him, man, we killed him. You and me, we did the deed. We thrust the needle, we pulled the rope. We killed him, man.
We're sinners, ya dig? We're bad people, ok??? We don't deserve to live, let alone live on in Heaven.
But God, he loves us. He loves us, man, he loves us so much that he gave his only begotten son. He's the PERFECT MAN, ya dig? He cannot sin, he cannot lie he cannot cheat he cannot steal. That's the thing, man. He didn't have to die on a cross, but he did! For you AND for me!
And now we live a blessed life WASHED in HIS BLOOD. Breathe in the BLOOD, boy. Feel it on your face, on your hands, in your nostrils. THIS IS YOUR SALVATION! ya dig?
Preach it Shoe!! That Jackie-O is projecting so much I fear for her sanity!! Preach Jesus into her filthy soul!
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 9:26 pm | #
Amen, drippy shoe-person.
That's what we love about God the most!
Even if we hang sad men by the arms until they suffocate,
even if we teach 14-year-olds in the dark how to make love to candles;
it's all right with God if we just repent.
Repent!
Whew. That was easy.
Silver and gold are, of course, preferrable...
the Rev. Jerry Gloryhole |
12.29.05 - 9:27 pm | #
Flat fees, the General's all about flat fees.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 9:27 pm | #
This is nothing compared to Atrios, btw. When I'm allowed to post, the hits go over 1500 easy...because of trolls like you all. You dumbasses.
annieangel |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 9:29 pm | #
PRAISE JESUS!
PRAISE THE HOLY GHOST!
PRAISE GOD THE FATHER ALMIGHTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIRE!!!!!!
SEND MONEY!!!!!!!
FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!
JESUS POWER!
JESUS POWER!
JESUS POWER!
JESUS POWER!
JESUS POWER!
ROCK ON, OOOOOHHHHHHHH MY SOUL!
Anonymous |
12.29.05 - 9:32 pm | #
Rev. Jerry,
I'll give you some silver and gold as soon as John gives me my big bag o' cash!
You won't get away from me this time! George W. might have CRUISE MISSLES, but I am armed with JESUS MISSLES!!!!!!!
REPENT FOR FIRE!!!!!!!!!
What happened to the wigbar?
shoelimpy™ |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 9:36 pm | #
JESUS, I LOVE YOU!
GOD, I LOVE YOU!
I wanna live, forever! Take me up! Take me up!
FIRE!!!!
SEND ME SOME MONEY SO WE CAN ALL GO TO HEAVEN TOGETHER!
shoelimpy™ |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 9:39 pm | #
Oh, Jill;
The Flying Spaghetti Monster will take His Big Cut,
but I hear John has his hands on endless bags of troll gold!
Sacks of it!
Sorry, John. Access to the Internets guarantees Absolute Truth.
Off-line, though, I'm your biggest liar.
the Rev. Jerry Gloryhole |
12.29.05 - 9:46 pm | #
WhattheH,
Don't be dragging me into this! This is the first time that I have posted on this thread.
After reading all this bullshit, I need a good lie-down, and maybe a brain rinse.
Jesus, please help me forget what I have seen!
One thing before I go:"...decent Christian men...slumming...for oral favors."
I was not aware that *decent Christian* men would slum for a blow-job. Isn't that most un-Christ like? Or do you read a different Bible?
Disturbed by this whole mess...
Terry |
12.29.05 - 9:55 pm | #
Rev. Jerry,
Thank you. I kind of suspected John's pleading of poverty was a sham. O.K. John, let's have it!
Sadly, logical inconsistency is a hallmark of the disease. And it's quite bizarre to witness the decompensation. I think Democommie has a stash of brain bleach somewhere if that will help. I've used up mine.
Terry, deepest apologie to you, but there is another who posts here often, with the same identifier. I can understand your repugnance from reading this thread, but this is not a normal situation. Please do not judge the General's site from this thread. Come back, visit often, then make your decision. Again, profound apologies.
WhattheH |
12.29.05 - 10:40 pm | #
WhattheH: Terry's a veteran. She'll be back. And you have nothing to apologize for.
By the way, the General just banned the fuckers.
MzNicky |
12.29.05 - 10:47 pm | #
Satan? Pah! I scoff at the Antagonist.
Any deity who can't handle his own creation is an fool or a fag. We don't cotton to no girly gods around here.
Jeebus is packin and ready to whack!
Dorothy |
Homepage |
12.29.05 - 11:01 pm | #
Listen, so far I think I've been a good sport about this, but when certain people start talking about my holy anus and comparing its greatness to dad's I really do have to put my foot down.
I don't care what it says, that crab louse is a damn liar.
That explains why all those good Christian girls in red states that only allow schools to teach abstinence are getting knocked up at a higher rate than their blue state counterparts. Clearly the embryos were spontaneously generated, thus assuring that all these young ladies are still virgins. That also explains how my wife got pregnant when I was on a one-year deployment. Maybe I can have our divorce overturned.
This is pilpul in all its horror: a chicklet born in a henhouse could've just appeared, because after all, did you see it gestate?
Why do I feel all crawly after reading this?
"That also explains how my wife got pregnant when I was on a one-year deployment."
Now I'm confused again. Evidently, the fact that no one has seen worms generated spontaneously does not prove that this is not happening. OK, I get that. I could have given a more interesting example myself, and used this reasoning to explain the time my wife caught me in my workroom with a ferret in my boxers, but that's another story entirely.
General,
General! Sir!
I feel your pain, Demmo.
Sir, it is my painful duty to point out that crabs are not kosher. Those Lubavitcher types are not permitted to get them.
Mel Gibson discusses his views on evolution. 
News Flash:
are we not all in the dark because funding for the texas supercollider was cut?
Gen Sir.
General, Demo, and FOG's (friends of the General's),
My New Breakfast Problem
That should be CCSI:KC, of course, and I would not have been anonymous if I left my cookies alone.
Dear General,
Honey and hot lemon fixes a sore throat (real honey and real lemon juice, not the powdered flavourings you get in some medicines).
am a biologist and not into any dogma, abrahamic [i.e.judaeo-christian-islamic], eastern, darwinian etc. i believe science should hold on to any of its own 'dogmas' only as a temporary device, until its relentless pursuit of exclusive cause and effect pairings begin to uncover anomalies in the current dogma and either overturn or greatly modify it.
I smelt the effect of spontaneous generation on a crowded subway a few months back. Nothing intelligent about it.
Vote Murtha! Vote for John as 'most attractive to gay voters' for President '08. 
God™®damn, I love this blog.
A. Mitra.
So, that's where Republicans come from! I knew that they couldn't've been born from an act of love.
Sir, General Sir,
"CCSI: Topeka has the right ring to it." Mentis Fugit
Yes, CSI:Topeka.
Intelligent design is the truth. I have read peer-reviewed articles on it in a number of scientific journals, why are my children not allowed to learn about it in school but they are allowed to be lied to about how they are descended from some damn dirty apes?
I had the bug starting about a week and a half ago, here in San Jose, CA. 4 days of a roller coaster of dying followed by not too bad, dying again, then in a ~two week process of slow recovery w/ lots of phlegm, no ID required. anyone w/ a pair and no social life or job can just chew on raw garlic continuously
General! Sir!
General Sir:
General, sir,
Comrade shoelimpy,
"I ask you this, if all the blind men in the world produced peer-reviewed articles claiming that grass was blue, would you believe them?"
Ummmm....define winning, please.
"We have eyewitness testimony of Intelligent Design."
I also suggest REPENTING, because you sinners are pissing Jesus off with your unfunny antics.
When you consider that shoelimpy knows
MzNickey,
WhattheH, 
