Mon General

Le bizarre is the bete noir of stupidity and evil, non?

How well the presidential cretin sits on top of this perversion.
corporal waldo | 02.10.06 - 2:53 am | #

Well. Bolton nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm just trying to think of things that would make less sense:

A male prostitute becoming a trusted member of the White House press corps?

Tom Delay being placed on the House Appropriations Committee?

Mike Brown getting paid to tell people how to manage a crisis?

George Bush lecturing Americans on our "addiction to oil?"

All right, something is seriously wrong here. Must be me, I guess.
Major Woody | 02.10.06 - 2:57 am | #

Sir,

We should all send them our suggestions. Perhaps the bones and teeth of the graveyard occupants could be used as decorative yet functional structural elements in the new building?
melior in France | 02.10.06 - 3:52 am | #

"Inflaming passions" with some cartoons? You got to be dangerously insane to write death threats, burn buildings and murder people because someone on the other side of the world drew a cartoon. I'm fed up with people excusing this behaviour - there is no excuse for that, and all it does is lump together all muslims with the islamist assholes.
Stefan | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 4:05 am | #

...general sir,unbelievable,the nobel peace prize!it will look swell along side johns presidential medal of freedom...caught off gaurd in the bay state...
kingweasil | 02.10.06 - 5:35 am | #

General, sir,

And to top it off, the nutty "Holocaust is a myth" leader of Iran reportedly has his heart set on Armageddon, too. He believes that, only after there is enough death and destruction, then the Islamic savior will appear.

This leader of Iran is a member of a Shiite religious sect that believes an Imam who lived around 1200 a.d. was the messiah, who after Armageddon is unleashed, will return to slay all the enemies of Islam...kind of a mopping up messiah.

Lovely.

The way I figure it, sir, after Armageddon, there will be a whole lot of messiahs running around loose, what with all the religious sects in the world awaiting an all-powerful, killer messiah.

Which means...Messiah Convention time. Which might get a wee bit messy. What with all the lightning bolts, fissures in the hotel floors, swarms of locusts and stopped-up toilets.

Which is why I have taken out a Messiah Insurance policy, as I'm sure the lucky hotel hosting the Messiah Convention will do someday. Just in case.

Anyway, General, sir, why do all the followers of the world's many messiahs seem to think their's will ride into town like a member of the Hell's Angels, slinging his Harley chain of redemption around, roughing up the townspeople.

Hell, we need a messiah to save us from all the messiahs that are apparently heading our way.
TheOracle | 02.10.06 - 5:36 am | #

Muslims bury their dead?
I had no idea.
From the rantings of the Coulter-O'Reilly-Malkin faction I suspected that the Islamifasctists merely left their dead relatives in ditches to be consumed by vermin.
Muslims actually love and mourn like real people?
I must do more research before I accept this outlandish idea.
Capability Jones | 02.10.06 - 6:14 am | #

It's about time the darkie Mus-coms awake to a cold dose of reality. You can't promote tolerance without stepping on a few toes....
The Rear Admiral | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 6:30 am | #

General, Sir;

If I may be the lone voice of reason, here:

Stefan:

For KKKrist's sake, read the disclaimer on the right side of he box (currently opposite Michelle Mawlkin's lovely portrait). This is satire: sure, some of it drips venom like third world oil pipelines but, it's still satire. We, the General's loyal troops (okay, except me--I'm the Notimeforsergeant'sBilko of this man's army) do not take the deaths of folks lightly, including the literally dozens of so called "innocent" femmuscom, juviemuscom and infantamuscom deadender foreign fighters who have been the collateral damage of our "long war" in the Mid-EaUSAt.

Oh, fuck this, I gotta channel Anti-Christ Coulter for a moment. Stefan, when the most powerful nation on earth starts a war (for any or no reason) and bombs the beJesus out of other folks and is egged on and supported by the Israelihawk/USNeocon faction this sort of foolishness is bound to occur. Power-mad morons on both sides stoke the fire and then lament the conflagration.

Dangerously insane, no, seriously pissed is more like it.
democommie | 02.10.06 - 6:53 am | #

Oh shit General, are you kidding me? Our Glorious Christian Cultural leaders have this sort of behavior down to a science:

How about slashing taxes and increasing spending in the name of fiscal responsibility and balanced budgets.

Or blowing up abortion clinics because you believe in the "right to life."

Or starting wars to promote peace.

Or locking people up indefinitely and torturing them to spread freedom.

Or diverting as much money as politically possible away from public education in order to save it.

Or correcting media "bias" by paying journalists and public relations firms to spread propaganda.

I'd like to continue, and it would be a cinch to do so, but it's time for my head to explode.
The Venerable Ed | 02.10.06 - 7:52 am | #

Nothing douses the fires of satirical delight better than someone who feels compelled to explain it...
Jeff | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 7:54 am | #

General:

I'm curious. Does the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize get a years supply of mustache wax? Messr. Bolton could surely use such.

Beauty and brains in one dynamite combo. Anyone got info. on how I can get into his fan club?

Bart
Bartholemew Throckmorton IV | 02.10.06 - 7:55 am | #

Humankind would never learn tolerance if people were kind.

Good lord, if the sordid history of my species is to serve any purpose, it is to show that God wants his little children to learn to be tolerant of cross-species fornicators and ovin-devouring-gluttons.

One can only learn tolerance when one is provoked. The Israelis are absolute geniuses as they seek out innovative ways of trying to teach tolerance to their stubborn Muslim brothers.

That's why God saw fit to stick the Israelis in the middle of billions of Islamists. Episcopalians would never be this creative.
Mrs. Blanche Maison | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 8:11 am | #

Bart,

I hear that selling your soul still works. It did for me. And to top it off you get a really cool magic decoder ring as part of the deal. I just wish I hadn't broken mine. The warrenty sucks and I don't have another soul to sell to get a new one, so I'm still working on, "b-m-u-D." But I'll get it. I'll get it.

Pfc. John West (psycho ops)
John West | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 8:12 am | #

Matalin said as much on Sean Handjob's show last night (it's on Daily Kos).
Anyway, for those oif you tuning in late, I have MoDo's newest article up plus five new captions.
jurassicpork | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 8:18 am | #

Ah, all better now. Except for a few bits of stray brain matter on the monitor.

Anyway, I've had an epiphany. I'm ditching it all and going into politics. I'm going to run on a platform where my stated objective is always the exact opposite of my true intentions.

Anyone got Karl Rove's number handy?
The Venerable Ed | 02.10.06 - 8:28 am | #

VenEd -- It's 1-800-BLOWME. It's free for the first five minutes, then it costs $500,000 for every minutes afterwards, minimum call, 55 minuts.
MOJoe | 02.10.06 - 9:40 am | #

General Sir,

Do you think there is anyway we could promote building an Islamic cultural center at Auschwitz?

After all, the property really isn't being used for anything practical and they already have a heating system and a rail line to facilitate moving the visitors in and out.
Frank Grimes | 02.10.06 - 9:41 am | #

General SIr,

Your influence is immesurable.

Poor Mr. Beauprez has got his ass in a sling.

http://www.denverpost.com/news/c...news/ ci_3493290
Frank Grimes | 02.10.06 - 10:07 am | #

Frank,
You have to think about the investment capital for your idea. Where's it gonna come from? Not Iran!
Remember, Their Leader says that whole Holocaust thing didn't happen. Therefore, those rail lines go PAST, not into that facility.
Heating system? He says it's likely a Hollywood-type set.
So, wonderful idea, but it just won't sell.
Now I'm going back for another fix of foreign oil...
Budson | 02.10.06 - 10:15 am | #

Mon General,

Pairhaps ze Israelis, zey 'ope zat zese graves will open up and zen zey can open ze centair as a "poltairgeist amusement park?"

Compleet wizz ze 72 virgins for each Muslim?
actor212 | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 10:20 am | #

Actor 212;

Do you do Charles Boyer singing, "Thank Heaven for (72)little girls!"?

Venerable Ed;

The tinfoil helmet is a major help in the clean-up department.

Bart;

I think the backdoor to the Johnny Bolt-on Fan Club is still open, check with Scotty, Ken or Jeff.
Dildos Waggin | 02.10.06 - 10:31 am | #

General, Sir:

I appreciate the fact that our clear-as-Hannity's-drool-thinking lords at the Simon Wiesenthal Center believe that the best way to get Vince McMahon and Pay-Per-View to air WWE Ultimate WrestleManiaRawSmackDownSummerSlam: Teh GodWars is to build a "museum of tolerance" on top of the main Muslim cemetary in Jerusalem used by Muslims for over a millenium.

However, I feel this has not gone far enough to satisfy our Lord(s) and Savior(s) desire to smell what The Rock is cooking.

Therefore, I propose this immodest proposal: judging that we can never rest until there's a Wal*Mart SuperHyperOMGIt'sFrickinHuge-center every 3 city blocks much like that Frenchified Starbucks, we must build it on the nice set of unpaved flat land that makes the most sense:

Arlington National Cemetary.

It's what Republican Jesus and our suckers--I mean, soldiers would have wanted.
Plus, we'll have the graves inside the Arlington National Holy Wal-Mart so our fellow Americans can pay their respects as they fight over who gets the 128-load drum of Tide for $14.68.

Bless our cemetary-paving overlords.

Best Regards,
The tECHIDNA
The tECHIDNA | 02.10.06 - 11:14 am | #

Next, a Honey-Glazed Ham store at the Dome of the Rock.
blogenfreude | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 11:32 am | #

Frank Grimes

Catholic nuns were gung ho on slapping together some geodasic dome or treehouse or something adjacent to Aushwitz. This prayerful idea, though showing moxie, was met with rock hard oven baked resistence. Nuns lose.

Does anybody know if the financially strapped Halliburton has this grave robber contract?'
stinkeye | 02.10.06 - 11:39 am | #

[Hate edited out by patriotboy.

Sorry, Odin, but I'm a race-traitor. My family and I have received personal visits from your friends. We weren't impressed although we were fascinated by their arms (so long their knuckles dragged on the ground as they walked).

Oh, and I banned you too.

--patriotboy]


Odin | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 11:50 am | #

This museum will definitely teach them Mooslims tolerance: Tolerance to an even higher level of contempt and humiliation from their Zionist overlords. It's part of a tough love policy, which Our Leader encourages. That's why I think Army field hospitals in Iraq should be built smackdab in the middle of mine fields. If a soldier wants to to receive treatment for his wounds, that's fine. He just has to negotiate the mine-filled terrain surrounding the hospital to receive that care. That'll make him think twice before he tries to shirk his duty by getting wounded. It provides an incentive for him to quit whining about a punctured artery or a missing appendage and keep on fighting. This will also greatly reduce the burden that the government shoulders because there will be fewer disabled vets to treat back in the good old USA. This idea would also work well state-side if we did the same thing with pharmacies frequented by the elderly. How badly does gramps really need that insulin anyway?

Tough love capitalism is what I call it. It's time to let market forces control even more aspects of our privileged lifestyle. Makes me proud to be an American. God Bless The USA!
John | 02.10.06 - 11:54 am | #

stinkeye! -- is that who I think it is?

Amelia! Where have you been, girl?! Long time no see!
`
MzNicky | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 12:33 pm | #

General, Sir!

May I respectfully request that Odin's post (11:50 am) be stricken from the record and his ass be kicked out of here, Sir?
MzNicky | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 12:36 pm | #

General Sir-

About this John Bolton thing... I do believe he will win that prize, especially, if it comes down to a tie and they have to make a choice. The reason I believe this is that it's a scientific fact the people are swayed by a fantastically handsome face.

You have only to look at last weeks posts by our most senior (and I mean that as in rank- not age) non men officers. They were all googly eyed over dreamy Frenchman George Cloney. And he is our enemy!

Sir, our Great Leader has made an excellent choice in Mr. Bolton. When this peace prize/popularity contest is being decided you just know folks always vote for the best looking candidate. "Hot" is the new honorable.

Plus, I hear he sang a beautiful song when he took his new girlfriend, Nicholette Sheridan, to Coretta Scott King's memorial service. He's a shoe in.
WeCanFixThisMess | 02.10.06 - 12:46 pm | #

MzNicky,
Be gentle with Stormfront. I believe they are an affiliate of Fox news which eveyboby knows is an official agency of our government.
Sgt Dan | 02.10.06 - 1:17 pm | #

A dear friend summed it up years ago.

"The meek get nothing!"

Wearily,
Sgt Marks-a-lot | 02.10.06 - 1:25 pm | #

Sgt. Dan: It wouldn't surprise me. Nevertheless, bigoted assholes somehow cause me to lose my usual ladylike gentleness and reach instead for a head-thwacking shovel.
MzNicky | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 1:48 pm | #

Oy vey, oy vum
I see the bones of a dead Muslim
Be he a he or be he a her
I'll get an axe and dis-inter

And when the folks come here to pray
Let's hope it's not a Saturday
For Orthodox cannot do work
We have to hire local jerks

Hey there Marvin, hey there Lou
What is there that's left to do?
Should we also take a crap
Upon the bones while they all nap?

Israel, 'O Promised Land
No promise for Palestinians
Uh-oh, here come the Americans
To greet their Jesus and his bombs

So bring the kids, pack a lunch
Dig for bones and hear the crunch
History, for all to see
It's us or them, but never we

+++
mjs | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 1:51 pm | #

Careful there mjs- you're likely to get your embassy burned.
WeCanFixThisMess | 02.10.06 - 2:04 pm | #

General Sir, Permission to address the troops only mildly OT (comparatively), Sir,

Juan Cole has a wonderful storybook for all kids not qualified to join the General's ranks about the uranium from Niger. It has pictures! It would be very appropriate for use in a home schooling environment.

http://www.juancole.com/

mjs - I hope you do this for a living. Very, very nice work!

No child left behind,
Sgt Marks-a-lot | 02.10.06 - 2:05 pm | #

MzNicky

It's my hope that she was just very antisocial, purposely ditched her plane and she then became the queen of a cargo cult. Lots of little Hapa Amelias are still surfing the monster waves all over the South Seas.

Either that or she's the lostest nonman ever except for me.
`
stinkeye | 02.10.06 - 2:37 pm | #

I address Odin's thinking in my latest post.
patriotboy | 02.10.06 - 2:48 pm | #

Do you do Charles Boyer singing, "Thank Heaven for (72)little girls!"?

Dildos Waggin

But of courze, Ay am Franch! But you know, Ah mus' be careful Ay am not caught up in...'ow you zay, Megan's Law?
actor212 | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 3:14 pm | #

stinkeye --

(dreams, Amelia...dreams and false alarms)
`
MzNicky | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 3:35 pm | #

Sir,

Who could be more tolerant than dead people? Hell, you can piss on their graves, call them names, desecrate their shrines, whatever you want. And do they complain? Of ocurse not, their TOLERANT.

Now their damned intolerant children and relatives, well that's a whole 'nother story. I think this is the perfect plan to make of some their children and relatives more tolerant.... you know after you kill them in the violent protests.

A dead brown person is a tolerant brown person, that's my motto,

Zeb
Zeb | 02.10.06 - 3:36 pm | #

Sgt. Marks-a-lot;

I think John Lennon said something along the lines of, "If shit was worth money, the poor would not have arseholes."
Dildos Waggin | 02.10.06 - 3:38 pm | #

mjs - That was a masterstroke if I ever saw one.
::mwah:: | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 3:42 pm | #

Is there a Nobel prize for evil cynicism?

If there is, whoever came up with this idea is a sure winner.
Quaker in a Basement | 02.10.06 - 3:44 pm | #

Bolton? The Nobel Peace Prize? Please tell me this is a joke so I don't have to jump out a window.
jurassicpork | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 4:12 pm | #

Illegitimi non carborundum. Keep writing. I like reading it.

Shalom
mikey | 02.10.06 - 4:13 pm | #

... puts out a mattress for jurassic...
mikey | 02.10.06 - 4:15 pm | #

You have to admit, it gets even stranger when you learn that the ground-breaking ceremony was attended by, of all people, Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose embrace of all things stiff-legged, leather-clad and unconditionally loyal gave the whole thing just the perfect extra pinch of surrealism that it so desperately needed.

I'm just amazed that Pat Robertson isn't involved in this real estate deal, too.

And who nominated Bolton for the Nobel Prize, Terri Schiavo?
jurassicpork | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 4:18 pm | #

mjs: Je vous adore.
`
MzNicky | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 4:42 pm | #

Bolton? The Nobel Peace Prize? Please tell me this is a joke so I don't have to jump out a window.

Hey, if Henry Kissinger can win it, anyone can!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go listen to the sounds of whirring, rumored to be coming from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s grave...
The tECHIDNA | 02.10.06 - 4:52 pm | #

There has to be something like a Mengele War Prize...
Oskar Shapley | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 5:27 pm | #

General Sir,

I have read the mjs poem in this thread many times today and hope you will nominate him for the Nobel Literature Prize, sir.

Humbly facing North,
Sgt Marks-a-lot | 02.10.06 - 8:30 pm | #

General, sir,

I can't wait for the swimsuit portion of the Nobel Piece Prize competition, especially with Mssr. Bolt-on strutting his stuff.

What? This isn't that type of contest. Gee, and I thought Mssr. Bolt-on would be a shoe in for Mr. Congeniality.
TheOracle | 02.10.06 - 11:22 pm | #

I kinda wish that I had seen Odin's post, Sir --- so that maybe I could understand the ensuing uproar of the two wannabes in the next post.

'Cause having seen their "work" --- well, frankly, General, I ain't impressed.

But this "center for tolerance" --- General, Sir, this is where my idea for a Middle-Eastern wheelbarrow franchise comes in handy: Those motherfuckers must have huMONgous balls, and surely would need some relief from the lower-back strain.

Boggles the mind.
Anntichrist S. Coulter | Homepage | 02.10.06 - 11:33 pm | #

I didn't think I'd write a post when I edited Odin's comment. It was basically a standard stormfront post. The anti-Semitic charges come from a number of comments and emails I've recieved over the last few weeks.
patriotboy | Homepage | 02.11.06 - 12:33 am | #

"I know you jest, but I can think of one brutal atheist (...) Josef Stalin. His rule was considered by many to be terrifying. He's not a terrorist in the modern sense(...) Would you agree?"

No, sir. It is widely known that he was a very superstitious dude.
Well. It doesn’t make him better or worse. Arseholes exist on every creed. The problem here is the humanity itself.

Well, I am a secular humanist. I don’t feel any better or worse than anyone. But I also feel confy to mock any religion I want. Want to make fun of atheists? Please do, but don’t commit the sin to be just silly or unfunny.

Well, I admit: like Lennon, I think the world would be better without religions, but this is can only be true in a parallel universe.

Cheers,

Chico.
Chico, the Jesus Sargent | 02.11.06 - 6:32 am | #

So, I guess that you won't be doing a retrospective of the batshit-crazy e-mails that you get, Sir?

I mean, I'm sure that it would be funny on several levels, and surely entertaining, what with the general literacy levels of the usual trolls... but when the shit starts getting PERSONAL, well, then it's not so funny anymore. Especially when they turn to the stalking that you've mentioned.

But if you've got an IP address/physical address on that "Odin" character (how ironic tha the chooses one of the cooler Norse gods to represent such a lame-ass idiot) --- if you know how me & the pickup could find his ass, just holler.

Have tire-tool, will travel.
Anntichrist S. Coulter | Homepage | 02.11.06 - 2:39 pm | #

Hey, this story reminds me of something... oh yeah! The time Hamas turned an Israeli synogogue into a weapons museum to display weapons it has used to kill Israelis.

At least the Israelis are building something nice.
GaijinBiker | Homepage | 02.15.06 - 1:12 am | #

...would an Apartheid State actually elect Arabs to the Kenesset?...

What Apartheid?

http://indefenceoftherighteous.b...problem- as.html
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