Cpl. last time that happened to me, I instantly wanted to hear Streisand, and a bunch of Broadway musicals.
SeattleDan |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 1:46 am | #
General, sir,
But this movie would only appeal to all good Christian men, leaving all good Christian women high and dry. I mean, all good Christian men would flock to movie theaters to view a movie extolling faith-based prostate examinations practiced by certified bible college graduates, but what about the women?
I'd suggest that at each screening of Expelled 2: the Fingering, a faith-based breast examination booth should be set up in the lobby, giving good Christian women the joy of experiencing a faith-based laying on of the hands, but only for preventive purposes.
I once cracked open a bible, so I'd like to offer my services as a certified faith-based breast examiner. Praise Jeebus. Just let me know when and where, sir. I'll even offer my faith-based breast examination services pro boner...er, bonobos...er, bono.
The Oracle |
03.26.08 - 5:58 am | #
This Myers is a SQUID doctor?!? Why would anyone want to go doctoring on a squid? Do people keep these things as pets, and they call the doc if they get sick? Why not just chop it up and eat it and get a healthy new one? The Greek immigrants here eat squid all the time. And octopus. I could tell you what the Greeks do with octopus, but this is a Christian blog, so I will forbear. And they expect people to eat it after that?
Bukko in Australia |
03.26.08 - 8:25 am | #
Speaking of probing examinations, did you see what CBS did to Hillary last night?
I take the existence of Ben Stein as a fairly direct piece of evidence against any sort of Intelligent Design.
kimopizza |
03.26.08 - 9:04 am | #
I second what kimopizza said.
pissed off patricia |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 9:37 am | #
Sir! Yes Sir!
And get Freddy to star as the totally Christian-educated, faith-based fingererererer....
Woops.
Kinda like expelling non-believers from your movie - hard to know when to stop.
fluffybunnyfeet |
03.26.08 - 10:28 am | #
leaving all good Christian women high and dry.
Expelled 3 should begin with a fact-based expose of how doctors are the vanguards of the homosexual agenda (with clips from Expelled 2). Then the question: What happened to the nurses? Then we expose the real cause of the nursing shortage: huge numbers of nurses are being held on a desert island against their will! And being forced to almost continuously slather each other with sunscreen! And that's when the good Christian women in the audience will begin to be less "high and dry."
MarkC |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 10:49 am | #
Oh, wait. We're exposing the homosexual agenda, or implementing it? I get so confused.
MarkC |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 10:57 am | #
Well, except those who're smacked around by their good Christian husbands.
MOJoe |
03.26.08 - 11:33 am | #
I enjoyed Ben Stein on Win Ben Stein's Money, enven though I knew he worked for Nixon. Who'da thunk he was this iggorant?
mutzali |
03.26.08 - 12:08 pm | #
Ben Stein … the douche-i-est of douche-bags.
This is the guy who said, with a straight face I presume, that liberals who opposed the war in Vietnam were responsible for the rise of Pol Pot in Cambodia … never mind the fact that it was his boss, Richard Nixon, who illegally bombed Cambodia and likely gave rise to Pol Pot; never mind the fact that the Vietnamese, not the U.S., ousted Pol Pot from power and put an end to his genocide; never mind the fact that St. Ronald Reagan not only supported Pol Pot, but openly denied that Pol Pot committed genocide in Cambodia …
This is the same Yale-educated lawyer who purposefully equates secularism, which is, of course, neutrality towards religion, with atheism, which is, in fact, a form of religious belief … just to confuse people he imagines are dumber than he into believing that those of us who defend, as Thomas Jefferson did, in the separation of church and state are somehow promoting atheism over theism.
This guy is worse than a thousand “liberal” Hollywood movie stars, because he oughta fuckin’ know better.
Ben? Yale called. They want their fuckin’ education back, motherfucker.
Dave von Ebers |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 12:09 pm | #
General, sir, pardon me if I'm telling you something you already know about this Myers character. I have been guilty of not reading every word you've written recently, so perhaps you have covered this. If so, feel free to censor this comment with a spatula.
But I was delving further into Myers' blog in search of info on squid doctoring, or maybe some good recipes. And I found smutty talk like this:
(Ladies and those who will be easily embarrassed, please avert your eyes from the italicised section.)
But males get round their inferior size by being endowed with a particularly long penis, which means they can inject the female without having to get too close to her chomping beak. The male's sexual organ is actually a bit like a high-pressure fire hose and is normally nearly as long as his body - excluding legs and head.
But having such a big penis does have one drawback: it seems that co-ordinating eight legs, two feeding tentacles and a huge penis, whilst fending off an irate female, is a bit too much to ask, and one of the two males stranded on the Spanish coast had accidentally injected himself with sperm packages in the legs and body.
Foolish vertebrates. The squid doesn't have a penis. One of his ten arms, called the hectocotyl arm, is specially modified to insert sperm packets. Besides, all this really tells us is that squid have much better, much wilder orgies than we do. They aren't uncoordinated, they're just passionate.
He was talking about squids, not people, I might add.
I'm not sure whether it's more Christian to have a full investigation of Myers' writings, or to ignore him completely.
Bukko in Australia |
03.26.08 - 12:47 pm | #
In spite of his award winning movie performance, there are serious reasons to doubt whether this Ben Stein feller can be trusted to strongly defend and uphold Conservative Christian (Republican) Family Values. I wouldn't trust him more than I'd trust a Jew, that's for sure.
-RPTH
Hipple Rev. Paul T |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 1:16 pm | #
General sir;
I myself did question whether or not my doctor lingered a bit too long during the prostrate exam. And the fact that he went for a smoke break immediately afterwords did strike me as odd.
Did this mean that I now am also a homosexual? Have I been converted? Does my doctor get a toaster oven?
It's a calamity!
Norman Rogers |
03.26.08 - 2:03 pm | #
General Sir,
I feel that I have solved the the homesexer prostate exam thingie.
My doctor is a she & I can't wait.
What does this make me?
Bill from Dover |
03.26.08 - 2:07 pm | #
a prostate exam… it's really nothing more than an act of recruitment into the homosexual lifestyle.
If we can send a man to the moon, we can invent an anal probe that doesn't have a man attached. Obviously, the proctosexuals are sitting on the technology.
But intelligent designers are hard at work on faith-based alternatives as we speak. I hear Comfort & Cameron * are on the verge of a major breakthrough.
General, Sir,
Permission to speak freely, Sir?
I don't know who your Primary Care Physician is , Sir, but this soldier is reminded of this tale from basic - the recruitment doctor, being something of a jokester, had a set of prosthetic limbs in his office, and in giving the new recruit instructions on the prostrate exam, did don his latex gloves; after guiding the patient with his left hand on the shoulder of the patient, engages in small talk while performing the exam, and then reaches over and places a prosthetic arm on the patients other shoulder...YIPES!!
Cpl. Stevan |
03.26.08 - 3:05 pm | #
General:
Stale intellegence has just arrived from the field operatives:
OT OT OT
But not that far.
Is Sally Kern (know to dis-approve of anything rectal/ anal and/or prostate adjacent) a member of the same CULT as Ms Clinton?
Clinton has been in a 30 year relationship with a "purposely low-profile" religious group whose members think, believe, that christianity should be the official theology of the USA and all decisions sought to be made with pleasing christ in mind.
I'm not one to put much credence into the reality of the NWO and its reported shadow government, but this issue, and it IS an issue, might be very important to the continued illusion of freedom to all Americans.
There are some people who say we shouldn't be bringing "it" up.
"It" should be brought up.
"It" should be brought up at all MSM outlets.
"It" is not a matter of religious freedom.
"It" is a matter of civil re-direction.
"It" should be discussed to death because if it is not, it might be the death of freedom we won't be discussing next.
(I had to get THAT off my mind before going to a Dr.)
vigilant |
03.26.08 - 4:34 pm | #
General, Sir:
I am sory to so inform you, but your doctor is, like, a total pussy.
Unlike your physician, my own doctor wasn't satisfied with a mere digital examination of my wazoo (that's the proper medical nomenclature at play here, I took Human Anatomy at State) so he sent me to one of his pals who I permitted, in exchange for drugs, to run a tube "right up Woodward" in a manner of speaking.
The thing had a video camera on its end, in a manner of speaking.
It turned out to be not a very good deal on my part. In spite of the supposedly high-quality drugs I'd been promised, I kept waking up in mid-procedure--hardly stoned at all by the way, only to see my insides, up close and personal, on a nearby video monitor.
This was probably a good thing inasmuch as I was able to solve a conundrum which came about when Dr. Butt looked at the screen and said, "What the hell is that?"
"Tonka Truck, I think," I replied, before adding the the obligatory, "Doc, it was a-million-to-one shot..."
Rueben Drones |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 4:36 pm | #
Bueller....Bueller....Bueller
This, of course, makes Ben eminently qualified to be an economic analyst for CBS.
Cpl. Stevan |
03.26.08 - 5:12 pm | #
Reuben Drones … are you sure it wasn’t Fusilli Jerry?
Dave von Ebers |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 5:14 pm | #
The homeopathic prostate exam involves small live rodents. I prefer the Golden Marmoset myself. I think I'd use the reliable but vicious Norway Rat on Ben Stein.
moondancer |
03.26.08 - 5:14 pm | #
Vigilant … Hillary’s group is called “The Family” or “The Fellowship.” Barbara Ehrenreich writes about it in The Nationhere, referring to this September 2007 article by Kathryn Joyce and Jeff Sharlet in Mother Jones.
Hey, Hillary … have you hugged Gen. Suharto today?
Just askin’ …
Dave von Ebers |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 5:20 pm | #
You can't let just anyone into the movies. Then we'd have anarchy. I hope Playmobil picks up on this and makes a little policeman who escorts the unwanted out of lines.
m.e.b. |
03.26.08 - 7:40 pm | #
Am I still banned?
shoelimpy™ |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 9:10 pm | #
M.E.B. … that’s undoubtedly true. By the same token, you can’t just let everybody be in movies, either.
Like Ben Fucking Stein.
Holy shit. His has been, like, the longest fifteen minutes ever.
Where’s the Li’l Playmobil Goon Squad™ when ya need ’em?
Dave von Ebers |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 10:25 pm | #
shoelimpy
After seeing your website, I hope so.
moondancer |
03.26.08 - 10:25 pm | #
And another thing. C’mon, people, can’t I get a little love for the Fusilli Jerry reference?
It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.
Dave von Ebers |
Homepage |
03.26.08 - 10:30 pm | #
Am I still banned?
Apparently not.
Stick around, have an ID banana, and enjoy a film review from Prostetnic Vogon Miller.
bob the hog |
03.26.08 - 10:45 pm | #
Am I still banned?
Yes. I'm tempted to let it slide, and invite you to stay, but that would invalidate the notification of harrasment i sent to your ISP last time. I haven't checked to see if you are with the same ISP, yet. If not, I'll send the new one the same letter.
Same goes for your girlfriend.
patriotboy |
03.26.08 - 11:05 pm | #
Geez. I hope shoelimpy had a chance to read that review.
The comments suck, though. This hater unfairly attacks Miller's faith-based critique with a quote from Douglas Adams himself:
[snip]
"I was extremely doubtful about the idea of god, but I just didn't know enough about anything to have a good working model of any other explanation for, well, life, the universe and everything to put in its place. But I kept at it, and I kept reading and I kept thinking.
"Sometime around my early thirties, I stumbled upon evolutionary biology, particularly in the form of Richard Dawkins' books 'The Selfish Gene' and then 'The Blind Watchmaker' and suddenly (on, I think, the second reading of 'The Selfish Gene') it all fell into place.
"It was a concept of such stunning simplicity, but it gave rise, naturally, to all of the infinite and baffling complexity of life. The awe it inspired in me made the awe that people talk about in respect of religious experience seem, frankly, silly beside it. I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day."
[snip]
bob the hog |
03.27.08 - 2:20 am | #
You know who's gonna be hating re: that movie review blog you linked to, Bob-hog? The hater's kids. Sidebar says he named them Huw, Gretchen and Zeph. I repeat: Huw, Gretchen and Zeph.
I'm hoping their resentment builds, and builds, and builds, until he's an old man lying infirm in bed, dependent on them for his care. And then...
Might not go down that way, but I'm an optimist.
Bukko again |
03.27.08 - 8:46 am | #
Mr. Von Ebers:
The Fusilli Jerry reference was brilliant and inspired. Problem is, all of your posts are brilliant and inspired and when one generates excellence as a matter of routine, the reader is inclined to forget to hand out the props you deserve.
Also, thanks for turning me on to "Get Your War On"!
Rueben Drones |
Homepage |
03.27.08 - 9:38 am | #
Reuben … do I owe you money? I owe money to so many people I tend to forget who’s who …
Seriously, thank you, sir. I blush.
And David Rees totally kicks ass. Especially because he likes to use the word “totally.” He’s kinda like the Douglas Coupland of snarky lefties, by which I mean high praise.
Oh, and he hates Duke, too, which earns him high marks.
Dave von Ebers |
Homepage |
03.27.08 - 10:16 am | #
Bill from Dover,
Do you have a brother, BTW, named Ben? And if so, does he have a dog, a french poodle, named Coif? And when people see the two of them out on the street, do these people say, "Hey, there goes Ben from Dover, and Coif." Hee. Hee. Cough.
The Oracle |
03.27.08 - 10:09 pm | #
"Physician, lube up thine finger so that thou may slide it up inside me and caress my gland of glory."
Cpl. last time that happened to me, I instantly wanted to hear Streisand, and a bunch of Broadway musicals.
General, sir,
General, Sir:
This Myers is a SQUID doctor?!? Why would anyone want to go doctoring on a squid? Do people keep these things as pets, and they call the doc if they get sick? Why not just chop it up and eat it and get a healthy new one? The Greek immigrants here eat squid all the time. And octopus. I could tell you what the Greeks do with octopus, but this is a Christian blog, so I will forbear. And they expect people to eat it after that?
Speaking of probing examinations, did you see 
I take the existence of Ben Stein as a fairly direct piece of evidence against any sort of Intelligent Design.
I second what kimopizza said.
Sir! Yes Sir!
leaving all good Christian women high and dry.
I enjoyed Ben Stein on Win Ben Stein's Money, enven though I knew he worked for Nixon. Who'da thunk he was this iggorant?
Ben Stein … the douche-i-est of douche-bags. 
In spite of his award winning movie performance, there are serious reasons to doubt whether this Ben Stein feller can be trusted to strongly defend and uphold Conservative Christian (Republican) Family Values. I wouldn't trust him more than I'd trust a Jew, that's for sure.
Oh my! AM I Blog whoring this? I must warn the good people!
General Sir,
General, Sir,
The homeopathic prostate exam involves small live rodents. I prefer the Golden Marmoset myself. I think I'd use the reliable but vicious Norway Rat on Ben Stein.
Am I still banned?
