Well, the ol' Acer really knows his stock and trade in the forgery business!!! Clearly, we can see that when confronted by a .doc, we should suspect it was converted from a .pdf. to a.doc -- However, The Ol' Acer is betting that WaPo's server will reject .doc, Sooooooo.......it must have been re-converted to a .pdf. Ah. Easily explained.
And the hummel-based logo? Well, when one does not have one's employer's logo (US Gov), it is perfectly understandable for an embassy employee to Google pictures of Hummel figurines until a suitable replacement can be found. Absolutely, the next time I want to finish some work at home, that's where I'm going to look for my employer's logo.
jcricket |
05.29.07 - 12:12 am | #
...and really, how the hell would anyone be able to figure out what this dipshit "Ace" is really saying, because he can't string three sentences together coherently. Jesus Fucking Christ.
jcricket |
05.29.07 - 12:16 am | #
Next week: Hummel announces its newest collectible: The Ace of Spades figurine!!!!A rolley-polley, acne-plagued, post-pubescent male with Action-Keyboard, bag of Cheetohs, and Bacon and Playdoh Sandwich. These are limited. Get yours today!!!
Future value cannot be determined. Purchase is made on speculative terms.
jcricket |
05.29.07 - 12:32 am | #
General,
We should go easy on Ace. Clearly he is a junior "Eagle Scout" member of the 101st Fighting Keyboardists.
I'm sure all that google-hunting for Eagles has at least helped him earn his Wingnut Merit Badge.
darryl |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 12:40 am | #
I cannot understand why you people on the thread are insulting the "Ace in the Hole." Just because he lives in his mother's basement is no reason to impugn his motives. And just what's wrong with Cheetos and Diet Pepsi?
purvis ames |
05.29.07 - 1:03 am | #
Poor Ace. He approached this whole story from the wrong angle. Instead of disputing its veracity he should have embraced the news of food shortages for our troops. Hardship builds character, after all. Just last week my printer ran out of ink while I was printing out some dandy photoshops of Mexican lepers that I had intended to hand out at the strip mall the next day. Boy, was I pissed! But I prayed to Jim Caviezel for patience, and made it to OfficeMax early the next morning to buy replacement cartridges, and still got the leaflets printed on time. I credit that dramatic episode, along with many other tribulations of a similar nature, with building the upstanding conservative Christian keyboarding character that glows before you now in all its pixelated glory.
You know who some of the luckiest bastards on earth are? Brown people. They face more hardships than white folks, so they have SO much more potential in character-building that it practically makes me shit. Yet what do they do? Bitch about it! Ungrateful fuckers. As patriots I guess all we can do is continue oppressing them. Torture them if we must. This is all they understand, and it's the only thing that will save them.
Soldiers in Iraq are another group of lucky fucks. Already over 3,441 of them have lucked themselves right into Jesus' arms because they died for Our Leader's noble cause. And that includes the brown ones too, people. Yea verily, I say to thee that even those of swarthy pigments can enter the gates of Heaven if they are willing to lay down their lives for the Commander Guy. That's better odds than a brown person moving into my gated community, I can tell you that much.
John Lucid |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 1:10 am | #
"..compulsive masturbating to reruns of 24."
Jeez is MY face red General!
*cue laugh track from "Facts of Life*
pinkobait |
05.29.07 - 1:12 am | #
General Sir,
During the Second World War, what would these Greatest Generation-inspired warriors of today have been doing?
Cheering on Rosie the Riveter as she passed by their casement windows?
Hoping beyond hope that she might, in a weak moment, toss a little sex their way while her husband was fighting and dying in Europe or Asia?
nerl |
05.29.07 - 1:48 am | #
Sir,
As explained in Update 5, 'in fact, every tip I sent out to bloggers contained the words "Caution on Story".'
This was all cleverly designed to throw those who doubt Mr. Spades' every word into a dangerous miscalculation of the true level of urgency to assign to teach of the 5 exclamation points used in prior updates, while leaving the True Patriots with a proud "gotcha" smirk of triumph for knowing it was actually no big deal at all.
melior |
05.29.07 - 2:30 am | #
sir, i commend you on serving the most manliest hand, the straight flush, to this gentleman of words; although i think our compatriate pj orourke might slight you for lowering the discourse with such vulgarity. please keep in mind that as speaker of the g3cr and ambassador to the republicans, it does not reflect well when our children may be reading this. and let me add, on a final note that in these times we must persevere and maintain our fortitude, as we are about to embark upon a...bababooey
lewis stoole |
05.29.07 - 2:37 am | #
Sir,
No disrespect, but please get with the times and shorten "Worldwide Islamunistofascist Conspiracy" to what we know it as now--"Satan".
I mean, come on, you are Jesus' General. Didn't you get the memo?
John Henry |
05.29.07 - 2:44 am | #
One day, when we're all dead and gone--others will bring forth vomit.
let it be
let it be
let it be ee
let it be
--the beatles
Brian Jonestown |
05.29.07 - 3:11 am | #
"...An accurate forgery of itself."
If only Ace had been a member of Deputy Leader's Niger document team when the "the media and the Demislamunistofascistsatanic Party" were committing treason over Our Leader's bold State of the Union address...
Steve in Sacto |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 3:56 am | #
How it stirs my blood to hear a manly man offer support to another of that rare breed!
Memos are minor mementos of memory, but flesh and blood speak beyond facts to all real men in their companionship. I hope that this mental meeting of Ace and the General might move us to a new plane of manliness, and breech the gulf that separates us from true brotherly love.
Dick Durata |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 4:13 am | #
didn't you mean "Demislamunistofascistsatan Party"?
matt |
05.29.07 - 4:57 am | #
General:
Ace, Malkin, et al. are setting the DemiIslamosatans up. All this stupidity is merely a ruse to lull the enemy to sleep, as they begin to believe that the right is populated with boobs and dipshits.
Right now, it's working quite well. Most folks are convinced that the right wing wankosphere is similar to the old ethnic joke about the cannibal restaurant. The one where the guest queries the waiter as to why a certain ethnicitys brain's are priced so high. The waiter responds with "do you know how many (fill in ethnicity)you have to kill to get an ounce of brains?"
To paraphrase Dr. No in the first Bond movie, the conservative mind is more stupid than any other mind. It has to be.
Bart
Bartholemew Throckmorton IV |
05.29.07 - 5:58 am | #
No, no, no, sir. The document wasn't forged; Ace's post was. Ace knew all along that the memo was a forged version of the authentic, and he never said otherwise.
The Venerable Ed |
05.29.07 - 6:01 am | #
Sir,
I'm thinking Mr. Ace-in-the-hole might be better suited for a position in the Justice Department basement.
General Sir!
With very great respect, sir! I believe the correct term is "Gonzoid", sir!
Private Partts |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 7:11 am | #
jcricket: Well really, what would you expect from someone who can't tell a Hummel® figurine from a Lenox®? I mean, please.
nerl: "During the Second World War, what would these Greatest Generation-inspired warriors of today have been doing? Cheering on Rosie the Riveter as she passed by their casement windows? Hoping beyond hope that she might, in a weak moment, toss a little sex their way?"
First of all, Rosie the Riveter was obviously a lesbo. (I mean, look at those biceps, man!) That's why she's so popular with feminists. But in any event, it's unlikely Ace-hole would recognize (female, anyway) sex if it were staring him in the face. So to speak.
Your delicious sense of irony and your droll humor never fail to brighten up my day:
"Have you considered seeking a position in the White House or with Fox News."
As we all know, Sir; they are one and the same.
It is nice of you to speak up for Mr. Acehole (although the fact that he can't spell his own name correctly makes me wonder if you might be backing the wrong horse).
there was in fact a real memo, but the "memo" being circulated was not the actual memo itself, but a Microsoft Word created facsimile.
Oh, so you mean it's...fake, but accurate?
Alex |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 9:34 am | #
General, Sir:
Ignorant as I am of all military matters, I must ask you what branch of the service encourages its members to engage in round the clock masturbation to episodes of "24."
This is an army I would like to join.
Yours in wankery,
Glenn Reynolds
Professor of Law
University of Tennessee
Glenn Reynolds |
05.29.07 - 9:48 am | #
As an agnostic I'm thanking Jesus for making me a liberal right about now.
daphne |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 12:54 pm | #
My father used to say "If you laid all of the Gilmore Girls end to end, I wouldn't be suprised!"
Major Mel Funkshun |
05.29.07 - 1:04 pm | #
General Sir!
I have found that not only are those hard facts cold, but they also sharp. Very sharp. I have cut myself numerous times.
BushYouth |
05.29.07 - 1:16 pm | #
Gilmore Girls: too much quipping; not enough pole dancing.
Article in NYT today on Iraqi girls dancing naked and prostituting themselves in Syria. A new Mecca -- so to speak -- for mid-east sex tourists.
They strip over there so we don't have them taking jobs from Americans over here.
Anonymous |
05.29.07 - 1:24 pm | #
So, as I see it, "Googling the Eagle" is some kinda code for compulsive masturbating? Youz kids and your imaginations.
jimmiraybob |
05.29.07 - 1:34 pm | #
Ah jeez, Glenn, now look at the mess you made. Just go on back in your classroom, ya wanker. It's almost time for your 2:00 "Distorting the Constitution" seminar.
Sheesh. This is why he's known as "Insta-Pudding®" all over campus.
`
MzNicky |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 1:44 pm | #
a reality in which all women are eager to sleep with us even if we live in our mother's basement eating Cheetos and compulsively masturbating to reruns of 24.
Ignorant as I am of all military matters, I must ask you what branch of the service encourages its members to engage in round the clock masturbation to episodes of "24."
This is an army I would like to join.
Yours in wankery,
Glenn Reynolds
Professor of Law
University of Tennessee
Glenn Reynolds | 05.29.07 - 9:48 am | #"
Is that what it will take to get him to enlist?
Badger3k |
05.29.07 - 2:26 pm | #
General! Sir!
I'm confused, sir! I thought the Ol' Perfessor was already a member of the Army o' Wankery, sir!
And I love what MzNicky wrote, sir! Insta-Pudding®, sir. Heh indeedy, sir!
Reynolds: "I must ask you what branch of the service encourages its members to engage in round the clock masturbation to episodes of '24.'"
Why the 101st Fighting Keyboarders, of course. Collective holders of the Distinguished Typing Cross, the "qwerty" ribbon for conspicuous wankery in the face of overwhelming public indifference, and multiple Order of the Purple Buttocks medals for bed sores incurred in the line of duty.
Now accepting new enlistees at Freerepublic.com, littlegreenfootballs.com and many other fine wanking establishments.
Peter Principle |
05.29.07 - 4:24 pm | #
Has Ace considered eating a dog in protest to "Professor" Gruenwald's apparent relish for dogging him?
MOJoe |
05.29.07 - 5:03 pm | #
Sir,
Are you saying that Ace ofSpades isn't a not-man? Then what's with the name?
All this time I've been voluntarily masturbating to reruns of 24, not realizing that orders had been handed down making it compulsive.
I must now update my Fighting 101st Keyboardist Training Manual to reflect this change in protocol. As you know, sir, I'm a schtickler for protocol.
The Oracle |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 9:08 pm | #
Sir General Sir!,
This part:
"Professor of Law"
is the funniest of all!
Also Professor Glenn,
Keep yer perv paws off that seeing eye dawg.
TF-MA |
05.29.07 - 10:34 pm | #
miz nicky! You're in league with the ace person. You made me go look at the link he wanted us to examine: "This tossed out there just to guarantee the links from the lefties."
And what? Your feminine ladyparts don't look like a pastrami salad? (What the hell is a pastrami SALAD? or for that matter what is a Sarlace pit creature? Guess I better get out a mirror.)
kate r |
Homepage |
05.29.07 - 11:15 pm | #
kate r: No one knows what a "pastrami salad" looks like. As to the "Sarlace pit" thing, your guess is as good as mine. Actually, I'd rather not know.
Ace seems frighteningly fixated on comparisons of women's private parts to various food products and other substances, all better left unsaid on the General's Godly site. The inevitable conclusion: Like most, if not all, members of the wingnut gallery, Ace has never actually seen a vagina. Nor, it would seem, does he really want to. Which is just as well.
`
MzNicky |
Homepage |
05.30.07 - 12:20 am | #
Kate & Mznicky: I clicked that link too and now I have cooties! Th donate box at the side said Hey t d*m*ke, I have no life give me your money. Ick!
I need to go take a shower now.
SeattleTammy |
Homepage |
05.30.07 - 12:52 am | #
MzNicky, I'm pretty certain that "Sarlace pit" is a misspelled Star Wars reference of some sort.
And yes, the comparison says volumes about Ace.
Johnny Pez |
05.30.07 - 2:13 am | #
General, Sir:
Even though I was busy with the "Omaha/Syracuse 1,217" CC/enduro I took the time to compulsively and compulsararily do that, umm, thing in front of the farsee device while Jack Bauer was being his bad self. It actually went pretty well, I felt much better afterwards but I'm afraid I can't go to BestBuy anymore.
I took a detour this morning and went to Niagara Falls. It was beautiful! After driving past a number of $10/per parking lots I found on street parking. I changed into my UpstategreenBDU(the mechanics version with the Doc Denton drop seat and booties), strapped on the Nikons and went on a little photo safari. I tried to keep the background clutter to a minimum but there are three fucking casinos, oodles of hotels and tourist chotchkis shops and fast food joints. I got there at 7:00 AM (I slept in a dumpster--in addition to being safe it makes people keep their distance long after I leave it's secure environs) and beat the crowds. I am grateful that the enterprise is the oldest operating State Park in the country and, so far, at least is not being run by Marriott Hosts. All of the people I talked to were working hard and most were quite cheerful (the commie fucks oughta be, they prolly get more than minimum wage AND benefits--the bastards).
I'm afraid the Peterbilt went into the Mississippi when some idiot forgot to put it in "Park" or set the handbrake. Well, fortunately there were lots of site-seers at the Davenport, IA "Scenic Overlook". I'm currenly driving a 1983 Reliant K. It doesn't look like much (nothing a couple yards of welding rod and a drum of Bondo won't take care of) but it's a spitfire in piper cub's clothing, Sir. It's got almost 140 HP and if the tires didn't look like they belonged on a wheelbarrow I'da wrungerout good. It might benefit from a few mods and who knows it might even look good in desert camo.
Sir, have you seen Darla. Since her little joke (locking me out of the bedroom, naked and painted like a baboon's ass) I ain't seen hide nor hair of her. I did find a bunch of take-out bags from Taco John's and a couple of empty Patron bottles. Come to think of it, have you seen Mr. Garcia? I put in a call to him and he hasn't returned it, yet. Thanks for checking (I know you will).
Leave it to liberals to actually view this as a victory. When will they ever learn?
Just because that document turned out to be authentic doesn't mean it wasn't a forgery, lefties.
Like God and James Lileks's vintage cereal box collection, some truths are too big for mere facts to describe. The Ace knows this as do all good patriots.
Reality is a crutch for the weak minded. And America simply can't afford such weakness if we're to defeat Global Jihadist Mexican Terror!
Strangefate |
06.01.07 - 7:01 am | #
What a bunch of pussy freaks. They make the Keystone Kops look like Special Forces.
General Sir!
General,
I cannot understand why you people on the thread are insulting the "Ace in the Hole." Just because he lives in his mother's basement is no reason to impugn his motives. And just what's wrong with Cheetos and Diet Pepsi?
Poor Ace. He approached this whole story from the wrong angle. Instead of disputing its veracity he should have embraced the news of food shortages for our troops. Hardship builds character, after all. Just last week my printer ran out of ink while I was printing out some dandy photoshops of 
Sir,
sir, i commend you on serving the most manliest hand, the straight flush, to this gentleman of words; although i think our compatriate pj orourke might slight you for lowering the discourse with such vulgarity. please keep in mind that as speaker of the g3cr and ambassador to the republicans, it does not reflect well when our children may be reading this. and let me add, on a final note that in these times we must persevere and maintain our fortitude, as we are about to embark upon a...bababooey
"...An accurate forgery of itself."
How it stirs my blood to hear a manly man offer support to another of that rare breed!
Sir,
"Gonzalean"
jcricket: Well really, what would you expect from someone who can't tell a Hummel® figurine from a Lenox®? I mean, please.
General, Sir:
there was in fact a real memo, but the "memo" being circulated was not the actual memo itself, but a Microsoft Word created facsimile.
General, Sir:
Sir!
Gilmore Girls is better for round-the-clock masturbation, I find...
I have to second Pete. Mmmmm-mm, I do love me some Alexis Bledel
"I just gotta make sure GOD, Jr., Jesus..."
As an agnostic I'm thanking Jesus for making me a liberal right about now.
General Sir!
So, as I see it, "Googling the Eagle" is some kinda code for compulsive masturbating? Youz kids and your imaginations.
a reality in which all women are eager to sleep with us even if we live in our mother's basement eating Cheetos and compulsively masturbating to reruns of 24.
"General, Sir:
General! Sir!
Reynolds: "I must ask you what branch of the service encourages its members to engage in round the clock masturbation to episodes of '24.'"
Sir,
General, sir,
Sir General Sir!,
miz nicky! You're in league with the ace person. You made me go look at the link he wanted us to examine: "This tossed out there just to guarantee the links from the lefties."
Kate & Mznicky: I clicked that link too and now I have cooties! Th donate box at the side said Hey t d*m*ke, I have no life give me your money. Ick!
MzNicky, I'm pretty certain that "Sarlace pit" is a misspelled Star Wars reference of some sort.
